Any Advice for Helping an Alcoholic?

a reply to: Boadicea

So happy to read your friend is on the road to recovery. I’m sure your support and love helped a lot !!

a reply to: Sheye

Thank you, Sheye. I think the heart issue -- which is really scaring him -- is what really gave him the will to stop drinking. But I hope I helped him getting thru it... Made it a little easier and better than it might have been otherwise. Sometimes just knowing one person cares and wants better for you is enough to feel like you're worth it. Just a little faith, hope and love, right?

originally posted by: Boadicea
a reply to: Sheye

Thank you, Sheye. I think the heart issue -- which is really scaring him -- is what really gave him the will to stop drinking. But I hope I helped him getting thru it... Made it a little easier and better than it might have been otherwise. Sometimes just knowing one person cares and wants better for you is enough to feel like you're worth it. Just a little faith, hope and love, right?

Hopefully it's the kick in the pants he needs, but like has already been said in the thread, he'll only change if he wants to -- his motivation really has to resonate deep for it to stick. It also depends on how deeply entrenched the addiction is, too.

My sister-in-law's late dad, the wonderful man he was sober, was a hardcore alcoholic. He tried everything, AA, therapist, serious behavioral therapy, diet alterations -- everything he & his doctors could think of. Nothing stuck, and he felt like a Scottish stereotype (he was from Scotland) and a failure for it.

What actually got him to never touch booze again was making a mistake he'd never made before -- driving drunk. He'd always had just enough of his wits left about him to hide his keys from himself or give them to someone, except for that one time. He's lucky he didn't kill the cyclist he hit, but the cyclist did end up a quadriplegic for the rest of his life, and that emotionally wrecked my sister-in-law's dad. The cyclist didn't hold it against him, even pleaded with the court to keep him out of jail, and they did somehow become good friends after the accident (takes a hell of a person to do that) From there out, most of his time & money went to helping take care of the guy he hit.
Booze was instantly revolting after the crash, he never touched another drop again the rest of his life, which was only about 10 years (his heart was seriously weakened from a lifetime of heavy drinking, died of heart failure in his sleep)

It's really sad that for some alcoholics, it takes maiming or crippling another person for them to finally get that solid push to stay away from alcohol.
Nearest I can figure it it's a massive psychological and chemical tempest in the body in that kind of situation, akin to just the right mix of everything to finally make that physiological & psychological shift permanent for some.

We've got a long way to go before it's as simple as popping a pill to cure.

a reply to: Nyiah

What a heartbreaking story. I'm so impressed by the compassion and maturity of the cyclist. Your sister-in-law's father was quite blessed... I'm glad he made the most he could of it.

I'm taking your words to heart. It seems too easy at this point. I'm prepared for a relapse... Perhaps more than one. But I hope and pray I'm wrong!

originally posted by: Boadicea
a reply to: Nyiah

What a heartbreaking story. I'm so impressed by the compassion and maturity of the cyclist. Your sister-in-law's father was quite blessed... I'm glad he made the most he could of it.

He even came to his funeral, it kind of floored us. Nobody had the stones to ask what everyone was thinking -- "How could you possibly forgive him for putting you in this chair forever? How were you even friends??" Everybody gave him a wide berth and plenty of private time with the casket, he was very clearly deeply effected by his death.

I'm taking your words to heart. It seems too easy at this point. I'm prepared for a relapse... Perhaps more than one. But I hope and pray I'm wrong!

If this is his first effort at kicking the sauce, relapses are quite likely. He'll need all the cheerleaders & shoulders to lean on that he can get, it really does help. It's kind of tough sussing out when enough's enough & comes off as irritating or smothering to the recovering, though, I cant really give any tips on that -- everyone's different with their support limits. Feather are probably going to get ruffled at some point, it's to be expected.

a reply to: Nyiah

We've already had a couple rough conversations, mostly about his daughters and their mothers... Now that he's sober, its hitting him hard that he's lost their trust and respect. I understand how much that hurts, but he made his bed and now he has to lie in it.

For better and worse, because I have been and am like a mom to him, I can say the hard truths with the love and care of a mom. It's all I've got! So I'll make the most of it.

Get him on an excerise routine to get him fit.
Once fit enough get him a job.
etc etc
PIle he life up with routines that don't involve alcholol

originally posted by: AthlonSavage
Get him on an excerise routine to get him fit.
Once fit enough get him a job.
etc etc
PIle he life up with routines that don't involve alcholol

All excellent advice, but for now his physical activity (including work) is on hold until his heart issues are diagnosed/treated. He was scheduled to see a cardiologist last week, but it was cancelled a couple days before pending approval of the referral by his insurance. His parents were willing to pay out-of-pocket, but the doctor said they couldn't do that.

Crazy, right?

a reply to: Boadicea
Hi sorry to read that sad story, I hope this can help you help him.
Years ago I remember reading about a man with a similar problem, his friend made him have a teaspoon of honey every hour for a few days, he lost the taste for alcohol & recovered!
I would think that honey in filtered water or honey in pine pollen would also help, as a change.
All the best

a reply to: Elejo

That's very interesting. I'll mention it to him. He's in a pretty big funk right now, but he's not drinking. I think finding out about his heart issues scared him sober so to speak. But he seems lost now.

I'll mention the honey, and I'll probably suggest Manuka honey.

Thank you!!!

And a B I G welcome to ATS!

Lot of great replies i saw above.

What I want to share is, try meditation.

Like listening 30 minutes daily.

It will give positive energy for him.

It is really not easy to recover an Alcoholic.

I've been meaning to update this post forever, and once I get on ATS, I check messages and new topics and completely forget! But not this time...

First, a BIG THANK YOU TO EVERYONE!!! You all helped me be a good friend, and that's probably the best thing I could have done.

I talked to my friend this weekend and he's doing pretty good. I'd gone by his house one day to see how his gardens were doing. There were roofers next door checking me out, so I sent him a text to tell him if anyone told him an old lady was wandering in his yard, it was just me. I offered to help him thin out the bulbs in the fall and replant the gardens. He was pretty excited about that. I helped him plant the beds when he bought the house, and we had a blast that day. So I thought it might be something fun for him to do again and look forward to.

He has quit drinking. He just told me that the doctors told him he wouldn't be able to do another detox, his heart couldn't take it, so this was his best and last hope. He apparently took it to heart and he's muddled through.

Because of the heart conditions found, they weren't able to give him the meds that many alcoholics receive. But the CBD gummies helped him quite a bit, especially with sleeping and eating issues, so that was a godsend for him. He's been attending AA meetings at a church close to his house. He's actually still living with his parents, but his own home is only half a mile away.

He fell off a ladder at Christmas while putting up decorations, and broke a couple bones and a concussion, and his dad insisted on a blood alcohol test when he went to the hospital. I don't blame him. But it was clear for alcohol -- yay!!! So my friend's been recovering from the fall as well.

Probably the best news of all though is that he finished his schooling and is starting a job this week as a phlebotomist. He had gotten most of the way through, then the alcoholism got in the way. But he was able to pick up the classes again, and is now certified. He has four weeks training, but he's very much looking forward to it. I'm pretty excited for him too!

What isn't so easy to fix are all the broken relationships and friendships he racked up while he was drinking. I know more than I want to know about his bad behavior, but I also know that I don't know the half of it. And it's probably best that way. I know enough to tell him that he really screwed up, and that love and trust cannot be regained as easily as health. I've told him that he really cannot expect much from his exes, and to focus on his girls. I've told him that it might take a lifetime for them to trust him again, but they will always love him. The only thing he can do is be his best self, all day every day, and let the girls see it for themselves. I don't know any other way to regain trust once it is violated.

So in the end, I think the only good I accomplished was getting him the first order of CBD gummies, and just being a friend with a shoulder to cry on and a heart to share his progress and accomplishments. I couldn't have done it without the advice and wisdom I got here though, so THANK YOU ALL!!! I was pretty darn clueless about all this, and I got some real good information to use.

At the risk of sounding melodramatic, we may have saved a life. And I think that's pretty darn amazing.

So score 1 for Awesome ATSers!!!

And, again, thank you all soooooooooooooooo much

a reply to: vetrivel

I'm so sorry I didn't see this and respond sooner! Thank you for the suggestion though -- it's a good one.

I did suggest meditation, and some calming/relaxing music. He did start listening to soft classical music falling asleep, and I suggested he get some guided meditation audio books to listen to as well. He said he was going to.

You are so right that alcoholism isn't easy to come back from. He's had quite a struggle, and he's been rather fortunate in my opinion, because he has had so much support from his parents. He even had a former boss come by a couple times after he had heard about my friend's troubles, offered his help and support, and his job again once he got back on his feet. I know that meant much to my friend.

For others without such support, I can't imagine the never-ending hell.