On Choosing Your Sexuality

reply to post by LoneGunMan


I don't believe I would call that homosexuality. I believe I would instead call that psychological trauma.

You are not attracted to men, other than to relive your torment....that is not homosexual.

bigfatfurrytexan
reply to post by LoneGunMan

 

I don't believe I would call that homosexuality. I believe I would instead call that psychological trauma.

You are not attracted to men, other than to relive your torment....that is not homosexual.

edit on 6-10-2013 by bigfatfurrytexan because: (no reason given)

Exactly. Like a woman who had a physically/sexually abusive father who then seeks out future partners with the same abusive behavior. Is she genuinely attracted to men who beat and rape her or is she just reliving childhood experiences of trauma?

I wasn't abused and my "becoming gay moment" consisted of feeling butterflies and being shy around my crush. You know...the way most youngsters feel toward their first crush. There was no choice involved, it just was.

What else should I be?
All apologies
What else could I say?
Everyone is gay

reply to post by LoneGunMan


Your post made me feel rage. Had to step away and figure what to say! LOL! Not rage AT you... but for the little you years ago.
.. life DOES suck and so many times no one is there to protect. Your marriage break up adds insult to injury.. and Im sorry to hear it. To me, I dont believe your case is the "born with it" issue. We are complex beings and youre so right to remind us that we may want to truly seek out in others why they do things IF we care for them. Many times our actions hide deeper scars.. and honestly I forget that much of the time. The problem is that when we talk about sexuality or identity... its mainly to give OUR OWN point of view and not learn or come to understand. Lord knows I do that constantly.. and then there comes a post like yours. Im afraid in these discussions many of us arent looking to understand those we care for.. but to bolster our already made up minds and find agreement among others. Youve pointed out a VERY important issue... trauma based behaviors or behavioral compulsions. I wish I knew the right thing to say... or a way to help. I dont. Just know that you openly telling of such a terrible thing helps some of us broaden our view.. and maybe understand someone else we may happen to enounter. Maybe have a little more gentleness and kindness.
Im older and there isnt a day that goes by that I havent learned something. This day.. I learned that some of the most fragile folks can send one hell of a powerful message.

reply to post by bigfatfurrytexan



What if the homosexuals would have a certain amount of oestrogen inside their system, higher than the average does so that he becomes more attracted to a male?

What about the magnetism (We are all living magnets), a homosexual could have the same magnetism as a women does so he becomes attracted to men.

I tend to believe homosexuality could be something one is born with, but not for the reasons which have been stated from now on into science mainstream. If any studies would be made on the topic to see if there any differences in hormonal amounts between a homosexual and heterosexual, it would be interesting.

My guess is that there might be something biologic causing this which then brings the psychologic aspect of it and not the opposite. Of course I have no proofs nor sources to back this up nor do I have anything against homosexuals, but I am sure be you reader of any sexual attraction, you perfectly understand what I am saying here.




Thruthseek3r

Well I agree on most of the OP. I'm gay and I tried to be straight until I was about 14. At that point, I was trying desperately to "choose" to be. I did NOT want to be gay. I even instilled a program in myself where when I whacked off, that I would only think about females, hoping the eventually the association would stick. A year later, I was nowhere!

I might have ended up being one of those guys who marries a woman anyway just to deny it. I WOULD have but same here: I was physically incapable of performing with a woman. When I was 13/14 a girl, good looking tried to seduce me and I wanted to have it work, but I just couldn't do it. So I always look at those guys who DID get married to women with awe, like HOW did they do that? I guess their willingness to deny was greater than mine? I don't know.

I will say that there is no proof anyone is born gay. I think by the time you notice it, it has already happened, so no it wasn't a choice. But I think anyone could have been gay and anyone could have been straight. And in fact, I believe that either one, heterosexuality or homosexuality, are an extreme exaggeration of natural attributes. Within our present society, either is fine. But in the grand scheme of things, being either one to exclusion is something foisted upon us by the way society functions.

reply to post by thebtheb


Like i said....some prefer only 1, most prefer both. Just to varying degrees. The really angry homophobes seem to be part of that group that battles their own homosexual urges. It is why they belive you can choose to be gay, since they have made their own choice.

reply to post by Retikx


I do know many current women who choose women now, were heterosexual. I think many men know it straight away as they grow up in a male dominated world. Forgive me fellows, but a man has a very strong presence. So young males know much sooner their choice in partners. They realize early that they don't share their male counterparts' tastes. I believe people are born sexual beings and for some it happens to be with partners of the same gender. I also believe those who enjoy both genders are no different then those who enjoy the opposite gender. Sex isn't about gender, it's really about pleasure.

I went through a phase when a young adult when I lived in jeans and army jacket and got a short haircut, and other women came on to me like crazy during that era. I wasn't repulsed, I was just disinterested and slightly amused. I think women are beautifully sensual -- I love fantasy art for example (like Michael Parkes and Luis Royo) -- but not sexual to me, I mean I don't even "get" how it would attract me. I'm sure in the same way that gay people don't "get" why the opposite sex doesn't attract them.

Pretty sure sexuality of any kind is just something one has or doesn't, and even if it were environmental the fact is it's still usually happening either a) at too young an age to control or b) in events one can't control, so it still would end up being something that simply 'was' -- and so what?

It simply astounds me that anybody really cares what someone else does with their personal life. What has to be wrong with a person to be so hung up on "what someone, somewhere, might be doing?" I agree with you OP that it's basically denial of homosexual urges that makes people 'homophobic' to begin with.

I have a cousin who was a manly-man, gorgeous as hell, tough army guy, total manwhore all his life -- like his cretin of a father. And then around age 40 he ended up in a relationship with a man, but for the first time I felt like I understood him: he'd reached an age where he needed to have a meaningful relationship with someone he respected, and he'd been raised to despise women -- he couldn't have that with them. I thought it was awesome that genuine love was the catalyst for him finally seeming to be happy for the first time in his whole life. Maybe that was not a born-that-way situation (who knows) but so what? Everyone deserves to be happy.

If only the worst problems in our world were things like "people loving each other."

Being born a certain color, or a sexual preference is no excuse. We all get the choice, whether you believe you did or not, you made it already.

Glad I picked white heterosexual male born in America to loving parents and middle class family. Surprised so many others didn't.

We've all tried that at one point or another. It gets boring taking the easy route after a while

My experience as an androphilic bigender/mtf (a guy who likes to be a girl and likes mainly guys) has been quite interesting and fun and I can clearly see why I would choose this, as well as having chosen a not-so-stable set of parents with a lower-middle class income.

Being more average doesn't make you better, it just makes you...more average.

thruthseek3r
reply to post by bigfatfurrytexan

 

What if the homosexuals would have a certain amount of oestrogen inside their system, higher than the average does so that he becomes more attracted to a male?

I don't think it has much to do with estrogen levels, per se. I know of heterosexual guys who have high estrogen and are quite feminine metrosexual types.

I'm trans (bigender specifically) and like guys and I know I don't have greater-than-average levels of estrogen in my system, unless I decide to undergo hormone therapy.

I've heard that studies show that high levels of stress during pregnancy can have a feminizing effect on the baby, this could possibly be a factor in making gay, trans and intersex people.

What about the magnetism (We are all living magnets), a homosexual could have the same magnetism as a women does so he becomes attracted to men.

Interesting idea, I might like to see a study on possible correlation between biomagnetism and sexual orientation.

I only wish to comment on a certain area of this as I do not want to derail this thread. Texan, kudos on the wording and understanding stance in this thread. This is my 2 cents for this thread:
I am not going to debate born vs choice. We've done that to death. I just want to address a few things. First of all like you Texan I am repulsed by the thought of being with another man. That is me and how I feel. I say that because someone made reference to knowing they were gay since a very young child because they only played with girls and could not relate to boys. Then another insists we are all gay to an extent. I have always hung out with girls and not guys so much. As a child I was not into sports and didn't play with guns and stuff. I preferred female company because of that, however I didn't care for playing with girl toys either. Even as a grown man I have one best friend and he is a man whom I love as a brother but the majority of the people I talk with or socialize with are women. Most Modern men have a warped sense of what a man is. The sense that a man is defined by the sports he played in HS or the sports he watches on tv, the amount of alcohol he has consumed, and how many women he has slept with. Well, I believe a man is defined by how he handles his responsibilities, how he treats his family, and the company he keeps. I do not watch sports, I cannot stand the taste of alcohol of any kind, and my wife is my world. I am a big rock hound. I have a huge rock, mineral, and fossil collection, I collect comic books, I have a tattoo of Green Lantern's Lantern. Therefor I don't exactly fit in with most men. At family get togethers the men generally stay outside and drink beer and discuss nascar and football and I stay inside with the women and kids. No one typically wants to talk with me about rocks or comic books. I do love to fish more than anything but even that is not enough to keep a conversation going between myself and most other men. I am saying all of this to get to this point: I am not gay, have never been gay, nor do I have suppressed gay urges. I am not gay on any level. Whatever reason someone is gay for, be it genetics, environment, experiences, I would say that the whole "I've known I was gay since a young child because I was different and preferred playing with girls" is not a valid indicator.

reply to post by Christian Voice


The "i played with girls" is an understatment/misstatement. It is hard for them to explain in the same way it is hard for you and I to explain how we knew we preferred the ladies....you just kinda love who you love.

I am more comfortable with women. There is less competition as there are no alpha males in a group of females. When I am around the inlaws, I used to hang with the women of the family. Now....me and the youngest boy hang out everywhere we go (my wife said once: you two act like no one else in the world matters).

I agree whole heartedly with you assessment of being a man. 20 years married for me to the hottest little latina on the planet, and I couldn't imagine it being any other way. The only other thing i would add is that a man accepts no excuses for failure, and takes full responsibility for what they do or do not do.

Good post. Thansk for sharing.

The whole "its a choice" is pretty studoid arguement.

I did not "choose" to like girls, i just liked them when i hit puberty age(12?).

Before puberty, girls carried cooties and were "ewww", after they looked "soft" and something that needs to be "held".

Even tho i can;t understand, im sure Homosexuality is the same way, the brain produces different hormones at the level of puberty(or maybe before), that makes people attracted to a certain sex.

im 100% against parents giving hormones or forcing a lifestyle on someone who is still very young(before 16yrs old).

My opinion;

Homosexuality/heterosexuality = difference in hormones that decided who and what we like, which is naturally occurs(either at birth or puberty, which i'm really interested in knowing).

Serial Killers = most like predisposed but also environmental(family, social etc)

Child Molesters = 99% sure its pure traumatic effect as a child.

Homophobics - Most likely either social engineering or sexually regressed.

Good thread, Dude. Very eloquent statement and I note that the trolls are pretty much staying under their rocks. I agree that those who push the concept of Gay as choice can only do so because they, themselves, are capable of that choice. I would also note that those seeking a benchmark for 'normalcy' regard their own degree of attraction towards the same sex as 'normal', so 'abnormal' is generated in those terms. Plus, that homophobia appears to be an expression of inner turmoil over suppressing that choice. For others...either way...there is no choice, and so be it.

One thing I would gently suggest is that while some may blame their sexual expression on childhood abuse...it is not inconceivable that the abuse did not cause homosexual urges, but that they would have emerged in some form anyway. Essentially, that being gay and being abused as a child are not mutually exclusive.

All in all, it's nice to see folks talk about the ordinariness of homosexuality for a change.

reply to post by JohnnyCanuck


Umm, it's rather absurd to suggest that someone that is anti gay and believes that homosexuality is a choice is holding in suppressed homosexual urges. I assure you that I have no suppressed urges. If that helps you sleep better at night then whatever. Just when I thought I found a thread about this topic that could be civil. SMDH....

Christian Voice
reply to post by JohnnyCanuck

 

Umm, it's rather absurd to suggest that someone that is anti gay and believes that homosexuality is a choice is holding in suppressed homosexual urges. I assure you that I have no suppressed urges. If that helps you sleep better at night then whatever. Just when I thought I found a thread about this topic that could be civil. SMDH....

Sorry that you find the suggestion to be uncivil. It is strongly suggested as a reason for the irrational hatred that accompanies much homophobia. But as any anthropologist/sociologist will tell you, there are no absolutes. Happy Trails.

Christian Voice
reply to post by JohnnyCanuck

 

Umm, it's rather absurd to suggest that someone that is anti gay and believes that homosexuality is a choice is holding in suppressed homosexual urges. I assure you that I have no suppressed urges. If that helps you sleep better at night then whatever. Just when I thought I found a thread about this topic that could be civil. SMDH....

That is the premise of my OP, however.

We all know what we experience. That knowledge is what imposes itself as "context" when viewing the outside world. For example, a man who is a "dog" will assume all other men are 'dogs" too. Enough folks are that way that it seems like "all men are dogs", despite that not being true (i believe you have mentioned how important your wife is to you....you are obviously not the philandering type, same as me).

Judgement on others is passed typically on your own experience. If you are a pothead, you will think, "Hey, its only pot". While others who do not partake will have a different viewpoint.

Its all about context. And there are no absolutes. However, when looking at the phenomenon, there is no other logical reason that I have heard that would have a person assert that homosexuality is a choice. Most people would typically say, "I don't know"....because they don't. They aren't gay. But you would expect that, typically, the person who most fervently demands that homosexuality is a choice would make such a demand because of their own personal context. Otherwise, what makes them so sure? Especially when gay people tell them ad nauseum that it was not a choice?

It is akin to a man making proclamations about childbirth, despite several women telling them they are wrong.

reply to post by bigfatfurrytexan


OK, so let me get this straight. You guys are saying that there are 4 types of people on this planet, the homosexual which according to you is completely natural and good, the heterosexual who could care less what anyone else does, the bisexual who has no preference really who or what they sleep with, and the heterosexual that is anti gay because he is a suppressed homosexual himself ? Is that summing it up right ?
From what I'm gathering from you guys, the only way possible for someone to be anti gay and think homosexuality is wrong is if he himself is suppressing homosexual urges and hates himself ? Please correct me if I'm reading this wrong.

Christian Voice
reply to post by bigfatfurrytexan

 

OK, so let me get this straight. You guys are saying that there are 4 types of people on this planet, the homosexual which according to you is completely natural and good, the heterosexual who could care less what anyone else does, the bisexual who has no preference really who or what they sleep with, and the heterosexual that is anti gay because he is a suppressed homosexual himself ? Is that summing it up right ?
From what I'm gathering from you guys, the only way possible for someone to be anti gay and think homosexuality is wrong is if he himself is suppressing homosexual urges and hates himself ? Please correct me if I'm reading this wrong.

I cannot speak for others. HOwever, i think that if you believe one can choose homosexuality, then you may have that belief due to your own experiences of being able to make a choice.

I would further say that if you believe people do not have a choice, then the argument for immorality is moot. You cannot be immoral acting in the way God intended you. But that is another discussion entirely.

Perhaps it is more like, in this regard, there are 3 "groups": the homosexual (maybe 10%), the hetero (maybe 10%), and everyone else with varying degrees of each homo and hetero feelings. Of course, I am making up numbers here and whatnot, hopefully to be more clear.

So yes...perhaps I am saying that more often than not, someone who believes homosexuality to be a choice AND to be morally wrong, may be more likley to have their own homosexual feelings.

Otherwise consider this: you tell a group of women what childbirth is like. They adamantly refuse what you tell them, saying it is untrue. What context do you have to argue with them? If you have had a child, then you can argue. But being a man....that likely hasn't happened.

Same here: with a group of gay folks, if you are repeatedly told that it is not a choice, but adamantly insist it is....where are you getting that context to know better than those who have worn those shoes?