A daughter has lost faith in her dad............I thought I knew what pain was

reply to post by graceunderpressure

I remember being a 17-year-old young lady who took out all her teen angst on her father. He died very suddenly and quite young, some years later. What I wouldn't give to tell him that I'm sorry and make it up every day! This too shall pass.

Trust me on this as a father, even an estranged one. He knows you love him as I know Lianne loves me deep down, that love will shine through. For us as it always did for your dad.

Prodigal son

reply to post by littled16

it is a test for you to prove your love and devotion to her despite her negativity toward you. It is all part of the process. You will do well friend, just hang in there!

Littled my dear friend, I trust you implicitly and when you say jump I ask how high, and for how long ?

I can't really put it better than that.

Now where's my sodding fried chicken recipe

Cody

reply to post by cody599


Hubs just went back to work this morning dear and I'm still waiting for delivery of the rolloff box. Once it gets here and I get it loaded I will start working on how best to describe my fried chicken recipe that isn't a recipe. This will require much thought....

Is there an official measuring system for "until it looks right" ?

reply to post by littled16


Ummmmmmmmmmmmm
Photo's or it didn't happen ?

Love the avvy by the way.

Cody

reply to post by cody599


By the way Cody, glad to see you feeling better...

Since you are... I wanted to invite you to the newest "end of the world" party... except this end of the world is from the Vikings... so we decided to have a Viking style end of the world party complete with Viking food and Viking Helmets (made of tin foil of course) and for the more daring ATS'ers... mead...

YEA! for another end of the world date! Apparently the Vikings have a end of the world horn and someone blew it... so in 100 days from the blowing of said horn... (which will be Feb. 22, 2014) the end of the world gets to happen again!

lol.... www.abovetopsecret.com...

You know... we are the only ones who will get to tell our grandchildren how many times we lived through the end of the world! hahaha

reply to post by sled735


I'm back.....................
And with a wicked sun tan



Cody

reply to post by cody599


hey buddy,

hang in there. I had to when I lost my 2 daughters due to lies, manipulation and the sheer lack of action of spineless lawyers .. however, yes, I wept myself to sleep over the course of a year and at times screamed so loud it made the devil shutter and scurry back to his pathetic little corner of his and perhaps made my savior stand from his throne…

However...

The truth will win, but it may take time.

Breathe. You must breath for THEM Cody. If not for yourself!! Take care of yourself for THEM, for one day soon, they will need you and it will be your voice they miss the most.

They have to listen to both sides of the story as well, and decide for themselves who was really telling the truth and who was in it for the money if money was the issue and even still, regardless what happened, they WILL seek out the truth for themselves.

I was always there for them even though the state attempted to paint me as a dead beat dad, I fought for them financially and in the courts; I didn't give them, my ex, the lawyers OR the state an excuse to toss me aside like the rest of the world with it’s broken toys.

I picked up the phone every time they called which was ....twice a year perhaps. or less.

* Holding your face in my hands to force you to look in my eyes *...

Your Character is all you have, period~!

There is nothing else you have that is more precious to make a statement to your teenagers at this point, interesting enough… it's the only thing they look at over the years when they think about you.

It will not be your finances, your job or you political position, but your character of who you are to THEM.

TRUST me when I say this. They WILL seek the truth in the matter, because the love compels them to, it's a nagging spike in the teenage head to search to know ..."what is up"

When they start to putting the pieces of the puzzle together, and start asking questions, interesting how the truth will show itself, should there be any shadow of lies mixed in with the truth and they see that.. GOD help that person that lied to them about their Dad, because hell has NO furry than a teenage daughter/son that was lied to about the Dad to get them to side with the lie, whatever the reason!

You will show them, your ex, your ex’s bf/lover/husband, the courts and the world that YOU are their Dad! YOU are NOT just a somebody with kids; you ARE and always WILL be a Dad…and an excellent one.

They are still growing up, they will have to make very adult decisions soon and one of them is forgiveness and what love really means to them.

DO NOT FALTER!! Be the light for the world that you ARE a great and awesome DAD and you will not be throw out with the other broken dads of the world from the hands of the dogs that portray you as a deadbeat!

Deep inside Cody, they miss you, they miss you like nothing inside will satisfy, not $$$, not bf, not sex, not even chocolate.. And when they realize nothing in this world will satisfy this..’craving’..

Their will be a great reunion~!!!!!!

They will search you out & pay whatever the price it is to see you. I know this. My daughters did the same with me. I never faltered, never once in paying my support, even when at times seemed to be over the top. Trust you instincts and follow them.

Moral of this story, I got my daughters back 3 years ago, lots of tears of sorrow of loss over the years but, even still, also joy of happiness and one lives 20 mins away. *tears* as so it goes, justice for me…was still served.

sled735

L
O
V
E

IT ~!!!!!!!! LOL

reply to post by Komodo


Wow
I mean really just wow, thank you so much Komodo.

The hairs on the back of my neck are standing up after reading that.

Rest assured your advice is well heeded, I SHALL NOT FALTER.

Cody

reply to post by cody599



You need to keep a calm cool head, on the outside. Cry your tears in private, ride the emotional roller-coaster in private, but never show that side to an emotional child/teen, because it only make the situation worse.

Act like the ideal father figure your daughter would need and want ( not phony, but with conviction and strength), when she gets a bit older, mature, and has the wisdom of life and her own family she will see the real truth, and appreciate what you did.

I understand the pains you are going through and speak from experience.

The only true gift we can give to each other in this life is our time, even money will soon be forgotten but does help.

If you want to help your daughter tell her to call you, let her vent, say nothing until she is done, don't judge her on anything she says because all she will be looking for is to vent. Send her a cell phone whatever it takes, but get her to call you.

Emails are ok, but there is nothing like hearing your loved one on the phone, or venting on the phone.

When she is done venting the little girl you once knew will start to shine again, at that point it's time to reconnect and get close again.

In simple terms just be there, listen, listen, and listen.

The way to a man's heart is his stomach.

The way to a women's heart is to truly listen to her.

Everything will work out.

Peace,

RT

No way, trust me, don't beat yourself up at all. Kids that age are so irrational, so unpredictable, so immature, naive and stupid that you can't take anything they say seriously. One day they want to be an astronaught, the next day a gymnist. One day your'e hitler to them, the next mother terrisa. Like come on get real. When I was that age I got made and told my dad to go F himself, even though he was an awsome dad!. This stuff happens all the time, so to take it to heart is really dumb. They say things they don't mean, they do thigns they don't mean, like it goes with the age. My sister took off and she wasn't that much older than your daughter, again for no good reason. Basically told everyone she wants nothing to do with family what so ever, even though we love her and supported her so much. Like at that age it's just endless BS and drama, that to take any of it seriously is stupid. All it is is just one growing phase after another. They're so irrational. So don't take any of it to heart okay, relax, give it a week or two and she'll be saying sorry I'm sure. That and she has a lot of growing up to do, as she obviously doesn't know what being responsible is yet. I seriously wouldn't worry about it. Kids that age are so naive they say anything. Like you're the dad, they owe you respect and graditude, and it's not your job to jump and panic just because they got pms. Like come on, they owe you respect, and if they don't give you respect and love they have a lot of growing up to do. So trust me stop jumping everytime they have an issue. It's not your job to rescue them everytime they get themselves into trouble. They ahve to learn to be responsible and not put all there drama and emotional baggage on your shoulders. Where's the respect you deserve, that's not right. So I wouldn't beat yourself up about it, it's just pms anyway.

reply to post by Realtruth


Thanks Rt

I'm not giving up on her, she has her first boyfriend for support at the moment, and the old man is kind of surplus to requirements.

I'll still be here for her first heartbreak.

Cody

reply to post by spartacus699


spartacus

Straight to the point as ever. I love your brutal form of honesty, it was a real shock to read the letter she wrote and the reasons for not wanting me in her life.

A well thought out letter with some very valid points that made me stop and question myself.
However I have done my best and will continue to do so.

Failure is not an option

Cody

Cody,

I read your posts and immediately started typing...... I did not read anyone comments so if I am repeating someone else forgive me.

My mother left when I was two and half and my father raised me and my little sister. When I turned 30 years old my mother called to wish me happy birthday and I told her to go to hell, never to contact me again and I hung up the phone. Why did I do this? Not once did she contact me or my little sister as a child, teenager or as a adult. Why did she contact me after 28 years later? I assume guilt caught up with her. Why did I act so harsh to my biological mother? Because all those years I felt abandoned; I felt she no longer loved me. As time went on my heart hardened and I started to hate her. It was clear to me if she loved me she would have frequently called to see how I was doing, maybe write me a letter, or send Christmas gifts or a birthday card but that never happened. Now I am over fifty years old and I have forgiven her but I still do not love her. I don't know who she is other than she gave birth to me.

Is it my fault my mother abandoned me? Of course not. You mentioned you have not seen her in ten years. That means since she was 7 years old.

My advice - If you don't want to lose your daughter - Take some leave from your job, get on a plane or in your car and go visit your daughter. It will not be easy and you will have to be VERY paitent with her. Her feelings are hurt. She might feel that you have abandoned her? You must make the first move. Do not send a check. Give her the money personally. Take her out go shopping with her, go out to eat, go to the movies with her etc.... Show her that you care. Skype with her, write her emails, etc.... she will come around but don't expect it to be easy. It is not too late.

Good luck and I hope you can work this out with your daughter.

You said you have not seen her in 10 years? That would mean you have not seen her since she was 7 correct? So I gotta ask was it her and her mother that moved away so far "assuming other side of the world" or was it you that left? I guess the reason why I'm asking is if you left and the fact that you never took a train or flight yo see her once sends a message and that is you don't care enough to be in her life or see her. Now if it was her mother that moved away it still does not make you look any better. And because of that I feel no pity for you, and I've been in a similar boat. My 15 yo daughter is at that stage where they lash out at her dad because he's not with her mother ect. We had a falling out and reconciled this year ( me and my daughter) However when she moved away for a few years I drove hundreds of miles to see her. I can't imagine going 10 years absent from visitation. So I find myself wondering what kind of father cares yet won't see his own child for a whole decade? If I were her you would not be my father in my eyes but a sperm donor. You missed watching her grow up in to a young lady. You will never get those years back ya know. I'm not here to give you a hard time but I can't fathom as to how you can tell us you care and that a check even matters now? Maybe you feel like crap because you failed to be a father , and you should. I would be ashamed if it were me . She is not something you can just put on a shelf and forget about at your convenience for later. You have not been a father if you have had all the time and chances to see her. It's not like you have been locked up in prison for a decade. You had more important things to spend your time with and or other people. Bottom line is you did not bond with your daughter. You are almost some stranger to her I'd imagine. Like a relative you vaguely remember as a kid. She was seven when she knew you. I can't barely remember anything at seven and I'd be surprised if she remembered what you look like , dude seriously you messed up big time. Don't know if you can or will ever fix it but a man does more than provide. It's now or never. Better take that flight ASAP it's worth a try. You owe it to her now go to her. Good luck.

reply to post by Fraudfinder


Hi Fraudfinder
Thanks for your reply,I did explain earlier that getting on a plane and going to visit isn't an option unfortunately, otherwise I would already be there.

I'm a patient guy, and I will see this through to a happy conclusion, as I said before failure isn't an option, I trust my daughter to seek the truth, and at the end of all she will see me waiting there with open arms, and nothing but love in my heart.

Cody

cody599
reply to post by Fraudfinder

 

Hi Fraudfinder
Thanks for your reply,I did explain earlier that getting on a plane and going to visit isn't an option unfortunately, otherwise I would already be there.

I'm a patient guy, and I will see this through to a happy conclusion, as I said before failure isn't an option, I trust my daughter to seek the truth, and at the end of all she will see me waiting there with open arms, and nothing but love in my heart.

Cody

. How is it not an option? In 10 years was it never an option or is it just right now? I fail to understand why you are taking the high road out of this? If it were me no job would come before being in my daughters life , there is NO excuse. So either she's right and you don't care or you are just a coward? I mean speaking from her perspective of course

reply to post by DarthFazer


I appreciate your input and very much see your point
It isn't an option to fly out to see her because as soon as I
land I will be arrested, call it a present from my ex wife.

Every time finances have allowed I've offered to pay
for flights, but her mother has forbidden her to come

Sperm donor ?
The last time I heard that was from my ex wife. It still hurts
to this day. But the truth is the truth.

It doesn't however lessen my love for my daughter

Cody

cody599
reply to post by intrepid

 

It's not that simple
She lives in Israel and I live in England, her mother's lawyers have made sure that if I step foot in Israel again I will be arrested.

I've invited her to come to England but she chooses not to.

I'm going to just have to ride this out and trust my gut that all will come right with time.

oh I see then disregard my last post. Ok so there are legalities and ... I'm assuming you have warrants in Israel ? And her mom is making it impossible to see her... Wow that's just wrong. We'll I gotta ask what did you do to get you in this mess? Sounds like you moved away to the uk then. Hmm I guess maybe whatever you did in Israel is something you must evaluate and consider dealing with in order to take the steps to see her? I don't know, I don't have an answer . And she's not willing to come to you. It's a tough situation all around. Sounds like her mother turned her against you .... This sorta thing happens all the time. By her own doing she is to blame by denying her daughter her born rite to know her father. I hate people like that