How to deal with the death of a parent

My situation was a lot different. My parents divorced when I was 8. My dad went from house to house, woman to woman. Wasn’t ever there for me growing up. What visits we did have it was mostly complaining about having to pay child support for me and my sisters while my mother struggled. Thanks. Long after myself and my sisters made our own prosperous lives, he was stuck with a woman who’s children older than I wouldn’t leave the house. He desperately tried to mend ties with my mother after 30+ years. She said hell no, and I totally believe he stopped eating and drank himself to death. Intentionally. What little I did see of him he was as gaunt as you could imagine and drunk all the time. Had not seen him sober in at least 35 years. Ever. Even once 1-2 year 1 time sporadic visit. I was sad, but I think he got what he wanted. He wanted out. My sadness was short lived, as bad as it sounds.

Very sorry for your loss. I was with both of my parents when they died years apart, both far too young. You never get over it but learn to live with it. They never really leave you, at.least mine haven't. Whenever I'm having difficulty with a decision, or something I think about both of them, and I swear I know what they would say if they were here and I asked them. They are a part of us forever.

Bless you and yours.

Thoughts and prayers.

a reply to: DBCowboy


Condolences for your loss. The day I returned from the hospital after my mother died, three days after she got her wish to see the butterfly conservatory at Niagra Falls (which I only clued into later as to it's symbolism for her - resurrection), a thought struck me and that was that we can't live forever in this form and there there's a time for everything. I'm still mourning her loss now about 20 years later, and didn't really handle it well, but that epiphany about the cycle of life gave me a little comfort, along with the impression that I have that she's with God in heaven and with me at some level to this very day.

Before she died, she'd asked me to talk with her afterwards, which I haven't done a lot of because of what they say about trying to converse with the dead, and I regret it now.

It was funny - I asked her to please give me some privacy and not to visit when I was in the shower, or doing anything else!

Oh how I loved my mother, and still do. My father, I realize, I'm still working to reconcile with. He'd died a year earlier. I found him, was about to go visit him and tell him that I loved him before heading to the cottage. Said it anyway and prayed for God to receive him.

Not easy being a double minister's son (however liberal they were) with a saint & a sinner in heaven watching over me.

There is one Spirit of a Living God and nothing is forgotten, but it's very very important that we learn to HEAL relatibve to our family of origin, and best if we can do it while they're still alive and with us so that we don't remain conflicted in the domain of the Spirit where at some level they still live, without and within us.

It's tough stuff, but the tears are worth it, up to a point, and then we must laugh in the liberation of healing on the other side of the ordeal.

So it never completely goes away, but when they die, how we grieve is important work because it can do both them and us a great deal of Justice, restoring our ability to also experience the full joy where it might be said that the more that sorrow and suffering has carved into our being the more joy we can contain.

Blessed are those who mourn for they shall be comforted!

And even if it's been 20 years, it's never too late!

Be blessed, and be gentle with yourself as the frayed nerves begin to heal, while recognizing that that's just the start of a necessary greiving process.

May his love be with you to comfort you and inform you.

Love,

Ankh