Online Dating...

you really just have to set yourself apart from the hoard of guys messaging her. Be funny, be adventruous, and a lot of times she's like oh man, where did this guy come from? HE'S FUN.

I'm not a player per-se but you find when you stop trying as hard, and stop sending long overdrawn first messages, the more it works for you. And the more girls you get, the more that follow. Just chill, relax, be funny. The hardest thing to overcome is her first response. But if that's a barrier in your mind, then you already know the outcome. Sometimes the cheesier the better, but uniquely cheesey! "ehhh sooo I know this might sound weird but I realllyyyyyy need to borrow your genes for my future kids...!" Just to generate a response, once you do that you can continue the conversation, just make your focus to make her smile and laugh. Put your best pics up! Women are more shallow than they give themselves credit for. Try POF.COM. A lot of variety.

It's HER loss if she doesn't answer, you must remember that.

Originally posted by kimish
reply to post by ballymoney50

 

I think it's that nowadays most females want a "bad boy". Opening the car door doesn't equal that. It's the douchebags that get all the ladies. I fall into the "nice guy" category and I can't tell you how many times I've been dicked over. sigh. Someday though, some day Amanda Bynes will come looking for me.

You're right - to a degree. I'm an a-hole's a-hole. I've actually been told that, twice a day every day, for months on end by a woman who alleged to love me. She wasn't wrong, either. Don't have to be a complete dick about it, though. It's all a matter of timing. There are times to tear hell loose, and times to sit and be quiet, times to open the car door for her, and times to slam the car door just before you roar out of the driveway for the last time.

You can be firm - even grouchy - without being a complete turd all the time. One thing you CAN'T be, and maintain any degree of self respect, is a doormat. If she wants a doormat, direct her to the nearest Walmart, and get yourself down to the nearest bar. Sure, your stuff may be laying in the yard when you get home, but if it is, that's a real strong clue that it's time to go... and don't ever look back.

The reason "nice guys" get dicked over by evil women is that they allow it. That's right, they ALLOW it. I know this for fact... been there, done that, got the t-shirt and lost my ass in the process. There is such a thing as being TOO nice. Just like crap attracts flies, being too nice attracts the wrong clientele in women - the predatory sort.

BE a "bad boy". There's nothing wrong with it. Just don't lay it on so thick that you come out the other side as a dick. Moderate it, and use the timing aspect to make it work for you. "Bad boys" need love too - and EVERY predatory woman needs a run-in with at least one bad boy in her day. With any luck, it'll adjust her perspective, and if not, well, she'll just get left flat on her ass in the dust. Karma is a bitch, baby!

Originally posted by Hiasyouwant
you really just have to set yourself apart from the hoard of guys messaging her. Be funny, be adventruous, and a lot of times she's like oh man, where did this guy come from? HE'S FUN.

I'm not a player per-se but you find when you stop trying as hard, and stop sending long overdrawn first messages, the more it works for you. And the more girls you get, the more that follow. Just chill, relax, be funny. The hardest thing to overcome is her first response. But if that's a barrier in your mind, then you already know the outcome. Sometimes the cheesier the better, but uniquely cheesey! "ehhh sooo I know this might sound weird but I realllyyyyyy need to borrow your genes for my future kids...!" Just to generate a response, once you do that you can continue the conversation, just make your focus to make her smile and laugh. Put your best pics up! Women are more shallow than they give themselves credit for. Try POF.COM. A lot of variety.

It's HER loss if she doesn't answer, you must remember that.

Precisely.

Just throw out a LITTLE bait - just a taste. Show 'em you've got something they want, then walk off. The ones that follow are the ones you might want to take a closer look at. Even the dumbest beast know that if there is too much bait set out, there must be a trap around, that there is something "not quite right" there. Women are not dumb.

Too much fairly screams "I'M DESPERATE!". It scares off all the decent women, and then the predators start easing in.

Of course, it works the same way the other way 'round - guys slink away from traps, too, if they're very bright at all, and just as lions ease in on the wounded gazelles, predatory humans, both male and female, zero in on the distressed.

Speak of the devil. A year or so ago I thought about investing(monetize that is) in one of the dating sites(marriage sites) in the Ukraine-an area of the world I know well. So many men payed up with the incorrect thinking that all these beautiful women just wanted to come to America and paradise. And beautiful they are. There is a saying in the biz that 'every other girl in the Ukraine is a beauty queen-the rest model underwear' It's not like downtown Manhattan at lunch on a working day-but it's close.
The thing is these girls have a very deep sense of nationalism that I admire. They don't want to leave their homeland but will if they must. Their country-so rich in history-has a horrible problem with drug abuse among it's young men. It quadruples or more anything in America and is very sad. They blame America and they have a right to that blame as we find it better to have Afghan farmers grow poppies rather than build bombs-they are expert at both. For the safety of our solders I agree as well. However I have never had them blame individual Americans such as myself-considering what their country has been through in the last 80 years or so they take it in stride.
I have no intention of marrying any of them, which of course they all know, however that never has stopped some good friendships and an occasional infusion of American dollars(the exchange rate is glorious!) to help them out
So, if your bored with the risky and pricy dating sites you might make a friend on the other side of the world-who happens to be gorgeous, and for the most part sincere..

1st question in online dating any dating site will do." How long have you been a member?" If they respond about two or three years, just move on along. Find the one that say's "Ive been a memebr about two weeks". If your a memeber of a dating site and you aint found someone in two or three years. YOU AINT GONNA FIND ANYBODY. You meet the ones that last a lifetime normally by mistake when your not looking any more. Certainly not on Psycho Date.com

reply to post by nenothtu

You're spot on! It's a control and power thing. The ball must be kept in ones own court. The more women feel they can control you, the more they will do so. For example do you know what happens when you don't answer a womans phone calls? It apparently drives them mad and they want you all the more for it. A likely scenario is she'll be "mad at you" and then you have to give it to her good.. make up for that lol. Okay I'll stop now.

Just watch some free porn, add your imagination and take matters into your own hands. After that it's all good. You can go right to sleep without any hassle, no elbows in your side if you snore and best of all you'll have an extra 50 bucks in your pocket and won't have any regrets in AM.

reply to post by Hiasyouwant


I was once told, long, long ago by an older woman in the town I was living in at the time, who really had nothing to lose OR to gain, the following:

"In ANY relationship, in the beginning, the man has the advantage. ALWAYS. The very first thing a woman will do is try to wrest that advantage away for herself. They are very good at it, usually employing some form of emotional blackmail, although that isn't the limit of the repertoire - sexual blackmail seems to work, too, as well as a few other odd and esoteric tactics. Now, once they have gained the advantage, the man will NEVER, EVER regain it. It's gone for good. He's lost his power. So then - never, EVER give up your power. Whatever it takes, don't cave in to the tactics. Walk away if you gotta - another will come along shortly."

I felt like I'd been let in on one of the Secrets of the Sisterhood.

Over time, that advice has held up for me. The times I ignored it and caved, I was a goner. The times I walked away, I at least kept my self-respect, even if I lost my ass. And the times I stayed, but refused to succumb to the power play, I had GREAT times.

Use it or not, there it is.

Not answering the calls works great. It makes 'em crazy to the point that they HAVE to chase you down. I think it's genetic or something. Then you explain that "I'm not TETHERED to that damned phone!" And they've got to know more... and, at the same time, know you're a challenge. People love a challenge, both males and females. The battle of the sexes then becomes a war of nerves, and the nerviest wins. One of the keys is to never let 'em see you sweat, never let 'em KNOW if it's wearing on your nerves. That only encourages them. One or the other will eventually buckle. Just don't be that ONE! And yes, Nerves will have to be soothed... and there is an OPPORTUNITY there!

Originally posted by nenothtu
your problem may be in the..

I don't have a problem, but I consider myself similar to your views based on what you have said.

Basically the world is not to your standards so I don't think all of your vision is a reality, they are not all that smart they are egotistical. But, if I was in a mountain town or something it would be different, there still is places where hate doesn't exist there just aren't that many.

go to plenty of fish, lower your standards a little and work upwards

reply to post by greyer


Well, it just so happens that I DO now live in a mountain town, but luckily have no need to chase wimmen any more. These women can HURT you!

I have, over the years lived in lots of places from big cities to the middle of nowhere. College towns were the worst. Lots of eye candy everywhere, but none suitable for human consumption. They had to be thrown back in until they grew some more, because they mostly just weren't mature enough to have grown out of the self-centered indulgence of childhood. In my late teens and early twenties, I wouldn't have anything to do with any girls under about 23, because not all, but the law of averages, dictated that they hadn't matured enough yet. As I got older, the age range increased accordingly. You have to find women that can keep up with your own development, and damned few girls qualify. The youngest girl I ever had anything to do with was 19, but a very advanced 19. I married her when I was 24. Yeah, she was THAT sharp!

Also due to the law of averages, you have to get out there and mingle, within your target demographic, and be able to handle rejection. In any group there will be some hits and some misses, The more shots you take, the more hits you get, but at the same time the more rejection you've got to handle. One guy I know, who ALWAYS had a girl on his arm, said that he had about a 20% success rate, meaning 4 out of every 5 shot him down. he worked on volume, though, and so always had SOMEONE.

The key is to ignore the shoot-downs, don't take it personally (even if it is - don't dwell on it) blow them off, keep on moving, and never let up.

ETA: never neglect the pretty ones, thinking you may be outclassed - because the fact is, you might NOT be outclassed. You might be surprised to find out how many decent looking women sit at home because too many decent guys ALSO think THEY are outclassed, and so fear making the effort. Make the effort. What's the absolute worst that can happen? they shoot you down? Pfft. Move on the the next, and don't slow down.

They may be too smart, or they may just not be suited to running around with their girlfriends in a gaggle for one reason or another - shy, don't find excitement in keeping the roads hot, don't want to meet or go out with shallow guys... just whatever reason. So they sit at home waiting.... maybe for you. You'll never know unless you hunt them down and take that shot.

When I hunt deer, I go to the woods. When I hunt woodchucks, I go to the open field. When I go fishing, I go to a lake. My point here is that you first decide what you want, then go to the environment that is more likely to be saturated with that. When I WAS chasing women, for example, I never did it in bars. that's not the sort I wanted, and I knew that hunting there was a recipe for heartache and trouble. If you're not really in the market for a party girl whose going to drain you and toss your used up carcass aside in a week or less (like some kinda vampire), then why go hunting in a party spot watering hole? Those aren't the gazelles you're hunting for!

Yeah I'm probably the most ugly guy out there!

My most recent vid



Like the music I made it myself I call it Hell's sky!

Originally posted by circuitsports
go to plenty of fish, lower your standards a little and work upwards

He's right, and you other guys are waaaay overthinking it. Be a man fgs!

I've been doing online dating for 2 years, had only 4 dates and have only just started to get fairly good at it, and when I say fairly good, I mean I can get about 1 in 8 women to message back.

Seriously, online dating is THE hardest thing I've ever done, even harder than getting my degree.
What you need for a start is pictures of you that show you in the best light as you possibly can, preferably with friends, better still with female friends.

Next you need a very good and well written profile that sells you and everything about you. Don't be negative, be positive, be witty, show that you are ambitious and make sure your profile stands out from every other profile out there.

When messaging someone for the first time, never just say "how are you?" big no no.
Read her profile, make observations about her in her pictures and think of something meaningful to say, preferably ending with a question to try and get her to reply. But keep it short.

Then you've got to try and keep her amused, have banter, tease her a bit etc etc. then after a while you ask her out and hope she doesn't bottle it and run away which has happened to me countless times.

I agree many women on there have unrealistic expectations and anything short of their version of perfect won't cut it, but the key is just keep going, and going and going.

I've been talking to a girl I met on an online dating site for over a month now, and it has been absolutely brutal trying to get her to meet me, but today she finally said she will.
We've been texting every day and it's been an emotional roller coaster.
Hopefully we can start a proper relationship so I can get off these stupid dating sites.

But I personally would never recommend online dating to anyone, you will be met with a very rude awakening, it's just that with the situation I am in I have no choice but to keep going.

Originally posted by openyourmind1262
1st question in online dating any dating site will do." How long have you been a member?" If they respond about two or three years, just move on along. Find the one that say's "Ive been a memebr about two weeks". If your a memeber of a dating site and you aint found someone in two or three years. YOU AINT GONNA FIND ANYBODY. You meet the ones that last a lifetime normally by mistake when your not looking any more. Certainly not on Psycho Date.com

edit on 4-3-2013 by openyourmind1262 because: (no reason given)

That is VERY good advice, the people I have come close to getting with have all only just started online dating.
The ones that have been on there for ages are a complete waste of time.
Although I wouldn't advise that question to ask, because it's a boring question and you more than likely won't get a reply.
After you've been on there for a while you always see the same faces so it is easy to tell who is new and whos been on there for ages.

Originally posted by Wang Tang
I decided to try out online dating because I haven't had a good record with relationships and I figured it would be easier to get a date online. Because of my bad record with relationships my confidence and ability to walk up to girls and sweep them away has pretty much disappeared. Once I get to a date I'm confident I will do fine, but getting to that point is a challenge... especially now and for at least another year because I will barely have any chances to get out and meet new girls. I'm in an environment with mostly guys and little chances to get out.

But how wrong I was about online dating! It seems every girl on these sites (okcupid, match.com) think they know exactly the guy they want and will only settle for a date with their perfect guy.

So far this online dating experience has been counter-productive, it's lowered my confidence with girls. If I can't get a date online, how can I get one in real life? I've sent a bunch of messages to girls (and I thought they were pretty charming messages) but got none back. In my profiles I am honest about myself and don't include superficial things that may make someone like me more but not for who I am.

Am I approaching this the wrong way? Should I filter out anything that girls might not want to see, and include all the superficial things that will make me look like the perfect guy? How do I message a girl to spark her interest? What do girls want to see on an online profile? Is it more important to be funny, or to say you have lots of money? Is it more important to say you are happy with where you are in life, or to say you are so ambitious you can never be satisfied?

Do not filter anything out that you think a girl wont like...all girls are different. you'd be amazed at how many great girls like the things you like or things you just wouldnt expect a girl to like. girls arent after money or cars etc being funny is a far better quality. but dont try too hard to be.

you be yourself through and through that way you will find a better match. as for confidence, sure you do need some...a girl loves confidence. a man who knows his own mind and can take control or make a decision but be considerate at the same time.

when arranging a date in my experience its best to find out what the girl might enjoy best and you take control from there...for example keeping it simple, she tells you she loves ice skating, so you decide to take her ice skating and then maybe for some decent food afterwards and you tell her you'l pick her up at 7. done. if you can skate great you can keep up with her...if you cant skate then falling over will make her laugh and every girl loves a guy who can make them laugh.

on the dating site just be honest. if your a huge lord of the rings fan then say so...if you prefer the gym to a games console say so. and dont open a conversation with "wow your hot" because girls get those messages every day. Actually read her profile dont just look at her picture. do you have anything in common? if so maybe mention it in your message and ask her about it. for example. if she says she likes lord of the rings and you like that too then mention it and ask her what she thought of the hobbit. this will strike up a conversation she's interested in. If she hasnt seen it then you have an idea for a second or third date (rent it to watch at either of your homes). and use her name in the message. these are things that tell her you read her profile.

make sure your picture looks like you.

dont treat a date like a job interview...dont look desperate. you are her prize she needs to win you over too!

ive had good and bad experiences with online dating it is what you make of it. In the end I met my girlfriend in a bar on a night out. I think finding a girl in person is always better

reply to post by Wang Tang


Hi Wang,

I met my fiance through eHarmony and I gotta say I'm not some crazy dude or anything. I went to give it a try, because it seemed a more serious place since the system chose who has a profile similar to yours. You have no control over who it will chose or anything. In my opinion that creates an initial level of trust and make things easier. I sent her a message and we started talking, sharing interests, thoughts and the like. After a week of chatting and I went to meet her (she was actually living close to my apartment).

I met some really cool girls and actually made some friends through it. My experience is that most of the known sites like badoo, okcupid and the like are not a good place to find a serious person, if that is what you are looking for. But in these places there are A LOT more guys than girls so it might be annoying to draw attention to yourself.

My tips, be yourself and honest. If you are considering online dating try to look for more serious sites or you will be disappointed. In my experience the best place to try is eHarmony

F**K eHarmony I put my profile in Truthfully and it says:

We're very sorry, but our matching system cannot predict good matches for you.

eHarmony's patented matching system was developed after extensive research into marital satisfaction. We use each person's responses to our Relationship Questionnaire to predict the pairings of individuals that are highly likely to result in satisfying long-term relationships, based on what we learned through our research.

Unfortunately, based on responses to our questionnaire, we occasionally find situations where our matching system cannot identify high quality compatible matches, and this has happened in your case. Please understand that it is a result of our matching process and in no way reflects on you as a person or your ability to be in a happy relationship.

We apologise and regret our inability to find good matches for you. The time you spent completing our questionnaire, however, has enabled us to provide you with a free Personality Profile.. This Personality Profile lets you learn more about yourself and should provide you with valuable insights.

We wish you all the best in your search for that special someone.

Agreeableness:

You Are Best Described As:

CONSISTENTLY TAKING CARE OF YOURSELF

Words That Describe You:

Uncompromising
Frank
Astute
Critical
Empirical
Tough
Discerning
Skeptical
Shrewd

A General Description of How You Interact with Others

When someone needs your help or wants you to do something you think before you act. See, at heart you believe deeply in personal freedom and individual responsibility. You think it is vital that people learn to take care of themselves so that they don't become dependent upon others. You believe that actions have consequences, and people need to accept the consequences of their actions if they are to learn from their mistakes and grow. You believe you wouldn't be doing anyone a favor if you lift someone out of trouble; they will never learn to lift themselves up if you keep rescuing them. And if you keep giving people a second, third or fourth chance, you have seen that people seldom develop the character they need to live decent and responsible lives.

You believe that compassion has a role to play in your life, in a structure of values that is encourages people to take care of themselves. Uncritical Tender-heartedness does as much harm as good. You much prefer if people understand, in factual, empirical terms, how they got into trouble, and how they can lift themselves out of the mess they are in. In an emergency, of course, you're there to offer help and if someone has helped you out in the past there is no question about your loyalty. But whenever it is realistic, you are convinced people should take care of themselves.

Along with this you devote adequate time to taking care of your own needs and wants, in part because it makes you happy with your life and in part because that's what you truly believe every person should do. You cherish personal independence for yourself and others. Fostering such independence is the best way you find there is to love and care for others.


Negative Reactions Others May Have Toward You

Your emphasis on personal independence and personal responsibility may seem to lack in compassion to some people. Undoubtedly you have encountered people who feel this way toward you. And some may find you to be rather selfish. You do stay focused on your own life, take responsibility for your own problems, and are not always moved by situations in which some people think some action is required. That is part of you and your basic beliefs about life. And some people will inevitably want you to be different, but that is simply not who you are.


Positive Responses Others May Have Toward You

You're true to your beliefs and you hold yourself to the same expectations as you do with others. You are critical and tough with yourself, which gives you a consistency when you are critical and tough with others. And even when others don't agree with you, people are likely to admire your frankness. You say what you believe, even if what you believe runs counter to the motives and beliefs of others.

And you keep reminding people of two things that few people can argue with, even if they don't believe in them with your single-mindedness. Personal independence and personal responsibility matter to most people, and even the very compassionate admit that sometimes their hearts get in the way of what their heads know, which is to say that people should take care of themselves whenever they are able to do so. You remind people of this, in the honest way you live your own life and in the ways in which you respond, and don't respond, to other people

Please read next post

reply to post by fr33kSh0w2012


On the Openness Dimension you are:

CONTENT


Words That Describe You:

Sensible
Realistic
Conventional
Sincere
Simple
Firm
Earnest

A General Description of How You Approach New Information and Experiences

You find that you are usually more comfortable with ideas and beliefs that you have held for a long time. These values, which for you are tried-and-true, provide you with practical solutions to life's problems, and with straightforward ways of engaging in intellectual discussions and debates. You've tested these positions over time, you know them well, they work for you, and you trust them. You like the way these solutions provide consistency and value to your life.

You've always been teachable as well. Whether in textbooks or classrooms, or through a wide variety of personal and interpersonal experiences, you've explored and tested the values and ideas you hold dear. Along the way you've grown to recognize ideas and beliefs that fit with your life. When this happens, you open yourself to learning what it is that this can teach you. Most of the time evaluating new information strengthens what you know and trust; the "next new thing" usually proves too shallow or too impractical to dislodge you from what has served you so well.


Negative Reactions Others May Have Toward Your Style of Thinking

Not everyone will be thrilled by your commitment to the tried-and-true, and your practical solutions to problems of all sorts. Some people are in flight most of the time, leaving behind where they've come from and peering into whatever brand-new thought or experience they come across. They live for these flights of fancy. So they may find your commitment to the tried-and-true very trying and even boring. So be it; you won't be a companion on their journey. And that is fine with you. You will likely continue on being quite satisfied with your approach to important beliefs and ideas.


Positive Responses Others May Have Toward You

Despite some negative reactions toward your style of thinking, many others will appreciate in you the combination of a steadiness of mind and openness to occasional change. They will find your practical solutions clear and accessible in an intellectual environment that is too often fuzzy and lacking clear values. They will come to trust you as someone who is not swayed by every new intellectual wind that blows, nor tantalized by some imaginative belief or value that seems attractive at first but usually proves in the long run to be unreliable as a guide in life. In a complicated and fractious intellectual climate they will find your clear thinking, your practical ideas and your down-to-earth solutions to problems to be a great relief.

Please read next post

I use to use plenty of fish for online dating. Here is my take on why women don't respond. Women get a lot of messages and when I say a lot I mean pages and pages of them. I always replied to every message and would usually spend 8 hours or more a day replying. I was the exception to the rule. Most women don't reply to but maybe one or two messages a day and don't even read most of them at all. A good conversation is hard on a dating site because you don't know the person and you can't see their body language when you are talking to them to tell how the conversation is really going. Most women on the dating sites look at your picture and if it doesn't catch their eye they don't even read the message. This is because they get so many messages that it goes to their head. With all the men telling them how beautiful they are they begin to believe that they can have any guy they want. They loose site of what it is they are really looking for and end up only talking to the guys that are only after a good time but who look good and make them feel good. Very few women on dating sites actually talk to good men who would make a good partner. I myself found it overwhelming with all the messages and pretty words. But I was one of the few who managed to remember to treat everyone as I would want to be treated. I replied to every message even if it was just to say thanks for the message or to let them know I was not interested in a threesome with them and their wife. Yes men really do try that. I found that I made a few good friends from the site and went on a few dates with guys that were not really the nice guy they pretended to be and where only trying to get lucky. I didn't have very good luck in finding a relationship but I am happy I tried it and glad I met the few who became my friends.

Don't let it get you down if you don't get replies, it really isn't you it is just the way online dating works. Try putting up a pic of you smiling or having fun. Fill out your profile completely most women won't reply if you don't. Use some humor in your profile but don't over do it on it or they won't take you seriously. Women want to see that you are fun but still have a brain. So witty comments are good but don't get too brainy in your profile or you may intimidate them and come across as to serious. Put things in your profile that make you stand out. don't put the standard man answers to things but do list the things you like that you think a woman would also enjoy. The goal is to come across as someone they will enjoy talking to and being around.

When you send a message do compliment her on her looks but also try to start a conversation about something she has listed that she likes in her profile. When you do get a reply try to keep her talking don't stay on one subject too long or she will get bored and move on to someone else.

I know it is a lot of work but online dating takes strategy. Remember she gets a lot of messages and so yours has to stand out.

I hope this has helped some. I know if you try what I have listed it will improve your chances. Also don't pick a woman to message by her profile picture. Actually read her profile and don't go by her looks if you are truly trying to find someone you are compatible with. Chances are if she is a knock out she will not even give most men a chance. Good luck and don't let it get to you because it really isn't you.