Isolation....is there anybody out there?

Meditation, incense, relaxing music. Go into a fantasy world...

a reply to: caitlinfae

Butter bean score!!!!!!

They are great in stews and braises too!

originally posted by: caitlinfae
a reply to: AccessDenied


Bless you AD....it's lovely to see you here, thank you. The physical clean up will start tomorrow, and it's astonishing how much stuff he has in my house. Purge is a good description. I feel like I have a crime scene to clean up.

A crime scene is the best description I've seen. Good to see you as well.

originally posted by: zazzafrazz

originally posted by: AccessDenied
All fabulous ideas so far.
What I did was clear out the clutter.. From my personal space and my mind. I purged big time.
Also music is my go to therapy. Morning till night.
I go for lots of walks in nature. Google new hobbies. Making a plan for the future is key and self care is paramount.
Good luck to you and remember you are stronger than you think.

What she said ^

My best OG girls in one thread, I guess we have your ex to thank for this blessing.

Lady Fae,
You are worth all the gold mines in the world, believe that yourself and someone else will believe that too.
You reach out anytime you need.
Much Love 'ol zazz
xo

a reply to: caitlinfae


Hi, caitlinfae!
It's so good to see you again! My memory is terrible anymore, but I think the last time that I remember 'seeing' you, you had just moved. Something about a bridge to cross to get to your house & bad, local flooding. Am I right, or just getting senile? Lol!

So sorry to hear what you are going through! Breakups are always painful, but looking back, I can say that they always led to something much better! Knowing what I know now, I would never want to relive any of them! And I always wonder about the time that I wasted on those relationships! It kept me from finding someone better, sooner! But they were all learning experiences at least! If I could give advice to my younger self, it would be to never settle for less than you deserve! And if something doesn't 'feel' quite right, trust your instincts!!!

I remember an uncle saying once, that people think relationships should be 50-50. But he said NO! They should be 100-100. If they're not willing to give all their best to someone that they are supposed to love, than what's the point? Who are they saving it for? So many couples anymore, it seems like one gives so much more to the relationship than the other! When you love someone, you should want to be your best, give your best, show your love! If you aren't getting that in return, something is very wrong! If there is no respect, there can't be any love!

Here's to a new year, new life, new you & new beginnings! 🥂
Enjoy your new freedom & see what Life brings your way!

All my best!
WOQ

a reply to: caitlinfae

Oh trust me I know- about relationships being off the table for a while. I didn't mean to actually seek another one, just to imagine it. I know for me, the thought of anyone else was pretty unthinkable when I was going through a gaslighty awful breakup. I couldn't even begin to believe I would ever be attracted to anyone but him, you know? BUT I imagined it anyway even though my heart didn't believe it. And it got easier to imagine and then it started actually supplying me with relief. The power of our minds/will/imagination is totally underutilized most of the time, I think.

Just wanted you to know I've been there and I know you WILL be happy again! Keep your resolve up to stay free of him, no matter what he comes at you with. These types have a knack for knowing, somehow, the exact second you begin to move on, and they usually come back in trying to pull you back. Keep your resolve because you deserve so much better!

originally posted by: KansasGirl

a reply to: caitlinfae

Oh trust me I know- about relationships being off the table for a while. I didn't mean to actually seek another one, just to imagine it. I know for me, the thought of anyone else was pretty unthinkable when I was going through a gaslighty awful breakup. I couldn't even begin to believe I would ever be attracted to anyone but him, you know? BUT I imagined it anyway even though my heart didn't believe it. And it got easier to imagine and then it started actually supplying me with relief. The power of our minds/will/imagination is totally underutilized most of the time, I think.

Just wanted you to know I've been there and I know you WILL be happy again! Keep your resolve up to stay free of him, no matter what he comes at you with. These types have a knack for knowing, somehow, the exact second you begin to move on, and they usually come back in trying to pull you back. Keep your resolve because you deserve so much better!

100 percent second this.

originally posted by: caitlinfae
a reply to: Scallywwagg

I absolutely despise butter beans.....love all other beans, but not them, nasty crunchy weird little insects. My mum used to try and hide them in the mashed potato when I was little to force me to eat them, and I could always tell. Revolting.

What about you....love them or hate them?

Butter beans are great! As a child in the 60s, one of my grandmothers was fat and regularly made butter beans. When she said "butter beans"...well, she looked like she should always say butter beans, they just fit her, lol...

Do Bigfoot’s have shows about finding humans !

Hi all.....

Just though I would check in briefly....this week has been hell, but I'm fine. He got back in touch, seriously ill...it was genuine, and he has a difficult psychiatric history, so I have to take it seriously. So....life has snapped back to normal, or as normal can be for us, and I'm biding my time. He's a very unstable, dangerous guy, and I have nobody at my back, hence the extreme caution. He's also still talking to the other woman, who is falling for all his future faking, and they're looking at buying a house. Not just any house, but this incredible Southfork type place that's way out of my league. Mine is more like Shedfork, it's so small, but still very beautiful. The next few days and weeks will be interesting, as the sale will move very quickly if it happens, and I can't wait to hear his explanation.

Thank you to everyone who has been kind enough to post...WOQ....good to see you again! I won't be online over the weekend unless he takes off on one of his top secret missions ( I kind you not!) which I'm not supposed know anything about cos they're so dangerous. It will mean that he's 5 miles up the road at her house.

Meanwhile, I'm keeping him calm, screenshotting all his messages every chance I get and slowly slowly clearing and sorting the house, making it look like a normal thing, without him noticing I'm putting his stuff in boxes.

Have a lovely weekend all, and faerie on.

hoping for better days for you

hope you can find yourself a network of supportive friends

a reply to: caitlinfae
Oh honey. ..so much drama. Distance yourself from it as much as possible.
Hugs

I've been through a hard time the last year and a half - an almost 30 year marriage blew up in my face, when I found out my husband was not at all the person I thought he was.

I'm happy now! For real. I remember a phase where I really thought it would never happen again. And my ex is still popping around once in a while, trying to get my attention... as I became more detached, he tested harder. In the middle of discussions about pragmatic matters for the divorce, he'd start describing his lovemaking and cuddling with a woman last night...when that finally didn't trigger me I realized with relief that I was free of that unhealthy attachment.

I joined an association of people who work together developing their psychic abilities, I found a new job I love, with people I enjoy. I do nice things for myself, I nurture my friendships.
I have been in a period where I needed to be alone for a while, and let my friends know. They would leave me alone, but text a little check in every couple of days.... it really did me good.

I went to a psychotherapist who was supportive and made a huge difference.

I kind of dated a guy, but he is way too young for me. Went on a couple of dates but saw I am really better alone right now. You need healing time.
I am also doing some schooling to get certification for teaching - some sort of study program is good for keeping your mind busy and also feeling you are progressing and growing.

You know this will get better, but be kind to yourself.
I also got a stuffed animal and cuddle and talk to it, as if it was my own inner child (that was the therapists idea, and turned out being a greater help than I expected! )

a reply to: Bluesma
Glad to hear you are doing well these days. You deserve all the happiness in the world.

a reply to: caitlinfae



Reindeer.

They can survive in temperatures so incredibly cold that gasoline freezes!

I hope your luck improves! I sort of understand what you mean about being isolated.
...What do you mean "gaslit".... do tell

-Driver

a reply to: E38Driver

Aw I love reindeer.... thank you!

The gaslit thing is very interesting. It's a psychotherapy term used to describe the technique used by narcissists and others to manipulate our perception, essentially to try to make us doubt our own sanity by constantly moving the goal posts. The term comes from a film called Gaslight, in which a man kept turning down the level of lighting in the home he shared with his wife, and when she complained about the dimming light levels, he convinced her that nothing had changed, and her perception was faulty...really making her feel like she was going mad. It refers basically to disordered people who manipulate and lie to obfuscate the truth. Nasty thing to encounter, and very hard to get past without hard evidence. For most people who just say it like it is...guilty!...it's hard to replicate.

Hope this helps!

a reply to: Bluesma

Hello again... And I'm so sorry to hear of the terrible time you've had...not good at all, but it's a happy thing that you've got your life heading in a positive direction now. Chin up at all times....you'll be absolutely fine. We all have wobbly moments thought, so be kind to yourself too. I'm sure you know that. Excellent that you've found a therapist that you like.

I think as women get older, and become more powerful, as we do when we have a few decades behind us, we realise perfectly that being single is incredibly productive, rewarding and enjoyable. There is no need for a relationship, unless we want one, and it seems to be a time of putting ourselves and our talents first. When I split from a previous partner almost five years ago in the Summer of Hell....a whole other thread, I won't bore you just now! ....I had a few older female friends say to me that they honestly would be happier on their own, and almost wish they hadn't bothered with a later life relationship. They're great if you get a good one, but otherwise, just too much trouble.

You sounds strong and happy, and that's inspirational....thank you for sharing it with me.

I'm still flapping about here a bit...he's slippery like you wouldn't believe. I've tried confronting him, being more sneaky than I ever thought possible, talking to him quietly....never gets far....trying to push him gently in a constructive direction for us to see what he does...always absolutely nothing...and all the time having to be so careful I don't just torch the whole bonfire accidentally. I have no back up, and live in a remote place, so even the police could be 30 minutes away or more if I needed them. I have a feeling something will surface that he can't argue with. That's what I need, and hopefully it will be in public, where I will be safe. I just don't know. But for now, I'm ok.

a reply to: wasobservingquietly


Hello again! Great to see you again, and thank you for the reply. You're quite right about the flooding, but little did I know that there was much much worse to come in terms of flooding and other disasters. Won't bore you with that just now, but yeah...it was interesting.

This one is definitely a learning experience, and maybe the biggest lesson ever, which has me facing demons from way back in my childhood. Freedom hasn't quite arrived yet, but it will soon, I know it....I'm just being so extremely careful because of who he is. And trust me, there is no respect from him. I could have a good old rant, and list all of the crap he's thrown at me, but that would do no good, and y'all would think I was a proper sappy weakling for putting up with it at all.

Talk soon I hope....

blessings!

If I could give advice to my younger self, even ten years ago, it would be stay single, don't settle, feel safe in yourself, do your own stuff and listen....really listen to what they say...if we pay attention to the tiny clues they give out, it tells us all we need to know, all the warnings are there.

still hanging in there?
keep us posted

a reply to: ElGoobero

I honestly don't think my life could get any stranger....maybe I shouldn't say that though.

Thank you for checking in....hope you're ok. I'm trying everything I can to resolve this and it's sooooooo hard. Slippery just doesn't cover it. Everything I try just ignites, but I'm still trying. Meanwhile, he's a happy bunny thinking he has me fooled, under control, falling for his horse poop. But I have the code to his phone. Oh yes I do. Just can't work out what to do with it. And the lies are epic, absolutely like nothing else I've ever seen.

But I'm fine...or will be soon I hope...Have a feeling something might surface this week.