Lost my Little Bro and my Big Sis in 24 Hours

a reply to: whyamIhere

My heart aches for you. My love and prayers are with you. Let yourself grieve, but please don't blame yourself. You did what you had to do. We cannot understand why, but it was the right time for them. And you are here because it is the right time for you. Tell them you love them, tell them you'll miss them, tell them good-bye and wish them the brightest blessings. They'll hear you.

I hope you can feel the collective hug from all of us here at ATS and it gives you comfort in the coming days.

There really are no words sir, except yours. I would love to hear about what kind of persons they were.

Medicate if you must but not if you are an addict. Family doesn't need a third loss.

Stay strong for any children of theirs

a reply to: whyamIhere

No advice. Only a longing to make you feel better somehow.

I wish you could use all the good in the world to just make it all better. I can say this, its not a punishment. its not a reward. Life is what it is.

Beyond that, we manage to share a smile, a cry, a laugh, and hug every now and again. That makes it all worth it. Even when it hurts the way it does when it all goes away.

All the good is not less. That didnt "go away". This was all always half here. The good we celebrate and then miss terribly is something WE MAKE along the way. It is that of us that is immortal. The reason you hurt. Everything you miss.....That is what and why we do it all. It does hurt but its worth it and it makes our existence "worth it" too. It makes us exist to do more than suffer all we will as mortals no matter what. MUCH MORE.

Honoring them is yet another way to do something "worth it". Remember them and all the good you miss. If it can hurt and also make you feel like it was all worth it, well then thats more real and eternal than any one person can hope to be alone. In that way we are all together in this, always, making those moments we know we will ultimately miss, and then missing those moments and still honoring them with a smile and grace reminiscent of them. Because the good isnt gone, thats in you every time all that good is in your heart./

Thats where we and they are always. We are only ever half here as mortals, but somehow we last forever in each others hearts. There is something wonderful in that.

That is what I can say.

All the love your way.
Hold it down.

Drink lots of hot green tea.

The rest of family will need you to stay strong.

Thats rough,sorry i do not have any way to make it better,loss is one of things we all have to deal with at different times,i am not sure there really is anyway of getting over it other than time itself reducing the pain...

Stay strong

a reply to: whyamIhere

Your devastating news is nearly incomprehensible and I cannot even begin to imagine your pain at this time. I unexpectedly lost one of my sons this past year and know some of what you're going through. I do not post very often on ATS, but felt compelled to join the many good, caring people here in telling you that you are cared about.

One thing that helped me was to sit down and write my son a long letter telling him things that I wished I'd of said to him in life. I went outside and burned the letter thinking that perhaps, carried on the night breeze, he received my words. It may help you to deal, even in a small way, with this unimaginable tragedy.

Thoughts and a prayer go out to you....

A.R.L. (Rubicon3)

Sorry about the loss of your siblings, can't even imagine.

Cherish the memories, they'll always be with you in them.

a reply to: whyamIhere

Grieve.

And talk. Rage. Scream. Yell.

Eventually heal, scar tissue is tough.

We'll listen.

originally posted by: whyamIhere

originally posted by: rickymouse
Sorry to hear about the death of your kin. Your sis needed to be told what happened. You guys would have had to tell her eventually and the end result would have probably been the same. I wouldn't want my relatives to not tell me if my brother had died, no matter what condition I was in.

I know in my heart I did the right thing.

It just produced the worst possible result.

Just knowing that people care speaks volumes.

It helps....Thanks to everyone.

I guess I do know why I posted this here.

You did and we do.

Echoing the sentiments of all the other posters as my deepest sympathies go out to you and the family.

I hope the thread is a continued source of healthy grieving. Best of luck.

I am very sorry for your loss. This is a terrible part of life. I have had this sort of thing happen in my family as well as observed similar but drawn out.

If you do not feel comfortable talking about it I understand. I was just curious to how it was presented as well as how you lost your brother?

a reply to: whyamIhere

Very very sorry for your losses... Stay strong, please stay strong...

I am incredibly sorry to hear this news, it's just absolutely terrible.

Let the grief come when it does and don't bottle it up. I made the mistake of drowning it with alcohol, and it set me back in a number of ways, including actually dealing with the grief.

It will eventually start to hurt less, but it won't go away, and it's going to hit you sometimes really hard. Be ready for that, someone to talk to really helps

I'd highly recommend speaking with someone. It's hard to do, but it's so nice to be able to get someone's perspective and vent with someone that's impartial. If they suggest drugs, think about taking them. Sometimes we need a push, and you've been through a tremendous amount in a very short time. I felt weak when I started seeing a therapist a bit ago, but now I realize it takes strength to ask for some help. If the first person you talk to isn't a good fit, try someone else until you feel comfortable. My understanding is that you sort of need to shop for a therapist.

Exercise and try to eat right. Exercise is far more powerful than people give it credit for and so is diet. It's so easy to get into a down spiral where you feel awful so you stop taking care of yourself, which in turns makes you feel even worse.

Some things I think could help:

-Take up a new hobby
-Do something in their honor, even if it's small
-Do something for other people like charity work
-If you're religious, turn to your faith
-Don't shut out your loved ones, if you're like me you don't want people worrying about you, but there is so much support to be found with the ones you love and they WANT to be there for you
-It sounds hippy dippy but a lot of people get a ton out of yoga, meditation or martial arts and you're never too old to start
-Try writing (it may help to share some stories about them)
-Get lots of sleep

I guess what I'm trying to say is take time to grieve, but don't forget about yourself. Keep as busy as possible and don't let this drag you under.

I'm glad you know you did the right thing. Don't question it. You did. There might be times when you feel like you didn't, but you did. You're a good person.

It must have been incredibly hard to post this. If you ever want to vent or talk please feel free to send me a U2U. I'm sure that goes for anyone else posting in this thread too. You have a very dysfunctional online family that cares about you. I know we're all rooting for you.

You take care.

a reply to: whyamIhere

I'm so sorry! Yes, your heart knows you did the right thing. This shock you've experienced must be given time, time for you to adjust as much as possible. Things will never be the same but it is possible to go on. Bless you! I add my prayers to everyone else's. Hugs!

a reply to: whyamIhere

That is horrible. My sincerest condolences.

My wife and I both buried our mothers in 2015. For her, I know that her faith sustains her and that she takes great comfort in the belief that in death, she will be reunited with her dead loved ones. I don't have that but what helped me the most in the weeks that my mother was dying and immediately after her death was being surrounded by my family.

We ate, we drank, we told stories and we cried together. My advice is to fill as much of your time as you can in the upcoming days being with your family and friends — grieve together and celebrate the lives of your brother and sister together — sharing your grief will make it easier to bear.

originally posted by: Rubicon3
a reply to: whyamIhere

Your devastating news is nearly incomprehensible and I cannot even begin to imagine your pain at this time. I unexpectedly lost one of my sons this past year and know some of what you're going through. I do not post very often on ATS, but felt compelled to join the many good, caring people here in telling you that you are cared about.

One thing that helped me was to sit down and write my son a long letter telling him things that I wished I'd of said to him in life. I went outside and burned the letter thinking that perhaps, carried on the night breeze, he received my words. It may help you to deal, even in a small way, with this unimaginable tragedy.

Thoughts and a prayer go out to you....

A.R.L. (Rubicon3)

Thank you,

a reply to: whyamIhere


Please do not second guess your decision to tell her.... you did what you felt was the right thing to do.

I know words are not much of a condolence, but you could easily spend the rest of your life regretting something that you really had no control over and that would be a terrible thing.

Stay strong and look forward.

a reply to: whyamIhere

That, and meditate.

I am so sorry to hear of your losses over recent days. It's going to suck nails through a vacuum pipe for a while, but your family need to start talking, remembering fondly, celebrating the lives lived. And crucially, they are going to have to stick together.

Heres hoping you can find peace after what you have been through, you cheered me up by taking the time and posting on my rant before the holidays to cheer a stranger up, here's hoping my simple words can help put a smile on your face.

Sorry to hear it bro, all I can say is don't dwell on the loss but celebrate the gain from simply having knowing them and having been apart of their lives.

a reply to: whyamIhere

I also would decide to tell the rest of my family, if one of us died, I wouldn't consider keeping something like that from them.
You did what any caring sibling would do.