If you love your lover, would be ok with them having sex with another if it gave them joy?

First off, do you believe that "Love" can be "Jealousy"? Because they are two completely different things. Love is caring for the person and wanting the other person to be happy. Jealousy is greed, wanting the person for yourself regardless of how they feel.

Would you be willing to let your love sleep with another person if that is what made them happy? They still want to maintain their relationship with you because they find your "bond" special but this is other person is just sex... if not then maybe it isn't "true" love but Jealousy/Greed/Attachment/Obsession/Control where you feel that the person needs to be yours and ONLY yours.

No.If you want to cheat, stay away from me.

Um no. That's messed up.

reply to post by DarthMuerte


Cheating means sleeping with someone behind another person's back. They are telling you that sleeping with another person will give them Joy and they are saying that you can do the same if you wish because they trust the bond of the relationship.

Saying no would be selfishness...

reply to post by Jefferton


How is that "messed up" can you add more detail?

May I politely enquire as to what motivated you to pose the question?

Kind Regards

Originally posted by arpgmeJealousy is greed, wanting the person for yourself regardless of how they feel.

Very interesting thread.

Me personally, i expect my relationships to be between just me and my partner. I will always be faithfull and i want the same from my partner.

At the grand old age of 40, my feelings towards people that want to go with other people is "Ok, take care....see ya later.".

It's something i just can't do. Is that greedy? Possessive? Maybe. Maybe some people get hurt easier.

If my partner was to need sex with other people to make her happy, i would not be with her. Why would i want to stay with a person if i didn't make her happy? Let her go and find happiness elsewhere.

CX.

reply to post by hotel1

Originally posted by hotel1
May I politely enquire as to what motivated you to pose the question?

Kind Regards

The motivation was to understand the mindset of people. Are people still aggressive and controlling fearing that their relationship would end due to a physical act or do they actually believe in their relationships that there is something special there that will stay...

reply to post by CX



You do fulfill her fully like no one can, but she just want to have this meaningless physical act with another for fun, but with you it is not meaningless it is full love.

At least you admit it is controlling, most would not admit that .

Hopefully in the future humans will mature beyond the stage of controlling their lovers.

reply to post by arpgme


You are righty arpgme, True love between two people is not sex. The test of true love is based on relationship where there is complete trust, no jealously, and happiness in seeing a partner happy. To have a relationship as you describe is the truest test of real love. If the relationship dissolves into jealously then true love never existed in first place. What you are proposing is the true litmus test for a true love bond between a man and woman.

reply to post by arpgme


Being ok with your loved one sleeping with someone else. That is messed up. It sounds like you want to cheat so you need to rationalize it to be acceptable.

Originally posted by arpgme
reply to post by hotel1

 

Originally posted by hotel1
May I politely enquire as to what motivated you to pose the question?

Kind Regards

The motivation was to understand the mindset of people. Are people still aggressive and controlling fearing that their relationship would end due to a physical act or do they actually believe in their relationships that there is something special there that will stay...

reply to post by CX

 

You do fulfill her fully like no one can, but she just want to have this meaningless physical act with another for fun, but with you it is not meaningless it is full love.

At least you admit it is controlling, most would not admit that .

Hopefully in the future humans will mature beyond the stage of controlling their lovers.

edit on 2-3-2013 by arpgme because: (no reason given)

The best explanation I have ever heard for how a man feels when his gf/wife cheats is best explained by a metaphor. Picture a drinking glass, now picture it filled with human excrement, now picture it being steam cleaned, and sterilised, now ask yourself if you would drink from it.

If I was with the right woman, I would totally go to a swingers party. Sex is a beautiful thing.

reply to post by Jefferton

Originally posted by Jefferton
reply to post by arpgme

 

Being ok with your loved one sleeping with someone else. That is messed up. It sounds like you want to cheat so you need to rationalize it to be acceptable.

It's not cheating if they know and agree to it and are free to do the same thing, right?

"Cheating" implies taking advantage, but it is not taking "advantage" if all is equal to do the same...


reply to post by hotel1


But the thing is, it is not "excrement" it is just your EMOTION to control and have a person who belongs only for yourself (possession/ selfishness)

reply to post by Wide-Eyes



I'm not talking about being a "swinger" I'm talking about being so stable/secure in your love that you know that sex with others will not ruin that bond because it is actually TRUE/REAL bond.

Simply no, I would think if the person I loved wanted to sleep with someone else just because it would give them joy!!!! Then they must not love me. It is defiantly a ' line' to pull on as supposed love - "oh but it would make me sooo happy babe, just let me".

Really of course it would, but it ain't happening under my watch thanks. Love & jealously are not just that black & white IMO. Of course I'm sure it works for many, if both are willing and agree no probs. But if one of the partnership is questioning it, I don't think it will end good.

Originally posted by arpgme
reply to post by Jefferton

 

Originally posted by Jefferton
reply to post by arpgme

 

Being ok with your loved one sleeping with someone else. That is messed up. It sounds like you want to cheat so you need to rationalize it to be acceptable.

It's not cheating if they know and agree to it and are free to do the same thing, right?

"Cheating" implies taking advantage, but it is not taking "advantage" if all is equal to do the same...


reply to post by hotel1

 

But the thing is, it is not "excrement" it is just your EMOTION to control and have a person who belongs only for yourself (possession/ selfishness)

The initial question you asked was would you be ok with your partner having sex with someone else. My response was to demonstrate a reason why someone might not be ok with it. By the way I dont speak with any experience of either.

reply to post by feelingconnected


You said that if they want to have sex with another person then they must not love you?

Do you think they don't love you if they have other fun activities with others?

reply to post by hotel1


Sure, and I understand your reasoning, and MY response was to show how that isn't love then but only disgust/jealousy.

I guess I have morality and wouldn't be interested in some disgusting swingers lifestyle.

Wear protection.

reply to post by arpgme

I'm not talking about being a "swinger" I'm talking about being so stable/secure in your love that you know that sex with others will not ruin that bond because it is actually TRUE/REAL bond.

This is exactly why I said 'the right woman'. This may sound weird but I have fantasized in the past about seeing my partner have sex with another guy, as long as I'm there to watch/and or join in . I think there is a difference between lust and love and being able to differentiate the two is something that not many people can get their heads around.

Feel free to flame me for my weird thoughts...

ETA: I genuinely loved that woman and the reason the fantasy came to fruition is because I realised that I loved her enough to do whatever she pleased. I would not be jealous, she wasn't my property.

I think the question posed by the OP has more depth than most can think about.

If you had three aunties and you loved them all dearly and suddenly another popped up from nowhere and she was lovable, how much love do you have to take from the three to provide for the fourth.

If you have two children and then the third comes along, do you take some of your love away from the first two to provide for the third.

The answer to both these questions is off course you don't. We all have an infinite amount of love to give to others.

One on one relationships are indoctrinated by our society. Other societies historically and today have different rules. One on one relationships are learned and responses such as 'cheating' are also a learned response.

I prefer one on one but I would not condemn another different relationship ideal just because it was different to what I prefer. Each to their own.

Live and let live. Love many!

P

Originally posted by arpgme
reply to post by feelingconnected

 

You said that if they want to have sex with another person then they must not love you?

Do you think they don't love you if they have other fun activities with others?

reply to post by hotel1

 

Sure, and I understand your reasoning, and MY response was to show how that isn't love then but only disgust/jealousy.

edit on 2-3-2013 by arpgme because: (no reason given)

What you say is probably applicable to many cases. I must admit I am begining to wonder if you are having thoughts of playing away, or maybe you already have, am I wrong?

Originally posted by arpgme

reply to post by CX

 

You do fulfill her fully like no one can, but she just want to have this meaningless physical act with another for fun, but with you it is not meaningless it is full love.

At least you admit it is controlling, most would not admit that .

Hopefully in the future humans will mature beyond the stage of controlling their lovers.

edit on 2-3-2013 by arpgme because: (no reason given)

Everyone is different. Our brains are wired differently and emotions too.

I would ask if you've ever had a partner that you loved more than anything, go and have sex with someone else....however it sounds like you already have or would not be phased by it. So there is no point in asking.

Yes i guess it does sound controlling when you think about it. At first, my reaction to your post was to get a bit angry at your idea that it should be ok. However i can see that it is controlling to a degree.

In that case, the problem would be with me. So again, if it affected me that much, i would say goodbye. I wouldn't want any one of us to be emotionaly affected by something like this.

CX.