posted on Dec, 28 2020 @ 03:52 PM
I don't want to act all hoity toity. That's why I refuse to be a member of any group which studies or participates in 'spirituality'. My own
'enthusiasm' would probably get me 'promoted' and then I'd be expected to drink the local groups snake oil. I avoid the ATS spirituality, psychic
research and metaphysics forums for the same reason.
Let me tell you, I've been a major screwup in my life; and you know what's beautiful? Even screwups can have the 'buddha nature' erupt out of them.
When I was very little, I was beaten repeatedly with rods, and my life constantly threatened, by both my mother and my step-father. We lived in a
condemned building that was later demolished by the county. Way out in the country. So I was alone with my 'parents'.
And "something else". Beauty was always with me. Like a golden cloud, with silver streams in it. I think that I'd have died without it, or gone
crazy.
The worse I was treated, the more I wished to experience 'truth' and beauty and to be a little role model' for my parents and other bullies that
sought me out, molested me, etc.
Now, sure, that certainly contributed to my personality. Made me a little martyr with a messiah complex.
When I got older, needing food and shelter, I joined the US Navy and worked there for 8 years.
Now I'm going to make a point here.. it was not to go 'oh boo hoo'.
Look how all that made me so hungry and thirsty to experience beauty, to fight back with everything I had for what I considered right.
People want to take credit personally for what they become, but leave out the bumps, warts and life circumstances that molded them.
So.. calling oneself lofty titles, or letting others call you those titles, wearing the robs and shaving the head and what not.. YUCK!
Some of the most beautiful things to ever occur in my life, was not generated because I was some lofty being of supernal wisdom, but because I was a
screw up, that wouldn't give up.
I'm still a screw up. We all are.
And.. I still see beauty flow from most of that debris.
I had a VERY BAD 'encounter' with 'the other' as most of you know.. oh goodness.. I felt raped and abused.
And maybe I was.
But look what beauty flowed from all the child abuse that formed me.
I could have become a serial killer. By the numbers I should have.
But it just made me determined to be the exact opposite.
All this 'sharing' was a way to cleanup old debris on ATS and also to respond indirectly to Direne.
The 'divine' rapes babies. Has them born without a brain. The 'selfishness' and 'horror' of 'the divine' is hard to properly articulate.
It's a part of our partner, 'the other'.
So do you go back in time and kill Hitler? Or do you tell him he paints pretty pictures and give him a hug? Or mind your own business? But is your
brother's business your business? Plenty of opportunity for growth here, and there is no universal answer.
It's a learning opportunity for one and all.
I hope this strange post was not without value..