Softball with AugustusMasonicus: Season II

a reply to: AugustusMasonicus

Sure, it was the OTHER person.

That's what # is for. We can infer what the words are.

a reply to: FauxMulder



Alright fine.

As you probably know I'm in sales so we frequently do team/group events that are supposed to build character and foster better working relationships. As luck found us we were in Milwaukee and the two options we on the executive team decided was either a tour of the Harley factory and museum or a tour and beer tasting at the Miller factory. Being that all sales people are drunks the overwhelming choice was the Miller plant.

We all arrive and begin the tour of the Miller Brewing plant, traveling from the grain intake area all the way to the final brewing and bottling stage. The final stop is the original aging cave under the plant that has now been converted into a bar and tasting room. As a tour guest you get to saample three beers for free with the provided vouchers.

Since our group was so large we ended up at five tables. The server we assigned, a young black guy, drops off some pretzels and mustard and then hands out the available beer list. Being someone who avoids mass produced beer I didnt bother to look at the menu since I figured Miller must make something approaching the types of beer I like.

We're sitting there munching on pretzels and talking sales person stuff when the young guy comes back and everyone starts with a Miller Genuine while I ask for a Miller Dark and toss down all my vouchers. Not paying attention I go back to 'educating' my team on whatever crap they needed to hear me pontificate on. After a few minutes everyone gets their beer except me.

I'm looking around and can't find the kid so I starting saying to the table that he must of forgot. One of my team says, 'You know there's no such thing as a 'Miller Dark', right?"

And I say, "What are you talking about? I saw a commerical for that crap during the football game."

He replies, "I think you meant Michelob Dark."

And I say, "No genius, it was Miller."

And he says, "No genius, there is no such thing."

So, being that know-it-all I am I head over to the bar and ask the guy pouring drafts if I could get a dark beer. As he starts to say that they do not in fact manufacture a dark beer the guy waiting on our table runs over, points at me and screams, "That's him, that's the racist mother fornicator."

I look around as, while I am not PC, I'm not a racist, and say, "Who? Me?"

And he says, his voice raising more, "Yeah, you, you male chicken sucking, mother fornicating asshole. You're a racist."

Now I'm starting to think it's a big joke that the team put him up to so I start laughing and say, "Yeah, you caught me, I'm a racist."

"You're goddamn right you are you cracker mother fornicator," and starts to reach over the bar at me.

Now I realize it isn't a joke since the bartender is dragging him away. After they get him in the back the bartender tells me what he thinks I said, which caught me off guard. I ask for another beer and head back to the table.

I plop my mug on the table, sit down and start sipping while everyone is watching me. The same guy who earlier gave me my beer education asks what that was all about and I tell him the kid thought I said, "Can I have a Miller,......Darkie."

So now my nickname is Miller White.

a reply to: AugustusMasonicus

Lmao!!!!

Miller White. Hahahahahahahaha

a reply to: AugustusMasonicus

Did you tip the guy?

a reply to: IAMTAT


I did. A lot.

I felt bad he was racist.,

a reply to: AugustusMasonicus

The reason I asked...is because I'm trapped here watching an inane Hallmark Christmas movie with my wife.

originally posted by: AugustusMasonicus
a reply to: IAMTAT


I did. A lot.

And now he accuses everyone of being racist.

originally posted by: IAMTAT
The reason I asked...is because I'm trapped here watching an inane Hallmark Christmas movie with my wife.

Can I get you a dark beer?

originally posted by: AugustusMasonicus

originally posted by: IAMTAT
The reason I asked...is because I'm trapped here watching an inane Hallmark Christmas movie with my wife.

Can I get you a dark beer?

Yes please!
It'll go great with my Fried chicken and watermelon.

a reply to: AugustusMasonicus

Should have ordered the Miller Negro.

Dumbass.

a reply to: DBCowboy


I just stick with Whit Beers now.

('Whit' is Belgian for 'honky')

a reply to: DBCowboy

How could he not think to order a Miller Klansman?

Dumbass indeed.

a reply to: AugustusMasonicus

I would have ordered the Matt Lauer.

And just patted the waiter on the fanny.

originally posted by: FauxMulder
a reply to: DBCowboy

How could not think to order a Miller Klansman?

Dumbass indeed.

Same calories, half the IQ!

originally posted by: DBCowboy
And just patted the waiter on the fanny.

He wasn't my type. Remember? I like my mom.

originally posted by: DBCowboy

originally posted by: FauxMulder
a reply to: DBCowboy

How could not think to order a Miller Klansman?

Dumbass indeed.

Same calories, half the IQ!

It's even one of those fancy "whit" beers he likes. It has the pointy cone shaped bottle cap and everything.

Wasting time and thinking.



Teenage waste land, any one?

a reply to: AugustusMasonicus

Ok.... I waited tables for a few years. Never cared for it. I'm thinking that if I could have used this kind of tactic to work for a white female, I could have made it more interesting, and lucrative, work.

But how does a white woman do that? Scream "Harvey Weinstein!" at every male patron (or conversely, "Mr. Spacey" when their server is a dude).

originally posted by: chelsdh
a reply to: AugustusMasonicus

Ok.... I waited tables for a few years. Never cared for it. I'm thinking that if I could have used this kind of tactic to work for a white female, I could have made it more interesting, and lucrative, work.

But how does a white woman do that? Scream "Harvey Weinstein!" at every male patron (or conversely, "Mr. Spacey" when their server is a dude).

Because we are waking up.

originally posted by: chelsdh
Ok.... I waited tables for a few years. Never cared for it.

Why not? The Hooters uniform not to your liking?