Over 30 years old with Aspergers Syndrome, How do you cope?

I was diagnosed at 35 (I'm 43 now)

I believe my wife was more relieved than me as it explained my seeming ambivalence to her and her feelings.

I still cannot "drop" everything for an impromptu family gathering, but my family will give me a few days notice so I can get myself prepared (put it in my routine).

I still find it difficult (as this is) to convey any feelings verbally or visually. I know what I want to say, but end up suppressing it to the detriment of everyone.

Oh and alcohol isn't really the best medicine. I tried that for 29 years.

Originally posted by uwascallywabbit
some advice from the late Nate Dogg regarding a tool some claim could be effective

your mileage may vary

www.youtube.com...

Actually found it a great help, despite all warnings to the contrary by the usual blowhards.

Ebeneezer Goode was a big help too, as he kind of brought everyone away from their usual comfort zones to a midway point where nobody dominates.He makes people very honest too, makes for a very comfortable social environment but also wonderful for constructive introspection and self building.I don't dance with Ebeneezer any more, but I'm so glad I did. I think he could be a very good therapist in fact.

Originally posted by kat2684
I have read variations of Autism, and Schizoid Personality Disorder mimic Aspergers too, what symptoms are 100% unique to Aspergers?

I'm fighting with the notion, was this enviromental or biological? OP do you think you were driven to develop these traits, or have they always been?

edit on 20-8-2012 by kat2684 because: (no reason given)

Great question.I think it is primarily environmental. I think it is a group reaction to the social stimuli we are all exposed to. Perhaps Aspies do have some subtle biological differences that provoke a different reaction to the stimuli than that of regular people. Regardless, it does not make them wrong or inferior.

I think even the most conservative, 9 to 5, 2.4 children average guy, or the wildest most punked out loonbag will agree that society is all f@%#*d up. Without appropriating blame, it is a mess.

Now, most people think we should just ignore this mess and strike on, applying a veneer mix of BS and lies and fantasy, over any cracks that might allow us to see the ever present mess.

People like me seem to think it better to clean up the mess first. Unlike say, Newt Ginrich, I believe we need to sort out the inequality not just in the US but globally, before I could contemplate building a civilisation on the moon. Who is crazier? Me or Newt? I suspect there are very few Aspies in government.

reply to post by NeoAstra


I've found that the best technique for ANYTHING that isn't harmful or imminently dangerous is....

Just be yourself. It won't matter to anyone who cares, and if anyone cares in a bad way, they don't matter. I went through hell before I learned to be myself (toning it down a notch, albeit) and I am never going back.

Society HAD to name us..they couldnt figure us out! Labeling something/someone is a final gesture,(to them) that's all.

I say, embrace who you are, its wonderful. Im thankful every day that I'm not a normie! Oh, woe is he that is bound to societies rules, dont wait for a leader , trek off on your own!

reply to post by Yummy Freelunch


To be normal is good. To be abnormal is great. To be ****ing nuts is just plain awesome.

I'm sitting in the "****ing nuts" section. Wanna join me?

Blah yada, AfterInfinity, I knew it wasn't just me, yaay. Trying to learn math beyond BEDMAS was more like memorization then knowing why (learning), it was like the teacher was trying to teach me Japanese and didn't even speak any english. It may as well be called matheneees becuase they never convert it into english.

One4all, I think you have a point but maybe I just bought into most of the lies so I can cope a bit better. I don't like conversing with fickle people like that who have to lie to get by but I will if I have to for as long as it takes to get out of having to do it. I don't really like the whole 1D-3D thing, I personally think of it in levels. Most people in my opinion are at a level 1 base level monkey see, monkey do level unless it is their job to think then they get to level 2-3. Aspergers sort of sets you at a level 2 base level and to goto level 1 is hard and being FORCED to level 1 is hell. Level 3 is some what easy but certain subtle parts of it are missing and we / I have to make work arounds.

reply to post by AfterInfinity


absolutely! We might just take over the world together, Pinky..lol

Oh and alcohol isn't really the best medicine. I tried that for 29 years.

reply to post by DrKitch


Hmm, helps me no end when I have to socialise. Not to much, spaced out through the evening at the family gatherings have have to sit through a few times a year. Don't drink it as a habit though. Makes the world even more puzzling and unsteady when hammered.

Originally posted by XeroOne
Well, he could have posted this in a medical/self-help forum. Did he? No, he posted it on a conspiracy forum full of nutters like myself.

Which (contrary to what you apparently believe) is not an excuse for bad behavior. It is also not an excuse to avoid researching a specific to see if it fits your "conspiracy nutter" paradigm.

Originally posted by XeroOne
Some of us believe the pharmaceutical industry has a secret plan for world domination, so it follows such theories would be outlined here.

Surprisingly, (I think big pharma is evil too actually) the impetus behind the rise in diagnosis' of Autism Spectrum Disorders (which includes aspergers on the "mild" and high functioning end) did not correlate with a rush of drugs to "treat" those on the spectrum. It is still not terribly common for professionals to use medication for autism spectrum disorders; although it is becoming more prevalent, particularly for children with more severe and impairing behavioral manifestations. But there currently is no drug or family of drugs to treat the "symptoms" save the ancillary effects such as depression or social anxiety.

Originally posted by XeroOne
A lot of us feel the need to brand ourselves, to base our whole identities around some label that makes us feel special in some way - assburgers, Indigo Children, or whatever. I'm guilty of that myself, until I grew out of it some years ago

Something else you may need to grow into is realizing that your hang ups and crap are not necessarily everyone else's. Often people "grow out of " one thing to simply develop another negative to take it's place... Such as judging everyone else for the character flaw that you feel you have outgrown, (even when it is not there) so that you can feel special. See? Same emotional kick back, just a different path.

bah, never mind

reply to post by R6A6W6


I know a few people with the condition.

I have to admit I don't think it exists as a condition.

But I also have to say that I think it exists as a set of tendencies.


In my observations, I've usually been able to locate the point in someone's life that probably "caused" the result that they have been labeled Aspergers. And for that reason I tend to think it's not genetic.

That's not to say it's 100% non-genetic. I just sort of view it as a self-induced mentality.


Simply put, I believe that if thrown into a situation that forced you to become "normal" (whatever that means), that you would adapt, in time.

reply to post by blah yada


Newt is definately crazier, lol.

I believe in fixing the mess too, many "normal" people lack being introspective.

Lets take introspection for example, I learned introspection because of living in a overly critical household as a child. I also seem emotionally flat, desensitized because of having seen violence and been abused mentally and emotionally. I'm a loner because my parents isolated me and I never developed adequate social skills. My symptoms mimic Schizoid PD, but mine were 100% enviromental. If some people do not get a name for their illness, they have trouble overcoming it. I know I'm not schizoid, I just have alot of the markers because of my upbringing therefore, I know what issues need to be worked on. I think labels are bad, if you become your illness, but they can be ok if you are looking for a way to face it.

reply to post by Gorman91


So do you not think that Autism exists as a condition either?

reply to post by Gorman91

Simply put, I believe that if thrown into a situation that forced you to become "normal" (whatever that means), that you would adapt, in time.

That statement couldn't be any further off the mark, way off. In any situation I would still not become normal after any amount of time. I might be able to act normally in front of people so that it doesn't show on the outside but believe me, its far from feeling normal on the inside.

reply to post by 8311-XHT


To say it more specifically, I simply don't think it exists in such wide a range as is being said. The extremes of the condition are obvious, but the medicines for them should only be for those extreme cases, and I think the not-so-extreme cases are salvageable and damaged from improper use of medicine.

The core reason for this goes back to when I was a child and, after an allergic reaction to aspartame and a few other problems, I was in many ways more or less OCD and borderline Aspergers. For a while they even looked into tourettes.

But I fought through the problems.

One day in prayer, the thought came to me that there was no reason why I should listen to the forces of my mind that suppress my potential and caused me to touch things an even number of times, repeat sentences, and other ticks. So, I began to personify them in my imagination. After successfully making them my invisible friends, I made them my invisible adversaries. Things to be locked up into cages in my mind, fought, defeated, and indeed killed for some of them. I learned to control them, and enslave them.

I can certainly say it made me have many good story ideas.

In the end, the result was what it was. Those parts of my mind were quarantined, and over time, more or less rewritten. I forced my mind to be its own king and to slay its demons.

Today, the only time I see the ticks return is when I am heavily under stress, and because the patterns in my mind of how to deal with them are so deeply part of my consciousness, they are quickly dispatched and destroyed.


So personally, I have a tendency to think that the same is possibly for many others. While I say this, I also note that I don't know everything and there may, in fact, be cases too extreme to salvage. I know not. I simply say that many, if not most, of the cases are self-induced over inflated egos and entitlements.

reply to post by R6A6W6


I invite you to read my response above.

reply to post by Gorman91


Yep I read it.

One day in prayer, the thought came to me that there was no reason why I should listen to the forces of my mind that suppress my potential and caused me to touch things an even number of times, repeat sentences, and other ticks. So, I began to personify them in my imagination. After successfully making them my invisible friends, I made them my invisible adversaries. Things to be locked up into cages in my mind, fought, defeated, and indeed killed for some of them. I learned to control them, and enslave them.

Oh noooo,
As soon as you mention prayer, it just reminds me of my Brother, who would miraculously cure himself from every conceivable illness, even swine flu. Then he would try praying for me.

I would say sure go ahead, as I don't want to insult him or his religion and I certainly don't want to insult you or your religion either by the way. Each to their own and whatever makes you happy.

So he would pray that I would be cured of all mental illness and guess what? It didn't work.

He might then say its because I don't believe in the power of Jesus Christ and he would be right there as I don't. That's one more thing about me that will never change.

reply to post by R6A6W6


That's sort of a ridiculous argument.

Had I never mentioned prayer, then what would you say?

Just by your attitude, you're locked into your own way of thinking.

Well that's great. But anyone in that situation, I don't believe to have any mental illness. Just a self-induced delusion, like religion.

I always have to chuckle when people who don't suffer from something (or, if you prefer, aren't in a given situation) and therefore can't truly, directly understand it (and no, in my opinion analogous conditions or situations do not count as everyone and every situation is different) attempt to argue that it isn't real or that sheer will power and effort can change something that the person experiencing it knows without question is unchangeable for them personally.

I am all for not labeling it a condition or giving it a name. I am all for referring to it as "simply how we are." But none of that changes the fact that there are some shared, common attributes and factors that from our point of view cannot be changed or simply willed away. Give us some benefit of the doubt here. We are after all talking about mature adult human beings, not children. We're aware of things like cognitive dissonance, self-delusion, groupthink, and the dynamics of trying to fit into a group (which I couldn't care less about, incidentally, and in fact shy away from.)

No matter what semantics or philosophy we want to place on it - as is of course everyone's prerogative, don't get me wrong - the fact remains that no one knows who and what we are better than we do. Any argument to the contrary is about as effective, fruit bearing, worthwhile, and rational as trying to convince gay folks that they are just deluded and should will themselves to be different.

It has nothing to do with ego. It has nothing to do with wanting to fit into a group or a fad or a tribe or be special or be different. (I'd give anything not to have to deal with what I do on a daily basis, frankly.) As I said in an earlier post, if you haven't experienced it firsthand, you can't understand. And if you think you have but were able to overcome it, then you haven't experienced precisely what we're experiencing, now have you? Because when we say we can't just will ourselves to be different (not that we should want or have to be anyway, mind you,) we're not stupid you know. We know what we're talking about, since it's our lives we're expounding upon.

I hope this didn't come off as hostile, as that is not my intent. I respect everyone's differing experiences and opinions. I just don't think they can or should be uniformly applied.

My two cents. Peace.