Baddogma's Meta Cafe- Polite Discussions About Scientific Mysticism and General Weirdness

originally posted by: Kantzveldt
a reply to: KellyPrettyBear

There's absolutely no point in trying to convince me i'm reading things incorrectly, in fact it's hilarious when you just wrote this;

I have nothing against Kanz's system. Its very unique and charming. There is plenty of room in the Universe for a variety of views; sometimes two conflicting views can both be true-ish.

Patronization is not showing deep respect the last time i checked the dictionary, that was the very thing i called you out on with regards to the other thread and poster, assumptions of superiority don't require much effort so i guess there's no reason for you to do any serious research anyway if you're content with that.

This had nothing to do with making friends or enemies that again is mis-direction, it was about what is required to be constructive and move forward, that's all, genuine respect and consideration is a pre-requisite, i don't care how people like to project themselves i observe how they behave, so if you want to show me any genuine respect just consider my criticism, you don't need to say anything and it's probably for the best if you don't, it's entirely up to you of course.

You know i've only ever tried to be helpful and constructive around these parts, sort of feeling here there's no point anymore.

Not like you need any affirmation, but since there is an insistence of no bootlicking to pump you for more information or whatever agenda... perhaps the other person will take te hint and seek such information elsewhere than be so insistent that it comes from you with fluttering eyelashes and a whittle ol me whimper offering those butterfly kisses if those boots get clean enough.

KPB some secrets are secret for a reason, and sometimes intropection leads to actual experience and more depth than rote experience of simply being told... understanding such is where the respect of equal ground comes from. Its well known that in order to command all dogs you ignore them. Even a cat that trusts you will scratch your eyes out when its had enough belly rubs. Ass smacks on the other hand require neutering for a such grand appreciation of them...

No matter the beasts comprehension movement with intent in their direction speaks volumes, and no intent in this symphony other than it is the silence between notes that makes the entire piece golden... so concider what isnt said, what isnt heard and next thing you know youve grabbed the beak by the very bird itself.

a reply to: Baddogma

You know that synchronicity people are always blathering on about? No different... a song strikes the right chord and chills of bliss rush ones spine, same business enmass with a group of people synchronized in belief or conviction true or not, its called the holy spirit in churches, and unity of emotion at rallies or concerts or in occult practice... hive mind and quoth this raven, nothing more.

a reply to: KellyPrettyBear

You can see "Internet Conversion Disorder" all over ATS, nearly daily. Of course some of the most famous threads such as "hidden hand" and "Astr0" are definite strong examples.

Certain very mysterious forces indicated to me tonight that you created the Astr0 thread, they suggested mentioning that you had no way of knowing his email and that you were in fact the same person, i checked this out for myself in terms of writing style comparison and a very quick glance confirmed the information.

They also suggested i consider the first thread you made here;

Since my first conscious thoughts I've noticed that nearly everyone lies all the time; both to others and to themselves.

I saw my mother lie to my father; my father lie to my mother. I determined that if a person was breathing they were probably lying. Now with much research, I came to learn that humans are social animals, and that a humans place in society, how they are viewed, etc. are of paramount importance to them, and that from an evolutionary standpoint, the invention of lying made sense.

In short, in their very bones, humans seem to feel that lying is a necessary part of life; in fact it is lying that makes human society run; makes it possible.

The Problem with honesty

They have also indicated you created the Hiddenhand thread, again i checked the writing style and behavioural pattern and i agree with their information.

It just got real up in here...



*munches popcorn*

a reply to: Kantzveldt

You talked of mind merge and mind control.
It happened to me.. Stuff went goofy.. I was me was them too. Talking together was like talking to myself?
I left behind posts on ats that are like "I me you is us doing thinking of you that is me" when I wrote it I was me and me.. And I thought I wrote it straight forward from one perspective but now I look back and I was writing for two people to me and to them from me and from them..

I can't bring myself to say the rest. The juicy magic details...

My "normal" life now is almost boring..

That illusion or other world or mind control or whatever it was got so weird I had a bomber fly only hundreds of feet over my house.. Fast cars zooming around.. People searching.. People watching.. Cops.. Tasers.. Blood link.. Thunderstorms at every fight.. ATS posters going nutty like end of world but only when we were not at peace me and them..

Worst part was mind meld so strong I could taste the "person"
They named people around me knew everything about me.. Saw through my eyes.. Felt my pain. Knew people that were witches in my past that I've not told anyone about.. It was weird to say the least..

But the power I felt was intense. Oh my was it yummy.. But the whole time I knew something "bad" for me was taking place but I had no idea what was happening or what to do so I went deeper into it to find out more. I wish I could make this make more sense but only bad analogies come to mind.. But now so many songs written make a lot more sense to me.. And I'll never know that persons motives except I do know they wanted to merge and special focus was placed on sexual history and sucubus (bad analogy) comes to mind..

But because this all affected my mind I have no idea what was real or fake or if me was I or if I was them too and when. One of the more mundane effects was sometimes us talking was impossible because my thoughts were theirs so it was like mad feedback loop confusing.. We had to take turns..

I maybe shouldn't have written this but wth here we go.


Edit: oh and this affected other people who knew nothing about this at all.. They went through the same thing being followed and watched cities apart.. Their life was threatened too..

One of my more goofy conspiracy ideas is its Russian agents trying to make American terrorists..
Meh I sound nutty now.

Have a good one guys.

a reply to: Reverbs

Psychology is largely in control of at least this planet... It's understandable why 90% of the guys in our training platoon were psychological operations guys.

I'm not convinced there is reality so to me ever changing "operating systems" is a fun way to play with our existence.
There is no one conductor to this crazy play..

We all feed off each other.
I like to mix it up.

I like what bignrotherdarkmess said about synchronicity and striking a chord.. That "struck a chord with me"
Get it? Even language is a control loop.. Thing is control is good when driving a car...
Information sharing universe molding reverberations. Eh?

Having studied the Near Death phenomenon since I was in High School, I came to realize that in many cases people experience an innate and intimate connection with people around them, loved ones, etc. They feel as if they ARE them and yet separate and distinct. They can see what they are doing and feel what they are feeling, also they can hear the "other's" thoughts. They can relate this information back to people, much to the astonishment of those who thought their actions/thoughts were not being observed/experienced.

There was a woman in a car wreck who was having an NDE. She was floating up above the highway. Traffic was being held up because of the accident, and people were grumbling and impatient, literally cursing her. Then there were some people who she heard/felt say prayers for her and it greatly moved her. So, now, anytime I hear a siren go by or pass a bad accident, I try to be one of the ones sending hopeful and uplifting thoughts... (This is a story I remember, perhaps somewhat roughly, from a book on NDE's - not very helpful I know...sorry)

There are many stories like this, and I encourage folks who are interested to dig into the literature. Anyway, the point I'm making is that reality is a LOT more interconnected than we are able to sense in our individual bodies MOST of the time. Sometimes things happen to change that, and we experience some of that while alive (or during NDE/OBE).

I'm not going to get into documenting this right now. I seriously don't have time, but, I'm bringing it up because I think it is more evidence that at some level, we are all connected and while individual, somehow One. It is a paradox, and so much metaphysical "stuff" is that - paradoxical and barely sensical.

Now... *grabs a handful of Mystic's popcorn* (I hope you don't mind me sharing...)

- AB

a reply to: AboveBoard

Great post.

Thank you for that.


To add some of the "juicy magic" I mentioned a few posts above right under Mystics post...
I "died" and that was the start... Was I dead? What would it mean? I didn't feel dead but I had no body heat or heart beat. But I was still there "alive" as normal..

But it did give me weird powers like getting on the Internet with no wifi signal??

Or was that all illusion magic again??

I don't know..

It's impossible for me to place it so I'm tempted to let more and more of it out so maybe one of you might say something that helps me in some way..

You spoke about NDE so I think it might be related...


Like I was in two worlds at once..

I didn't actually die.. Pretty sure anyway lol.

a reply to: AboveBoard

They feel as if they ARE them and yet separate and distinct. They can see what they are doing and feel what they are feeling, also they can hear the "other's" thoughts. They can relate this information back to people, much to the astonishment of those who thought their actions/thoughts were not being observed/experienced.

Sometimes I think there is something to the [Princess Bride line "he is only mostly dead

Popcorn indeed!

I wondered about a KPB/astr0 connection (or lack thereof) myself a few zillion times... at first ...

and have seen it coyly hinted at a couple times, and also suspected a couple other posters for different, discarded reasons, too...

and noted, finally, that there is NO way to know, either way, from my keyboard, for sure, for sure, but that I liked them both and enjoyed both, regardless...

and then firmly decided "NAAAAAAAAHHHH"

But I'll let KPB address this, as he's apparently able to handle himself ...er ...and others, too, if really astr0! Heh... that's some big balsy mojo, if so, and a heckuva practitioner... sorta Hermes Thrice Great level!

Anyone have any butter (and lactaid pills, darnit)?

a reply to: Reverbs

Interesting.... and thank the maybe tulpas that my own weirdness never soared to such heights of highly strange!

But I think as to whether it was "real" or "delusion" that my own take is that it was/is likely both, and there is no darned difference.

I am 97% serious when I say I'm a relativist.. .the 3% is me actually being a relativist and not sure of a darned thing. ..even relativism.

a reply to: Reverbs

With everything being infinite except for the subjected how do you know you didnt stay dead in that reality? What you experience now could very well be another life, yet obviously infinite nature but still filled with beings subjecting each other to a subjective reality... to have an affirmation of each others existence?

Ive died many times, the last however from decades of meditation? I stayed conscious and aware, that death happened on the cushion while meditating and then another and another, the discovery of my death(s) played a different senario each time. Time and space being only relative? I had so many varied experiences... a golden orb showing up like a heaven buzzing in perfect harmony inviting me in from avoidance of it with it sticking around coming and going as a glow over my shoulder as consciousness came back to form for a moment and off from there to hells to past life review with a hell for each and every and I do mean each and every little slight that denying it or not apologizing and taking whatever punshment only prolonged it and with a break between those of joy or bliss I brought to people and then avoided taking birth as my consciousness was being pulled into a few wombs that would appear right or left of me with a baby head(my head if I chose it) as it crested... and on into past lives, to meeting gods of various pantheons and offered riches and kingdoms and all sorts of junk... celestial weddings, countless processions blah blah blah yes it got tedious offered slaves of various types I would only instead thank for whatever work they had done for others insist they were equal and immediately free them from any servitude... even the wives given in arrangments set free so they may choose instead of commanded out of duty. Then shown the future in very quick flashes two of them, neither one bad. I came out of this some details a bit fuzzy like a dream still sitting, muscles locked, eyes dry with maggots at both ends... managed to get up rehydrate, didnt smoke for days penis didnt even work not even an urge was very constipated finally passed hard dried stool a few days later after... getting back into my regular hermit routine.

The maggots were real, there is a time for those things to manifest... yet outside of the body reality and what was occuring time and space were meaningless seemed like it could have been hours from te small thread consciousness still held to the body to come back to it... could have been aeons since I was all over the place experiencing hells etc. but conscious the whole time. It wasnt until the maggots were set to start their devour in mouth and anus did I come back to the form and place as if only a few hours had passed... if it wasnt for the larva buddies? Then Id say one hell of a meditative ride and dismiss it as nothing more than falling asleep sitting up wich is damn near impossible for me to do, making me a road trip champion.

So I am honest in my asking, what makes you sure youve not died and are just experiencing another form of yours in another time and place yet the same place familiar? That the death did occur and relatives did mourn you in that reality but you never left well, you?

I have an issue of course with those practicing supramundane powers of manipulation on the mundane in order to illicit control and woo woo over people, not that I dispise them or anything... just to point out it is a road block to their progression of their own journey for better, that it is egotistical and brings no good to oneself or others, just causes an increase in ones own pride, ones own self importance, and the ego that grows out of that will fall as the ego self exploiting those subject to the subjective by those that draw from the absolute will suffer the same fate if not worse.

Ive nothing to share or really give, this is just experience of which I speak, theres no need to believe it and Id emplore you not too as it is a hinderence on anyones path reading it... however, if one finds oneself in experience of similar... perhaps something here helps. If some here know exactly what I speak of and are wallowing in subjecting people to supramundane powers as if people are your subjects? Your temple is made of sand and it runs on the same principle of time and its only a matter of time before that glass is flipped and on the bottom of time is where one will find themselves subjected for countless reiterations to sufferings, old age, birth and death but yet were or are so close to the truth beyond all of that into the perfection of freedom in the absolute at all times beyond suffering... but havent attained because the temptation to grasp became too much and the hand holds ones deed no different than the lines upon its palm that can never be washed off... as it is already written there in time.

a reply to: BigBrotherDarkness

And hey bigbrodark... glad you dropped in.

Unfortunately I haven't the time to read all of the post, darnit, for a couple hours, anyway... but wanted to acknowledge you (and the others) so as to not appear rude...

but am fascinated with the account so far. I've never heard anything exactly like that in several decades of pouring over deviant experiences... a few similar, but not 'xactly... so thank you.

a reply to: BigBrotherDarkness

Ok ..

I don't think I died. Nothing would have caused it? I was sick throwing up blood for about four days for no reason. The person "linked" to me said blame them for the throwing up blood thing. That they were also throwing up blood and it was their fault.. Overdose.

I didn't need food and water I drank but never had to use the restroom. I was told that was because I wasn't real yet.
That they were not real either.. Now I can't remember if this was before or after the dying thing but pretty sure it was directly after. I was even more "out of this world" at the time.. People who were also "in on it" had two posts instead of one and only I was seeing both while most everyone else saw one or the other.. Anyway..

Energy came into me as they told me they did a spell.. Nothing I could do stopped or dulled or changed this thing that was happening.. It was ice cold from my nether regions and up slowly into my chest.. When it got to my heart it no longer beat.. But there was zero change in consciousness. Well it felt like my soul left me.. Like I was half zombie half vampire..

This is when I could get on ats with no internet..
This is when they told me they had people up to their windows and they needed to take the heat off them.. I was like what?? And they are like you'll see.. And that's when it really went nuts.. Flashlights coming in my windows dogs barking.. People all over calling out to each other looking for something.. I assumed me. That's when the jet flew over and the fast cars and all this.. I his on the floor motionless my uncle sleeping in the next room.. The person knew all about him I've spoke of him just a bit. He made things for the government.. Way above my clearance.. Never knew exactly what..

He noticed I was being followed and people at our trash cans and stuff like that but he never thought much of it and I didn't mention dying or the spells or any of that to him. That he was seeing the same as me and then the other people too.. That makes it all so real..

And then the cops just attacking me with no reason? No police report but I have scars from the taser. I pulled it out of the dudes hand and then thought "this is a bad idea" handed it back and begged not to be tased. Asked why they were grabbing me but they wouldn't say.. A razor hit the ground next to my face I was handcuffed.. "He has a weapon" gawd I assumed this was all some fbi shiz because I spoke about psychological operations.. I guess it wasn't though..

So this person linked to me when I get back from a hospital after being drugged..
They left me 50 messages on my Facebook.. "Ouch" "wtf" "what is this burning" "tell me what happened"
I got tased sorry..

They may read this which is the messed up part..

They couldn't stand sunlight.. I remember one time I accidentally knocked off a curtain rod and the sun was right in my eyes.. Facebook explodes "ouch holy # what the f are you doing.. Make it dark!!

Yea I have no idea but this was all a path I was on. It seemed to start with me saying "God is dead"
I was psychic.. I was insanely strong.. I could smell blood from a mile away.. And I could taste that "person"
They're energy made me want to taste blood on my teeth.. Like kill things with my face.. I don't know why..

Demons seemed involved..

After around 2 weeks I ate food again.. I used the bathroom.. I missed the "dead" un feeling vampire mode I had left. The person linked said oh now you're real! I was waiting for that..

It makes me think of the matrix.. That I was in between worlds and snuck past the train man into the world again but on a slightly altered path that was leading elswhere.

So my life continued like nothing happened and all the weirdness other people saw as well.. One of the "persons" effects was to play music on computers you didn't have access to or make CDs go to song 13 say and play half and skip to song 6 and then play music you don't own.. No internet mind you. This freaked out the people around me so bad they wouldn't let me touch any of their stuff..

I was repeatedly asked what I wished for.. That I was chosen and do I want to rule the world? How would I make the world? Imagine it like a bee hive. How would you use energy? Think of the money/energy like honey.. Weird stuff but I always said I don't have wishes.. This angered them.

I don't even know if they know what I know because I'm not even sure if they are lying and manipulating or if they were being manipulated themselves.. Like demonic possession stuff.. Oh and weird initiation things that I could only call "deathless death" you know black and white, blindfold, sex, wine/blood, skulls, silver scissors, "mortal skin"

If I knew what I was trying to say here I wouldn't be rambling so bad but this is the most sense I can make of it all..

I miss that intoxicating power of that person merging with me.. Gawd it was so so so good..

Anyway part of me knows a lot of this was mind control related.. The main theme was that I was an "angel" and I was their "son" by contract.. That I had fallen. That I was Gabriel.. Haha. I told them I was a human and that pissed them off to no end. Don't ever call yourself that! I HATE humans. I waited a thousand years for you. Blah blah blah.


I shouldn't post this.
Even if it's all true it's still personal to them and me but here we go again.

ATS went super screwy.. Even phage was saying things.. Weird things, but I haven't had the heart to search the past and see if those posts are all still there. Talk of being a flying saucer or having wings.. The only way to get to Mars..

I was told I could live forever inside them..


Yea well all I can say is no one noticed I was dead if I was.. But I begged to have my soul back and it or whatever it is inside you that feels like life was poured back into me. I could feel warm and cold again. I had emotions again. When I was "dead" I was super cold icy, but I myself felt really comfortable as if the cold was warm?? Hard to describe that.

I kept being in their head and saying things they wanted to be secret but I never knew I was doing it..

whatever happened part of me avoiding it was that I lied a few times.. Saying I was alone in the house when another was their so when they linked in they had to ask me which one of the guys was me. They put names to us like "computer boy" "airplane man" lol described us perfectly. I wasn't the one building an airplane. Anyway..

It's like I met the devil or something. That I was in a twig height realm.. Like I was supposed to find this person in this other world and save them.. There were 99 ways to die (coming for you) and if you died there you would be stuck for a thousand years.

I sound so nutty lol..
It's ok though.

Can you imagine coming back to this life??
Where people are voting for trump? And everything is all so normal and plain??
From getting death threats and being watched and learning so many secrets feeling like 2 separate sides were gunning for my life as if the entire world was after me. To that person saying "run" that's when all hell really broke and the bomber and dogs and men flashlights and all that.. And that's when I wanted it all to stop. I didn't know a man could be this afraid.. Next day was cops and tasers

Was it all a dream?

"Who is protecting you"

originally posted by: Baddogma
a reply to: BigBrotherDarkness

And hey bigbrodark... glad you dropped in.

Unfortunately I haven't the time to read all of the post, darnit, for a couple hours, anyway... but wanted to acknowledge you (and the others) so as to not appear rude...

but am fascinated with the account so far. I've never heard anything exactly like that in several decades of pouring over deviant experiences... a few similar, but not 'xactly... so thank you.

Youre welcome the transition is smooth and the coping seems nice...

although Kantzveldt might want to add a Wasaka to the growing list of KPB/Hidden Hand aliases... just got hit with a response about staying in bubbles and that whole meme you cant escape nonsense so might as well lie and manipulate people in that whole social programming from and in the social sector monarch programming hogwash... it seems they enjoy trying to snatch or keep people asleep on the verge of waking up... because it endangers their agenda of control and manipulation. I cant be controlled or manipulated being confirmed as an awakened being by well confirmed awakened being with a linage longer than their bloodline of deciet one... having those bloodlines myself? Rediculous of an attempt and actually humorus... Id hope they evolve past that garbage and actually have experience instead of roting their way through rituals but anyway... it is what it is.

Happy to join the cafe and thanks for the welcome... hope you got some great rest

a reply to: Reverbs

They would ask "who is protecting you"
I answered "you are"
"No! Who is protecting you! They are hurting me!
Who is the witch? It's your ex isn't it?"

Funny I never thought about it but that popped in my head my ex did "spells"
But that person wouldn't protect me.. So yea anyway. I was secretly at another exes house using her energy to ground myself. She always had some way about her that blocked off "magic or demon" things..
She let me stay for a week.

I told her a thunderstorm was coming because me and fallen angel person were about to get into argument about me wasting their time and energy.. And of course even hail came down. Our first fight outside went from sunlight to hail and thunderstorm in like 5 seconds and they called it "Mother Nature doesn't like us being together" oh they knew the storm came without me saying it either..

I'm forgetting so many parts.
The intoxicating power.. The light wings? (Felt like butterfly wings, wavy ones? ) the blue sparks..

But I ended it all..


I don't know..
I miss it..

Now it's all so mundane.


What I said sounds like I went psychotic.. And I would have thought that except other people all saw these things taking place. My other option was it was all "fake" but it had real consequences..

I don't give any meaning to the word "reality" anymore.

I do know that I don't know anything now.
So I'm allergic to know it alls.

I'll stop here for now. And maybe not much more to tell though I have much more to say about it.

And of course this being in two worlds thing happens right after I prove references to a movie called "Jupiter rising" even though Google almost made it impossible to do.. You guys would all know it as "Jupiter ascending"

My ex with the grounding energy worked at a movie theatre so we watched every movie for free. We watched pretty much everything.. So seeing a preview for "Jupiter Rising" which would have been a better movie change to ascending.. It didn't come out when the preview said it would either.. It was a year later and no mention they changed the name and everything. Google wouldn't even change rising to ascending at the time. Like nah no clue dude..

Maybe it's not a timeline shift.. Maybe it was a copyright issue? I dunno but it's not the same movie.

And boom "hi hello" "your little world is going bye bye Dorothy"

lol


Good to finally get some of this off my chest. It's been over a year now.

I've been scared to do it.


One theory of mine was I was targeted by "controllers" of this world because I was becoming psychic.. I was learning to be more like god.. And because I posted about it online... well people saw it..

I went back into "boring real world" on purpose to not be under attack.. I'll never know who "protected" me or who was after me, or even if my enlightenment was interrupted by a fake enlightenment meant to throw me off or if it was all one thing.

Next time I ever get back into pulling my head back out of the sand I'll have already decided to risk it all.

Gawd I was taunting them.. I felt invincible. Now I know my mind is a weak point that needs some form of protection and I don't think a tin foil hat will do hahaha..

Control freaks disgust me.
I came to break it up.
And I'll be back some day again.

a reply to: Reverbs

Sounds like you were being manipulated... Im aware of the whole vampire business, heres my suggestion to keep out of their nonsense of programming, cut ties with them... and by all means remember you do not have to react to anything in this entire world. Sure you may hear sounds see sights hear voices trying to command you. But thats the trap, thats how one gets subjected then controlled.

No danger to oneself or others falls right into non reaction... no reaction who could possibly be in danger? No one and nothing but the very system of nonsense people wish to make you subject too. To be a subject means to be a slave... no one is going to validate those experiences just call you crazy, except those with an agenda and a desire to control pulls your strings and program you with nonsense.

When one reaches the state of mental quiesence... at first its a glimpse called kensho or satori bliss is usually present in this emptiness. It is the first stage of enlightenment and well thats when all this crap tries to pounce. Kundalini gets called madness because it is said to not be well understood, but thats an excuse that props up the entire psychological system... as that first glimpse is meeting the crown chakra or the devine wedding but reality crashes the party and snatches it away... but the seed is planted... of course people knowing this want to run in and set their agendas and garbage make a puppet out of you brainwash with more dogma more terms and more concepts. I know im using these terms myself but thats exactly the system and exactly what is being used against you to rob your awakening for purpose you would not choose...

So do not react, take up meditation and try to still the body, speech, and well speech of the mind as it is empty the words etc are meaningless and nonsense and simply concept unless you grab them as meaning... as the thoughts fall away and there are no more thoughts arising then the subconscious is lain bare where these abusers dwell they are there always even under the mental chatter normally covering them up... but in perfect mental quiessence where no thought arises of duality or bias? They will be heard... same thing as before do not react do not all any control... of course many gifted with clarevoyance hear this chatter under their thought stream and get called schizophrenic... its a lie, its just projections of others with you in mind that your brain can tune into like a signature.

No reaction will eventually lead to their own karma doing themselves in not all of these contacts are of a negative nature but once on their radar it will be incessant trying to get you to break... and yes you did indeed die, I had a similar death years ago, was left on the floor blue in a pile of vomit by friends that were too scared to say anything sheepishly came by the next day only to find out from roomates that hes alright was just dehydrated and sleeping now why? Yeah i found out I was dead then 2nd handed... I just recall waking up on the floor in the vomit stiffer than $hit and colder than ice in the middle of summer... roomate came in going damn dude its like a billion degrees in your room... I couldnt talk just gestured at a glass and they were kind enough to get me something to drink as I was still cold wrapped up, blood circulated again and well the two friends avoided me for nearly a week til finally dude you were f-ing dead and we freaked out didnt know what to do, one id known since I was 7 years old fully was crying and going trough the loss of his firnd of decades... only to find out nah hes alright just sleeping now...

So I emplore you to mind the company you keep as in listen to your gut, and as before non reaction theres no need to give any experience validity as it is impermanent and variable and subject to change... keep practicing and the opposite eventually ripens and reveals itself as enlightenment naturally unfolds... deeper and deeper and then bears its fruit. Those looking to manipulate or benefit themselves before then? Are doing you no favors.

a reply to: BigBrotherDarkness

Thank you.

Seriously thank you.

And I kept bad company because I wasn't listening to my gut but a bit lower ha. And I fell in love.

And I've avoided meditation for years now. I used to and one day energy shot up my spine and I turned into or had poured into me golden liquid love oil? Whatever my body chimes in on its own "hi God" that made me way more "energetic" and attracted oddness. So I stopped meditating.

I know if I meditate again I'll be attached again.

You said it as well.

But the way you said it makes me feel much better about the whole thing.

Again thanks
I can't tell you how much your post means to me.
I'm glad I finally had the balls to say it out loud.

a reply to: Reverbs

Um already attached... meditation is used to detach, you adding concepts like golden love oil and god business is adding attachment by concepts. Keep going... seriously, even if fing venus floats in front of you in a clamshell all hair blowing cause the breeze is just right and shes just right? Its an illusion that will bind you... and well once youve made it through, youll be free. I obviously avoided the whole golden love business when that perfect harmonious orb showed up that was like heaven hell I knew thats what it was...

Later? Im glad I avoided it you know why... because it was all life spinning in perfect harmony already, and I was an imperfect stone yet it was willing to accept me as I was to become a rock to wreck that gearing of perfection? Well avoiding it obviously led my ass down a rabbit hole deeper than Alice could imagine and Im glad I avoided it... as Im in the same place as if I didnt based on a few others mentioning their hey golden orb whats cooking and being seemingly happy yet still attached. Im not attached and hey just as happy, but didnt f up that perfect system with my imperfection... instead im here working trying to make this world buzz like that golden orb I didnt wreck because this world was just as imperfect as when I left it and came back to it...

of course I could dive into a bubble and ignore all of the beings mired in suffering but having been through all of that theres just overwhelming empathy having been there right along with them at one time... so trying to help them instead of myself is what i seem to be compelled to do... I honestly dont think I could stop if I wanted too.

Im glad that you had a taste of that orb but it gets better if you let it run its course by keeping going... unless of course your path feels fulfilled or in a different direction than altruism and pointing at the truth, but its likely youll only have one more life until awakening unless you allow yourself to become completely mired and build karma in a way that adds more burden and hell than what you avoided by saying hey golden stream of love wasssup...

But im glad to hear youve come out better for the experience I just hope the same doesnt happen again and remembering that as you fear doesnt become an attachment that makes you reach yet again so you can go through to the end and unbind.

I'm not scared of death. The great cosmic recycling.

I live my life making death afraid of ME.