Your Views On 'Smacking' children.

reply to post by Furbs


I find your contention that your use of physical discipline somehow aided in your children's sexual orientation both ignorant and repulsive. You want to spank your children go ahead - no one's stopping you. But if you want to believe you can physically discipline a child so that they are not "sexually confused.." well I don't know what to say other than I feel sorry for you and your kids

Originally posted by mrsoul2009
reply to post by Furbs

 

I find your contention that your use of physical discipline somehow aided in your children's sexual orientation both ignorant and repulsive. You want to spank your children go ahead - no one's stopping you. But if you want to believe you can physically discipline a child so that they are not "sexually confused.." well I don't know what to say other than I feel sorry for you and your kids

Uhhh.. huh?

reply to post by MonteroReal



I hear you....

but some people can't just have a beer or two and be done with it...some people can't control themselves on any number of issues that you raised. Perhaps we are talking about 2 different things however for some people it isn't so simple, nor harmless.

Nothing is proven but in the extremes. These aren't my numbers and no, nothing is proven, but the overall data and research are on my side.

reply to post by Furbs


sorry Furbs I was referring to Blahable

Originally posted by mrsoul2009
reply to post by MonteroReal

 

I hear you....

but some people can't just have a beer or two and be done with it...some people can't control themselves on any number of issues that you raised. Perhaps we are talking about 2 different things however for some people it isn't so simple, nor harmless.

Nothing is proven but in the extremes. These aren't my numbers and no, nothing is proven, but the overall data and research are on my side.

No, they are not, 84% were abused, now prove that abuse is the same as spanking a kid maybe once a year and that those prisioners were spanked in that way, not beaten almost everyday.

Originally posted by Blahable
All the time.. ..ass beaten.
All the time.. ..ass beaten.

We are Old school parents..
I "smack" my children.. ..All the time..
..A good old fashion.. ass beaten.

We raise our children the same way I was raised by my parents..
..All the time.. ..ass beaten.

They Have Honor!
They are Respectful!!!!!!!
Honor roll children.
They know what sex they are..
They wont be sexually confused.
No criminal record.
They have scholarships set up.
They wont be out haven orgies..haven orgies..haven orgies..
..good old fashion....ass beaten.. ..orgies..

---inspirational bridge--

All the time.. ..ass beaten.
All the time.. ..ass beaten.

We are Old school parents..
I "smack" my children.. ..All the time..
..A good old fashion.. ass beaten.

We raise our children the same way I was raised by my parents..
..All the time.. ..ass beaten.
We raise our children the same way I was raised by my parents,
and the same way my wife was raised by hers..
They will be intelligent enough not to..

I am still plucking out the chords for this song, but I think It's not bad.

To get back to the point.

You give your kids beatings for bring home bad grades?

anyone who uses any type of force on a child is disgusting. It shows a complete and utter lack of intelligence and inability to communicate with your child. We don't go around smacking or hitting other adults if they do things wrong.

Kids that are "out of control" are so because of the inability of the parent to set boundaries, teach and communicate.

Anyone who hits their kids should be ashamed of themselves, and look at themselves first.

reply to post by Furbs

You give your kids beatings for bring home bad grades?

You know, stereotyping doesn't do you any credit. I don't believe I've seen any one say anything of the sort. Or even imply it.

A slap on the butt does not, in any shape or form, constitute a beating. If you think it does, your perceptions are just a tad skewed...

If that does happen, and I'm sure it does, that is abuse. No one in this thread is/has/will advocate anything of the sort, which you know very well.

But stereotyping makes it easier to color everyone who disagrees with you as an evil monster. Doesn't it?

Originally posted by Furbs

Originally posted by Blahable
All the time.. ..ass beaten.
All the time.. ..ass beaten.

We are Old school parents..
I "smack" my children.. ..All the time..
..A good old fashion.. ass beaten.

We raise our children the same way I was raised by my parents..
..All the time.. ..ass beaten.

They Have Honor!
They are Respectful!!!!!!!
Honor roll children.
They know what sex they are..
They wont be sexually confused.
No criminal record.
They have scholarships set up.
They wont be out haven orgies..haven orgies..haven orgies..
..good old fashion....ass beaten.. ..orgies..

---inspirational bridge--

All the time.. ..ass beaten.
All the time.. ..ass beaten.

We are Old school parents..
I "smack" my children.. ..All the time..
..A good old fashion.. ass beaten.

We raise our children the same way I was raised by my parents..
..All the time.. ..ass beaten.
We raise our children the same way I was raised by my parents,
and the same way my wife was raised by hers..
They will be intelligent enough not to..

I am still plucking out the chords for this song, but I think It's not bad.

To get back to the point.

You give your kids beatings for bring home bad grades?

Great song isn't it!!!

If the bad grades came along with them not being focused, busy playing games, fighting, being disrespectful. We did what we had to do.

If they were trying and making a effort. Normally taking the TV and PC out of the room was good enough.
Increasing Study Time, and tutoring time.

I know there was a lady that made the news about a year ago who used the same tactics, ( I think she wrote a book), and the "teddy bear" "my child is perfect" parents gave her a rough time also. But hey it works.

Originally posted by mrsoul2009
reply to post by redhorse

 

Your post was interesting and truly heartfelt. I commend you for handling very well what must be an extremely challenging situation at times. Not easy at all. Parents of special needs children are all over the world and they all have very unique and often difficult decisions to make regarding the well being and raising of their children. As all of us do - we try and do the best we can.

Well thank you.

Originally posted by mrsoul2009
And that research shows that for the a majority of children (not all mind you - but a majority) the use of physical discipline was a negative impact on their lives and led to many other issues later in life. Here just a few facts:

www.dosomething.org...

Nope. You said "physical discipline" and then quote a bunch of statistics on "abuse". There is a difference. This is a misleading approach. I call foul.

Originally posted by mrsoul2009
Now I know we're not talking about abuse - however for many - this is less clear than you think. It can be a slippery slope of escalating violence. Is this the same as spanking? Of course not. But the messaging used to convey this sometimes takes things to an extreme in order for a point to be made. The fact remains that poor parenting is one of the major failures of modern society - and its not for the lack of physical discipline.

I never said it was clear, and there certainly is a slippery slope, but I AM talking about abuse, and the fact that too many people (much as you have done here) interchange physical discipline of any sort and abuse, and this is complete and utter crap. My fathers abusive outbursts certainly didn't help me become a productive member of society, or really teach me anything. For me however, the emotional abuse that I did not mention (that had nothing to do with my father) was far more damaging than the physical abuse, (which is not to excuse it mind you). The emotional abuse is harder to qualify, or even identify though. Long story short here, for me, the beatings were not nearly as damaging as the head trips.

As I said in my post, there is a far cry from physical abuse that can (and usually) does contribute to someone becoming a criminal, or a drug addict, or another abuser, or just not-nice-person-in-general, and physical discipline applied with the intent to teach. You seem to be interchanging the two, and you know the difference in one breath and call them the same in the next. I find this baffling, and frankly irritating, specious, double talk. I don't know if it's simply in over-zealousness to prove your point, or if you simply take it as a given that most or many people cannot be trusted to apply appropriate physical discipline because they cannot exhibit the necessary self-control (which is the primary cause for the "slippery slope" aspect), or some combination of both, or even another factor. I also feel that a culture can teach people to approach it more responsibly, and I still feel that socially requiring no physical discipline under any circumstances is an over-simplified approach that is ultimately more damaging to a society.

Originally posted by mrsoul2009
As for the end of your post, I'll avoid being insulted by stating that I am neither young nor childless and have very little time on my hands.

I said "most" read it again please. When I say "most" I mean "most" not all. I'm a stickler for applied vocabulary. Did I mention that I am on the spectrum myself? Please bear with my idiosyncrasies.

Originally posted by mrsoul2009
I will say I never struck my kids once but found other ways to discipline them. They are now very successful people and I'm very proud of them. Different strokes for different folks as they say - but I'll stick to my ideals any day of the week.

While I admire the ideal of sticking to ones principles, and I have no doubt that your approach worked well for you and your family, I personally have found that sticking to a principal for the sake of sticking to a principal to be a recipe for hypocrisy, and generally does more harm than good. It simply does not work well for me, and in my experience it does not work well for most people even when they think that it is. You may be the exception.

For the record, I could brag my kid up too, but I don't have room, and most people get bored with it. I will say, she is fine, academically mainstreamed and excelling, with a few close friends, but she will probably never be a social butterfly.

This is a very touchy subject. From personal reflection, looking back on my childhood, i can honestly say, I am thankful that my father gave me butt whippings I got. I deserved them. I was a very stubborn child, hell, I am still stubborn. But, those instances when I left my parents with no effective alternative for discipline , I got what was coming to me. It taught me a lot really. I have respect for those around me and the way they do things. It is not my business how someone else raises their children. You do have to realize that different children need different techniques. Sometimes a time out, a stern talking to, or sending them to their room (without the toys) works. Some kids are just too stubborn for that. I for one have personally thanked for my father for the lessons learned the hard way, as I knew even then, that he did not want to do it and it tore him up to have to spank me. Now, dont get me wrong he didnt wail on me for minutes at a time or anything. one or two smacks and that was that, and yes he occasionally used a belt, but the belt he used..truly the sound was more terrifying then the belt was painful. More then anything it was the knowing I disappointed him that hurt the most. So how did I turn out? Well, I am married, my wife and I enjoy a comfortable life, I have never seen the inside of a jail, I have never been in any sort of trouble with the law, I do not use any drugs (other then my weekend ball game beers) I pay my bills, look out for my friends, family and neighbors, help those I can help,

I think you mean HITTING a child.
IT IS WRONG! Period.
If you are not able to teach a child something without hitting then you are not intelligent enough to raise a child.

Originally posted by SM2
I do not use any drugs (other then my weekend ball game beers)

I think you meant to say I do drugs weekly, because that is exactly what you are doing. It is probably due to your parents hitting you.

Originally posted by seagull
reply to post by Furbs

 

You give your kids beatings for bring home bad grades?

You know, stereotyping doesn't do you any credit. I don't believe I've seen any one say anything of the sort. Or even imply it.

A slap on the butt does not, in any shape or form, constitute a beating. If you think it does, your perceptions are just a tad skewed...

If that does happen, and I'm sure it does, that is abuse. No one in this thread is/has/will advocate anything of the sort, which you know very well.

But stereotyping makes it easier to color everyone who disagrees with you as an evil monster. Doesn't it?

Please refer to this post.
www.abovetopsecret.com...

I expect you to be as vocal with your apology.

I believe a good old fashion spanking is fine, smack on the hand. NEVER hit a child over anger, NEVER EVER use extreme force. Children need discipline and sometimes a time out isn't enough. For example, my fiancee's sister, has 5 children, she is a single parent and those kids listen to NO ONE, they do what they want when they want. They are all under the age of 11 and it's really sad. They talk back to her, tell her to f*** off, and she "doesn't believe in spanking" so she puts them in time out. You know what they do when they're told to go into the time out table? They laugh at her, they laugh at their grandmother, they are horrible kids. The youngest boy stabbed his mother with a pencil because she wouldn't buy him a bb gun. HE'S 5!! Now those are the children that will be in gangs, pregnant by the age of 15, dropping out school, robbing people. Simple disciplined could of changed those kids future. (She also isn't the best example either, drinking with 17 year gang members, being an ex gang member herself)

My father gave me a good whippin with his belt, with his shoes, yelled at my face, and spanked the heck out of my butt when I was younger.(I always caused my father to be angry with me I was a pretty damn wild teen) I always resented my father, till I reached my adult years. Because of my father, I learned to respect my elders and not talk back in a disrespectful manner, I learned to have manners, I learned that I am not a wild animal, and I was raised much better than most kids.

All in all, a spanking isn't going to traumatize a child for life, sure they'll cry and feel bad, but they'll realize that what they did was wrong and their actions have consequences.

Originally posted by Blahable

If the bad grades came along with them not being focused, busy playing games, fighting, being disrespectful. We did what we had to do.

If they were trying and making a effort. Normally taking the TV and PC out of the room was good enough.
Increasing Study Time, and tutoring time.

I know there was a lady that made the news about a year ago who used the same tactics, ( I think she wrote a book), and the "teddy bear" "my child is perfect" parents gave her a rough time also. But hey it works.

edit on 30-1-2012 by Blahable because: (no reason given)

I think we can all say that for the sake of our grandchildren, that we hope our children are better parents than theirs were.

Originally posted by XLR8R
reply to post by lampsalot

 

No it doesn't form resentment. I was spanked as a child and never resented my parents for it. As many others if you read the posts. I'm not talking getting beaten. I'm saying one good smack.

edit on 30-1-2012 by XLR8R because: (no reason given)

It formed resentment in me, at least for a while. Spanking is still beating, it's just a mild form of beating.

IMO there is no reason whatsoever to hit a child - spank or smack.

If you are in control, which as an adult you should be, there are plenty of other things you can do that does not require the need to be physical. The power of your voice can do wonders. (And I don't mean yelling and screaming at the top of your lungs)

The problem comes from parents not knowing what to do nor being taught how to raise kids so they follow the same techniques used on them whilst growing up. If your parents "smacked" you when you were growing up and you believe yourself to be "normal" then it naturally follows you in turn will have no problems smacking your kids as you will know no better.

Kids are always going to test your boundaries and you need to know how to deal with this - at work you wouldn't hit your co-workers when they step out of line so why would you hit your kids ?

My 2c's.

Originally posted by liqua
at work you wouldn't hit your co-workers when they step out of line so why would you hit your kids ?

My 2c's.

Because it is the job of the parents to deter their children from poor, or sometimes even outlandishly wild, behaviour and the odd time - the ODD time - a smack is the only way to get the point across. As adults it is not our job to clean up after the poor parenting that was used with the adults we are surrounded by.

I was smacked as a kid when I got out of line with my parents. It was rare but it happened. I now know how to be respectful towards others when I am at work, at the store, with friends, etc... because though my parents did their best to teach me with other methods, I would still act out, and that is when I would get a smack. Spanking wasn't their sole way of parenting me, but when I was out of line it did the trick fast. It was in that moment that it clicked "Hey... I was taught better than that" and I snapped out of my fit.

If I am at work and some 30-something year old man wants to take a fit with me because his parents didn't teach him how to conduct himself in a mature manner, well I would think it's far too late to start laying down the spankings, but you can guarantee probably the first thought that goes through my head is that he needed more of them growing up

Originally posted by getreadyalready
reply to post by ALOSTSOUL

 

I am a big fan of smacking. And it doesn't have to be a specific spanking.

Now, I don't always hit them, because I like to keep em guessing, so I do whatever they least expect at the time, but if I am within reach, and a quick smack will get their attention and make it memorable, then I use the smack.

Timeouts work well for some kids, taking away some favorite thing might work, even chores might work. Anything that makes them think, makes them uncomfortable, and makes the event memorable is on the table.

One thing I NEVER do, I never make idle threats. If I threaten a spanking, and they disobey, no matter how comical it is, or how much I don't want to, I ALWAYS follow through on my threats. For that reason, I rarely threaten them. It took a long time to get that rule through the heads of my wife and mother-in-law. They were constantly making serious threats, and then they didn't want to follow through, but I never let them get away with it. Many nights at Nanny's house got cancelled because Nanny, or Mama made a threat that if they didn't stop something, they couldn't come over, and they didn't stop, and I didn't let them come over. I usually got the silent treatment for the night, or sometimes the whole weekend, but eventually they stopped making idle threats, LOL!

I let my kids get away with quite a bit, but once I speak, they mind. I am proud to say they are the absolute best-behaved kids at karate class, and baseball, and in any restaurant you will ever see. Not just a bragging dad either.

Man I can agree with you here. I try to tell my sister that the secret to making them behave is to NEVER go back on your word. If you do this then when you say no they will never whine (let alone throw tantrums) because they have learned that its a complete waste of time.

I have a seventeen year old and he minds just fine. You got to teach them to mind you when they are young else they will run all over you when they are older. And not just that, they will be more likely to use drugs, commit crimes and have a general lack of respect for you. And if they don't respect their parents who are they going to respect?

-Alien