Softball with AugustusMasonicus: Season II

Welcome back to a new season of Softball, hopefully it surpasses your expectations from last season, and considering the quality of guests we had this shouldn’t be a very difficult task. We have some truly interesting members lined up for this year, all sworn to secrecy on pain of having to read DB’s diet thread again, and we’re gonna start this year off right. Alt-Right.

Just to cleanse yourself from the abomination that was last month’s leftist interview I’ve lassoed someone who can counter the disaffection you’re experiencing and help spread truth and facts about the actual nature of our political landscape. Someone who is an unquestioned paragon of proper political discourse. Please give an all-white country club golf clap to Xinchuen, I mean Xuenchee, wait, Zool, no, oh hold on….

AM: How the hell do you pronounce your screenname?

XU: They pronounce it "Zooen Chen", but it depends on how much Chinese accent you want!

AM: What’s it like being a Russian Chat Bot?

XU: It's super frustrating because I don't even speak Russian, and I don't trust the translators or the accusers!

AM: Has Pooty-Poot ever invited you to go topless horse riding with him?

XU: Well I did get some emails from the Kremlin but they were actually invitations directed to Hillary Clinton. I was just a "bcc".

AM: Where is your Trump poster, on the wall or over the bed?

XU: Well it's on a wall in my garage with my antique license plate collection.

AM: Did you ever think, when you were growing up, that you’d reside in a basket with other deplorables?

XU: I thought about that as a kid, but I never knew who Hillary Clinton was until I wasn't a kid anymore.

AM: What is your favorite fake news story?

XU: Bar none, when the actress emerged from Chelsea's apartment after Hillary passed out on 9/11/2016 from her Benghazi Fever relapse.

AM: How many of your sources do you read before posting?

XU: Somewhere in between 5% and 85%.

AM: Nazis: Misunderstood geniuses or really snazzy military dressers?

XU: I would say neither, but since I don't read German, I really don't know what Karl Marx said about that.

AM: Is it true that your high school locker combination was ‘Nein, Nein, Nein’?

XU: Actually it was 36-24-36, but the damn thing never worked, so they gave me a lock with a key.

SEASON 1

more interviews in the New Season
Hazardous1408
Benevolent Heretic
Sillyolme
Abysha
Nyiah
Krazysh0t
ketsuko
projectvxn
olaru12

AM: Favorite confederate statue?

XU: The Lincoln Memorial.

AM: Touché. How did you defend yourself from liberal indoctrination during your school education?

XU: I dropped out, there was no other clear path to destiny.

AM: Name one thing Obama did that you agree with.

XU: He venomously endorsed Hillary Clinton for President.

AM: How much hate mail do you get?

XU: I lost count at 5,000.

AM: Marry/Fornicate/Kill: Hillary, Nancy Pelosi, Elizabeth Warren?

XU: None of the above because none of the above are worth much of anything except a good laugh out loud.

AM: Okay, it's time for the Softballs, what's your favorite film?

XU: Reds from 1981. God only knows what the state of American politics would be today if they never released that movie.

AM: Favorite meal?

XU: Mongolian Beef with Russian Steak Marinade sauce.

AM: Favorite TV show besides Fox and Freinds?

XU: Re-runs of Madam Secretary.

AM: I thought you were going to say Veep. Type of music you most like?

XU: Russian classical jazz but only when played on a RCA Victrola78.

AM: Your most admired politician, historical or current, and why?

XU: Most definitely Franklin Delano Roosevelt. He was the first to come up with successful plans to herd and corral Democrats into tight voting pockets.

AM: If you could go back in time and speak to one person who would it be and what would you say to them?

XU: Without a doubt, Julius Caesar. I would ask him to appoint Me as the curator of all the loot he got from the Library of Alexandria.



Xuenchen is a purveyor of political trash and is just your average white guy with 5% Neanderthal DNA.
He hates no one, especially elected Democrats. People that know him in real life say he's normal. Despite his outwardly appearing conservative bent he generally supports Libertarians until they want to pass laws.

He was recently outed by several 1950s era declassified CIA documents mostly owing to him having been a student of political hypocrisy for decades. Xuenchen is also a grand master of spotting and exposing clinical jealousy and political Stockholm Syndrome. And he makes a mean spinach dip.

That concludes our opening installment of this season, and if this is any indication we should probably cancel the remainder. Just kidding, now that the universe is back in alignment you can all go return to your guns and Bibles while sleeping soundly knowing that the truth is being reported and defended here on a daily basis. Sometimes up to 5 times a day. With sources of the utmost integrity. I’m not faking.

Thanks for joining us today Xuenchen, I’ve never had a conversation with another AI before, and to be able to do it here from Langley to your location in the Kremlin made it extra special. Pravda! Your parting gifts today are a lifetime supply of spray tan and a year’s subscription to the New York Times which you can use to get a fire started at your dacha after a long day wrestling bears while doing judo with Vlad. Until next time.

a reply to: AugustusMasonicus

AM: How the hell do you pronounce your screenname?

This is the question that has been plaguing me since I started reading ATS. Thank bejesus someone finally got to the bottom of it.

a reply to: FauxMulder


That's why I'm here. Hard hitting journalism that asks the questions you always wanted to ask but were too much of a sissy to do on your own.

a reply to: AugustusMasonicus

Yea, I didn't want to sound like an illiterate hillbilly and give all the three rights around here more confirmation.

a reply to: AugustusMasonicus

nice work. But with the gaggle of loosers you had last year, you could interview some idiot from Jersey while he shoveled his roof and be on the mend.

Wait, an idea just popped into my head. AM interviewing AM. Perhaps a Christmas present to ATS?

a reply to: AugustusMasonicus

Another great interview, hard-hitting and full of insight!

No wait, that was my diet thread.



This one is okay though.

a reply to: FauxMulder


There's only three people on the right here?

a reply to: AugustusMasonicus

This is obviously your schtick and congrats for the initiative. However, I'd really be interested in actually learning more about the people behind the avatars. Perhaps there could be a portion of the interviews that aren't so tongue-in-cheek. Just a suggestion, again, it's your thing, not mine.

originally posted by: network dude
Wait, an idea just popped into my head. AM interviewing AM. Perhaps a Christmas present to ATS?

I actually have an even better Xmas present lined up, but more on that in a few weeks.

a reply to: AugustusMasonicus

I just call him Foxy. We go way back.
Also I keep my eye on him.
Because someone has to.

originally posted by: DBCowboy
Another great interview, hard-hitting and full of insight!

No wait, that was my diet thread.



This one is okay though.

Nothing could ever top that thread, ever time I read it my cholesterol goes up 100 points.

originally posted by: TobyFlenderson
This is obviously your schtick and congrats for the initiative. However, I'd really be interested in actually learning more about the people behind the avatars. Perhaps there could be a portion of the interviews that aren't so tongue-in-cheek. Just a suggestion, again, it's your thing, not mine.

So you want me to ask crazy people on a conspiracy site personal questions? I may be a brave and intrepid journalist but I ain't stupid.

a reply to: AugustusMasonicus

Well technically, yes. All the other ones are bots as Mr. Zoochen alluded to. But I was talking about the last interviewee *shivers*

originally posted by: Sillyolme
I just call him Foxy. We go way back.
Also I keep my eye on him.
Because someone has to.

Someone has to guard the henhouse, right?

originally posted by: FauxMulder
Well technically, yes. All the other ones are bots as Mr. Zoochen alluded to. But I was talking about the last interviewee *shivers*

Gotcha. Which is why I had X come in and give you all a Right-eous Karen Silkwood mental scrub down. We don't like Antifailure around here.

a reply to: AugustusMasonicus

A lot of Food For Thlught here.

Another winner, guys.

originally posted by: AugustusMasonicus

 

AM: What is your favorite fake news story?

XU: Bar none, when the actress emerged from Chelsea's apartment after Hillary passed out on 9/11/2016 from her Benghazi Fever relapse.

Great one! Mine might have something to do with the green slime ball slyly expectorated into her water glass, but this one was great too

Nice interview, Augustus.

originally posted by: IAMTAT
A lot of Food For Thlught here.

Another winner, guys.

Glad you liked it, we both got shirtless for the interview.

originally posted by: zosimov
Great one! Mine might have something to do with the green slime ball slyly expectorated into her water glass, but this one was great too

I'm pretty sure that was embalming fluid she gacked up.

Nice interview, Augustus.

Thanks, glad you liked it.