Isolation....is there anybody out there?

a reply to: schuyler

You've been to a Bean Factory?? I'm lime green with envy! I know I have to experiment with butter beans, but can't get my head round it just now....if you could see the state of my kitchen, you would understand. Soon though. I bet Duke would give me the recipe.......

a reply to: Raggedyman

Thank you for kind words and a recipe! Always welcome, I'll adapt it a bit to make it veggie, but it sounds delicious.

sorry to hear
I really encourage you to move on. you deserve better.

try going to a church. can really help clear your mind and can connect with other hurting / seeking people.

its good that you are reaching out. this forum is much more friendly than a lot of others.

a reply to: zazzafrazz

My Lady Zazz.....I've missed you and am so happy to find you here. Is making me tearful. Everyone has been so kind.

A bit of a plan has formed for today...firstly the decluttering starts. There is a spectacular amount of his stuff all over my house, astonishing for someone who has never lived with me. So that's all going in boxes, and will take all weekend, I'm sure. I've upped the herbal remedies I use for my fibro to keep me moving, and feel not too bad today, slept well, which I'm surprised at.

I'm enjoying the silence, instead of having the tv blaring on all the time, the dog is snoozing on the bed, and I'm going to visit the horse in the field next door with some apples and carrots. I couldn't do that before, as he would always kick off, thinking I was trying to pick someone up, or talk to some other man. I've never cheated, on anyone, no inclination to....but I see now it was projection from him.

I've also found a fabulous local charity that I can donate my bed to. Can't be bothered with the hassle of selling it, and these people deal with the most needy who really are in dire straits....children sleeping on the floor, no beds, no towels or shoes that fit, that kind of thing, so I'll email them at some point today and offer what I have. I just can't keep it even though it's new, thinking that he was lying there talking to her.

And yeah...it's brought me back here after too long an absence, which feels amazing.

Much love to you, my ATS wifey!

a reply to: Lr103

Long winded statements are very welcome!


I'm so sorry to hear about what happened to you. It's such a shock, isn't it, when we realise just how much deception there has been, and the absolute insult on top of that when they try to deny it. I see now that he couldn't deal with being confronted yesterday with what I had discovered, and couldn't bluff his way out of it, so just took his money and ran. Literally.

I absolutely promise I wont call him. I've switched my phone off, but the landline is still there. He hasn't called me. I'm determined I won't be hoovered back, but I'm sure he's too peroccupied with her and their new house, marriage, and baby plans. She's as delusional as him, I suspect.

Tonight when I've done with the kitchen and other stuff, I'm going to take the Christmas tree down, maybe move some furniture, kinda get myself distracted and exhausted enough to sleep properly. I can also watch as many documentaries about ancient enginerring and plague pits as I like.

Thank you again for the blethering. It's keeping me kinda sane just now.

a reply to: ElGoobero

Aw Godzilla is my favourite monster. Kinda like a big spikey pit bull.

I'ive missed ATS, to be honest, but could never post anything online while he was around....so controlling and suspicious. I could write a wee book on narcissism, I swear it. Absolutely toxic, and the best way forward is no contact. But Jeez-o it's harder than I though....it hurts.

a reply to: Grenade

Oh I'm so staying away from social media for a while longer, although he made me deactivate FB when this all started a few months back....long story. I'll get it back at some point, but it will be locked down as much as possible. Even my phone is switched off.

a reply to: HalWesten

I hate chess....have a very high IQ, but obviously the wrong kind for that. I tried a few times to learn, maybe with the wrong people, but always ended up wanting to launch the whole lot out the window. Tidying up is better.

a reply to: TheAlleghenyGentleman

Mmmmm....the pan fried butter beans actually sound delicious! I'm so going to try that one. Thank you. Will report back!

a reply to: visitedbythem

Love what you said about tracing a pathway through my brain. That's exactly what it feels like. So manipulative and controlling, he actually managed to change my behaviour, not an easy thing at all. Yesterday, it felt like a spell broke, even the dog felt it. And he's gone.

a reply to: Boadicea

I slept well, thank you...still tearful and in shock, but reminding myself of the things I know he said to her, and what they've been up to.

There's a therapist on Youtube called Kris Godinez. Very funny, switched on, experienced lady, and she makes me laugh, so I've been listening to her a lot. I just sit and nod my head....yup, he did that, yup, he did that too....oh god, yup, did that so many time....it's kinda funny!

originally posted by: caitlinfae
a reply to: Boadicea

I slept well, thank you...still tearful and in shock, but reminding myself of the things I know he said to her, and what they've been up to.

There's a therapist on Youtube called Kris Godinez. Very funny, switched on, experienced lady, and she makes me laugh, so I've been listening to her a lot. I just sit and nod my head....yup, he did that, yup, he did that too....oh god, yup, did that so many time....it's kinda funny!

Cait -- that's wonderful! But wow -- here's a funny twist... I actually know some of Kris Godinez' extended family!!! My kids went to school with a couple of their kids. I haven't spoken to them for years, but they are really good people. I'm so happy you found her.

I'm sitting here smiling at the synchronicity. I love synchronicity!!!

a reply to: caitlinfae

Sorry for being facetious, had a few beers last night, I should have been more considerate.

He sounds like a control freak who was projecting his insecurities onto you.

You should concentrate on re discovering yourself now, do the things you wanted to do without considering his childish behaviour.

I have a feeling this will be a blessing in disguise for you. I’m sure your dog will be there should you need a wee cuddle. My old mut always been there for me in times of despair. He’s outlasted quite a few relationships.

originally posted by: Grenade
a reply to: caitlinfae

I’m sure your dog will be there should you need a wee cuddle. My old mut always been there for me in times of despair. He’s outlasted quite a few relationships.

Dogs really are the best for that, eh?

My husband and I have a running joke about this: If you really want to know who loves you more, then lock your dog and wife/husband in the trunk of the car together, and see which one loves you more when you let them out again... no contest!!!

But that probably says more about us than anything... hubby and I tend to like animals more than people anyway

a reply to: Boadicea

Seriously?! Sweet synchronicity innit! She's massively helpful, and I honestly think I'm dealing with one of those Dark Triads she talks about. Gruesome but true.

Hope you're having a wonderful day. Will check in much later when I've actually achieved something.

a reply to: Grenade

You weren't inconsiderate at all...please don't worry. And my dog is my constant companion, slightly neurotic and a mummy's boy for sure, but feisty all the same. Cuddles and headbutts are the same thing to him.

a reply to: caitlinfae

Yup -- seriously! It took me aback when I saw it, and I googled just to make sure. Sweet synchronicity!

I'll be thinking of you today and sending love and light. And if you do nothing more than be good to yourself today, then I would call that a success!

a reply to: Boadicea



One would lick me and the other kick me.

He's getting on now, i bought him as a little puppy from a homeless man about 16 years ago. He was ice cold and terribly malnourished, both dog and owner. Paid for the old boy to stay at a local hotel for the week and gave him £50 for food.

Best £300 i ever spent, been by my side ever since.

He's pretty much blind now and his rear hips are shot but he still gets all the love and attention, probably more than my kids tbh. Will be absolutely devastated when he's gone but i'm preparing myself.

My partner and I having an amicable separation at the moment, been together nearly 10 years and both agree we need a new direction. We both have good careers so doing it the right way, making sure we both have everything we need and will remain very close friends.

She's worried about how she'll feel when i have a new woman in my life. Doubt it will happen, i think i'll just get another dog, unconditional love and they can't argue back.

I'm always an open ear if you need to talk. I don't know you, but I understand the suffering, and like to think anyone goodhearted should be a friend if there is a need.

originally posted by: caitlinfae
a reply to: schuyler

You've been to a Bean Factory?? I'm lime green with envy!

I know I have to experiment with butter beans, but can't get my head round it just now....if you could see the state of my kitchen, you would understand. Soon though. I bet Duke would give me the recipe.......

If you bribe him with some doggie treats, it is almost guaranteed.