posted on Feb, 22 2008 @ 04:43 AM
thanks for answering. no, i dont know where it or parts of it have landed... drakiir, i share your attitude towards everyday life. its really weird.
the more i think about the stranger it becomes. once you start thinking about it, you´ve passed the point of no return and there will be no way back
to lie as much to yourself as you did before in order to "live a normal life". i just dont know, why i was born, why i am here. yeah, every person
asks this questions from time to time, but it depends on how you really feel about it. (i quite know some people, who feel kind of the same, but i
NEVER meet anyone in my life who "is like me"... say, i HAVE a life. say, i have two of them, the ordinary and the not so ordinary. for the
sceptics, dont think i WANT this stuff to happen, it just happens and most of the time i try to ignore and defend it, because its like a curse and it
makes you feel haunted!)
one time i just sat there and stared at a wall, then i started to see from inside my eyes. i mean, it looked as i was inside my eyes and was looking
out through my pupils, really weird. sometimes i feel like im just a body and my soul lies somewhere else. when you start to feel your body as a
skeleton with flesh, a heart beating all the time, lungs that have to breath all the time and you just wonder about why your heart keeps on beating
all the time and that this is no matter of course, then you really start asking yourself a lot of questions about existence.
i told this before, but as i was gazing at a tree one time, a word (from a foreign language) came into my mind, that i did not know before. the words
meaning was: "healing".
yeah, i live a secluded live, because of the way people look (at me) and i cant stand their scared and uncomprehending looks. so i avoid looking
people in the eyes sometimes. its like i can see to their inside. i cant stand to see them in this state of mind. i dont see individuals, i see
controlled masses, copies of advertising characters, VIPs or characters of a tv series, hilarious! peoples behaviour is being pre-conditioned through
TV. they are told under what circumstances to laugh or to cry and so on. and they look at me saying: freak, paranoid or shizo, try hard or whatever.
but nearly for 10 years (im nearly 24 now) i keep on having very strange experiences and im not making it up, i had a normal life, i was like most of
you, but then i started thinking, too and i still cant realize whats going on. like you said, drakiir, we are just at the beginning.
when i was in the army, i gave meditation a try and it worked. i was very exhausted and i layed in bed, then i keeped on repeating a word, it was
"chi" and i said it all the time until it became meaningless. then my body fell asleep, i could not control it anymore, as if i was sleeping, but my
mind was awake. then i heard a female voice, it originated directly from in front of me. the voice said two sentences, the first i cant remember, but
the second was: "they are all here.". and that really freaked me out, #! i thought to myself in this moment: ok, man, now you´re done, you´re
insane now, you hear voices! but i know i could have talked to the voice, i know it, i know it would have answered me all of my questions, if i only
had asked.
im handsome, im smart, i have lots of talents (musically, artistically, mathematically), but its all a waste in this society and my gifts wont do
anything good to the world. so i dont care and im doing nothing, but to wonder about whats going on here, about these circles everyone is running in
until the day they die - what a wasted live! i´d rather kill myself, than live on this # planet, really, a # planet, but i know i cant do it, i need
to see more. i hate the governments for lying to us, that they lead war, that they control the people, its unbelievable. we are REALLY slaves, wake
up!
what else can i say...! its insane.
ps: one time i sat in my room and i typed a message into notepad like "hello alien being in my room. who are you, where are you from? etc.". after
that i had really strange and intense activity in my room.
pss: strange, too. seems like these ghost like appearances are favoured by tv-radiation, either by the e-field of the electricity or by the refresh
rate of the montior (60 to ~ 120 hz / imagine it like strobe light, very fast), so i wondered when i saw a episode of the "beaver brothers" sitting
in the dark with the tv on, playing cards with ghosts...
the post is long enough now... yuck.
[edit on 22/2/08 by cometa]