Addiction and Withdrawal. A special kind of Demon

originally posted by: SubTruth
a reply to: GoShredAK

Good honest post OP I really liked it.......Opiate WD are the real deal.

I appreciate the kind words, means quite a bit to me.

I get a sense of fulfillment sharing my hardships and screw ups with honesty. Especially now, I want to own them and fix them.

It's been a wild journey amd I have learned a lot. I've also become much stronger mentally. (still a long way to go tho!)

Knowing that I want to feed the good wolf and starve the bad one keeps me on the right path......

I just hope my words will help others one day....



Sorry, I had a lot more I wanted to say but we have to start moving to,our,new place ,.....,my wife is getting royally POd and is demanding I get off ATS, like yesterday....thanks again alll. I'll,be back
Later

a reply to: GoShredAK

I haven't read all the posts so forgive me if I repeat something that somebody else has said.

One 'withdrawal' of anykind should be done with the help of medical personel. I know it can be done alone, many times in some cases but you never know if the next detox will kill you.

I'd detoxed several times on my own when at 26 I did it one more time (I wasn't that bad) and almost died of the DTs and convulsions - spent three days in hostipal and months with help to feel even close to normal. Benzo's - I have friends that after five years are still struggling with side effects - I understand that some people never regain what was lots.

Don't do it alone - or with someone else who is detoxing.

Regarding your new place and I'm sure it's wonderful - but it will not change anything. Whereever you are - well there you are. It's an inside job.

Good luck.

a reply to: GoShredAK

I myself was on prescribed xanax , 4mg a day for i dont know how many years . I decided on the go it alone route . I dropped to 2mg for about 2 weeks , then 1mg for about the same , then .5mg . After that it was go one day without , the two and so on . It has been 16 months now and no ill effects that i could put a finger on , however i have noticed my ability to think out problems and retain information has greatly improved , perhaps to pre xanax levels . On a side note i still have access to it but that very fact seems to be enough to ward off any panic attacks .

a reply to: hutch622

Man I know tolerance and all but how the hell did you do two bars a day every day like that? Bars turned me into a demon. The last time I touched them my friend had a dozen or so... well until we took our first pieces of the first one... I woke up with a black eye, my friend had ... packages out of nowhere... apparently we had wrecked the car, taken the rest, demanded this guy give us some packages or else... weird stuff, man... weird stuff we were told our eyes looked like demons. Haven't touched it since.

a reply to: pl3bscheese

2mgs to someone that had not used it would most likely put them to sleep or as in your case cause them to have to have vague memories of the previous few hours , or more . I guess it would be like me having the same dose of heroin as a junkie of 10 years had , probably would not end well . That 4mg was one dose in the morning and to be honest i would not notice it , it was only after stopping it that i realised how screwed up i was . Will i ever go back to how i was , i doubt it , i do not miss it and to be honest i found that stopping was relatively easy even if it was done over quite the period of time . Did it help me , certainly . Was i abusing it , certainly but the doctor involved had no problems with the levels i was taking so it did not concern me as such .

a reply to: hutch622

I look to doctors practices 100 years ago, and think how many modern doctors would consider some of their treatment applied today as malpractice. I then look 100 years in the future to imagine that same scenario playing out identically for doctors of today.

a reply to: GoShredAK
Thank you so much for this post! You give me hope for some of the people I care a lot about.
I wish you the very best in your new life.

originally posted by: hutch622
a reply to: GoShredAK

I myself was on prescribed xanax , 4mg a day for i dont know how many years . I decided on the go it alone route . I dropped to 2mg for about 2 weeks , then 1mg for about the same , then .5mg . After that it was go one day without , the two and so on . It has been 16 months now and no ill effects that i could put a finger on , however i have noticed my ability to think out problems and retain information has greatly improved , perhaps to pre xanax levels . On a side note i still have access to it but that very fact seems to be enough to ward off any panic attacks .

That's awesome you were able to cut down Xanax on your own, that's quite a treacherous path to travel. To come out the other side having avoided the perils, is something to be proud of.

I also have tons of success using the option of a Xanax as simple peace pf mind or a placebo which I agree, easily wards off most anxiety and panic symptoms.

originally posted by: GoShredAK
I also have tons of success using the option of a Xanax as simple peace pf mind or a placebo which I agree, easily wards off most anxiety and panic symptoms.

I too have the option, except a different benzo, which I was prescribed for a long time. And a couple of times before, I even broke those pills into 4ths, and only took a single 4th per day for at most, 3 to 4 days. (Clonazepam)

The day after the last day that I had taken a 4th of a single milligram; I feel terrible. Tight face, tight neck, hard to concentrate, anxious, etc. The 2nd day without is equally bad, throughout this whole period sleep is hard to attain even with OTC sleep aids, and it is a short uncomfortable sleep. By the 4th day, it has almost gone away and I am only left with an urge to drink alcohol.


When it comes to this God forsaken #, you can't slip up, even once, without consequences .. unless you haven't been taking it that long; if so quit now, lol. Okay, I'll stop.

a reply to: [post=19620260]pl3bscheese[/post

I have some pretty deep spiritual beliefs, The other realms and the inhabitants that exist are either terrifying, beautiful, or just plane trippy.

This why am grateful you shared this bit, 

. weird stuff, man... weird stuff we were told our eyes looked like demons. Haven't touched it since

It is very easy for someone to say,and nearly impossible to debate them the possibilty that some one abusing high dosages of Xanax may act in a way that people could consider "demonic", but it's really nothing more than a intoxicated person out of control.

I personally see it a different way. I believe many drugs, Xanax being one of the most effective, cause our minds and spirits to become vulnerable and quite susceptible to demonic tampering.

Basically if I were to screw up BAD and take a bunch of xanax bars and most likely drink a moronic amount of alcohol on top of that. I will have essentially opened the door of my very soul wide open, kicked the . weird stuff, man... weird stuff we were told our eyes looked like demons. Haven't touched it sincegood Man Jesus out, and threw down a big, very noticeable welcome Matt saying "welcome any evil troublemakers! Please enjoy my home and feel free to completely f-c$ it up"!eèe

It sucks, fortunately I believe you can kick them back out and let, the good man back in. It only takes a little bit of hard work, most importantly 100% genuine remorse, with an unshakable, intention to change whatever the problem may be, and pure authentic honesty to yourself, those people who are close to you, and if it's something, you're not passionately against, the man upstairs is more than willing to meet us halfway.

I suppose the point I was attemtping share was, yes! Xanax can be demonic (rarely isnt actually).

Whether you mean that in any literal sense or not. I personally do feel like the supernatural has the potential to get involved literally.

Xanax works on GABA and basically makes us care free. As the amount in ones system reaches higher levels, the level of carelessness increases as well, exponentially. (it's somewhat like being drunk, yet without,the severe physical affects that eventually shut a person down, slightly i, said.,we can't really accurately compare Xanax to anything and do it justice.)

Thank god I never Hurt anybody besides my dumba$$ self, and never stolen from anybody besides a corporation which I'll be totally honest, I don't harbor much guilt from taking from corporations, maybe I'm wrong in that, but it is what it is. (oh btw full disclaimer, my current self is much wiser,than the guy we are talking about here. I'm older, wiser, (I like to think) and a total hardworking family man, who feels blessed to be able to say so)w

So as the benzodiazepine, Xanax being one of the fastest, most addictive and powerful calms down more and more our brain it basically becomes readily available for hijacking, an opportunity an evil . weird stuff, man... weird stuff we were told our eyes looked like demons. Haven't touched it since would be stoked to come across, and most likely try and have a heyday of ruining lives and strengthening the dependency.

This is most definitely not some cut and dry or simplistic black and white thing that can be discussed with any restrictive parameters. The spirit world, for me anyway, is nearly unfathomable. The malevolent ones can work is the most gradual, and subliminal ways, or they can get right down to business amped to be awfully cruel.

They're always there some of us are much more capable of repelling them than others (whether is protection, intimidation, Just plain lack of interest, or some other demon style thought process we are clueless about.

What I feel is for sure is that illicit hard many made drugs (examples such as narcotic pharmaceuticals, big pharmas plenitude of benzos,

though these drugs are not technically part of the same category as the typical hard drugs, still I strongly believe antidepressants such as SSRIs specifically are just as bad at least as what is generally accepted as the real bad stuff. If you ask me, I will theorize with confidence derived from personal intimate expierience. SSRIs are truly even more well designed for a unique, undetectable, yet beyond torturous demonic possession........carrying on.....heroin, crystal meth, coc aine, strange new drugs like synthetic bath salts, or spice, purposely overdosing on dextromethoraphan mixed with codeine in a sugary drink, excstacy,..........ect ect im,not too sure how many hard drugs exist these days. I have real time with only a very small modest selection of what can be found above.

It took a decent amount of years and some very rough no-nonsense, "swift kick in the butt"' types of hands on life events for me to finally learn without a doubt, that absolute sobriety, in addition to genuine physical and mental health and clarity. Is insanely valuable. Without those, we are destined to struggle...........l

Sorry ramble,over,now ,,im afraid i missed some stuff but should have been asleep some ago and this ipad has become annoyingly uncomfortable to hold ................


Good night all

a reply to: GoShredAK

Why not 7up, or chocolate pie, or walking counter-clockwise? I mean, don't you find it convenient that a mind-altering substance holds your belief in demonic possession? I sure do. Drugs are as much a means of escape as irrational beliefs.

To each their own, but I have no need for these beliefs.

originally posted by: r0xor

originally posted by: GoShredAK
I also have tons of success using the option of a Xanax as simple peace pf mind or a placebo which I agree, easily wards off most anxiety and panic symptoms.

I too have the option, except a different benzo, which I was prescribed for a long time. And a couple of times before, I even broke those pills into 4ths, and only took a single 4th per day for at most, 3 to 4 days. (Clonazepam)

The day after the last day that I had taken a 4th of a single milligram; I feel terrible. Tight face, tight neck, hard to concentrate, anxious, etc. The 2nd day without is equally bad, throughout this whole period sleep is hard to attain even with OTC sleep aids, and it is a short uncomfortable sleep. By the 4th day, it has almost gone away and I am only left with an urge to drink alcohol.

When it comes to this God forsaken #, you can't slip up, even once, without consequences .. unless you haven't been taking it that long; if so quit now, lol. Okay, I'll stop.

Oh I'll definitely have to taper. I've been on and off of many different benzos for a long time now. I'm officially done with xanax, but do still have klonopin and Valium.

Tomorrow is my day one of beginning the tapering process, and detox of everything else that needs to get out of my system. It's gonna be rough, really rough, but I know I can do it because I have before, and it does get better eventually. That moment when you realize you actually feel human again, even though your completely sober is absolutely priceless. I can't wait to feel that again.

God forsaken # indeed! Thanks for the reply wish me luck!

originally posted by: diggindirt
a reply to: GoShredAK
Thank you so much for this post! You give me hope for some of the people I care a lot about.
I wish you the very best in your new life.

Thank you for the kind wishes! That doesn't go unnoticed.

There is definitely hope for your friends! Detox and Withdrawal are very challenging and obviously the severity depends on the individual's mental fortitude, level of addiction and to what substance/s we are dealing with.

My best bits advice for your friends are to always attempt to maintain a positive outlook (even though it'll feel dang near impossible) rather than dwell on how crappy they feel, negative thoughts or worries. Remember it will get better!

Be knowledgable about tapering, and determine if it's necessary, many times a gradual tapering program is beyond important. In extreme conditions quitting "cold turkey" can be fatal.

Eat as healthy as humanly possible. (this ones huge to me), make consuming the full spectrum of vitamins and nutrients a priority, as much as one is able.

Water! Fresh pressed fruit and veggie juices, Kombucha tea, chaga root teas, ect, just hydration in general.

Even though they may not even want to move, it would behoove them to exercise to their individual ability, they can force themselves to do this and make a routine out of it. It doesn't take very long for the lack of motivation to turn into good motivation.

I've been through a few detoxes and a variety of withdrawals, I know it's nightmarish, especially if you already have an anxiety disorder. A lot of this mental, especially in the later stages, so any mental weaknesses or anxious tendencies may become magnified.

The good thing to take from that is you come out the other end with a brand new mental strength that feels awesome, it's a great feeling and will be helpful later in life.

originally posted by: pl3bscheese
a reply to: GoShredAK

Why not 7up, or chocolate pie, or walking counter-clockwise? I mean, don't you find it convenient that a mind-altering substance holds your belief in demonic possession? I sure do. Drugs are as much a means of escape as irrational beliefs.

To each their own, but I have no need for these beliefs.

Yeah sorry about that, total ramble, I just let thoughts pour out freely.

I won't delve much into that subject but just to clarify, I don't think every drug addict is demon possessed, I do however entertain the possibility that "demons" or whatever they are, use those opportunities to mess with us because we basically invited them.

I don't really even spend much time thinking about demons, I'm more into taking resposibilty for our own will power and life decisions....


(HOlY COW) we literally just had quite the earthquake as I was typing that last sentence. It started slow, then started rocking hard! We're on a second story, and just booked it towards the parking lot.....it died down before we went down the stairs but wow, that was fun......

originally posted by: GoShredAK
I won't delve much into that subject but just to clarify, I don't think every drug addict is demon possessed, I do however entertain the possibility that "demons" or whatever they are, use those opportunities to mess with us because we basically invited them.

If that's the case, they can sniff brain chem imbalances like a shark can smell blood in the water.

originally posted by: r0xor

originally posted by: GoShredAK
I won't delve much into that subject but just to clarify, I don't think every drug addict is demon possessed, I do however entertain the possibility that "demons" or whatever they are, use those opportunities to mess with us because we basically invited them.

If that's the case, they can sniff brain chem imbalances like a shark can smell blood in the water.

Ooh spooky thought, I like it. That's terrifying.

Honestly I bet what you just wrote has a lot of truth behind it.

It can work the opposite way too IMO, show your inner light, the positivity, and you're mental strength and they may not even bother.

Unfortunately I dont think that works for sharks lol, I've encountered both in my life, between the two, sharks are way more bad-A and much scarier.

Many people throughout history would agree with you on the demonic effects of various drugs. The term Demon Rum has been around as long as rum has been produced.
I have a family member who would agree with your assessment. She watched her husband go on a 20 year spiral of alcohol and legal drug abuse and swears there were times when he was demon-possessed. Dozens of times he vowed to get clean. He got sober for a total of 12 days once after going into convulsions and being hospitalized for acute alcohol poisoning. She stood by him, supported him and put him through at least half a dozen rehabs. After the last rehab he was put on a cocktail of legal drugs and sent home with a month's supply. He promptly swallowed about half of that month's supply and completely freaked out. When he refused to allow medical personnel to attend him, she attempted to leave. He grabbed a gun and shot at her. For her that was the last straw.
These days he spends his time sitting on his mother's couch watching reruns of western movies on tv. His brain seems irreparably damaged according to all who see and interact with him. It is incredibly sad. He was an wonderfully talented, witty, hard-working young man.
In his case it is hard to know whether the chemical mixtures have damaged his brain more than the multiple concussions he has in all likelihood suffered from numerous auto accidents and falls due to his intoxication.
Again, thank you for your posts. I find them very uplifting.

a reply to: GoShredAK

Tomorrow is my day one of beginning the tapering process, and detox of everything else that needs to get out of my system.

Keep us informed as to how it goes , hopefully well and withdrawal symptom free . It can be done as i wrote previously about my trip back to being clean . I hate to be that person but i found it relatively easy but to be honest it was probably 2 months so it was a long slow taper . The thing that i think helped the most was the fact that i did not need to stop , i desperately wanted to stop . Failure was not an option it really wasn't . I needed to be clear headed again , not a stoner dude . Good luck with this , i really mean that . A little hint , i had xanax on me 24/7 until i eventually got to about 2 weeks free , just in case i felt i was starting to feel a little weird . PM me if things are going a little badly during your trip to being benzo free . benzos

originally posted by: hutch622
a reply to: GoShredAK

Tomorrow is my day one of beginning the tapering process, and detox of everything else that needs to get out of my system.

Keep us informed as to how it goes , hopefully well and withdrawal symptom free . It can be done as i wrote previously about my trip back to being clean . I hate to be that person but i found it relatively easy but to be honest it was probably 2 months so it was a long slow taper . The thing that i think helped the most was the fact that i did not need to stop , i desperately wanted to stop . Failure was not an option it really wasn't . I needed to be clear headed again , not a stoner dude . Good luck with this , i really mean that . A little hint , i had xanax on me 24/7 until i eventually got to about 2 weeks free , just in case i felt i was starting to feel a little weird . PM me if things are going a little badly during your trip to being benzo free .

benzos

Good morning, and thanks for the kind reply!

Here we go day one I'll certainly do my best to keep the updates coming. Fortunately I have enough benzos for the taper.

I'm optimistic, my situation sounds just like yours. I want it badly for myself, and failure is very much not am option. I also need to be clear headed and of a clean system. My new choice of carreer requires this.

I'm just plain tired of the whole thing anyway, I'm ready positive change like beyond ready..........

Anyway thanks again....

Off to work I go

originally posted by: GoShredAK
I'm optimistic, my situation sounds just like yours. I want it badly for myself, and failure is very much not am option. I also need to be clear headed and of a clean system. My new choice of carreer requires this.

You know .. admittedly, I drink a little more than I'd like to, and blaming it on the previous benzo use was also a cop out in its own way. I will use your situation as inspiration to kindle some determination for me to slowly bring about the emancipation of my mind to better utilize my recreational time. Whew.