Your Views On 'Smacking' children.

Originally posted by sickofitall2012
My father was so scary, all he had to do was flinch and I stopped in my tracks. He never once laid a hand on me that I can remember. There was a very short time that my mom and step dad were at their wits end with my newly discovered ability to lie. I got a lick for each lie, I stopped lying when I got to 5. To this day, the negative reinforcement still elicits a response that lying will get me in trouble, thus it appears that worked. I will not tolerate abuse, but there is no real proof that an occasional negative reinforcement does any real permanent harm. You can find so called experts on both sides of the fence, but there is no real proof. Not all children that are molested turn into molesters, not all children that were abused turn into serial killers, right? So once again, when the " experts" come out and say that something is bad, then society over reacts, again, and does the exact opposite. There is no middle ground, EVER! When the experts all said fat was bad, don't eat it, what did society do? They started devouring carbs, now look, everyone is obese. MODERATION FOLKS, EVERYTHING IN MODERATION, DUH!!!!!!
I have said many times that the problem with the young of today is that they hold all the power. Society has taken all the power away from the adults and handed to the ignorant ( due the incomplete formation of the brain, frontal lobe does not fully develop until the ages of 22-24) and the inexperienced. We feared adults when I was growing up. We were all under the assumption that any adult could disipline us at any time. Our parents brought us into the world, and we all believed they could take us out. That's what's missing, fear of consequences. Until at least 22 years of age, young people cannot comprehend the full consequences of their actions, that what adults are for. When society learns about MODERATION, then everyone will be better off.

good post, and to think we send our kids out to war at 18, and wonder why combat screws their minds up so bad.

my son said a naughty word on purpose right in my face and I slapped him. he is 6, and it was a light slap, as I am a huge man, and I know to restrain myself. he cried, and asked me "why would you do that to me ?" then it was my turn to cry, i asked his forgiveness, and we were cool

very counter productive, and I regret it and won't do it again

my dad slapped me real hard when I was 16, and I deserved it. he knocked me right on my bum. I knew I deserved it, and then woke up early the next day to make it right

my mom and sister pressured him into apologizing, but we were cool

in the end, parenting is sooooooo much more than discipline. the trick is getting kids to strive for positive attention. if you only notice them when they misbehave, look out, you are setting yourself up for disaster

Originally posted by syrinx high priest
the trick is getting kids to strive for positive attention. if you only notice them when they misbehave, look out, you are setting yourself up for disaster

Great Post.

That is exactly correct. They want attention, and they will do any damn thing to get it, so pay attention.

reply to post by sickofitall2012

My father was so scary, all he had to do was flinch and I stopped in my tracks.

For me it was my mother, she was a tough broad, and no one dared mess with her. The times I did, I've had objects thrown at me, brooms broken over my head, spankings, punched, hit with belts, etc... I've had to get stitches so many times I can't even count.

***THAT is physical abuse, and I don't condone that.***

I see nothing wrong with a good smack though, and that is not even close to this "physical abuse" as some here have been comparing smacks too, and nothing even close to what I've experienced. Been there got the t-shirt.

Originally posted by Osiris1953

Originally posted by syrinx high priest
the trick is getting kids to strive for positive attention. if you only notice them when they misbehave, look out, you are setting yourself up for disaster

Great Post.

That is exactly correct. They want attention, and they will do any damn thing to get it, so pay attention.

Yes, that is an excellent point. If they don't get positive attention they will go for the negative. In some cases contact is contact, and as humans we crave physical contact. It is also the reason why so many young kids jump into sex too soon.

depends on the child and the offense .

a good smack can do wonders . it did for me back in the 70's.

Often times discipline comes at the fault of a lack of knowledge or a lack of understanding on the child's part.

When I have a grandparent who is suffering from Alzheimer's and as a result makes poor judgements because of their lack of knowledge or understanding do I smack them around? Is force necessary for someone to learn? Is force necessary for building moral character?

I hold the mantra that any initiation of force or violence is morally wrong.

No physical violation of any kind should be allowed. Barbaric really, and it shows a tremendous lack of creativity and communication skills.

reply to post by ALOSTSOUL


You do not need to smack a child to discipline them. Having said that, when they are not capable of reconciling an action with a direction, ie: they are too young to understand sometimes a little scare might do the trick. I only ever had to do this a total of two or three times for both kids and one has global learning delay. That is quackery for a form of autism.

When they were misbehaving to the point of hurting each other, I would ask them to hold out their hands. When they did, I would place mine underneath theirs scooped and whack it with my other hand. It barley touched their hand as theirs was safely in the scoop of mine but the sound was sharp and loud and enough to warn them and help them remember. By the second time I had to do this, all I would say is "Hold out your hand", and they knew it was coming.

Kids in general are naturally good, happy and want to please. I also find with my young nephew in his terrible two's rather than say "NO" you can't have that I will say; Can you please close the cupboard door or please put it back sweetheart? He does because he wants to please and then I reward him with a "Good boy" and a little clap. He smiles and is already off playing with a toy.

I understand parents will do things differently but aggressively laying your hands on anyone is against the law so why should children be exempt?

Threads like this remind me that the apocalypse won't be the destruction of all mankind it will simply return it to the balance of nature in that only the strong shall survive.

Smacking is barbaric ? no parents that have allowed society to spiral into complete # are barbaric. You think smacking hurts your kids more than a destroyed economy, outsourced jobs and forced elimination of rights ?

No smacking stings what parents do these days instead is what really hurts there children.

Smacking is a sign of weakness. I got total obedience of my children by throwing crappy macDonalds toys and dry felt tips in the bin (previously secretly segregated for the show). They remembered that for years and all I had to do was threaten the same.

Children learn from smacking : If you are big enough to physical dominate your will prevails, right or wrong. Nice moral lesson......NOT!

And where do you stop?

You cant smack your kids, that physical abuse!

Your kids are out of control, thats bad parenting!

Some kids need discipline, positive reinforcement should only be offered as a reward for good behaviour, not as an incentive to stop bad behaviour, otherwise you get a loop (behave bad, get noticed, stop behaving bad get reward) meanwhile kids who behave well all the time get nothing.

No child is an angel, and all children at sometime require some form of discipline, and it wont be long befor someone, somewhere starts to call mental abuse for timeouts, nuaghty steps, removal of privilages etc.

Personaly, growing, we had a mxture of disciplinary procedures, and I prefered the smack to the alternatives.

A smack, given immediatly as punishment for something that is currently happening, stops the behaviour and is overwith. Physical punishment should never be "part of" any other punishment. i.e. spank AND removal of priviliges.

Physical punishment should never be threatened later i.e. "when i get you home..." If your not gonna spank them there and then, you shouldnt spank them at all.

Following those rules, we only ever got spanked when we were misbehaving, and only had the "mental abuse" when we got foound out to have been being misbehaving.

These are the rules I apply and I havnt had to spank my children for almost most of their life.

Just sayin!

I have read through the thread in it's entirety and I will say that I am in agreement with spanking. I do not condone going overboard with this - beating a child is another thing completely and that is unacceptable, but a smack is the only way to get through to a kid sometimes.

Yes, when I was growing up my parents would spank me. It was infrequent, but when it was necessary you can bet I would be receiving a smack in the mouth [usually for talking back]. I remember treading carefully around my parents as a child, and not out of fear but out of respect. I just KNEW, I don't know how I knew but I did, that some things are just unacceptable and there would be punishment for doing these things. Like another poster said, sometimes it was something as small as a 'look', but when I got out of hand and didn't heed these warnings I knew what would follow. My parents split at an early age, and my Mom took a job working nights, but she was confident that I was self sufficient and mature enough to be left to my own devices at 11 and I was fine. Yeah I tested her the odd time but for the most part I was well aware of the consequences.

Now at 25 I am without children of my own but I have seen the results of children who are coddled... My Mother has a friend with a 4 year old who has never had a hand laid on him, but when he has a fit he turns violent and is allowed to punch his mother and father freely square in the face without so much as a complaint from them. Setting him down and talking to him only makes him act out more and they are so afraid of children's aid being called that they just turn a blind eye to his behaviour and say it is out of their hands. The kid is only four but he is one of those kids that you look at and expect to see him on the front page of the newspaper for killing someone in a few years and I can guarantee that a good spanking would teach him that he is not the one in charge, which he clearly thinks he is.

My neighbour's son is 8 years old and is constantly beating up other kids to the point where most parents don't want their children around him. He is also allowed to get physical with his parents and his mother, also never having laid a hand on him, will simply sit him down and tell him that she loves him and it's ok to be angry but don't you think you could show it another way? Without giving him the tools to do so. Do you know where she learned these techniques? Local parenting classes. These classes echo the same sentiments that many here have expressed - never spankings. But sometimes sitting a kid down and trying to talk with them when they are coming at you with their fists, feeling that they have control over you, does not get you anywhere. Violence may breed violence but I doubt very highly that a spanking can be put into the same grouping. As said there is a difference between physically hurting your child out of anger and giving them a good smack when they are out of line.

A good majority of my friends were smacked growing up, most of my family members were, and their parents were, my parents definitely were, and so on and so on... and I can guarantee that should I choose to have children I will be doing the same. I don't know one person who has been traumatized by the spankings they got as a child and those that were, were the product of an abusive home, and as it has been pointed out many times there is a difference. That is not the subject here - of course child abuse should be illegal, but breaking bones because you have rage issues and spanking a kid because they are wildly out of control are not the same.

Originally posted by circuitsports

Smacking is barbaric ? no parents that have allowed society to spiral into complete # are barbaric. You think smacking hurts your kids more than a destroyed economy, outsourced jobs and forced elimination of rights ?

Yes...of course!

It is lack of spanking that destroyed our economy, sent our jobs overseas and eroded our civil rights!!!! It is all so clear now. If only we had a presidential candidate that could run on the spanking platform, perhaps be willing to spank his child on stage at a press conference so the voters knew he meant business!... all our troubles would be over!!!

Some posts on ATS make me despair for humanity, others make me laugh...this one is a little of both.

Originally posted by Deebz


Now at 25 I am without children of my own but I have seen the results of children who are coddled...

This deabte would be much more credible if folks acknowledged that it wasn't a choice between coddling/spoiling children and hitting them. Spoiling your child is not the same as not spanking them and a child who gets spanked can be at the same time spoiled. That should be obvious?..right?

Well when i was growing up i was told (not asked) only once, after that i got my but spanked. Now with my own daughter I try not to spank but there are times when it is necessary. I believe if a child does something that endangers their own life (like sticking things in a light socket) or someone else's, they need to get a spanking. It all depends on the seriousness of what they have done. Like repetitive disobedience where time outs and groundings dont work.

I think thats whats wrong with people today, they get off too easy (Big Brother makes out like a crook...). Maybe if people were "smacked" (figuratively speaking) more often they/ we would realize whats happening and what were doing is wrong. It makes me sick when people say that "spanking your child causes psychological harm" and "a parent lacks the mental ability to punish there children correctly". It worked for years and is part of raising a child.

When it becomes a problem is when it gets out of hand or when its done in anger. I hate having to discipline my daughter, but i know if i dont then she will be the child that you always hear in walmart running wild screaming and knocking stuff down, while the whole time the parent says nothing more than "please dont do that" and "kids will be kids".

reply to post by Deebz



Agreed. If you don't control your children they will control you, that's just the way it is. I've also seen many coddled children grow up to be criminal, immoral, and entitled.

And I'll be damned if I ever have a child raise a hand to me, a good smack and a scolding will fix that right quick.

Let me tell you something you really don't know how crazy some kids are until you come to my town where they drive BMW's and make your income ( cause its their birthright)! Okay let me tell you a story:

I went to my friends house both her parents are former Harvard deans and the family makes a jaw dropping $550,000+ a year and these guys are stupid rich! Also both of her parents have P.h.d.'s and are very smart and very cultured individuals whom are highly respected! Here's what sad while i was at dinner at the house i realized how bad their family situation was like. You would never think that this picture perfect family had problems.... but it was expected due to the lack of discipline! It wasn't like her parents spoiled her, or she was ignored she just acted like she was entitled!

So while at dinner my friend cussed her mom out over her parents decision to not let her have $300 for the mall or the car because her parents had to help her brother go to new york! Like this kid was on some serious $@ish! I have so many stories where this friend of mine would throw huge fits about how she wanted something or had to have it her way. There have been multiple occasions were her mom and dad were mortified in expressing their dominance over their child which is their right to do. So as a result of her outburst her mom decided to punish her by taking away her phone and putting her in her room and as a result i had to leave early! I'm like WTF if i had ever the ballz to cuss my mom out i would die! My mother is french and Haitian sooo i would def be scared!

In my family you DO NOT disrespect or belittle your elders! My parents come from a culture where they DO spank their kids! I believe in order for the family to be a cohesive piece their needs to be a feminine and masculine approach to discipline this is not something that is made democratic! The reason being is because children do not run house holds when adults are present! I thank God that my parents spanked me and were hard on me because I was a little rotten, now i'm a functioning adult!

Now back to the story, we speed up to 4 years and now currently because of my friends rotten behavior she has been kicked out of the house and cut off from family finances and struggles to cope with how hard real life is and how to earn a dollar! She has yet to attend college and im graduating college in a year with a B.S.N. and two minors! My friend has at time expressed to me how she felt about the disconnect that she has with her family, but to me this whole phase of her life could have been avoided had her parents broke their foot off her butt!!! I don't feel sorry for her cause she did in essence brought this upon herself !!

Her mother at times when i drop by or bump into her, expresses how she missed me and wished that i was her child!

SAD

So parents please smack your kids when they think they are boss and do monitor and communicate with them cause taking away the toys and ostracizing them for ten minutes does nothing!! Make them understand that you are the boss and that you are approachable but your not to be f'ed with! I'm tired of parents being afraid to discipline their kids cause the state will ( and they will do so by dropping them off in orphanages and jails and forgetting about them). So protect them from themselves and excercise your right to do what you must but dont abuse them ( that means leaving bruises on em) and if they threaten to call DCF tell if they do call DCF they will be taken away and be left to fend for themselves! and that is what my mother told me!

reply to post by ALOSTSOUL


Funny that you should use the light socket analogy as an example. I only smacked my nephew once, and that was the reason. He was reaching for the light socket.
I held to the rule that as long as there was padding, aka, diapers, a quick smack on the butt made my point.
By the time they are potty trained, I felt they could understand "No."
We never spoke down to them, or were histrionic. Their mother railed on about every tiny little thing, it got to the point that since nothing they did was right in her eyes, they just tuned her out. She could never understand why they would obey uncles and aunts, but never her. It was because she was a shrew.
My philosophy is when you turn 18, do what you want, until then, this is what has to be. Now that they are all 18, they know they have to weigh their own decisions.

reply to post by ALOSTSOUL


ALS, beating your children will only make them stupid, or bullies, or both. I know because this is what I've seen on others. "Physical discipline" means something else than REPRESSION.

Teaching to children things like martial arts, music, dance, gymnastics is what "physical discipline" is about, because they learn to express themselves through the body in these ways. It also makes them healthier mentally, and in saner contact with the physical existence.

But that brutal idiocy of hurting or terrorizing your kids.... as opposed to what that grumpy old men keeps vomiting, it does NO GOOD.

What do you wanna teach your children to... beings dogs or being intelligent humans?