A Parent's Worst Nightmare Come True: The Death Of My Daughter

OldCorp, I hope this might help to ease your suffering.

"... the nature of spirits"

source : www.geae.inf.br...

Dear Bob,
I cannot begin to tell you how awful I feel for your loss and the pain you are going through. Your experience is unique to you, probably coming to you in waves you can't control just yet. I have not lost my children, but I have lost my whole family. So I hope you won't mind my sharing with you what helped me through my worst days.

I leaned on a good friend who advised me this way: "When things seem blackest, try to release whatever it is you're feeling. Throw pillows around if you want to, and scream into them, but when you do, be aware you are releasing the negative. Then allow a positive memory in to replace that space inside you." This required some practice on my part, but in this way I know I was able to find some sense of balance again.

Only you can summon the realization and appreciation of the special gift she was to you and the world. Cherish her in your heart and with your deeds so that your special bond remains pure and intact. I'm happy you are planning a memorial service to honor her life. If possible, she will be in attendance. Make it a good sendoff.

Warmest thoughts,
Aboutface

Sir,
Bob, even though I don't know you, and I've already sent one message, please know that no matter what, your daughter will always be with you. Others have said that, and you can believe every word. I was so close to my Mom. She was my best friend, and yes, I'm crying as I write this. She passed three years ago. Today, I had to go find out if I have cancer. She was right there with me through the entire ordeal, and even though I came out okay, (thankfully) I would not have been able to be so calm without her presence. Sir, please know that we all are thinking of you, praying for you, and we are here for you. ATS is a great big huge mentally unstable and hilarious family, and you are a dear part of it. I am humbled at how we all can put aside the BS and rally around our own. Be well, friend. Be well.

Tell Jesus "HI" for me Baby Girl. Daddy will be there soon. I love you.

She knows.

My sincere condolences. I can't come close to ever understanding all the pain you are going through. Know that your loss saddens me and I will be praying for your healing.

I just read the full story on your page mate, and i must say, i was putting it into my perspective, as if i was you, and it was my story i was reading.

I would not stop, if that was my daughter. Despite not having kids myself, having something that is essentially a physical part of me - taken away from me, is something i would just not let go.

I'm not one to let even the smallest of things pass, let alone my blood. Continue your fight mate. And i know it's gonna seem difficult, considering you almost gave up looking for her at one stage, but don't - because you made the achievement of eventually getting her.
If you can achieve that, then you can achieve this.

What your daughter's sister said in that facebook message is very infuriating, and i would resort to rage myself, but in a situation like this, now's not the time to resort to anger, as they have a bit more power in the situation.
I'm not from the US, so i wouldn't know, but couldn't you seek legal advice as soon as possible, and perhaps order a dna test to instate yourself on the birth certificate?
I think the legal advice alone would buy you some time as it would stop them from doing anything?

Or you could use what you have to your advantage. You have her parents on your side.If worst comes to worst, and you couldn't gain legal help, ask the parents to keep some of the ashes which they could give to you. But don't rely on the mother or any of the siblings of your daughter, as they obviously aren't going to be civilised.

Then once your done... you may speak your mind - but for the sake of what's most important to you, don't use any form of attack, as they can just as easily shut you out


Again, i'm sorry to hear that mate, and i hope you are able to move on

reply to post by OldCorp


I'm not sure that anything anyone could say will help you but God is there for you. I hope that you can see the time that you had with your daughter as a gift from God. You did not expect the time you did have with her, but you did get it. Whenever we lose a loved one we wonder if we did enough. The truth is we all do the best we can. You never gave up on her unlike many who simply abandon their children.

You should not be concerned that you did not spread the word of Christ to her. You did spread the word to her in the most important way. You loved her. And in return she loved you. I know what you may have been told about the bible but here is the truth. Her love for you proved that Christ lived in her. The spirit of Christ is love, and no one knows love without Jesus. You can know that her decision to follow Christ, by following the spirit of Christ inside her, guiding her to love was enough.

Everyone who listens to the voice of love inside is following Christ. There is no other way to interpret the bible because God is love.

If anyone tells you anything else they do not know Christ. You are correct to assume that you will see your loving daughter standing next to Christ when it is your turn to move on from this place. Remember Jesus says God is the God of the living not the dead. Do not consider your daughter dead for she is alive, soon you will be alive too.

Know that God promises not to test anyone past the point they can stand up against. You will stand again my brother both in this life and the life to come. Now is not the time to give up but instead the time for faith. I pray for you that you have the faith to stand up to toughest of all tests that a father could encounter. I know that you can because God promises to be there with you. Whatever gifts of the Holy Spirit you pray for in Jesus name he will give you. This is his promise. You need strength, courage and faith right now pray for it as I also pray for you, and it will be given.

With love your brother in Christ, may you find peace in this life and the life to come.

reply to post by OldCorp

lol @ 1:49 oh my gosh, i was reading everyone's reply from where i left off last night and i am still sincerely crying for your heartache. then by golly hearing you giggle and say that made me smile and giggle along with you x x x

I know i cant speak for everyone here on ATS, but it still amazes me that something wonderful can come out of a great loss. Because of your outstretched arms i now feel closer to you and to those here who have shared your grief with you. Our family here on ATS are truly a wonderful bunch of characters and i love each and everyone of them for it.

much love to you OldCorp x x x

love and harmony
Whateva

All I can do is send a warm hug across the Internet -- and a heart full of sympathy. I went through the death of my own child, but the misery of being denied entry to her funeral is beyond cruel.

All I can offer is that "she's not *there* now" -- can you and your friends hold a personal memorial service for her in a place of your own choosing? This is something people do in my culture when they can't be at a funeral; something I did for more than one dear friend. Lighting a candle in a church, writing a letter to her and sending it to her by fire (burning it in a fireplace), meeting in a quiet bar to drink and reminisce -- all those help.

Was there something she loved (animals or trees or some other thing) where you could donate a gift in her name? Names echo down through the ages; named things keep memories strong.

I'm so sorry to read about her death. I wish you could have had more time with her.

((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))
Blessings to you and your family....

In death, we are transformed. Our spirit never dies. Our spirit is the same as information and information can never die or be destroyed. She is ...Just transformed. Her energy, her happiness and love still exists!!!!

A Haiku for you OldCorp:

A Beloved Light
Cosmic Dance of Energy
Her Spirit In Flight.....

She will be with you forever!!

Sir,you survive it,that is what you do.I just lost my best friend in December I had lost my father at 14.Just survive and know others can be helped by such a strength.
I also know flesh isn't all I am.

"The light of a distant star continues to reach the Earth long after the star itself is gone."

She will forever shine in your heart and soul.

Peace

I am so, so sorry for your loss. No words can describe how I felt reading your story, and I feel like there are no words of consolation, just know you and your daughter are in my heart tonight.

Love,
Mija

reply to post by OldCorp


Sad news OldCorp, and I though I had a pretty crappy day, but it does not even compare to yours. The drama does not help things, it just makes it more sad, I would leave it behind or at least do not let it consume you, or drag it everywhere with you. Because no matter what people think and say things always move on. Even the living, and even the dead.

Your daughter has moved on.

RIP Ashley Netterville.

I am so sorry for your loss. I wish there were words that could help ease your pain. As a mom, your story brought me to tears and I know that I can't even conceive of the pain that you are going through. I just hate that there is nothing that will relieve your pain except for the passing of time.

You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Take care,
Cindi

Bob, I'm so sorry to hear about your daughter,you are in my thoughts and prayers..
"Those we love don't go away, They walk beside us every day, Unseen, unheard, but always near, Still loved, still missed and very dear."
peace,sugarcookie1

Hey Bob,

You asked for thoughts, suggestions & different perspectives. I don't tend to get personal online, but I'll get naked here with you, in the hopes that it may help.

And I'll just state upfront to any nasties who want to pick a fight: start your own thread & challenge me there. This is not the place & I won't answer to it here.

Moving on ..
I'm so sorry for your loss, but even more Thankful for your Blessings. I know you can't be happy about it yet, but I am so happy for you. You had her Bob. You had her in your life then, you still do & that won't ever change. And you were exactly where you wanted to be when she died, you just don't see it yet. You were Blessed with a moment that everyone wants & so few receive, & when the rationalizing is over, you will see it. You will know it. But not yet.

These aren't platitudes, or God-eblygook. I know from whence I speak.

I've died more than once. People argue all the time about the existence of God & what happens "when". In this forum, I'll just say that I've never met anyone who has died & come back, who does not know that there is something beyond here. Your faith may be shaken, but it is your best Friend. Don't lose it. One day you'll meet it again face to face & maybe embrace it, instead of doubting it. Know this.

Lesson two ..
The hospital called & said my mother was released & ready to be picked up. We hung up the phone, I jumped in the shower - & I heard her call my name. Loud & clear as if she were standing next to me. I ran to the phone soaking wet, called the hospital & screamed to go find her. She was dead (for the first time).

If you heard your daughter call for you, then she did. So what if they didn't hear her. She wasn't talking to them & it was none of their business. She called you & you heard her. And in that moment, I assure you, just as you knew she called to you, she knew you heard her. And that is exactly where you wanted to be, with her.

You know what others would give for that moment? How many agonize that they weren't there? You feel guilty that you weren't physically beside her, yet you were with her. Which is more important? You believe that God gave his only begotten Son that we might be forgiven, yet you question that He might grant a moment of redemption & comfort with your daughter? Silly man. One day you will allow yourself to let go & remember those moments again, to feel them - & you will realize the Gift you were given. You'll know it. And in that moment, your perspective will change forever. Trust this.

And why do I say this? In part, because I've died. In part because my mother died (over & over). But most of all, because she was in a coma for two years, brain dead they said. Then she woke up. Just like that. & she remembered dying. She remembered calling me. She remembered me holding her hand, just as I remembered. Only, I wasn't physically there. So what. If you heard your baby call, she called & she knows you were with her. Bob you were given what you wanted, but you're rationalizing instead of having Faith & digesting that love. Keep it, remember it, Don't let anyone try to take that away from you - ever.

And on the other end of the spectrum .. my sister went to the dr for headaches, had emergency brain surgery, & came out a quadriplegic who can barely speak. She is one of the most Faithful people I know. Somehow, every day she finds something to be thankful for (I don't know how she does it) - but at the same time Bob, she didn't want this. She accepts God's Plan, but she wishes she had gone home that day. Your baby had medical problems in her past, and in her future. All I can say is that God takes our pain when he knows it's time. Your little girl doesn't have to go through the difficulties that would have lain ahead. Be thankful for that. He took her home.

Last thoughts ..
Feel free to PM me if you're so inclined. Or maybe a Vegas vacation is in order; if so I know a fellow ATSer with plenty of spare bedrooms ;-)
And finally, when you feel the urge to clock someone .. take a moment .. inhale .. close your eyes .. remember the Blessings .. feel them .. exhale .. then clock them anyway .. it'll feel infinitely more rewarding ;-)

God Bless
Atlas