A Parent's Worst Nightmare Come True: The Death Of My Daughter

This video says it all:



I can't tell you how much your support, prayers, and well-wishes mean to me and my family. I'm sorry, but I can't possibly answer the hundreds of well wishes individually. I hope that the above video accurately conveys my gratitude to all of you: the membership, staff, and ownership of ATS; especially SkepticOverlord and Springer, for their understanding and support in what is most definitely the darkest hour of my life.

I don't imagine that I'm going to feel much better for a while - Hell, according to the posts from those members who have also lost children I may never be the same jolly old fart I was a week ago. But as long as I know that I have your support (and baby, after reading this thread there can be NO doubt) I might just make it through this.

I'm going to take my Baby Girl home with me now.

Well, I know how you feel. I lost my daughter at 15 y.o. June 12th, 2005. There isn't anything really that someone can say that is going to make the hurt and all those thoughts and feelings subside. My doctor told me at the time it would take about 5 years before I could be ok again. Well, I didn't have the uncontrolled thoughts and feelings as much, but it wouldn't take much, someone reminding me of her, or even dreams that would bring it to the forefront, but I could compose myself then and go on because that is all you can do. I will tell you that she is in a better place. I know, I have died twice in my life and I know my daughter no longer has the pain and suffering that this world can bring upon a person for whatever reason.

It is only a recognition that she is in a better place and if you believe in God, then trust in his word and decision. It is, for most, a life changing event and the hurt it brings inside is not something that non-experiencers can really understand. We aren't supposed to outlive our children. I went to many ends to find answers and find comfort after what happened and it just isn't there. I got a lot of advice but nothing that can change the feelings. Try to remember the good time in your life with her and know that there is life after our body dies. People will attack me probably, but I know there is because my own experiences with death. I wish you the best and you will be able to come to terms with it in your own time. It is going to take awhile. There are groups that meet that are parents that have lost their children. I don't do groups myself, just the way I am. But many find comfort in talking with others that lost their child.

I was fortunate in one manner. My daughter died in her bed of a multiple drug toxicity. If she would have died elsewhere or by an unknown or even known assailant, it would have been much more difficult for me. As a father, it is my job to protect them. We had no idea she had stolen some medication or even ever tried a drug. But, everything in my case was a known. It was her choice to take the drugs. At 15 they are very well able to hide things from their parents. I am ex law enforcement as well and just about ran a military household. There wasn't strangers coming and going and I knew who she was with, and their parents. It still didn't make a difference and I don't know how a parent could have done much different. She came out on a Saturday night about 11:00 PM and told everyone good night, got a coke from the fridge and went to bed. She was perfectly fine. Sunday morning when we went to wake her she was gone. The homicide dectives found the medication. Her younger sister had known about it but never told anyone. I wish you all the best.

Man,Bobby first I want to let you know I am always here if you need someone to talk to.

My heart goes out to you.

So sorry for your lose and all that you have going through on top of it.

Be strong,brother and may you find peace.

Kevin

reply to post by OldCorp


I am truely sorry for your loss Bob. No parent should ever outlive his children. I couldnt possibly imagine losing one of my own.

I hope you find a measure of peace soon, be strong in your faith!

My thoughts and prayers go out to you in your time of deepest heartbreak and sorrow. You will see your daughter again one day, and until then, keep her where she belongs, in your heart. Remember the good times you had, that she was indeed loved to the very end, and know that you have done everything you could to make her life happier.


With Deepest Sympathy,
SK

I am terribly sadden to here this. As a father of two daughters (and a son) i can't even fathom. Hold on and take care bro! I'll keep you in prayers.



PS, I do have one thing to say that might make you chuckle for a mere moment. I have responded on several threads you have authored or commented on. Marked you as a friend in my profile. And only now connected you to the Bobby in the "truth is viral video". Total and complete feel of an idiot right now.......

I can not imagine what you are going through! I have 3 kids and losing one of them is my WORST fear!

With that said, you are an inspiration to others for being human and most of all a dad! Stay strong Bob! She is always in your heart and now felt in the hearts of others!

My deepest sympathy and many prayers for you and your family.

reply to post by OldCorp

Thanks for the video update Bob. Some sad moments, some touching moments, and some happy moments. I'm overjoyed to see you have your little girl with you again and will be holding your own dignified and public ceremony.

It's nice to hear you know at least half ATS loves you too. Valued contributor, say no more!

Dearest Oldcorp,

I am so deeply sorry for your loss.

Your daughter Ashley is a beautiful girl and has endured much, as have you.

If you have not yet done so, you need to talk to her. Tell her how you feel and picture her beautiful smiling face when you do. She is not gone, she is with you right now. I know you will feel like you can not go on but you will continue to face your future with the grit and determination you always have. It's one of the things she admires most about you. You are the rock she could depend on, no matter what.

My sincere love at this dreadfully painful time. Love endures.

She is with you.

God bless, strengthen and help you to find peace and forgiveness in your heart for those who hurt you.

Namaste

Prayers and golden peace to you.

You are not the only one standing in the deafening roar of the centre of this 'cyclone'.
Your strength will be of great value to those who have been touched in a myriad of different ways.

All strength to you
Love
Akushla

I understand your pain, and I feel for you. Don't fight the emotions that come, they are normal. I will tell you something that I told myself when my world came crashing down around me a few years back.... and you will have to tell yourself this every minute sometimes, until finally you see the truth of it... that yes, your dearest is gone, but look- look! Open your eyes and look to the skies, see the sun? It still shines, and the stars will come out tonight, giving you their light as a beacon of hope and promise. And in the morning, the sun will return, another day will be here, and one more step forward. Every day is a step forward, even if we don't want to move. We can scream, kick, cry, and throw everything we have to rail at the unfairness of it all, but the days keep coming, and we get further away from that awful moment. No, the pain takes years. But, my friend, it does fade. One day, one night at a time. We get dragged along like petulant puppies struggling at our leashes, but that which pulls us knows better than we do, and it will get better. IT WILL GET BETTER.

Old Corp I am truly sorry for your loss.

I am not one to express my true feelings about this type of stuff. I haven't been there and I can simply not know how it feels. But know that I love the contributions you give to this board and I respect you as a true human being.

It is truly sad that this happened but from what I can gather you will carry on strong and remember the good while dealing with the bad.

Keep your head up man.

Hello OldCorp, good friend, there are absolutely no words that I can think of to begin explaining my deep sympathy for your loss. But, perhaps a poem I had wrote awhile back after my grandmother passed may help you. While reading, know that people here do care about you and hope you the best. I would like to dissolve this poem of any personal ownership and allow it to be something which is spoken by every member on ATS.

“God does not take one away,
God merely moves them out of sight.
For they are waiting in bright light,
As you search in the shadows of night.”

Dam, my jaw dropped when I seen it was you Bobby. I so sorry for your loss. My prayers are with you and I hope you find peace in God when the dust settles. Your ex will get hers when she meets her maker for doing this to you. He has a plan for all of us, I know it hurts but she is with God now and probably watching over you as we speak.

Originally posted by OldCorp

Originally posted by 0bserver1
What hard way to loose your child, I know because I lost allot of lives in the past 5 years. But I always believed that there's a place we all come from and all go there and meet again , when this madhouse is over.

And you know she knew you were were rushing to the hospital,and one day she would give you that sign that she knew.. peace

Before I knew she was dead, I was on the phone waiting to speak with the doctor. He had told me the night before that in addition to everything else, they had chilled her body to preserve brain function and that in the morning they would warm her up and repeat the EEG to see if there was any improvement. As I was holding, a girl's voice broke in on the line and said, "Dad." That was all, just "Dad."

It could very easily have been wishful thinking, or grief (I'd already been told she was "brain dead), but I would raise one hand to God and lay the other on a stack of Bibles in court to testify that I heard it as plain as day.

BTW, the second EEG was never performed. Ashley's mother swooped in to "save the day" with her usual dramatics and pulled the plug knowing full well that I was only hours away.

I got serious chills reading the above post.

I can 't imagine what you are going through right now Old Corp..and all I can say is .. .. try and hang on to your faith.

You have put through an incredible amount of pain concerning this daughter since before she was born, and I was so happy to read that you actually did unite at some point. She must love you so much.

As far as her believing in Jesus, you told her how important Jesus was to you, and I really feel Jesus shows Himself to all of us some how in some way in our hour of death.. or moment of death. We can never be sure if even the staunchest of atheists did not have a change of heart in those final seconds of life , with Jesus revealing Himself to their soul.

You do some very important work revealing the evil on this planet, and I'm so sorry if they attacked your family for this. I can understand all the emotions you must be going through.

I am praying to our Lord that he watches over you, and gives you comfort concerning your daughter , and helps you heal from the terrible way her mothers family pushed you out of her life. Try not to blame the other children, they are just victims of what they are told.

This whole story from the Op to the above post has been the most unsettling and saddest things I have read in awhile...I can't imagine what you must be experiencing.. and my heart aches for you.

God knows the truth behind all of it.. and I am praying that His justice be served .

reply to post by OldCorp


Bobby/OldCorp -
your blog and thread here and the video was almost more than I could handle.
It brought back such a flood of emotions from losing my husband (and best friend) a little over 2 years ago.
I SO understand your heartache. It's truly unbearable it seems.
But time will help, it will never heal because a little piece of you went with her, but you'll know you're healing when finally someday you can smile instead of cry over a memory. It'll take a lot of time.
Be strong and keep your faith. I'm so glad you were able to obtain some ashes so that you and others that knew and loved her can have some closure.

I've shed tears with you my friend, I'm so so sorry for your loss.
anything we can do here for you, just holler.
God Bless You.
My heart truly goes out to you. RIP Ashley.

So sorry to hear about your loss. Her mother and sister were acting quite childish. What could it have hurt having you there for your daughters memorial? I don't know sir, but it seems to me by reading your post, and by Lisa's attitude towards you, they were trying to hide something. No words can console you, or ease your pain, but a simple "I'm sorry about your loss" can go a long way. Take care Bob

Bob,

I am so very sorry for your loss. So, so sorry.

I read your blog, and almost every reply to this thread. I wanted to feel sadness and be in-tune the best that I could for you, though I know that I cannot. I cannot come to terms with what you're feeling. I've only had fleeting thoughts of losing a sibling or family member, I have not faced the reality and I am terrified. Don't play the could of or should of game, you sound like an amazing Father and what you have and had been denied of is heart-breaking and cruel.

I'll be thinking about you, you and your Daughter will be in my prayers.

- Mark

reply to post by OldCorp


Bob

Stand tall

Semper Fi

reply to post by OldCorp


the birth of an angel...