Any Advice for Helping an Alcoholic?

a reply to: redletter

Wow. My heart hurts for what you went through, and yet, for that very reason, it sings that much more for where you are now. Congratulations!!!

Thank you so much for sharing your experiences -- it helps.

And I am so going to find a good AA group for him.

originally posted by: Boadicea
a reply to: redletter

Wow. My heart hurts for what you went through, and yet, for that very reason, it sings that much more for where you are now. Congratulations!!!

Thank you so much for sharing your experiences -- it helps.

And I am so going to find a good AA group for him.

I am with my wife and two children now. They're almost grown. I really did have to reach bottom to sober up. My wife is a beautiful and wonderful woman, and my children are good and behaved. And we are happy. I just wanted to share my experience if it is helpful somehow. I wish you and him the best.

a reply to: rickymouse

I think I'm going to have to research the meds and reactions and understand the whys and wherefores a little better before approaching him. Especially in terms of his Navajo genetics, which I know present additional complications.

It would not surprise me if he refused any drugs as well. He was raised all-natural, much like my own kids, and I know he doesn't even like taking ibuprofen or Benadryl. So if he's ready to do this, he may want to stick to his natural roots.

So I will also research helpful and healing foods, and perhaps nutritional supplements. "Let food be thy medicine and medicine be thy food!"

a reply to: Flyingclaydisk

Very good to know. Thank you. I wonder if Yelp reviews AA groups? I'm only half-kidding. Hopefully I can find some kind of reviews or something.

I also want to know it's conducted according to the original principles... apparently some aren't as true to its roots as others.

a reply to: NJE777

When they were kids, I used to smear cream cheese or peanut butter on celery for them... I can always do it again!

I think that's my best approach with him anyway is for me to make the most of the bonds we made in his childhood. That will be our greatest strength or resource I think. Perhaps if he knows that I still know him and love him as that person -- before all this -- and that he can still be that person, it will help him see that person inside too.

Or maybe I'm just talking crazy talk. I don't know.

a reply to: Boadicea

I found what helped me when I wanted to drink was to have a cup of coffee or a coca-cola handy. The coke made me gain a few pounds. But just worked that off in a few months anyway.

a reply to: Boadicea

Bless your heart and strength.

i would seek out detox programs with in driving distances. there are free and low cost ones but even the real expensive treatment centers sometimes have scholarship programs. a 30 to 90 day detox would be the better route to go. in a good program he will see doctors and psychologists. there are no programs that work for every one. what works for one, won't for the other. the thing i have observed about AA is that it does seem to resonate with younger people. every one i know under 40 doesn't have to many positive things to say about AA. and over 40 most would say it saved their lives. you might have to try several places before he meets the right person to really help him. thats the hard part. a lot of alcoholics will want to give up after the first place they go. and its real hard to get them motivated to try and start over after that. i have gone through it with a loved one and its a long hard road.

a reply to: Boadicea

I would say number one is he wont quit drinking if he likes drinking.. It sounds dumb, but that's just how it is. If he wants to quit that's one thing.

2 alcohol will kill you if you don't get it.. I know from almost dying myself. You can't just decide "I don't drink anymore" it's a long process of using less over time if you are a heavy drinker. So even if someone is fully onboard with quitting it's not the only force at work.. If it was just psychological I wouldn't still drink myself. That physical dependence is no joke. I also have native American ancestry and yea I think that just makes it that much harder to get out from under it.

3 approach supportively only. If you make the person feel bad their first reaction is to resist you and then to find alcohol..

That's all I got.

a reply to: Boadicea

Awww, that means a lot to me. Glad the pic and affirmation touched you and that you will be sharing it with him.

a reply to: Boadicea

First things first - we were told that the you have to make the first step'

(he) must "Admit you have a problem"
AA meetings as many as possible in 1st few weeks
Sponsor who will help him by being available to talk at all times
Avoid places where alcohol used

PS first 12 months are the hardest...Tell him it does get easier, "one day at a time"

PS Its an admirable job youre doing

originally posted by: Boadicea

originally posted by: randomtangentsrme
a reply to: Boadicea

The first thing you need to do is understand he will only change if he wants to.

I'm pretty sure he does want to and either doesn't know how or just doesn't have it in him to take those first steps. He told my son that he's "broken" and he can't help himself... that he's tried. My son came to me.

The second thing is pulling the plug on drinking immediately can kill an individual.

Other than that it's about weaning off, and changing lifestyle.

I have read that. It seems especially true in the case of Native American alcoholism, but I'm not sure why. I've just seen it noted. This is one of the reasons I've looked for professional help for him before approaching him. I want to do this right from the start. It may be his only hope.

I wish I had more to say. But I'm not licensed in medicine.

This is a lot -- thank you!

Best Wishes,

He needs formal in-patient treatment.

Then AA is the best bet, in my experience. I do have sober friends that have, after a stint in AA, used other resources to maintain their sobriety.


You can't help him, nor can your son or his parents. You are too close and may be 'part of the problem'.

He is not at rock bottom, yet.

I would suggest Alanon Family groups for his parents in the mean time.

It takes what it takes and not everybody makes it. In fact, most don't.

a reply to: highvein

you stay alcoholic your whole life, doesn't matter what you do. to stay dry is a daily fight. my dad dies because of drinking and smoking. wasn't a nice way of dying, can tell you.

a reply to: Boadicea

Having been in a similar situation i will say your first step is to make them realize they need to stop. Until they want to quit nothing you do will change things. Took my brother losing his wife kids and living on the streets before he finally came to me asking for help.

Every effort made before that by me and his wife failed. He had to hit bottom there is hope though hes been sober for 5 years now has a job and now has a relationship with his children. Its damaged and he will be repairing it for the rest of his life but its there.

Ill wish you the best of luck and hope he doesn't have to destroy his life before asking for help.

Everyone is coming at this from the angle of helping from the outside.

As an alcoholic, stuck in the hell that it is..

No alcoholic wants to be here. They certainly dont want pity. No amount if patting them on the head and saying "You can do this!" helps.

What helps is understanding. It won't obviously change a lot, but it does make a difference. One that may help, in time. As said, we need to want that change. Making it a guilt ridden journey with platitudes that are bereft of sincerity - and trust me, seeking help on ATS will be that to someone lost in their own hell - will do nothing.

That you did reach out here, means you already have it within you to know what to do.

Also, look into baclofen treatment. It can help, if the person wants it.

If they don't, asking the wind to blow differently will never help.

a reply to: Boadicea

My personal thoughts on the matter and experiencing it (myself) first hand is the only thing that will make him stop is himself, nobody else. I have drank for months at a time every day I've also went without it for months. Sending them somewhere to get help is a joke the last thing the person needs is to set and talk about something that they need to stay away from if it's causing issues. I think most drink just to hide perhaps feelings and such which is pretty much my case. Some days I wake up and take a sober look at the world and the things going on and I'm like screw this.

I'm 40 and have been drinking since I was 14 and I have my reasons. If he trusts in you and you set him down and ask him why he does that to himself then he will tell you, as far as if he stops that is up to him. But the last thing to do is force anything on him or push him in any direction. I hope this helps and I wish you and him luck.

a reply to: Boadicea

Only way he can be helped is by wanting to quit,otherwise becomes a game,if someone has the desire they can quit,but some love the drama

a reply to: Boadicea

I've heard Vitamin C stops the craving for nicotine. It's worth a try.

www.doctoryourself.com...

Tobacco kills EIGHT TIMES more Americans in one year than the Viet Nam War did in ten years.

originally posted by: dasman888
If he really is alcoholic, alcohol is not actually his problem. Being sober is his problem... he can't stand being sober, and can't stand to live in his own skin sober... and drinks because it is the only way he feels relief for the condition called "sober".

^^ This is the truest statement in this thread. If he does "sober up" be careful to help him identify and fix what actually is wrong with him. Remind him over and over who he "really is".

originally posted by: Boadicea
My son's 30-something-year-old best friend is an alcoholic who has hit rock bottom and I have to try and help him. A couple weeks ago his dad found him passed out in bed, emaciated and dehydrated. Dad took him to emergency and was hospitalized for three days.

He is living with his parents right now, who are basically enabling him, but demanding/expecting nothing from him. His mother has cerebral palsy and her condition has degenerated to the point she's pretty much bedridden. She really can't do much. But his dad is just giving him "spending" money that he of course spends on alcohol. He has two daughters that are completely estranged from him, and for good reason. His now ex-wife has been a Godsend for their daughter, and his daughter from a previous relationship. His mother is Navajo, so there is probably a genetic factor at play here with the alcoholism.

He has also known great tragedy, which is what started him drinking. His first born, a son, was born with a brain tumor. The baby only lived three days, which was a wonder in and of itself, and as I understand it provided much valuable information about the little understood condition for further medical research. His own mother was not able to come to the hospital, so I pretty much stepped into the role and stayed by his side for those heart-wrenching days and until his wife could come home again. It wasn't anything new though. I've been his "second" mom since he was 5 years old.

I have done my research about alcoholism and how to help and how to approach him, including formal interventions. I've found alcohol treatment centers close to his home, and his town offers low-cost individual and family counseling. My basic approach to this is that his girls need their daddy, he needs his girls, he can do better, he has done better, and he can be that man -- and father -- again.

I think I can help him. I hope and pray that I can help him. Anyone have any words of wisdom for me? Anything I can or should do to prepare myself for this battle? Anything at all will be gratefully appreciated.

Thanks much in advance.

Alcoholism is a complicated issue …. it has a wide spectrum of causalities and of impacts....however fear not there is a way to help anyone stop cold turkey no matter how many years they have been drinking for.

First you need to learn to understand the truths about alcohol....for it is now your enemy....and the truths have conveniently been kept out of the mainstream education system and common knowledge base......alcohol is a MEDICINE and a VERY VERY GOOD ONE....it is an ANTI-PARASITIC.....and this is the reason people become alcoholics.....the human bodies natural checks and balances are hit with a Trojan Horse.