Online Dating...

I've been trying it out the past few months. I'm actually going to be quitting it. I dislike it and here's why:

I have a decent response rate. I only message people who I think would make a good match. I still don't get tons of responses, but it's not bad. The problem is I'll be talking to someone, and having decent convos, and they'll just close their account. Sometimes we'll even be talking about meeting up and they'll do it. I'm not the most attractive guy, but I'm a solid 7. I have a lot going for me in life(I'd prefer not to go into the details on this site). I'm also in great shape.

The best story is this one: I was talking to this girl who obviously had quite a bit in common with me. She seemed like a really nice girl. I asked her if she wanted to get some coffee with me some time. She said she was going out of town, so she gave me her number and told me to text her. I texted her and we had a good back and forth for a good hour. I didn't bring up the meet up in that convo, but the next day I sent another text asking her when a good time was that week. She responded that she had already found someone else. What?!? How messed up is that? And it was someone that really seemed like a good person. I just sent her a "talk about leading someone on..." I don't think there's a person in this world who would've blamed me for letting a few curse words slip. I didn't though.

I think the number of messages a women receive goes to their head or something. Or women are just no good period. I think I need to quit before I start thinking the latter.

Honestly, I have thick skin and these things didn't bother me too much. The problem is I found someone that really does seem perfect for me. So win or lose, I'm done with the online dating for a while.

reply to post by Wang Tang


All the women are men, all the men are men, and all the kids are undercover FBI agents. It's slim pickings for the virtual Casanova, bro. Better to hit the bar if you're looking for an over-nighter, but if it's something serious you're after...don't do it online. On the internet, nothing can be taken for granted. Nothing.

reply to post by Wang Tang


Online dating sucks. When i was involved in it the women I would meet were nutts. They were hot but I was looking for the door.


I did an international dating site. Met a few women in europe and asia. Then I found my soulmate in moscow.

they work but your local cupid site is garbage

Truth be told, grwoing up, my friend and I were both attractive young men. When we went out he scored far better than me and typically the bombshells. I wouldn't even consider him quite as handsome as me but it was his personality and most importantly his LIES. Just about everything that came out his mouth to women were lies and sometimes when I would see one of "his girls" in pain while he was out mixing it up with others, I would try to tell them the truth. They were blind to it and still were after I told them.

Truth is, girls don't seem to want the truth. They think they do but they don't.

For me, I can't remember ever being single from the age 16-28 however, over the past 5yrs I can't even find myself to want to go out and engage. I don't want a fake women. I don't want a women who thinks life is about the bar life, about movies, about shopping and gossip. For people like us drawn to the inner workings of things and always on the hunt for truth, it is exceedingly difficult to find that likeminded person.

I can sit and talk to a woman about the stars, space, history, politics, etc, ,etc. Typically at the end they are "amazed" by my level of knowledge but I can see everything I said was lost on them as I watch their eyes gloss over. *sigh*

Wow wasn't expecting this many responses already thanks guys! It's been interesting to see the girls perspective on online dating, and the many failed experiences of guys... lol. So I'm not getting my hopes up too much with online dating but I'll keep trying and just see what happens.

Well I have some good news I got 3 messages back on okcupid, although 1 of those doesn't really count... it was one of those where a girl said I'll only reply if you are serious about a long term relationship and I'm not looking to get laid, and I kind of trolled her (the rest of her profile was ridiculous) and I got a reply back basically saying I'm rude and shouldn't judge people based on their online profiles.

Anyways the other 2 messages were from girls who are obviously skeptical of online dating, I figure they are my best shot because they will probably be the most normal come an actual date.

If anyone else wants to take a look at my online profile to point out where it can be better inbox me and I'll send you the link I'm a little hesitant to post it here for everyone to see.

reply to post by Ghost375


For future reference, if you get a number, then use it ONLY to arrange a meet-up/date. Do not use it to chat with her & let her know everything about you & everything that's happening in your life. You are not her friend & all that information should be 'extracted' from you by her over the course of a long period of time.

In the beginning, keep as many interactions with her short & as sweet as possible.Tell her a tiny bit about yourself, then ask her questions about herself. Sit back & let her prattle on about herself! Throw in a bit of gentle teasing/ribbing in between questions & your all set.

Think of it like reading the leaked script for a movie that you really want to watch. How many people will enjoy it having read the script beforehand & knowing everything that's going to appear in every scene. I'd bet nowhere near as much as those who have only a vague notion as to what they expect to see.

You may read that they want a 'nice honest open guy' that they don't want to play games & all that other claptrap but they do. The ones who write it probably even believe it themselves, but if you give it all away before you've been dating a good while, then 9/10 they're gonna move on to the next loser in the queue.

reply to post by Wang Tang


LOL, trust me you picked the right site to post this. I am sure most men on here are either already married or struggle with finding someone because again, lets face it. People who spend their time on this type of site has a fundamentally different view on life than your average layman. Unless of course you are nowhere near as picky as me, then perhaps it won't be so difficult.

Is there something wrong with wanting someone who share a desire to heal the planet? To understand that our spirtuality begins at birth not at death. To embrace all that we are not all that we have been led to believe we are....which is useless eaters.

reply to post by AfterInfinity

but if it's something serious you're after...don't do it online. On the internet, nothing can be taken for granted. Nothing.

Well it's not done on the Internet It's still done in person. I would typically chat for like 5 messages or so, and then suggest a meetup. Then dating began, same o' same o'.

Not really any different in my experience. Except for one thing. A bar is more like taking the approach of destiny. Whereas a dating site you can read about interests and seek out someone compatible (as much as one could infer).

Personally I think a single person should use dating sites, bars, book stores, anywhere and everywhere. Why not That person could be hiding anywhere.

reply to post by Ghost375

She responded that she had already found someone else. What?!? How messed up is that? And it was someone that really seemed like a good person. I just sent her a "talk about leading someone on..." I don't think there's a person in this world who would've blamed me for letting a few curse words slip. I didn't though.

Why would that be messed up? You were both single. You two were not in a relationship. If you had said that instead it would have also been fine.

I bet you that person was someone she had been on and off dating for a while. Probably an ex relationship. The messed up part was probably that she wasn't really ready to date to begin with.

If I had been in your shoes I would have responded to her with this "No problem I understand Well I really liked talking to you so feel free to message me later if you want to go out." I wouldn't send any other messages I would just move on to the next girl.

Originally posted by Lucid Lunacy
reply to post by Ghost375

 

She responded that she had already found someone else. What?!? How messed up is that? And it was someone that really seemed like a good person. I just sent her a "talk about leading someone on..." I don't think there's a person in this world who would've blamed me for letting a few curse words slip. I didn't though.

Why would that be messed up? You were both single. You two were not in a relationship. If you had said that instead it would have also been fine.

Because she agreed to a date already, and even gave her phone number.

Let's give a real world situation that it is the same as.
Let's say a girl asks you on a date, and you agree. Then you call her at the last minute saying, "Well see, I was actually talking to this other girl, and I decided I'd rather take her out." That's a dick move.

Just because it happens online, doesn't make it any less of a dick move.

reply to post by Ghost375


Yes but you don't/didn't know her. You are making assumptions based off of what she said. But in reality most people rarely offer the truth in those types of situations. She probably wasn't dating anyone and got cold feet. It was a defense mechanism and the "I'm dating someone else" statement is the tried and true method of women to get men to leave them alone.

Either she simply got cold feet and didn't know how to articulate that to someone she doesn't know or something you said creeped her out and she changed her mind. If you then turned around and gave her a what for via email then you only obsolved her of any guilt. She was probably glad you responded that way because it only cemented her initial gut feeling....just a thought.

Not unlike a girlfriend who is giving you a lot of #. She tells you it's nothing but if you keep at it she will finally tell you. Or will she? She will give a reason to why she is mad but think again friend.....there is always another reason she is feeling the way she is. It is your responsibility to figure it out. *eye's rolling* probably another reason I stopped focusing on women lol.

reply to post by Ghost375

Just because it happens online, doesn't make it any less of a dick move.

I suppose

All I meant was it's within the rights of being single, to date who you want, cancel what dates you want, discriminate however you want. You can and should do the same.

If I had been dating that girl already, I would have viewed it as a dick move (but still understandable). Not prior to first date tho, personally.

Imagine she hadn't told you that. In other words hadn't been honest. Instead went on that date with you, went on a few, all the while continued dating that other guy without you knowing it. Would you have preferred that?

Originally posted by Hopechest
reply to post by Wang Tang

 

You are building a lie upon a lie.

I don't care what the feminist say, we want a man that will protect us and be stong. We need confidence.

I need to know that i'm safe at night with you. I don't care about the games your playing in an online questionaire.

Stand up for me, even a little thing will separate you from the rest of the pack.

Open a fricken car door for me, make me feel special.

That's all you need.

OP ignore this post, this is what an individual woman wants, some women would prefer to hold their own and not play the princess locked in the tower game.

Hotel1 already said it, Men dont get that many replies on online dating sites so dont put yourself down. Dont make online dating your ONLY avenue for meeting people either. Dating is a brutal and expensive game but its not like you're here to make it safely to the grave

GO OUT AND GET EM TIGER!!

reply to post by masta12d


um no, she was being honest. There was someone else. She responded with an "at least I told you the truth."
It really doesn't bother me. I laugh about it. I'm more flabergasted than angry.

And what are you talking about me giving her a what for, and responding the way I did.
All I said was, "talk about leading someone on..." There's nothing at all unreasonable with that. And it was through text, not email.

It's like you completely altered my story, and are responding to the altered version.

Originally posted by Lucid Lunacy
Imagine she hadn't told you that. In other words hadn't been honest. Instead went on that date with you, went on a few, all the while continued dating that other guy without you knowing it. Would you have preferred that?

No of course not. And I'm glad I know the truth.

Honestly, I think what she did was a dick move more to the other guy. It means she was talking to that guy, while still giving out her number flirting with other guys.

I know it is tough man especially on the dating sites. I met a few and most I met looked nothing like their pic or the pic was very outdated. But I met this one and we have been together for 7 months now. (in real life) It took ALOT of time to find a good one but hang in there man. Eventually one will come by. Don't lie either just be honest and yourself. That way when you do find one it wont end in disaster when she finds out you lied. It can be a waiting game. Good luck!


Gs

OP, in my humble opinion online dating is the same as all other chances of meeting a quality person. I met my ex online at a chat site called "The Park". Not even sure if that one is around anymore tbh. It was like 14 years ago.....used another one after we were finished as a couple and had horrible luck.....met alot of cool people in the chat rooms but as far as dating actually went it was a horror show. The one I met that I thought was going to be "the one", talked to me for 6 months nightly sometimes for several hours. Talked online, on the phone etc. but when the day came that we were supposed to meet I drove 60 miles to pick her up at the airport and the flight she was supposed to be on arrived and she wasn't on it. Turns out she took the plane ticket and exchanged it for one to go to Las Vegas instead and didn't bother to tell me......then for 2 weeks later she tried making me think that I was crazy and tried getting me to believe the actual physical date was a week prior than it actually was (i.e. telling me the date was the 7th when it was in reality the 14th). Since then, I basically told her she was a lunatic (not in so eloquent of words) and stopped talking to her.

Ever since then I stopped trying, if it happens it happens, but I am not going out of my way anymore. I am a very nice guy and do want to meet someone nice to spend the rest of my life with, but I am done trying to "make it happen". I am who I am, and I don't put on any false image when I talk to someone online, it sucks when you run into the one that makes you believe and you in the end find out that everything they sold themselves as was a lie to begin with.

My advice is to give it a shot, be honest, but do not get your hopes up too high. You can meet a quality gal online, but you have just as much chance of meeting one that takes you for a ride.

Originally posted by Ghost375

Originally posted by Lucid Lunacy
reply to post by Ghost375

 

She responded that she had already found someone else. What?!? How messed up is that? And it was someone that really seemed like a good person. I just sent her a "talk about leading someone on..." I don't think there's a person in this world who would've blamed me for letting a few curse words slip. I didn't though.

Why would that be messed up? You were both single. You two were not in a relationship. If you had said that instead it would have also been fine.

Because she agreed to a date already, and even gave her phone number.

Let's give a real world situation that it is the same as.
Let's say a girl asks you on a date, and you agree. Then you call her at the last minute saying, "Well see, I was actually talking to this other girl, and I decided I'd rather take her out." That's a dick move.

Just because it happens online, doesn't make it any less of a dick move.

She agreed to the date & gave out her number. Then had a lengthy 'chat' with her suitor. Obviously in that timeframe, something was said to her that changed her mind about continuing it any further. Absolutely nothing wrong with that whatsoever. She thought she was getting x but quickly realized she was ending up with y & so called a halt to it!

In this instance, the guy is to blame! He had the date agreed + the number in hand but for whatever insane reason decided that wasn't enough!!! All that was needed was to text/call & arrange the date. Had that been done, then she would have gone out on the date.

Even then, it could have been left as is. That way if things didn't go as well with the new guy, she might have brought you back into the fold, or in reality, there was no other guy, but a little bit of time on her side might have changed her mind. Doubtful but at least there was that small chance, but the sign off killed any chance of that happening stone dead.

Think of it as a painful lesson learned!!!

Fembots, man... Gave up on those a looooong time ago.

reply to post by GermanShep


Nice to hear a success story, I have everything to gain and nothing to lose at this point so I'll keep trying.