Anger/Depression: A new, positive way of thinking needed. Help!

Originally posted by DestroyDestroyDestroy
Love and accept your depression, don't be at war with it; it's a war you can't win.

Brilliant!

This was one of the weapons I used to beat my depression. Understanding, respecting and accepting the depression helped me take control of it.

My little piece of advice would be to "go with the flow"... that is to say, if you're in a black place, understand that it's your depression and not a "failure" on your part in any way, take some time out and go with it.

I like to look at it from a different point of view, if you have toothache you get a filling, if you have a broken leg you get a plaster cast... the mind is harder to heal that way obviously but if your mind tells you "Argh! I can't face the world today!" then listen to it, take time for doing nothing, listen to depressing music, mope about BUT see that as part of the coping and healing, don't give yourself a hard time for doing it.

Positive thinking and so on is only part of it, allow yourself the crap days too.

Best wishes..

I do suffered from depression and still do. When people say,"just think positive" i get annoyed, if it was that easy it would have been cured long ago.

How i improved.

-Exercise - going to the gym was the best thing, social, energetic, best of all get syou out of the house, it is said that staying in your room will make you more depressed.

-Diet - Change it, eat it for hunger not just because you want to. This way you feel better about you body

- Outdoor - no i do mean crowded downtown, but quiet nature, waterfalls, or lakes. if you have a open top or balcony, just take your pillow and sleep under night stars.

- Social life - Keep yourself occupied with friends, no commitments or pressured activities but enjoy in the moment like activities... like go karting all of a sudden or going to an amusement park.

- Most hardest one is.. do not compare yourself to others.. im still working on this.

Thank you again for each person to take time out of their day to share their experiences and advice. I've actually compiled about 2 pages of notes from you all, and already a bit of hope for the possibilities ahead. A lot of stuff on here I never even thought of. Wow


And Votan, It's a shame your experiences have left you so bitter and lacking compassion for other women who struggle based on your own sad experiences. Your comments only made me appreciate my own partner more for all of the support and love he provides instead of taking the easy road out. Thanks!

C'est la vie

Hi Rooski: Typically I am not one to offer advice to people, but, in a way, I can partially relate to some of what you describe and I was, after many, many years, able to substantially fix things. Despite being an ATS member, I don't believe in anything without evidence and I'm not a fan of new age mumbo jumbo. I only say that to describe from where I come. The people who have mentioned meditation are correct. I have a distinct recommendation, of which practice but it may be more appropriate to let people find their own way and they probably all offer benefits and help for your specific issues. My advice would not be to read a book on meditation, though I am sure that has helped some. I suggest attending a series of classes (and paying if you must and can afford to). This way you really learn and if meditation is going to work for you, it is critical that you fully understand the technique and not what all the yahoos on the Internet have to say without a foundation of actual education. I contemplated meditation for 15 years before I got serious and once I did, within two weeks, my specific issues were gone. This is my experience. You still get unhappy, you still get depressed, but much less so and the whole experience of life is very different; the pain is less painful and there is much more light, joy and love. These things were always there. Meditation helps you realize that - with relative ease and manageable commitment. All the best. Sorry for the wall.

Yup, meditate, virtually your only solution.

You are strong i can see it in your post, your just failing to see your true purpose at the moment hence feeling this way. You need to confront, and accept/forgive all your past trauma's that are arising or you will go somewhat crazy!

for the anger ... get a heavy bag - take your anger out on it gets rid of stress and you also get a good workout ... as to depression .. try meditation ..

Daily exercise in a variety of ways, and healthy eating will go a long way. I used to have bad anxiety and panic attacks, depression and a bad temper. I mean I was really bad, I always thought something was wrong with my heart and these negative feelings consumed my life and hurt me mentally and physically.

I slowly started changing my life by staying as active as possible, eating healthy, and thinking positive. Now none of those negative things exist in my life. I'm generally always calm and happy and don't have an ounce if bad anxiety or panic........(I also quit drinking, but enjoy cannabis, however I'm just as happy when I'm not stoned.):.......I think exercise and diet are what's important. If you get those in order the rest will fall in place.......ALSO! Strong faith in our lord and constantly searching that part of your soul is a must!)

reply to post by RooskiZombi


Go to this link here there is lots of good reading material and in reading you will figure
Out how much you have learned yourself, this will help you figure out what else you need
To learn so you can move forward and leave depression behind, it's a lot simpler than you
Think which is why it's always better to seek treatment earlier rather than later,if you are your
Own best counsel then you will pick this up pretty fast, it has a snowball effect once you figure
Out its not so much how everything connects but more about putting things in perspective
To help present circumstances.

www.moodcafe.co.uk...

reply to post by RooskiZombi


Sounds more like bipolar than depression.

But anger is depression turned inward. You need to nip the source of the depression in the bud, that is if it isn't a chemical imbalance.

Are you in therapy? Are you on any medications?

Here is a website I highly recommend.

www.mcmanweb.com...

reply to post by RooskiZombi


It can be very difficult to remain positive when it seems everything is set against you. Anyone who grew up in a "less-than-ideal" household can understand what that can be like, and how damaging it can be to a person. We can be aware of where the problems come from, and still unable to cope with them very well.

Best suggestions for now, prayer, and talk to someone. Available in PM, if you want, but totally up to you. The important thing is to talk about it, and thus provide some release for the anger. I think of it like an old steam boiler, than has to have some pressure released now and then. Talking it over, ranting a bit; and someone simply listening, can really help. I would bet, with all those around you that think you are so nice and sweet (and clearly, part of you IS), there is someone you could talk to as well.

reply to post by RooskiZombi


What I am about to share with you is based on the premise that I believe we are quite similar. If I am wrong I still feel that my story can be of some value to you.

I want to share with you that I believe we are very similar. If I am understanding you, you have always been perceived as one of the good guys/gals. From an outsider perspective people always believe that you are a good person, despite the fact that you have always felt something was wrong with you.

You are self aware to the point that you are "over aware", which is where the anxiety comes from. Positive thinking for the over thinkers like us is impossible because we see the negative in everything positive, thus nullifying any positive effect that positive thinking may have.

My advice is to become fully aware of the problem. So far you have only become aware that you have a problem, and you have not found where the problem comes from. Somehow you are both the problem and separate from the problem. You are the problem because the anger comes from within you. But you are also not the problem because you condemn the problem.

I know that you cannot be the problem because the way others perceive you. The man/woman who's anger has completely mastered them can no longer "fake" the image of light and happiness, that others notice about you. It is quite honestly the internal struggle that you face with yourself that proves you do seek what is good. You simply have been unable to grab a hold of it. You are looking for something concrete and understandable.

By your own statement I gather that you are not just over aware but also have a greater understanding of others. You see through the lies. It is the combination of the lies and abandonment that cause you to push others away. Not being sure if they will stay, and being almost positive they will lie is very difficult to overcome.

Hopefully what I am about to say makes since to you.

You need to do a few things, understand that the anger although it is in you, it is not you. If you can grasp that the anger is not realy who you are, because it is not who want to be, then you can learn to fight. As long as you believe the anger is you, you will only fight against yourself. And any battle against oneself insures that you lose. Now you can learn to fight against anger.

Anger is not you and therefore you no longer have to fight yourself. Love is the choice weapon in this war. To overcome anger you must choose love at the point of anger. Eventually you will be able to confront anger as it wells up inside you and you will overcome anger before it opens its mouth. And instead your mouth will only open for love.

I believe anger will be the easiest of your demons to defeat. It is important that you see this anger as something inside of you that can be defeated and cast out, so that it no longer has hold of you.

Some helpful hints that I learned through my struggle.

Learn to feel your anger and analyze it the way you have everything else in your life to this point. Stop analyzing yourself and analyze anger as if it were something not you. When you start to do this you can start to understand that anger comes from lies not the truth.

Stop allowing yourself to be consumed by the lies of others, at least when it pertains to your anger. To ask more might be impossible for you at this point. Their lies are very consuming so just concentrate on the ones that lead to anger. You are not accountable for their lies and it is likely there is nothing you can do to help them, since you cannot yet help yourself.

Once you let go of your accountability to the one who wants to live in their lie, you can let go of the anger and start to become truly compassionate towards those that subject themselves to a life of lies.

Finally stop, breathe, wait, walk away, do anything to cut off the anger. Don't ever give up; use every expression of anger to better understand it. Both the anger that comes from within and the external anger all point to the lies behind anger. Understanding the root of anger will allow you to chop that tree down. Currently you are running around pruning the tree, but you have yet to understand it from its base, where it can be completely eliminated.

This entire post was given to you from a follower of Christ, not a judgmental self righteous Christian. Everything I said was first said by him. If you need something more concrete and are willing to believe, I will provide you the verses that prove that this wisdom did not come from me. I did not know when I posted this if you believed in God or not, so I did not direct quote from the bible so I would not scare you off from reading.

Anger is sin, and all sin is intended to be defeated. There is no sin that cannot be defeated. There is no original sin that binds you to your anger. Jesus said turn the other cheek. And I believe the groundwork has been laid for you to be able to do this.

Again I will provide scripture to prove that this entire message came first from Bible if that will help you. Ask any questions because if you relate to what I am saying I may be able to help you. Either way please accept my prayer for you.

reply to post by RooskiZombi

Well I just wanted to say that I am battling my own demons as well. I want to live happily, and have an awesome outlook. But I know that the next days in my life chapter will be the hardest I've ever faced. Some people don't understand how someone can let their feeling rule who they are, but it's easy to do. In my opinion, I'd say open your mind to other thoughts. Maybe find something that interests you and read up on it, study it, this should keep you occupied. And the meditation should help tremendously. You have to do this for yourself. No one can give you a happy pill, and if doctors try to give you any pill that you can become dependant on please turn them down. I am trying to get off of a doctors recommended medication, that I am totally dependent on. This is hell... more of a hell than the original issue. Sure while I'm on the meds I feel fine, but who wants to take meds forever? Please do the natural thing, meditate... eat healthy... exercise... and think happy thoughts. (I just wish it was as easy as it sounds)

reply to post by RooskiZombi


I was thinking of this the other day and tracked it down in one of my psychology books in hopes that your experience can be viewed in a positive light.

Construal – The way in which people perceive, comprehend, and interpret the social world.

Where Do Construals Come From: Basic Human Motives

Akert et al. (2013. p. 12) state that we human beings are complex organisms. At any given moment, various intersecting motives underlie our thoughts and behaviors, including hunger, thirst, fear, a desire for control, and the promise of love, favors and other rewards. Two motives that concern us here are of primary importance: the need to feel good about ourselves and the need to be accurate.

Sometimes, each of these motives pulls us in the same direction. Often, though, these motives tug us in opposite directions, where to perceive the world accurately requires us to face up to the fact that we have behaved foolishly or immorally.

One of social psychology’s most innovative theorists, Leon Festinger, was quick to realize that it is precisely when these two motives pull in opposite directions that we can gain our most valuable insights into the workings of the human mind.

References

Arket, R. M., Aronson, E, & Wilson, T. D. (2013). Social Psychology (8th ed.). Upper Saddle River, NJ: Pearson.

A very interesting topic to study, you do learn a lot about yourself while studying this field.
With a little Introspection, you should find the answers to your questions that produce minimal dissonance in you. Hope you are enjoying another day alive, take time today to appreciate all the little things around you and the beauty in their works. Take care.

reply to post by RooskiZombi


Know that there is more to all of what you see and experience - Consider the sheer scale and size of the Universe and endless dimensions - It isn't to feel small - It isn't to be overwhelmed - Take in the largest picture of life and reality that your brain can handle and consider that your anger and depression is a chemical composition, generated by a sack of meat for a body...Which is temporary and useful for learning faith and eternity - We are eternal beings, trapped in these putrid, smelly bodies - Punishment? Whatever - Just fight the fight the fight - Let in the LIGHT - Push out the JIVE and fight on, sister - The beyond is guaran-damn-teed to the strong, loving creatures capable of faith and forgiveness - Forgiveness of one’s self is included.

reply to post by Eldensword


That was an awesome response, I dig that. Very thought provoking and reassuring. Thanks for that!

I found this interesting article from Psychology Today. I believe we all have to find our own food2mood special formula to help combat chemical and hormonal imbalances. I would also experiement with eating foods laten with the B vitamins, which studies prove to help.

www.psychologytoday.com...

This is an interesting study on vitamin B12 deficiency and a mood disorder with a 16 year old male.

Chief complaints were "irritability, regressive behavior, apathy, crying and truancy" which lasted for a year.

www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov...

I am fairly over the average age of ATS members, and I can at least share with you something I have come to believe about this unfortunate affliction.

First, I recognize it as an affliction. My depression is not me. But then, neither is my shadow - though we both remain inseparably joined in this reality. To some, this can inspire a battle, as others have sagely pointed out, that cannot be won. But more to the point, it needn't be a war at all.

One can laugh when depressed, one can be brilliant when depressed, one can be glorious when depressed. Depression is an affliction.

It is not being 'sad' or 'distant' or any of the outward affectations that is a primal symptom of depression. Those 'appearances' are how 'depression' is advertised, sold, and marketed - explained to those who only "see" it as happening to someone else. In fact, these are the same who might tell you to "snap out of it" or "get a grip" or ignorantly (and perhaps innocently) ask you, what "exactly" are you depressed "about?"

It is fundamentally, and ultimately indisputably true that been keen-witted, or spiritually-balanced, or simply socially apt, is all it takes to conceal depression form others. Quite disappointingly, it is also too easy to think that being 'sad' means you suffer from depression.... thank you marketing. Sometimes it natural to be sad.

Good physical health; as well as many mental disciplines can make coping with depression much MUCH easier. Faith... real faith.. can also reduce depression to a paltry annoyance.

But - and this is big - you can not 'cure' depression without self-realization. A feat which precious few have achieved - though many may believe they have.

Be prepared to coexist with these moments of depression. You needn't "defeat" it, only know that it is a thing you can neither avoid nor wish away. The trick is, when you get yourself physically and mentally disciplined, you wont want to... you will be able to account for it, study it, if you're lucky finds some "cues" of it's coming and going, and eventually - maybe - reach the point of self-realization that we all seek in our own way.

Until then, always remember. You are not alone. Others have been where you are, and if they can get past it, so can you - I promise. In this way, we are all children of the same human condition.

Originally posted by Maxmars

I am fairly over the average age of ATS members, and I can at least share with you something I have come to believe about this unfortunate affliction.

First, I recognize it as an affliction. My depression is not me. But then, neither is my shadow - though we both remain inseparably joined in this reality. To some, this can inspire a battle, as others have sagely pointed out, that cannot be won. But more to the point, it needn't be a war at all.

One can laugh when depressed, one can be brilliant when depressed, one can be glorious when depressed. Depression is an affliction.

It is not being 'sad' or 'distant' or any of the outward affectations that is a primal symptom of depression. Those 'appearances' are how 'depression' is advertised, sold, and marketed - explained to those who only "see" it as happening to someone else. In fact, these are the same who might tell you to "snap out of it" or "get a grip" or ignorantly (and perhaps innocently) ask you, what "exactly" are you depressed "about?"

It is fundamentally, and ultimately indisputably true that been keen-witted, or spiritually-balanced, or simply socially apt, is all it takes to conceal depression form others. Quite disappointingly, it is also too easy to think that being 'sad' means you suffer from depression.... thank you marketing. Sometimes it natural to be sad.

Good physical health; as well as many mental disciplines can make coping with depression much MUCH easier. Faith... real faith.. can also reduce depression to a paltry annoyance.

But - and this is big - you can not 'cure' depression without self-realization. A feat which precious few have achieved - though many may believe they have.

Be prepared to coexist with these moments of depression. You needn't "defeat" it, only know that it is a thing you can neither avoid nor wish away. The trick is, when you get yourself physically and mentally disciplined, you wont want to... you will be able to account for it, study it, if you're lucky finds some "cues" of it's coming and going, and eventually - maybe - reach the point of self-realization that we all seek in our own way.

Until then, always remember. You are not alone. Others have been where you are, and if they can get past it, so can you - I promise. In this way, we are all children of the same human condition.

I always wondered how people can be so normal and not depressed after understanding all the ills of the world. So, I say, being well informed as to what's going on can cause depression. Do we combat this by not watching the news? Is ignorance bliss?

reply to post by RooskiZombi


Well, certain vitamins, supplements and sunlight can't hurt and neither can meditation, etc. but at it's root, depression that is life long usually stems from bad brain chemistry and low levels of SSRIs might be an answer.

Don't discount something that can provide relief.

reply to post by InTheLight


Much knowledge can lead to despair, but maybe wisdom fills that void.

I suppose it's a path, rather than a destination.

The ills of our world can be what makes us strive to improve our lot.

I fear only a few really devote themselves to that end.

But I recognize that the fact that they do, is encouraging.

And I suspect that among them are those who suffer from depression too.