Addiction and Withdrawal. A special kind of Demon

Hard lesson learned! Thanks!

I've been reading here for years, but created an account just to reply to this thread.

About this time last year, my closest friend was deep in the clutches of benzo addiction. She would eat bars of xanax like candy. Four or five at a time, no big deal for her. She had been prescribed them since she was 18. She's 32 now, so her tolerance was insane.

One Saturday she got really depressed, took 8 bars, and tried to slit her wrist. While her husband wrestled to get the knife from her, she tripped and hit her head. When she came to, her memory of the last 7 years was completely wiped clean. She didn't remember her husband or two daughters, didn't know how to use a smart phone, and thought bush Jr was still president. It was surreal. If i had not been around first hand to experience her go through this, I wouldn't believe it. She thought we were still 25, and she kept wanting to go back "home" to her old boyfriend and hang out with old party friends.

The fact that she didn't remember her life made her more depressed, and one night she took more xanax and her husband found her unresponsive in the front yard, with a totaled car, a wad of cash, and no memory of the previous night.

That was the night her husband forced her into rehab. (I'm not sure why the first incident wasn't bad enough for him though.)

Eventually her memory came back, but she still has black holes in her memory.

a reply to: deliriousrhapsody

Thanks for sharing your story....... It is terrifying how powerful benzos are and how drastically they effect our brain.

I still take them from time to time, but very intermittently and not too many days in a row.

So far I have been fortunate enough to completely avoid withdrawal symptoms.

I have taken too many and made really poor choices a few times though.

Someday In will quit getting them prescribed forever, but right now I just love the mental vacation they provide. Especially during this chapter of my life which I consider the worst.


Because of drug addiction my wife and I seperated......I have been basically clean , maintaining on suboxone and the occasional day or two worth of benzos, but my wife just went deeper and deeper to the point of no return really.....

There is hope.. I was just talking to her yesterday and within a week she plans on checking into treatment while my mom and Intake care of the responsibilities at her apartment......

When she gets out were going to get back together and start a new chapter of sobriety...... We both want it so bad......and our kids need us
I

On October 20th I checked into the new Detox center primarily to get off of Suboxone but also just to get help ive needed as an Alcoholic and addict for a long time.

On November third I took my last dose of sub after a very rapid taper.

I felt ok for the first three days, nothing too terrible and I was starting to think I had dodged a bullet but no way.

On the third night after my final dose I woke up to the withdrawal symptoms hitting me like a tsunami. It was horrific, I felt like I had brain damage or something and I had severe symptoms for over 20 days.

Eventually it did go away and everything started to get so much better.

My anxiety went away, my confidence and self esteem were so healthy, I no longer had resentments it was all so amazing.

Life just kept getting better and better, I got my beloved wife back.

Unfortunately we are both codependent and toxic for each other so we both slipped up the other day but we don't want to go back to that old life and wanna stay clean.

a reply to: GoShredAK

Keep fighting,

I still havnt had a drink or toke. It's been about 5 years now. I did start vaping for a little nicotine, but the booze and others have no appeal to me anymore.

One day at a time and you can get through it.

I just read the entire thread..........holy $h!t.

I'm crazy.

I was on a good one.

It's embarrassing reading my posts.

I was really deep in the insanity of addiction.

On November third of last year I took my last drug. I managed 109 days clean and sober. I can't begin to describe how happy I was, I was on fire for recovery.

I'm not sure how it happened, I just stopped working the program and it didn't take long for me to talk myself into using.

So here I am again, chemically dependant and preparing to go through the pain of de-tox and the challenge of starting over clean and sober.

originally posted by: liejunkie01
a reply to: GoShredAK

Keep fighting,

I still havnt had a drink or toke. It's been about 5 years now. I did start vaping for a little nicotine, but the booze and others have no appeal to me anymore.

One day at a time and you can get through it.

Congratulations on five years.

How did you do it?

Did you do any meetings or anything?

Today we got a prescription for some pills to aid with an at home detox. On Wednesday we go to get each of us a complete detox regimine.

We're gonna use these pills to get off the drugs one final time. Once we have successfully kicked the dope we're getting the vivitrol shot.

Things are looking hopeful and success is on the horizon.

Feeling optimistic.

a reply to: GoShredAK

Good luck 12-stepping, and thanks for sharing. It takes a lot more time to do things with brain damage. That's basically what all of us recovering alks and addicts have. And it's damn frustrating and makes you do silly things like delete a perfectly good ATS post, but don't despair! Time, 1 day/time is mostly what it takes.

Again, good luck and best wishes to you and your neuroplastic, self-regenerating neocortex.

a reply to: Namdru

Thank you today is supposed to be the last day. The plan is to run out and begin the detox.

The only thing holding me back is I need my wife to stick to the plan and do this with me.

We shall see......I'll come back tomorrow which should be the new, and God willing, final clean date.....

I want to share something I've learned in my 17 years of experience.

Many people are unaware or underestimate what withdrawal symptoms can truly be.

Certain symptoms can be experienced that cannot be compared in the slightest to the 3-5 day sickness that is accepted as standard.

There is a much darker group of addictive traps that make an average withdrawal seem like being suggled by love.

Soboxone has become available to more and more people, being touted as a wise and powerful drug that can treat heroin addiction.

Suboxone is a slippery slope. If taken daily for a substantial amount of time dependence will take a very deep hook in the opiate receptors.

Suboxone is vastly more potent than heroin, and with it's very long half life, it takes a very very long time to let go.

Suboxone withdrawal is a demon of its own. The affliction is so severe it can help someone understand the notion of suicide.

The other big one is benzodiazapenes. You'll have to do your own research to learn how quitting benzos cold turkey can be fatal

Also the the withdrawals, depending on dosage and frequency, can last up two years or more.

If doctor's are aware of this they are evil for not addressing these life or death facts with patients.

I was given xanax by a doctor who had no problem handing them out. He didn't have anything important to tell me either.

Years later I became extremely dependant Xanax and others, it was so easy to get so I took advantage.

One day I was all out of my script so I called in forna free refill. I was shocked when he said I was cut off.

Of the several doctor's I asked non of them treated cold turkey cessation as cause for concern. It's all in the patients head.

What followed for me was 20 days of living hell. Unrelenting symptoms that are so imtense and uncomfortable it can break a man's mind. Being trapped in your skin and mind with miserable discomfort that does not relent.

I have also been through the Suboxone curse.

Of course the doctor completely ommited the subject of addiction potential. Doing so he rattled out a generic sales pitch.

I was very desperate and wanted off street level. It worked but I was stupid enough to take them every day for a year.

The withdrawal maked heroin detox look more like a relaxing relaxation.

I was In mental and physical torment. The sensations were otherworldly and relentlessly attached, adding to the unspeakable discomfort.

The addict has been convinced the radical symptoms are now permanent. The claim that gets better is received as a cruel joke.

Sleep eludes you, leaving zero peace.

I felt relentless torment for over 30 days.


It's very important to do your own research so you can hopefully avoid high level suffering .

I want to share something I've learned in my 17 years of experience.

Many people are unaware or underestimate what withdrawal symptoms can truly be.

Certain symptoms can be experienced that cannot be compared in the slightest to the 3-5 day sickness that is accepted as standard.

There is a much darker group of addictive traps that make an average withdrawal seem like being suggled by love.

Soboxone has become available to more and more people, being touted as a wise and powerful drug that can treat heroin addiction.

Suboxone is a slippery slope. If taken daily for a substantial amount of time dependence will take a very deep hook in the opiate receptors.

Suboxone is vastly more potent than heroin, and with it's very long half life, it takes a very very long time to let go.

Suboxone withdrawal is a demon of its own. The affliction is so severe it can help someone understand the notion of suicide.

The other big one is benzodiazapenes. You'll have to do your own research to learn how quitting benzos cold turkey can be fatal

Also the the withdrawals, depending on dosage and frequency, can last up two years or more.

If doctor's are aware of this they are evil for not addressing these life or death facts with patients.

I was given xanax by a doctor who had no problem handing them out. He didn't have anything important to tell me either.

Years later I became extremely dependant Xanax and others, it was so easy to get so I took advantage.

One day I was all out of my script so I called in forna free refill. I was shocked when he said I was cut off.

Of the several doctor's I asked non of them treated cold turkey cessation as cause for concern. It's all in the patients head.

What followed for me was 20 days of living hell. Unrelenting symptoms that are so imtense and uncomfortable it can break a man's mind. Being trapped in your skin and mind with miserable discomfort that does not relent.

I have also been through the Suboxone curse.

Of course the doctor completely ommited the subject of addiction potential. Doing so he rattled out a generic sales pitch.

I was very desperate and wanted off street level. It worked but I was stupid enough to take them every day for a year.

The withdrawal maked heroin detox look more like a relaxing relaxation.

I was In mental and physical torment. The sensations were otherworldly and relentlessly attached, adding to the unspeakable discomfort.

The addict has been convinced the radical symptoms are now permanent. The claim that gets better is received as a cruel joke.

Sleep eludes you, leaving zero peace.

I felt relentless torment for over 30 days.


It's very important to do your own research so you can hopefully avoid high level suffering .