Isolation....is there anybody out there?

a reply to: Boadicea


Thank you so much, Boadicea, and everyone else...just being able to talk is such a fine thing. I've lost contact with all of my friends and family because of him, and couldn't go anywhere without him. Somehow I knew ATS would be a bit of a rescue.

It's witchy hour here, so me and the dog are going to sleep, or at least try to. Weird thing with the dog today....when we argues on the phone and he said he wanted to come over to collect stuff, and I knew that was it, my dogs energy and behaviour changed totally. He's been kinda quiet for days and days, almost nervous or depressed, and suddenly when I put the phone down, he was charging about the house, wanting to play, digging in the planters outside, and being very puppyish, first time in ages. It's like he knew he was leaving. Says a lot.

Nite nite all....sweet dreams.

a reply to: underwerks

Just a quick reply...hope you're ok. I've known this was coming for months, which is maybe why I can throw humour at it now. It's painful though, very much so. Feels almost like grief. Horrible.

Keep your chin up....sounds like you've had a tough time. We can blether more tomorrow if you need or want to. You WILL be fine.

originally posted by: caitlinfae
a reply to: Fallingdown

I would love to do that, but the isolation is beyond that...I live out in the sticks, and disabled, don't drive anymore, and honestly...going to a bar would totally overwhelm me just now. So here I am in the ATS bar with you guys, which is lovely, trust me.

Then find a group.

You aren’t the only person in your county that feels like that.

In a complete 180 on my previous advice .

Try AA you don’t have to be a drunk to go and I guarantee you someone will come pick you up . ( same with other groups )

A big part of Group therapy is helping other people. It makes you feel good about yourself . When you’re comfortable in your own skin you’re on the way to a clear mind . It could be as simple as being honest when you participate in group . Or in your case just being reliable and always by the phone to lend a ear .

The key to everything is get out of the house and stop feeling sorry for yourself .

I’m sure I speak for everybody here when I say we’ll do what we can do.

But it’s not enough .

Wish you the best .

originally posted by: caitlinfae
a reply to: Metallicus

Confession time....you might not believe this. I've NEVER played a computer game in my life. Not one. They change your brain, and are the spew of Satan.

What ?
My temporary great escape from life's realities....
Gamer since 1979
Only way I could have kept my sanity.

Epic Games - Free game(s) every week.
Most are AAA games as well.

a reply to: caitlinfae

I know it hurts like hell right now, but just keep reminding yourself that you WILL be over this cad and you WILL be so grateful you didnt end up with him! Keep picturing yourself with the hottest man you can imagine, in every way (so all of the non-physical traits you want and deserve in a man), and even if it's hard to make yourself believe it right now, keep imagining. It's like a down payment on the great relationship you'll be having after you get free from this dick.

Good job for getting free of him, and stay strong and don't let him back in, in even the tiniest way. I say all this fri experience. I'm currently feeling grateful for not ending up with any of the men I've been so broken up over before, because I'm now with a guy from out of the blue who is everything I've ever wanted. You'll get here too!

originally posted by: caitlinfae
a reply to: Scallywwagg

What about you....love them or hate them?

Not sure what "butter beans" are. I know pinto beans, lima beans, kidney beans, garbonzo beans, black eyed peas, soybeans, black beans, refried beans, navy beans, and white beans. They are all in my pantry. I've even toured Bush's Bean Factory near Knoxville, Tennessee and sat with their dog, Duke, the golden retriever who is always trying to sell their secret recipe for baked beans. But I'm not sure I've ever had butter beans.

P.S. Duke never gets away with it. They always catch 'em.

a reply to: caitlinfae

It’s that kind of world
Been through similar over my many years on this planet so don’t feel alone
Took up dancing, really just for the excercise, now teach, have an immense circle of friends and never looking for something to do or people to share with

One step at a time, head up, really keep your head up, experience the joy of life by surrounding yourself with people who care about you.

It’s a long journey ahead but it does make you a better stronger person, no easy fix but we all know that after the fact

Anyway my Tom yum soup chook recipe
Tablespoon of TY paste
Chilli sauce to taste
Teaspoon of lime and mango chutney
Lime
Chook, a breast
Peanut paste= teaspoon, coconut milk and noodles, add cream if you like
Peas and mushrooms
Soy sauce
Boil in a cup or two of water till cooked

My Tom Yum cow recipe is a little different, no fish sauce and cow instead of chook

originally posted by: AccessDenied
All fabulous ideas so far.
What I did was clear out the clutter.. From my personal space and my mind. I purged big time.
Also music is my go to therapy. Morning till night.
I go for lots of walks in nature. Google new hobbies. Making a plan for the future is key and self care is paramount.
Good luck to you and remember you are stronger than you think.

What she said ^

My best OG girls in one thread, I guess we have your ex to thank for this blessing.

Lady Fae,
You are worth all the gold mines in the world, believe that yourself and someone else will believe that too.
You reach out anytime you need.
Much Love 'ol zazz
xo

You are not alone. Hang in there.

And now the blethering: (Please forgive, I have a special talent for long winded statements)

Breakups like that one are brutal. Been there myself. I recognise much of what you described.

In my case I remember the gas lighting, then discovering after nearly 2 decades how deep all the lies went and the never ending urge to call her and / or text. The sense of betrayal, the grief of loss, the long strange hours alone at the house at night, the strange isolation from my (our) friends, then moving out of my home, and later finding out the other guy ... who I knew well... actually moved in... I made the mistake a few times and learned the hard way:

DO NOT CALL

The sun will come up again, times will absolutely change.

It"s now 5 short years later, and a few things learned.

One big one is after a while I started really, actually liking being by myself, not to be confused with alone, or lonesome, but actually preferring to be by myself. love my friends and family very much but really would rather just be doing my own thing. I'm not saying that you or everyone should be like that, it was just something unexpected that developed in my case.

Another big thing, it eventually all goes away, the hurting, the insanity... it fades out and goes away little by little.

Another big thing, a new partner may even show up.

So go forward, expect the unexpected, stay positive, remember you are never alone, we are here, take care of yourself,

and one last one:

DO NOT CALL!


I hope this helps a little.




reply to: caitlinfae

a reply to: caitlinfae

Sounds like you would be better off without him.

Bottle of wine, chocolates and good film...... Always buy these for my girlfriends before i ditch them.



Hope you work it out, its true what they say, what doesn't kill you can only make you stronger.

Good idea staying away from social media, best to avoid the charade that is Facebook happiness, rest assured all those happy couples want to gouge out each others eyes after pouting for the happy photo.

a reply to: caitlinfae

Garden + lighter fluid.

originally posted by: caitlinfae
a reply to: Metallicus

Confession time....you might not believe this. I've NEVER played a computer game in my life. Not one. They change your brain, and are the spew of Satan.

Depends on the game. I like strategy games that make me think about how to solve problems. That made me a better troubleshooter. I despise war games simply because there is very little thinking required. Aim, pull trigger. Funny thing is, I absolutely suck at chess.

a reply to: caitlinfae

I have been hurt many times over many years, some my fault, some not. I really have no advice how to "get over" except to find faults and, alas, learn to hate. Toxic, perhaps, but effective.

I found this blog. Read it if you wish. It's fairly existential.

manwithoutaname

originally posted by: Fallingdown
I’ve given this device on many occasions after a break up .

Get up off your ass and do something .

Hit a dive bar where you don’t know anybody or something.

Then people don’t try to cheer you up and make it worse .

After a couple days you’ll be surprised at how welcoming those folks are .

And what Fallingdown said

I hope you are getting some rest and dreaming of simmering beans. I found an interesting article that I hope maybe calms some of the hatred you have of the butter bean.

Beanie

a reply to: caitlinfae
Sounds like you didnt lose much or if anything at all.

They say hindsight is 20/20 and everything becomes clear when looked back on.

But here and now in the year 2020 things move forward.

I have no advice for you, in truth never met a woman who I though really had that much of an issue. Do what you got to do, then eventually get out and about. Pretty sure you will get over it.

originally posted by: caitlinfae
a reply to: Boadicea

Absolutely....physically I'm fine, so no worries there.

Confession....again....I hacked his phone, and have been reading their messages for a few weeks. He has no idea. I could only ever manage a few minutes at a time when he was in the shower, so didn't read everything, but the lies and fantasist behaviour he showed was EPIC!! like nothing I could have imagined. And she's believed it all, bless her. Her problem.

A six month plan sounds like a good start. I know I have my life back, but it's a really traumatic rebirth.

Im sorry to hear you are going through that

I recorded my ex's phone calls long ago. It hurt really bad to know my best friend wasn't who I thought.

He has traced a pathway through your brain, and it takes awhile to recover.

Its hard to understand, but embrace the solitude. You will get through this just fine. A dog or cat can help alot

a reply to: caitlinfae

You're welcome!

I hope you slept well and maybe today looks a little brighter!

(P.S. I trust your dog's judgment too -- they know!!!)

a reply to: Fallingdown

It's not that I'm feeling sorry for myself...it's more of a trauma...physical shock almost. I feel better today, and it's lovely cold fresh weather here, so I'm getting on with stuff. I'm naturally a wee bit of a hermit, so some healing on my own will be good for me, and then I can start to reconnect with people slowly when I'm ready. Socialising just now would likely freak me out.

a reply to: KansasGirl

Thank you for such a sweet post. Good to meet you. Bit better today. no contact from him at all, have switched my mobile phone off, but he could still use the landline...he hasn't, and I haven't.

Right now.....relationships are totally off the cards. Just can't even consider it, and need proper equilibrium back first, and it might never happen....I'm kinda ok with that. I'm sorry that you have had bad experiences in the past, but yeah....grateful for the bullets we missed is that best approach.