Any Advice for Helping an Alcoholic?

a reply to: Sheye

Great advice, and I would be happy to join you in that prayer for him.

This is wonderful. You are wonderful. There is power in prayer and strength in numbers. "Wherever two or more are gathered together..." Thank you!

OP, let me say that I admire you for wanting to help someone who is masking a lot of pain with alcohol. I have no great advice, except to love him unconditionally, which I’m sure you already do.

My father was an alcoholic, and at the age of 35 quit for good. He ended up going back to school and working in alcohol and drug rehabilitation . Don’t give up, and never say never.

Your prayers are more than enough. I won't give up. I have two beautiful shining examples right here and I'm going to hold on tight!!!

a reply to: Boadicea

As others have said, you have to understand that this person can only help themselves. This is maybe the most important thing for you to know.

That being said, I'm probably going to tell you the last thing you want to hear, but if all else fails, my advice will be all you have left.

My brother has been an alcoholic for the majority of his life at this point and simply does not wish to change this fact. We have tried interventions, talking about it, going to AA with him, some therapy. He would just rather be a functioning alcoholic.

I have had to come to terms with this. It basically means that one day he will kill himself through his alcoholism. The physical toll that alcohol racks on his internal organs will eventually catch up to him, and he will drink himself to death. He will either go to sleep one night and never wake up, or worse end up on an organ donor list at the bottom. All I can really do is enjoy the time I have left with him. I hope this doesn't happen to your son's friend, but I think it is very important to begin to accept that this may be all you can really do, if nothing else works.

originally posted by: dasman888
The fact he can ADMIT he is broken... is a huge blessing.

When real alcoholics show up to AA, and they have finally been beaten down hard enough to admit they are powerless, on their own, against their alcoholism... they have, what folks in my circle call, "the gift of desperation".

And it REALLY CAN be an extraordinary gift.

That was kinda sorta my thought. But you really put it into focus for me. I can see that.

I'm also encouraged that he reached out to my son. It was really tough for my son to find out his friend is going through this. My son thought he was just busy working and spending time at his cabin.. My son had no idea that's why he wasn't around any more.

I will also tell you this... the AA Program, as it was originally articulated in the textbook I mentioned, is VERY VERY POWERFUL. If someone has had enough, and is willing to do the work... they WILL get better.

It's very very simple... and anyone can do it. It is not easy though. It is some hard work... but work worth doing, especially when you do enough to see the glimpse of what is possible. It WORKS. And new folks need only look around the room at other hopeless alkies, some, who maybe were even WORSE off than they were... and they are SOBER NOW.

It's a powerful thing.

I will definitely check out AA meetings -- the original AA practice. It sounds like it may be just the thing for him.

May I ask, is this something I can attend with him? At least the first meeting? Or something he needs to do alone? (Though I will gladly take him and wait for him).

I am full on blessed FAR beyond merit, I assure you ;-)

Good.

originally posted by: MrSensible
a reply to: Boadicea

As others have said, you have to understand that this person can only help themselves. This is maybe the most important thing for you to know.

That being said, I'm probably going to tell you the last thing you want to hear, but if all else fails, my advice will be all you have left.

No worries -- my dad was a perennial Boy Scout. I know the value of being prepared!

My brother has been an alcoholic for the majority of his life at this point and simply does not wish to change this fact. We have tried interventions, talking about it, going to AA with him, some therapy. He would just rather be a functioning alcoholic....

My heart goes out to you. That must be so hard to watch and know. I have read that functional alcoholics are often most difficult to help, because they think they're okay... they can handle it... they don't have a problem. But as you said, it takes its toll.

Good luck and brightest blessings to you both.

If they can give him something that blocks acetaldehyde dehydrogenase, it will make him get sick every time he drinks. Disulfiram is a medication they use medically. en.wikipedia.org... I know a few people that were put on this, it did help for a while but one of them quit taking it and returned to drinking again. I do not know what happened to the other one. I actually have a problem with this enzyme, if I drink more than two beers I wind up with a doozie hangover. I wanted to be out socializing though, I learned to do stuff in the bars so I would not drink as much. Pool and foosball and dancing with girls is what I did to avoid having to drink as much as my friends did. Back then I felt defective since I always had a hangover when drinking. I still had plenty of hangovers, if I had more than three, I figured what the hell, I might as well get my hangovers worth.

Here is the problem with not detoxing acetaldehyde. health.howstuffworks.com...

I have tried to find out what foods inhibits the enzyme but I can't seem to find any info on it. I do know that eating foods containing benzo properties like potatoes or cooked spinach helps with the cravings for alcohol. They both raise GABA somewhat. Mashed potatoes and gravy is good, so is spinach quiche. I don't have a problem with addiction to alcohol, when you get hangovers every time you drink it is hard to get addicted. I used to hate the headaches that lasted a whole day and the brain fog that lasted two days. But, hey, it dumbed me down, I was not thinking much when hungover.

originally posted by: NJE777
a reply to: Boadicea

Celery steamed and eaten or eat it raw with some cheese helps addictions.

Very good to know! Thank you!!! Any type of cheese in particular that you know of?

He once ate very well. Perhaps I can get him interested in doing so again. Lots of good stuff in season right now too. It may be possible to entice him...

a reply to: rickymouse

Thank you! I'm so glad you joined the discussion!!! You always have good info.

At least one of the alcohol clinics I checked out does prescribe anti-alcohol medications. I'm a little concerned about the Suboxone treatment, as it seems to have some serious possible adverse effects. Especially if he continues drinking while taking it. But the antabuse may be of value.

Thanks for the food tips. I will look for more benzo/healing foods for him as well.

Just dropping in to 2nd dasman888 said!

None better to help an alcoholic than an alcoholic in recovery. I have 4 years now and it is because the seed was planted by another alcoholic, so when I finally got tired of being sick and tired I took the step and the great folks of AA have since shown me the way.

In hindsight- I hemmed and hawed and it took me a few long sad years to finally give in, but I knew where to go when I was “ready”; but I didn’t feel ready I just felt constant doom and could no longer take it. So much loss and heartbreak along the way. It may take while, it may not; the day never comes for most alcoholics.

But, there is a chair reserved for your friend, may he find his way!

a reply to: Boadicea

I am happy to hear that you are dedicated to helping this man. You have already received some great advice in here already, so no need to be redundant and repeat them. I will however pray for him to find the courage and strength that he needs and for you as well in helping him. Much love and light.

"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference."

a reply to: Boadicea

What I would say is sit him down before a video game. Preferably a racing game and say beat this. Give him booze but in little increments at a time as to not make him sick. Be supportive but don’t ever take away the booze as that could kill him. Play the game with him and show support. At a point you can have a day with no booze and then the real healing can begin.

originally posted by: raedar
Just dropping in to 2nd dasman888 said!

I'm glad you did -- thank you!

None better to help an alcoholic than an alcoholic in recovery. I have 4 years now and it is because the seed was planted by another alcoholic...

Congratulations on your own sobriety. That's awesome.

...so when I finally got tired of being sick and tired I took the step and the great folks of AA have since shown me the way.

I'm definitely going to find a good AA group for him -- one that's true to the original ways. That's sounding right to me.

But, there is a chair reserved for your friend, may he find his way!

Thank you -- I'm going to tell him exactly that. I'm going to tell him he has friends and loved ones that he hasn't even met yet waiting for him... to welcome him with open hearts and open arms. Just like you and Das.

originally posted by: Night Star
a reply to: Boadicea

I am happy to hear that you are dedicated to helping this man. You have already received some great advice in here already...

I really have, yes. I'm in awe of the wisdom being shared here. And so very grateful.

...I will however pray for him to find the courage and strength that he needs and for you as well in helping him. Much love and light.

Thank you so much. The prayers and blessings are more than I hoped for, and I feel so humbled. Thank you.

ETA: I'm also going to print this pic and give it to him -- so thank you for this also! It's such a wonderfully calming and soothing presence, and the perfect affirmation. It's something he can hold onto and draw strength from. Maybe. I hope. I know I can!

Don’t try to help someone that doesn’t want help. Make sure your assistance is wanted. You don’t want the bad karma for meddling in someone else’s consciousness without their consent.

I picked up an AA book and read it and attened a couple meetings back when I realized I had a problem with drinking. It wasn't right away either.

I started drinking when out with friends, they would invite me over and I'd have one too many beers and get a little drunk and thought nothing of it. But then I started to have a lot of serious problems in life and drinking helped me to forget it, so I thought.

Then because of circumstances, I was diagnosed with a chronic disease, lost my job due to inability to work all the time, lost my house, lost my family. I just started drinking more. And then when I ran out of money to drink beer I would buy the cheapest liquor I could find.

Then one morning I woke up on the couch. I was told the police brought me home. I don't remember any of it. I was outside yelling at the neighbors wall I was told. And that happens a couple of more times. Everyone around my neighborhood knew me, and realized I was in trouble. I finally realized it the 3rd time the police deposited me into my living room to sleep it off. And I didn't remember anything.

I went to an AA meeting by myself and just listened and picked up a book and began to read it. What it said really touched my heart. We cannot win the fight our self but we need to believe in God and he is the one that will help us.

I got down on my knees and began to pray and ask for forgiveness of my sin of drunkenness and asked for help because I couldn't win this battle on my own. I prayed the whole night in tears.

The next AA meeting I got up and read this passage from the Bible:

(Romans 7:18-25) . . .For I know that in me, that is, in my flesh, there dwells nothing good; for I have the desire to do what is fine but not the ability to carry it out. 19 For I do not do the good that I wish, but the bad that I do not wish is what I practice. 20 If, then, I do what I do not wish, I am no longer the one carrying it out, but it is the sin dwelling in me. 21 I find, then, this law in my case: When I wish to do what is right, what is bad is present with me. 22 I really delight in the law of God according to the man I am within, 23 but I see in my body another law warring against the law of my mind and leading me captive to sin’s law that is in my body. 24 Miserable man that I am! Who will rescue me from the body undergoing this death? 25 Thanks to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So, then, with my mind I myself am a slave to God’s law, but with my flesh to sin’s law.

Afterwards I started to attend the Christian meetings with Jehovah's Witnesses. I found both the meetings, with the AAs and the association with the Jehovah's Witnesses helped fill an emptiness I had. And prayer and faith in Jehovah God, thru his son Jesus Christ helped me overcome and I am sober now.

originally posted by: Boadicea
a reply to: rickymouse

Thank you! I'm so glad you joined the discussion!!! You always have good info.

At least one of the alcohol clinics I checked out does prescribe anti-alcohol medications. I'm a little concerned about the Suboxone treatment, as it seems to have some serious possible adverse effects. Especially if he continues drinking while taking it. But the antabuse may be of value.

Thanks for the food tips. I will look for more benzo/healing foods for him as well.

The problem with antabuse is that if that person goes out drinking lots yet, the high acetylaldehyde can cause serious damage. I do not know what I would do if it was my kid. Lions mane mushrooms are supposed to inhibit the enzyme, but I have never seen that in markets here nor have I seen it here in the woods. Other mushrooms can inhibit the enzyme too I guess.

originally posted by: Allaroundyou
a reply to: Boadicea

What I would say is sit him down before a video game. Preferably a racing game and say beat this. Give him booze but in little increments at a time as to not make him sick. Be supportive but don’t ever take away the booze as that could kill him. Play the game with him and show support. At a point you can have a day with no booze and then the real healing can begin.

Video games... that's actually an excellent idea. We've already bonded over video games, long long ago when they were kids. They would get so frustrated trying to get through certain parts, I would play their games at night and learn all the tricky parts so that I could teach them... Mario Brothers, Zelda, Donkey Kong, Ninja Turtles. Wow! Bringing back lots of memories here. This is a natural for us! And he loves reminiscing and talking about old times.

Looks like I'm going to have to have hubby set up the old Nintendo set again, eh?

One thing I would mention about AA which you should be aware of...

Most AA groups are supportive, healthy and good, but some are not. The first AA group he finds is NOT the ONLY group out there, and he should look around for the one with the best environment. They're not all the same.

I've seen some groups where not a single person belonged there. They either belonged in narc-anon, in jail or under full-time psychiatric care. And they were a breeding pool for bad attitudes and failure. Not a healthy environment at all.

Understand, the vast majority of AA groups out there are NOT like that, but there are some and I've seen a couple.

originally posted by: Metallicus
Don’t try to help someone that doesn’t want help. Make sure your assistance is wanted. You don’t want the bad karma for meddling in someone else’s consciousness without their consent.

Very wise words indeed... and well warranted.

He has to want it for himself, and I'm pretty sure he does. And, yes, he has to want my help. We'll find out about that. And even if he does, I know I can't do anything for him, I can only offer to do it with him.

As my kids say, it's his journey. It seems especially appropriate in this situation.

a reply to: Boadicea

Any cheese just for taste cos celery doesn't taste the best.