Uninteresting member confessions

originally posted by: DBCowboy
He never returns my calls.

Maybe stop screaming at the sky and try picking up a phone.

originally posted by: DBCowboy

originally posted by: AugustusMasonicus
a reply to: IAMTAT

That wasn't a grizzly, that was chubbo from Portland. His back hair probably had you thinking he was a woodland creature.

He never returns my calls.

Sssshhh....We'll always have Skagway.

What a great thread to bump. OK I'll go.

Once when I was a kid, contractors had plans to bulldoze my neighborhood and replace it with a golf course. It was devastating because my house was the main hangout spot for me and my buddies, even though my older brother would hound us sometimes. He was a teenager.

Well, one day, my buddies and I found a treasure map while we were all fooling around in the attic. Supposedly, the treasure was beneath an old abandoned restaurant in town. We were all excited at the prospect of finding a treasure and buying our neighborhood back so it wouldn't become a golf course. So, we went to the restaurant, and in our youthful naivete, halfway expected an easy payoff.

Boy, were we mistaken!

We encountered a ruthless crime family led by an hermaphrodite. They were using the restaurant as their hideout. The hermaphrodite posed as our hostess, seating us and fetching us water. My nervous bowel flared up and I asked to use the bathroom downstairs, which, astoundingly, I was permitted to visit unescorted in spite of the human abomination languishing chained to the wall in an adjacent room (who, it turned out, was the failed abortion of the hermaphrodite. Sad story.)

Anyways, while I was downstairs, my brother showed up to bring me home, accompanied by a girl he had a crush on and her short-haired, four-eyed, mouse-faced, cockblocking nag of a friend. When I rejoined the group, we were all ejected from the restaurant.

We hid behind some logs nearby until the the criminals left to dump a body, at which point I wanted to show everyone the monstrosity in the basement. While we were down there, we discovered a secret passageway leading to a subterranean network of tunnels, caves, and caverns. "This," I remember remarking philosophically, "is where it all starts." To my consternation, my brother didn't want to investigate what lay below. But! the criminals returned while we were still downstairs, so we all* had no choice but to exit through the passageway.

We all stopped in one such cavern to urinate. The girl on which my older teenage brother had a crush called out for him, her soubrette voice bouncing off the cavern walls like sunshine off the surface of a lake. My brother delegated me to see what she was "ragging about" while he finished pissing. I followed the sound of her beckoning voice to a darkened nook, where she took me by surprise with a passionate kiss - my first and still most memorable. And I just let it happen.

*Well, almost all of us. We left one of our friends--the fat one--behind. He was deadweight: too klutzy, too whiny, too slow, too loud...you name it. He would have gotten us all killed. We told him to "go to the police" but to this day I believe we all, deep down, expected him to be killed.

edit on 10/12/2020 by DictionaryOfExcuses because: (no reason given)

That was riveting.
No really, it was.

But a little unclear - so, was the golf-course built?

A poltergeist-in-one?

Indigenous cemeteries dug up and ruined.

Digging up Troy over 1000 years ago is "archeology".
Digging up your parents and grandprents is "anthropology"?

Nope, that's asking for supernatural trouble.

Anybody climbing "Mount Everest"?
No?
Well if you had we'd probably never hear the end of it.

Something for the grammar and pronunciation "Nazis": "George Everest, incidentally, didn't pronounce his name Ev-er-rest, as everyone says it today, but as 'Eve' -rest ...". [Bill Bryson: The Road to Little Dribbling: More Notes from a Small Island" [Bryson 2015: page 28].

Well if you can't handle me at my hungover-est

Then you don't deserve me at my sober-est!





I'll see myself out

a reply to: NarcolepticBuddha

Please stay.

Didn't mean at all a personal reply to anyone, just added some arbitrary things over the days and weeks.