Yeah, sure, I'd like a girlfriend. Just like i'd like a Lamborghini.

I think you could use a few paradigm shifts to make this a bit easier...

First, don't put women on a pedestal so much. Understand that there are indeed a lot of lame women out there that are in fact not only not worth your time, but don't even deserve to EXIST in your life. Just think about all the dumb guys you know, whether they are friends with less than stellar traits or just people you know about from college or elsewhere that have major issues that keep you avoiding them like the plague, and understand that there are that many women out there like that too, so don't trip at ALL if things don't work out for reasons you can't understand. A slight tangent but still relevant: as the old saying goes, "For every beautiful woman out there, there is a man who is sick of her you-know-what."

Second, don't think so logically about this stuff, and try to be more intuitive with women. Sorry ladies, but you don't always say what you mean and mean what you say. One obvious example: If your lady is visibly upset and you ask what's wrong, and they say, "Nothing," and you go, "groovy!" and keep watching the game, then you're in a LOT of trouble. When the girl said you're not getting laid tonight, don't ask "why did she lead me on?" but rather, "What is her motivation for telling me this?" Sometimes women say stuff just to see your reaction (even the part about promising sex or whatever). Bottom line: If she's inviting you to her house late at night for drinks and a movie, there's an opportunity no matter what she said, and in fact often times when a girl says "We're not having sex tonight," the fact that sex was even on her mind makes it more likely that it could happen than if she had said nothing. (Idiot disclaimer: this is NOT the same as a girl forcefully stopping you from making advances and shouting, "NO!" Rape is a serious issue and it is very important that you do not mix these two instances up).

Lastly, I find that self-love works wonders here, although I need to work on this area a lot myself. Basically, I find the days I stop investing in women and choose to invest in myself, ironically gets women throwing themselves at me. It goes hand in hand with everything everyone else was saying-- not looking for something from someone else, "ignoring" them, it's a great confidence booster, etc. What I mean by self-love is positive affirmation PLUS examining your insecurities and tackling them head on. For example, you mentioned that you're insecure about your looks... so go ahead and do something about that. Doesn't mean get surgery, just simply go shopping with a girl or guy whose fashion tastes you admire and some new attire, or hit the gym, or whatever else-- I can't answer that for you but you know what you need to do. Just whatever you do, do it for YOURSELF-- the tastes of the public randomly change all the time, so just rock yourself to the fullest extent possible and people can't deny that ever. Obviously this is the stone that kills the most birds at once, so I would spend more time in this area than any other...

Hope that helps...

reply to post by solarjetman


I like your post and I feel it's criminal I don't have a very long response to it. But you're right.

Hey, had all sorts of activity on okcupid after I changed my username there. Very interesting. I knew it was a poor choice for a while but just thought I couldn't change it (I did pay $10 to change it though...better than reanswering all the damned questions!).

Please remember that the original post was a drunken rant.

by the way, I think last night was worth it. I think I may have pissed that girl off enough that she will never talk to me again. I HOPE SO. I haven't been into her in several months but I kept talking to her for entertainment value and she got to my carnal desires yesterday.

She blocked me on facebook. I FEEL HONORED.

And I know what you mean about the sex thing. I can't count how many times ive had a girl tell me she wasn't interested in sex and guess what happened? I also had one of them try to say I raped her though. I don't play that way.

Originally posted by christina-66
reply to post by ollncasino

 

Whatever you do, don't get married then

Your post and your avatar made me laugh out loud - that face says it all.

lmao I didn't see it that way until you said that.

reply to post by jziegler


"Someday ill be complete, but not today, not right now".- This is what it sounds like your saying to me. As long as your "looking" or even hoping, it means your not FULLfilled NOW.... right? Maybe you'll end up in a romantic relationship with a nice guy or girl someday but why worry about that now? Why look to the future for happiness? As long as you're looking to the future you cant be full or complete right now. I like to meditate on the word "looking" and try to see what that really is, how it feels, and its always an obviously unpleasant feeling which makes it easy to drop at least for a little while, but the more you practice the longer lasting the state of contentment becomes.

Originally posted by phroziac

By the way, I have had several decent relationships off of okcupid.

edit on 24-11-2012 by phroziac because: (no reason given)

Please define decent relationship? You've had several? Scary.

Distain for women just oozes from your posts. Particularly were you mentioned that you had women friends but that they wouldn't admit to 'how women are' - or something to that effect.

I wasn't going to respond to this thread, but I was curious. I haven't read all the posts, yet what I have read from you (and some of the others) is that all you want from a women is to worship you, never disagree, and open her legs at your will.

Most women I know can deal with selfish and self-centered children but after nine or ten years of age it gets really tiresome and won't put up with it.

Have you made a list of what you honestly want from a women? That would be a good starting point. You can't change women or any single woman but you can change your attitude to women in general and specific women in particular. I'd get some therapy - but then I'm a women.

reply to post by phroziac


As a woman I would tell you that with that attitude you gonna stay single for loooooong dude, unless you find someone more desperate than you, but I am not feeling particularly mean tonight so here is my advice and it may sound harsh.Get a life.Stop trying to find a girlfriend or attract women.Have hobbies, interests, read books, meet people, make friends.Don't find women online, meet women in everyday situations, be confident and charming, talk, make jokes, be yourself and own up to it.In your posts you reek of desperation online, and I'm sure it is lot more obvious in real life, it is horribly off putting.
Stop demonizing women and radiating hate rather work on your self .I've met my boyfriend in a gym three years ago while I was reading some magazine with naked hot chick on the cover, he walked to me introduced himself and asked me what I was reading, we talked for a while and I commented something about the ass of the chick on the cover and he sad he prefers real life women and he likes boobs more anyway
Sometimes I cry with laughter over the hilarious things he says , he doesn't have a six pack, and he is not rich but he is incredibly confident, funny and intelligent and to me the hottest man alive.I don't wanna brag but I can really choose and be picky just because I was lucky enough to have good genes,but my parents taught me better than to go for the rich assholes .So look for a person, not just a woman because I get the impression that right now any woman would do for you, and enjoy being single.

reply to post by phroziac


I just hope you don't fall prey to some kind of scammer on those dating sites

It's riskier to do it that way.

And, whatever you do, do not fall for the mail-order-bride at all costs. Its a scam in and of itself.

Anyway, my advice is just go about your life and let some girl who moves in the same circles have a crack at you

Don't come off so desperate.

oh, and don't let them know you started this thread.

Originally posted by FyreByrd

Originally posted by phroziac

By the way, I have had several decent relationships off of okcupid.

edit on 24-11-2012 by phroziac because: (no reason given)

Please define decent relationship? You've had several? Scary.

Distain for women just oozes from your posts. Particularly were you mentioned that you had women friends but that they wouldn't admit to 'how women are' - or something to that effect.

I wasn't going to respond to this thread, but I was curious. I haven't read all the posts, yet what I have read from you (and some of the others) is that all you want from a women is to worship you, never disagree, and open her legs at your will.

Most women I know can deal with selfish and self-centered children but after nine or ten years of age it gets really tiresome and won't put up with it.

Have you made a list of what you honestly want from a women? That would be a good starting point. You can't change women or any single woman but you can change your attitude to women in general and specific women in particular. I'd get some therapy - but then I'm a women.

You've got me all wrong dude. Holy crap.

And decent relationships are ones where we have a good time. Actually, I should say I've had two of those off the internet, one wasn't a dating site though. One was 6 months one was a year.

I want girls to like me for me. To not string me along and play me like a toy. To be good people. What's wrong with that? Also, this thread was a drunken rant about a girl who strung me along and played me like a toy. Infact I don't even know why I replied to you.

Originally posted by reject
reply to post by phroziac

 

I just hope you don't fall prey to some kind of scammer on those dating sites

It's riskier to do it that way.

And, whatever you do, do not fall for the mail-order-bride at all costs. Its a scam in and of itself.

Anyway, my advice is just go about your life and let some girl who moves in the same circles have a crack at you

Don't come off so desperate.

oh, and don't let them know you started this thread.

lmao. I actually encountered a few of these philipino and Malaysian chicks on blackberry messenger who wanted me to marry them. I let them flirt with me and had fun with it and basically told em I couldn't afford to go there and meet them, which is the honest truth. a few must have thought I was lying and kept talking to me and a few deleted me.

Some women (just like men, probably) like to play dominance games. They string you along because they get an ego boost from your patience and your pining for them.

When you "wait" for them, you are basically debasing yourself and elevating her.

I finally figured this out when I was about 23; I was at a party with a girl who was stringing me along, and bumped into 2 other dudes she was also stringing along.

After I gave up on women and dating completely, about a year later I met my future wife. We've been married for almost 20 years now. She is the best sex partner I've ever had; also the most eager. I have had some of the best sex of my life within the past year...

She asked me to wait, too. But she also telegraphed that she was completely committed to me and had no interest in anyone else. She did find ways to keep my attention while I was waiting. But that's all we'll say about it.

A man is not complete until he is married...
And then he's finished!

Originally posted by phroziac
The likelihood of me having a girlfriend and a Lamborghini are about the same. Give me one reason to deal with the BS women put up with.

Women are people, some are great, some are totally screwed up--last girlfriend I had was a complete psycho, but the girl I was cheating on her with was really nice, you have to accept that no two will ever be exactly the same.

Im on a dating site, right?...

Oh dear, you cant expect to find a great relationship on a dating site, the women on those sites are just like the men on those sites--single for a reason; that reason may vary (commitment issues, mental health issues, personality issues) so you looking at the bottom of the gene-pool on those sites.

I put this picture, the one to the left, on my profile there. Well, whattaya know? Now all the women want me. Yeah, cause they think I own a Cessna, therefore they think im rich. What a bunch of superficial jerks.

It could be that they think your rich or it could be that they think your a pilot--something about high risk occupations... point is you're assuming the worst; therefore experiencing the worst.

I finally had that second date I posted about 5 months ago. Just today, yep.

Forgive me, I have no prior knowledge of your situation, just this thread...

...I basically only talked to that girl anymore because I couldn't get her to stop calling me.

If she keeps calling you dont you think that she might actually like you--If she didnt like you she wouldnt call.

She's basically stood me up every weekend since then. I never took her seriously after the 3rd time or so, but she appealed to my hormonal side the other day, talking about what she wanted to do to me, if you know what I mean. Stupid me thinking with the wrong brain actually went to her house today. Nothing happened. Of course, she told me that when I got 3/4 of the way to her house.

You have to put the effort in, women like romance--they also like sex too, I take it you didnt stop on the way to her place and buy her flowers/lingerie/chocolate/vodka

I bitched her out via text when I left. So now im the bad guy because I only went there because I thought I was getting laid? Right.

Yep, you played badly and thats why you lost.

But she previously had a roommate she slept with and slept with that way. And that's ok. But I guess i'm not good enough, huh?

And your plan was to be her room-mate or to be her lover??

How come women always wanna take it slow with YOU, the "nice guy", but always end up cheating on the nice guy with some jerk.

Yep, every guy who sleeps with another mans girlfriend is a jerk--but I thought your problems was you couldnt get a girlfriend, not that your girlfriend is cheating on you.

They always whine and moan about these jerks and wonder where the nice guys are, but the thing is, they've destroyed the nice guys because we've all become jerks because that's what they want.

If you let yourself become a jerk because of a failed (or string of failed) relationship(s), then you will only end up with the kind of women who will cheat on you--because you're a jerk.

Oh, and they always sleep with these jerks, usually on first dates. But they wanna take it slow with you, right?

Could it mean they only want these "jerks" for sex, not a relationship?? They may be wanting to take it slow because they are in for the long haul... only speculating.

And I'm the bad guy because I want to get laid,

Yes, in her eyes you should ant more out of the relationship than sex, so showing interest in HER (not the fun parts of her anatomy) is probably a better approach??

...after you went and wound me up telling me about how much you want to sleep with me, right?

sex is only a small part of a relationship--if all you want is sex, then you dont need a girlfriend; in fact having a girlfriend can put serious dampers on your sex life (picking up women in cocktail bars is not a good thing to do if you have a partner--unless she is in on it too..)

Of course, there's lots more to my hatred of women than this, but im drunk and the bartender wasn't listening to me.

Hating women is the sure fire way to remain single, you need to put that hate aside, which is hard after being burned. Love women, love them for their faults, love them for the features; but I think before you can do that you need to love yourself..

I have as much use for a girlfriend as I have for a Lamborghini. Sure, I'd like one, but I'll never have one. EVER.

Positive thinking is the catalyst to positive living.

If I ever date again, PUNCH ME AS HARD AS YOU CAN. Punch me so hard you break your hand in half!

Forever alone, like a BOSS..

running out of space to rant... Chin up, get back on that horse!

Stop being people you are not, and just be you. Eventual you will cross paths with the right girl, you will know who she is and she will know you as well..... until then party on, just be ready to tell your future loved one the truth of your past, and be prepared to except hers as well.

reply to post by RobertF


This is so true Robert, it took me 41 years of the same crap the OP is going through, but I finally found the one for me, and when she says the same about me, well, that just makes my life all stars!

reply to post by phroziac


I don't know, are you? lol. Yes actually I'm in Pa, not far from 80, ironically.

reply to post by emeris


yes that's exactly what i'm saying, i've been through a lot and need to focus on myself and maybe in the future i'll find him but like i said eventually i'll find him.

It's a dating site - what do you expect to find? There are some amazing woman out there. You probably won't find them at a bar, at a dating site, or at a date-a-palooza. You may well find them at a library, at your work or perhaps at a shelter where you donate some of your time.

You can't expect miracles by hoping you'll find your soulmate by visiting a dating site. There are plenty of non superficial, great woman out there. You just need to shop at the right store. Stop shopping at the dollar store, start shopping at quality stores instead.

reply to post by phroziac


I recommend getting a cat. At least with a cat you know where you stand, they are king and you are a minion and you best like it.

Instead of being a cat lady you can be a cat gentleman. You can collect cat figurines too to fill the void.

This is only a suggestion of course.

Oh dear God.

I love ATS, especially the relationships section. Internet gold! I LoL at least twice per page.

Honestly better than hilarious .gifs of cats.



Hey OP keep your head up you will figure things out.

And in regards to attaining a Lamborghini, if that is a goal you set for yourself; you can achieve it--this guy did:
www.kiengineering.com...

Remain optimistic, retain your dreams, reach your goals.

Also remember these words of wisdom:

The love you give is equal to the love you get

peace

Hatred of women is probably the reason you don't have a girlfriend.

Like your picture for example. When I saw it, I thought "man with an interesting hobby." or "man who likes that plane," not "rich".

Women are drawn towards men who are confident and happy.
If women are always cheating on you, it isn't just because they are women.

There are still good ones out there.