5 myths about polyamory debunked

reply to post by Phoenix267

What do I think?

I think we got a lot of people dudes and dudettes though what seem mostly females who term these sort of questions when we all know what they intend to do, and what they all go on about doing. Really op, I mean its kind of obvious, just get it over with already. Your thread though phrased a bit more straight forward would mirror many other threads were ultimately the same question was asked thought albeit in a more wayward fashions.

So ya, if its your thing go on ahead and do it, the paths will like magic open up for you, in fact it would not be all that hard either so you know, do as though wilt I suppose. At the very least your at least straight forward about things which is more then I can say for a lot of people, some deceptively so. But you know, whatever! its not my thing. But there are many other dudes out there who would be on it in a second.

You live and learn I suppose, either way there will be work involved. And so! carry on.

reply to post by Phoenix267


I've always felt that polyamory is the preview of a group marriage culture that will emerge. I think it could work. If it weren't so much of a social taboo, it would be fairly common.

Family structure 50 years from now will probably include groups like this.

Originally posted by tothetenthpower
reply to post by Night Star

 

I just keep thinking where would my self esteem be if my partner needed someone else besides me?

See that's where my relationship works for me.

I'm a classic bisexual. I'm married to man, but I also very much enjoy the company of women.

Now my husband, simply can't, physically help me with those issues. So that's why we have the relationship we do. Now that doesn't mean I just go out and find women to sleep with every week or month, or even every year.

But I have the option if the opportunity and circumstances arise. Simply having that freedom, has created a lot of mental stability.

~Tenth

You reminded me of one of my girlfriends who was married to a bisexual man but he never told her. They were like the perfect couple, did everything together went everywhere together and were also best friends. When she found out, she left him and it was just heart wrenching. They would both call me up and ask to please check on the other. Very sad situation for them. Glad that things worked out so well for you.

reply to post by Cuervo


The idea of family is changing and I hope for the better. Now this doesn't mean I hate regular heterosexual monogamy couples. It's just that I have each family can be successful regardless of their definition.

Originally posted by Phoenix267
reply to post by Cuervo

 

The idea of family is changing and I hope for the better. Now this doesn't mean I hate regular heterosexual monogamy couples. It's just that I have each family can be successful regardless of their definition.

My wife and I decided that our marriage is defined only by us. If something makes us want to change our dynamic, we have no dogma to stop us.

As for you, thanks for pioneering that brave new world. I do see a place for it, for sure.

reply to post by galadofwarthethird


Yes, every relationship requires work and trust. Thanks for the comment.
Second line needed.

All RIGHT !!!! Thank you very much. I've just won a dollar in a bet with my Mom. Woo-hoo!!

She thought that after Gay marriage, we were going to legitimize relations with minors. After all, she figured, the American Psychiatric Association has a working group on removing Minor Attraction from the "Disorder" category, just as they did with Gays in 1973. She also pointed to Honey Boo-boo, and the demand for Gay leaders in the Boy Scouts.

But I knew better. Sister Wives and a growing toleration for adultery did it for me. Wheee! I'm a dollar richer.

I've seen stories about women marrying a dolphin and another marrying a cat, so that's where I'm going to put my bet for the next acceptable relationship. I think my mom will pick incest.

Let the games begin.

reply to post by charles1952


What are you talking about? This is a thread about polyamory. How does any of that have to deal with polyamory?

Originally posted by Cuervo
reply to post by Phoenix267

 

I've always felt that polyamory is the preview of a group marriage culture that will emerge. I think it could work. If it weren't so much of a social taboo, it would be fairly common.

Family structure 50 years from now will probably include groups like this.

Ya thats the thing its not really a social taboo if its actually a pretty common thing. And many people already practice it, though they dont call it anything. In fact i would say that monogamy is an uncommon thing. Most of it just seems to be human inclination of having a go ahead or label from a higher authority to go ahead, the thing you call society is for children who must have permission from an idol before doing what they will go ahead and do anyways.

So in reality what your saying is, we want to be able to have a label for something which we are doing already and will continue to do so. The OP said it herself she has rarely seen relationships if at all were monogamy was involved or worked or at least not for any length of time. Well all that means is just what she wants already exists because her and the people around her have been practicing it forever, yet is not labeled as appropriate, and that seems to exist only in her and some peoples minds. Confusing no.

It really is like a creature who must always have to Ok and thumbs up, from the higher ups to do something. They want the playground built because its just to much work to do it themselves, or more likely they want the crap and litter to be removed from the playground so they can go ahead and get back to what they were doing. Literately a childish thing to do. The way I look at it not many people would not be capable of being in a monogamous relationship, and if you have to contentiously struggle at it you should quit right now and move on, and of those that are its still a lot of work. And if it ever was forced on them, it was only by them. The fact that it was done and actually worked by such methods just speaks volumes about how different some people are. In fact in some cases such as mine, we may as well be different species.

So yes let me rephrase what you said into reality speak.

I have always felt that plyamory is a group marriage culture which is pretty normal. I think it works because people have been doing it for ever and is a fairly common thing which people do. Family structures now include polymory, the divorce rates and TV and radio shows about cheating spouses alone speak for that. And in 50 years it will be more of the same.

Ok now if you said that it would make sense, as it would reflect the world around you and a majority of people world, and it seems to be especially true in the OP's world. So I just got to ask. Whats the big deal? Can anybody list the reasons down, number them and explain in detail what the problem is? Free will and all, do as though wilt, the majority if not all of the worlds problems dont stem from people not having free will, but from having to fact the consequences of there free will and the decisions they made.

This thing like many others is a non issue.

reply to post by galadofwarthethird


Or... just maybe you are confusing polyamory with run-of-the-mill polygamy or open relationships. Polyamory is more than just being swingers, they are, for the most part, all in a relationship. In some cases, they raise children together.

The OP is not about swinging. I said what I meant to say and didn't need you to paraphrase me. The word "polyamory" wasn't just "made up" to make swingers happy because it's not the same.

Originally posted by galadofwarthethird
So I just got to ask. Whats the big deal? Can anybody list the reasons down, number them and explain in detail what the problem is? Free will and all, do as though wilt, the majority if not all of the worlds problems dont stem from people not having free will, but from having to fact the consequences of there free will and the decisions they made.

This thing like many others is a non issue.

I'm not sure you understand my position here. I don't believe there is a problem with it at all. In fact, I said it will be a prominent occurrence in the future.

reply to post by Cuervo


Yes, that's where I'm coming from when I talk about polyamory. If I wanted just sex I wouldn't worry about a relationship because it would be pointless to me. Polyamory sounds more appealing to me and I believe it would work for a person like myself.

reply to post by charles1952

But I knew better. Sister Wives and a growing toleration for adultery did it for me. Wheee! I'm a dollar richer. I've seen stories about women marrying a dolphin and another marrying a cat, so that's where I'm going to put my bet for the next acceptable relationship. I think my mom will pick incest. Let the games begin.

# dude, I think it may be time for you to slowly and deliberately mozy on away from your mom, I do not thing that would be considered healthy behavior, though go back far enough in time and it to was if not normal at least acknowledged that it happened.

Funny no how back in the day you had people sleeping with people, like every other day in history that has ever existed. And some in this country and others due to the retartednes of people and there constructed rules have lead to deaths and some extremely bizarre situations. Such as the lot of the witch trials here and in the UK were ultimately it was all just cover up for the fact that some prominent religious people got around and buzy quite a lot. And so some old ladys had to be burned as a witches and the girls got payed off and moved on the another town. Bizarre indeed. Today however its merely shruged off when that sort of thing happens or people make a big deal about it on the tabloids or news, and forget about it the next day. We have come a long way no? No.

But yes the farther you go down that line were does it stop. History and the present has shown that it indeed is all just about a label and that is how the human mind works to great degrees for some it seems the only degree. Yet we just may be going from one extreme to another extreme in the future. I mean I am all for people doing what they want but marring bridges and cats and dolphins, of which the lady who married a bridge there is actually a thread on it around here somewhere from years ago. As for marring your cat or dolphin, how would we know the cat or dolphin agreed with it? I mean its not like they speak English. I mean a human marring a cat or dolphin just may be considered animal cruelty.

Time will tell, we shall see I suppose.

reply to post by galadofwarthethird

Dear galadofwarthethird,

I can't tell you how grateful I am to you for seeing my point, and with right excellent humor! You are my wonderful poster of the day. I must admit:

I AM A COWARD!

If I had put my post any more plainly, I'm afraid I would have been post banned at worst, or have everybody screaming at me at best. So, could you, maybe, uhhh, if you have time, mmmm, and wouldn't mind . . . Could you explain it to the OP while I run for my life?

Thanks, I'll buy you a pint anytime I'm nearby.

With respect,
Charles1952

reply to post by charles1952


There is no need to be rude to people you don't understand. Why are you against love and relationships? I read your reply and I thought it was disgusting.

reply to post by Cuervo

Or... just maybe you are confusing polyamory with run-of-the-mill polygamy or open relationships. Polyamory is more than just being swingers, they are, for the most part, all in a relationship. In some cases, they raise children together.

Ok so what do you thing happens now a days. I mean who raises the kids of those who are in open relationships? I mean other then the TV.

The OP is not about swinging. I said what I meant to say and didn't need you to paraphrase me. The word "polyamory" wasn't just "made up" to make swingers happy because it's not the same.

Are you impling that swingers are not happy? . Or you call people in open relationships another name they will all of a sudden become happy? Because if that is your implying then your right. But oh so wrong as well. Last I checked they don't even call themselves that they call themselves free love or open or some such, yet the term swinger would apply just as well, because thats what they do, and if they did no like it they would not do it. As you can see the whole thing makes no sense.

Its as shakespere said, a rose by any other rose would smell as sweet, but the same can be said of everything else. And so a rotten apple by any other name would smell just as rank. I am not trying to make fun of you all, just trying to grasp at what you all are getting at. Are we to lock stem and chissel into a rock the meaning of a word, like I said this is merely about labels. No offense but this thing needs to be cleared up and none of you are making any sense. It this is literally about just naming something then why do people need permission or the opinions of others? Ask yourself that.

I'm not sure you understand my position here. I don't believe there is a problem with it at all. In fact, I said it will be a prominent occurrence in the future.

And I said what the Op wants exists right now and in her face day in and day out, in fact its obviously so, she said so herself over and over. What the problem seems to be here is that she does not have the capacity to express that, and the playground needs to be cleared of litter, of which she thinks a "word" will achieve that. So no there is no problem with this at all like I said, therefore people can do what they want. And it was a predominant occurrence in the past, it is a prominent occurrence in the present, and the future will be the same as the future and the past are merely a conceptual maker which is superimposed over the present. And in the present its not like it does not happen or its a rare occurrence now is it?

So again what is the problem? Is somebody holding her or you or any of the people who want to life that lifestyle? Or is it all merely in there heads. Its there own demons and there own faults and faculties which they would have to deal with, like in any other type of relationship. But I suppose making this a group effort and giving the thumbs up will make you all feel better, we can even write a paper stamped by some guy in a suit that says so if it makes people fell better about it. But in many ways this thing has gotten to the point of being beyond silly. I mean you want to do something go ahead and do it. Get on with it already. I ask again what is the problem?

reply to post by galadofwarthethird


It seems you do not understand the differences between swingers, free love, polyamory, and all that jazz. A swinger is a person who is only interested in sex with different people. I already explained what polyamory and how I feel about the two. Also I'm not a hippie but I wish love was free. haha.

reply to post by Phoenix267

Dear Phoenix267,

I'm so to have caused you so much distress. I wasn't expecting it to go all the way to "disgusting."

Which of my responses did you find so upsetting? The one to which you replied;

What are you talking about? This is a thread about polyamory. How does any of that have to deal with polyamory?

It probably wasn't that one, because you didn't say you were disgusted, just confused.

So, this must have been the disgusting one:

I can't tell you how grateful I am to you for seeing my point, and with right excellent humor! You are my wonderful poster of the day.
If I had put my post any more plainly, I'm afraid I would have been post banned at worst, or have everybody screaming at me at best. So, could you, maybe, uhhh, if you have time, mmmm, and wouldn't mind . . . Could you explain it to the OP while I run for my life? (Some extraneous material deleted)

Honestly? I can't see a cause for disgust, but I suppose it's a matter of taste.

There is no need to be rude to people you don't understand.

I don't believe I was rude. Maybe a little snarky (whatever that means), but not rude.

Why are you against love and relationships?

You see, that's not logical, you have no evidence that I am against love or relationships, yet you ask me why I am.

Some love is a very good thing. I'm sure you'll agree that not all love is a good thing.

Some relationships are a very good thing. I'm sure you'll agree that not all relationships are a good thing.

Shall we be friends and start over? I'm willing.

With respect,
Charles1952

reply to post by charles1952

The OP is kind of a child you know at the very least she is going on about this in a childish way, she would not understand even if you spent the next few years explaining it to her, she still seems to think there are people out there who care either way about who she has relationships with. And off course there are, and off course she will attract those very same people as this dichotomy is not something which really exists outside of certain peoples heads, its part of her reality which they all create as there not able to face there inner issues, ultimately they create there issues to thereby have a solution to it, or sometimes they create the solutions and then proceed to create the issues. And so you know this story and how it goes. Ring around the rosy pocked full of posy ashes ashes we all fall down. Though this particular version of that story, just may contain a phoenix rising from said ashes. In which case its but a version of an aversion.

But dude no for real, I think you should run. If anybody has some real issues and may actually have a problem here it just may be you, the rest is just jabber as that's how certain people operate. A fascinating mechanism whereby you need to convince others to thereby convince yourself of doing something which you are doing already, a trait though necessary among groups and societies taken to a level which just makes you stupefied and go. OH wait! Hold up! Your point being? I don't know man I take it I am the weird one, as I would by all there made up definitions be considered normal.

But yes if your still reading this. Your wasting valuable running time.

This is the post I'm referring to here.

Originally posted by charles1952
She thought that after Gay marriage, we were going to legitimize relations with minors. After all, she figured, the American Psychiatric Association has a working group on removing Minor Attraction from the "Disorder" category, just as they did with Gays in 1973. She also pointed to Honey Boo-boo, and the demand for Gay leaders in the Boy Scouts.

But I knew better. Sister Wives and a growing toleration for adultery did it for me. Wheee! I'm a dollar richer.

I've seen stories about women marrying a dolphin and another marrying a cat, so that's where I'm going to put my bet for the next acceptable relationship. I think my mom will pick incest.

It seems to me that you have a very ugly look at relationships that are not traditional in Christian conservative circles. I just saw it as wrong and immature.

reply to post by galadofwarthethird


No, I'm not childish at all and I'm not a woman. Yes, I'm a man. Don't let the avatar fool you. My name is Jonathan. What I was first talking about the link and how I feel about polyamory. Last time I checked it's mature to talk about relationship and to understand all the pros and cons that come with a relationship.