Anger/Depression: A new, positive way of thinking needed. Help!

I'm not typically the kind of person to ask for help, in fact my stubborn brain is convincing me not to even write this, but I'm at the end of my rope and am looking for some tips or advice.

I've suffered with depression my whole life. I've lost all, and i mean all of my friends. My father also has severe depression and I grew up in a very hostile and abusive atmosphere which has led me to have anxiety and abandonment issues and an awful tendency to push everyone away. Self sabotage, so to speak.

When people meet me, they think I'm full of light, happiness and a will to help people, but it's all an act. I'm a miserable, negative person and on a daily basis wonder what the point of even being here is, as it seems I just bring everyone else down around me. I have a loving partner, who I tear to shreds because I expect him to be like every other person to let me down when I know truly that they deserve better.

I consider myself very self aware. I've spent countless hours trying to find tips online on how to handle explosive anger and draining depression (without the use of pharmaceuticals) and I even read several people saying that "Positive thinking is a choice" but really, how could that be? How can you choose in a moment of emotional blindness to be better, I mean granted I always regret the things said/done after but how is someone to change that process from even getting to that point??

reply to post by RooskiZombi


Meditate

Anger is actually a mind control issue. An angry and/or unhappy mind is not in control. It is a mind that is being controlled by thoughts(the opposite should happen).Meditation helps you to take control of your mind and it allows you think what you want to think.If you let anger take control you are in a very bad position. Meditation is about, being calm, in control, alert, awake and aware, when chaos is all around you. That means, letting go of all destructive,unhappy,unconstructive thoughts and thinking about what you 'really' want to think about . If you let go of unhappy,angry thoughts, you become the master of your own mind because you are above undisciplined/angry thoughts.

Alternatively,

Calmly remove yourself from the situation/feeling/person/poster that is making you furious/angry.
Take a LOOOONG deep breath. Inhale through your nose.
Hold it for about 10-15 seconds.
Exhale Slooooowly.
Repeat about 5 times.

Well look on the bright side your not a child starving in africa, your not in a war zone, your not mk ultra.. well hope not! And you have tons more power than other people. Your on earth to give, to resonate, to just be your vital self. You are needed. And I think you must find that inner connection to the totality of this life experience. You cant shake depression off really, you just need to find a passion and run with it. My advice, and Ive had depression etc very badly for many years. Finally I am not depressed as much as before. I just have given in to the TOTALITY the beauty that is life. I have a fear of death - a very bad one.

Do you take any vitamin D supplements? If not, you should try it.
You should take 5000iu per day. I take a liquid form of D3 that tastes like oranges.
You won't feel the effects until about 30 to 45 days, so don't give up on it. I used to have the same thoughts and feelings until I started taking D3 everyday. Now, I have more positive thoughts and I don't have mood swings anymore or get upset for no reason.
Best wishes!

reply to post by RooskiZombi


I'm sorry you are feeling so low. You sound as if you've been carrying a lot of unresolved anger, for many years. Have you ever considered therapy to help you deal with your misdirected anger? You know how to present a happy person to people, you just don't live as a happy person. It takes an incredible amount of energy to keep up a facade. The longer you try to live with a facade, the thinner it grows. All it does is make you feel worse.

If counseling is available in your area, you may find having a venue to unburden yourself of guilt you are unjustly dumping on yourself, would help you to channel your anger in healthy ways. Instead on those who love you.

You do seem like a very loving person. Don't be so hard on yourself. You didn't get to the place you are all by yourself. You are very brave for posting here, asking for help. That shows me, you have a lot of good inside of you, you just don't know how to access it in a healthy way.

Des

reply to post by RooskiZombi
Try changing your diet! Foods that are rich in zinc provide your body with natural anti-depression combatants (Ex: mushrooms, spinach, broccoli). Other foods that may help are those rich in vitamin B-6 (Ex: bananas, potatoes) and B-12 (green leafy vegetables).

Another good idea is to get n a regular schedule with your sleep and exercise routines. Even something as non-strenuous as walking around 20 minutes every other day can make a real difference. Good luck with whatever you try!

here is some reading material for you ...
www.freetheearthlings.com...
it seems relevant.

I completely understand your pain.

I, too, suffer from severe depression, anxiety, and PTSD. it is a never ending battle, a cycle of ups and downs.

I take medicine, and they make a huge difference. I know a lot of folks don't like the idea of medication, but a chemical imbalance may be helped this way. Don't be so quick to dismiss it out of hand.

Have you spoken to a therapist? A good therapist can show you different ways to approach problems and give you coping strategies to use.

I've found the following helps me:
*exercise
*sunshine
*solitude
*writing in a journal
*crying (I've been crying my eyes out tonight, got bad news. Crying helps me clear my mind).
*meditation

I hope these suggestions help. If you ever need to talk, just send me a message.

Hugs to you,
smylee

Originally posted by RooskiZombi
and I even read several people saying that "Positive thinking is a choice" but really, how could that be? How can you choose in a moment of emotional blindness to be better, I mean granted I always regret the things said/done after but how is someone to change that process from even getting to that point??

Others have already given great advice, and undoubtedly will continue to do so. With probably the inevitable jab from some random person. Such is the internet Either way, I wanted to comment on this specifically.

Its good to feel your emotions. It really is! However, letting them not only consume you but allowing them to blindly dictate your actions can lead to regrettable things.

If you see things the way you insinuate, then you feel you are your emotions. But, the truth is that you simply feel them. We can decide to let them control us and our actions (and many do), but that really is a choice.

It takes practice and discipline, and to gain this, many will correctly suggest meditation. What part of your consciousness is feeling the emotions? It is easier to not let your emotions get the better of you if you understand that even when in a blind rage, there is so much more going on in your body.

Just dont give up your power and perspective to a very small part of you (your emotions). You/we are so much bigger and greater than simply an extreme emotion at a given time. But it is so very easy to let our emotions take us for a ride that it seems like we didnt sign up for.. that we have to be constantly mindful.

Undoubtedly, you are capable of this. You are much more amazing than you give yourself credit for, everyone is. So, the pertinent question is; What/Who feels those emotions and why isnt that part of you calling the shots? It might take some time to work through, and will absolutely take some time to start walking towards who you want to be.. but I have faith you can do so, even without meeting you. This thread itself is evidence that you can start to become who you wish to be.

Afterthought, I haven't tried Vitamin D but that sounds like it is worth a try for sure! Thank you

Destinyone, I really appreciate your words. I needed that more than you know. I guess the idea of talking to someone who gets paid to hear me was always a bit stomach turning but it sure beats holding everything inside until it bursts forth in unhealthy means. Luckily my work provides confidential external counseling services, perhaps its time to take advantage of this.

reply to post by RooskiZombi


1) Nutrition/Hydration: Do you get your dietary needs met daily? 4-5 servings of fruit/vegetables? Do you eat mostly processed foods? How is your H2O intake?

2) Fish oil supplements. Research overwhelmingly points to fish oil tablets for their Omeg 3 Fatty Acids for improving blood pressure, memory, and improving mood. (Flax seeds and walnuts are also high in this as well). If you don't eat seafood, you should consider the tablets or the other alternative.

3) Exercise. Endorphin release. Those are happy chemicals.

4) Seek out a good therapist. They listen, condition themselves not to judge you, and help you think through your issues so you can resolve them.

None of this creates happiness overnight. Although working a sweat at the gym can make you feel pretty awesome pretty fast. Those are all lifestyle choices.

Another thing to note is that St. John's Wort supposedly works similar to any regular SSRI. You can find that in the vitamin section of your local pharmacy.

Rooski,
You're welcome! It's really cheap, too, so you aren't out much if it doesn't work for you.
Question: Are you inside a lot or do you work outside?
If you're outside a lot, a vitamin D deficiency might not be your problem.

reply to post by RooskiZombi


If you have the resources, and paid for by your work...yes, do take all the advantage of it you can. I can honestly say, therapy saved my life. I too, didn't think I could tell a paid person my inner demons...that was something I had to get over.

RooskiZombi, I would not be here typing this to you right now, had it not been for the help, and guidance of a good qualified therapist. If you don't click with the first one you meet with, go on to the next. My ego was my own worst enemy in the beginning...and fear that what I had held inside for so long was too ugly to show anyone else. I found out, I'm just another Human Being, with valid feelings, and emotions...not nearly as bad as I thought I was.

Meditation, diet, exercise...those too, are all part of the journey to a new healthier and happier you.

I wish you a healing journey....

Des

reply to post by RooskiZombi


I have been lucky to never has suffered from depression. I do wonder though if it would be possible to control it will mediation. Turning off your thought or internal dialogue. Most of the thoughts that go through our heads are the same thoughts again again. We do not solve things by thinking about them. That is done by our backmind. If you could control your thoughts. Would that help control depression..?

reply to post by purplemer


My own experience only applies to me, but to answer your question: yes, absolutely.

That is exactly what I did.

edit: Just to clarify, I would word it completely differently than you did, but I think we are speaking of roughly the same thing. I never turned off my thoughts, emotions, or anything like that, more.. watched them as they passed by. To put it in a nice buddhist-ish way (even though Im not religious) ; I realized I was the fresh water spring, and the raging river further downstream was no longer able to carry me away.

reply to post by RooskiZombi


OP. Do you ever crave chocolate when stressed?

Chocolate is chemically similar to one of the neurotransmittors our brains use. Sometimes, craving chocolate (which mimics serotonin) might be an attempt to self-medicate.

Depression does have roots in the biological workings of our brains. This is why I think medication can help SOME people.

And Destinyone gives awesome advice. It's amazing how much better you can feel when you connect with a good therapist. It can be life changing.

Keep us posted....your in my thoughts.

Hugs,
smylee

reply to post by RooskiZombi


I feel for you.I have suffered a debilitating depression since elementary school 28-30 years ago.

Exercise helps go for a bike ride, I find also thinking of those with far worse problems makes me feel its not so bad.
Magic green flowers help a lot for me,but everyone is different.
Realizing when your thoughts and feelings start to be negative is tricky but when you realize it, try to think more positive I know that it is hard to do but it does work and even try to notice your triggers helps and to avoid those.

I have had suicidal thoughts since I was about 7-8 years old believe me I have adapted some good techniques to deal with it. If ever you need to talk to someone who knows what its like I am here feel free to contact me if you would like.

And what works verry well is B-12 , multivitamin and vitamin c. I take 3 times the recommended vitamin c and three times the vitamin B-12.It is safe to take much more than the recommended dose. Be careful with the vitamin c it will give you the runs.Last year was the first year without Seasonal affective disorder for me, so I know it works.

reply to post by smyleegrl


Ha, actually yes I do crave chocolate. A lot.
But fortunately I've taken a natural path in life. I try to eat a lot of non processed and organic foods and have even taken to my own garden last week as I have a spare sun room perfect for some veggie growth. This is why I will not take any medications, at all. I was put on anti-depressants a couple years ago and they worked for a few months, but alas, always needing to "up the dose".. I'm really glad it has helped you, I've heard it can work wonders for some people, but I don't believe I am one of those.

I hear you.

My depression was brought on by two life changing events that happened in the span of a few weeks.

My other half, who was the 'bread winner', got into a terrible accident at work. He was driving a utility truck and was hit by a semi. His whole thoracic spine was full of fractures. It was pretty bad,

This of course led to financial hardship in an already rough economy.

A few weeks later I was diagnosed with a life changing illness that has no cure. They said it had been there all along, but, stressful life events had brought it fully to the surface.

I did my best to fight through it thinking that it would pass and after a year of it only getting worse, I resorted to pharmaceuticals to help me cope. The first one was no good, but, I feel a little bit better with the second one. Its only been two weeks, so time will tell. I am not suggesting that you should go this route, just to be clear.

(Please, no lectures on that, I know how many of you feel about antidepressants. It was losing my mind or the pills. I chose the latter. For now.)

I really just wanted to let you know that you are not alone by any stretch of the imagination. There are people who know how it feels, people that live it daily, and people who understand completely.

I don't know if that's any comfort, but, sometimes it helps me to know I am not alone.

reply to post by enament


Thank you for sharing that, sounds like you've had a hard battle also. I appreciate your advice, and really thank everyone for helping me realize that we all fight a battle, and its really inspirational to hear so many people who have overcome/working to overcome such a debilitating issue.