Jesus Tap Dancing Christ!!!

Originally posted by prophetmike
If you ever have the resources, make this into a show... I can see it now.

A few friends have read it, and if I could ever get a camera we were gonna do something, but no one can tapdance.

I knew I said there would be another installment the same night as the last one, but It was never finished, and I became sick the other day and havent been able too, itll be out soon.

i love the story hope to see the next chpt

Where oh where has Jesus gone to?

Hope he returns soon!

[STAY COOL)
-prophetmike

Okay, the long awaited Episode 6 and the continuation of Episode 5!!!

Enjoy...
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Episode 6: Jesus Tap Dancing Christ and His Baby's Mama (Part 2)

Here comes the longass flashback scene that shows what happened last episode!

"I know you can feel it, feel with your
Look, look and you will find
This taste is on my mind
And I won't be denied
And you will find

Ba, ba-ba--ba~
Ba, ba-ba-ba~
In the joy, of Pepsi
Yeah"

~~~~~
Jesus pukes over the side of the overpass and nails a passing limo with the sunroof open.

"BOOYAH!! Okay...lets get going"

~~~~~
"Okay, we have the test results back."
"Whos the mother"
*Gasp* "The mother of your baby is...is..."

Jesus Tap Dancing Christ and Buddy Buddha stand around in anticipation of the test results. The doctor repeats himself.

"The mother of your baby is...is...hey, how about a game of Uno?"
"Just tell me who my #in baby's mama is!!!!" Yells Jesus
"Okay okay, no Uno, and the mother of your baby is..."
"Yes?"
"Is..."
"Cmon!!" begs Buddy Buddha *jumps up and down*
"Is...you, Buddy Buddha"
*GASP*

Buddy Buddha runs around in circles muttering something. He doesnt watch where hes going and he runs into the wall. He trashes around frantically to try and right himself, but like a turtle he cant get off his back. So he just lies there.

"Doctor, how is this possible?"
"That...is a very good question."
"So, you dont know?"
"Of course not, your 2 dudes!! Wait...*lifts Jesus' hospital gown*...yes, your 2 guys!!"

Jesus Tap Dancing Christ starts crying and wondering how this could have happened.

"We...we...used protection"
"...What"? The doctor asks bewildered
"Me and Buddy Buddha, we used protection"
"Okay...again...WHAT??"
"Well it happened like this. We had just gotten back from saving an old family from a burning building, but while we were flying away Buddy Buddha accidentally dropped the family, 10,000 feet up. We get back home and he starts to cry. I try and console him and you know, one thing led to another..."
"PLEASE, no details!! That still doesnt explain how you 2 GUYS are pregnent."
"Oh, I can explain that."
"How?"
"Im Jesus Christ!!! I can do anything."

The doctor excuses himself and goes to get a nice scotch on the rocks. He's had a long WEIRD day and wants to get tanked. Still a little wasted he stumbles back into the room where Jesus and Buddha are waiting. He wonders if Jesus would want an abortion.

"So...Jesus...what do you want to do with this child?"
"I wanna carry it full term"
"...so, no abortion?"
"Nope...I want this baby!!"
*sigh* "Alright. But I really have no idea how long a deity pregnancy is."
"We'll just have to wait and see"
"One question, where will the baby come out of??"
"Theres just so many good questions getting asked today, arent there? Can I leave now?"
"Yes"

Jesus grabs his stuff and takes a sip of his Pepsi.

"This #s FLAT!!!"
"And so starts the mood swings" *mutters Buddy Buddha*

On their way out they stop by the maternity ward to look at the babies there.

"Awww...just wait, we're gonna have one of those of our very own, Buddha"
"But do you really wanna give birth? Cant we just get you an abortion and steal one of these?"
"NO!!"
"Hey, it was worth a shot"

They walk off through the hospital doors and as they swing back they catch Buddha in the ass.

"OW!"

They then fly away to go home. Happy Ending...or IS IT?!?!

Tune in next week for...

...Episode 7: Jesus Tap Dancing Christ and the Mysterious Mystery

The long awaited Episode 7! If you're easily offended, this is (as always) not something for you.

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Episode 7: Jesus Tap Dancing Christ and the Place That's Missing

The last time we saw our heroes Jesus Tap Dancing Christ was pregnant with Buddy Buddha's child. Well, that will never be resolved. Suck it. We now continue with our regularly scheduled crap...enjoy:

"God damnit, where's my condoms?" Yells Jesus Tap Dancing Christ
"I haven't seen them." Replied Buddy Buddha
"#, well, can I have one of yours? I've got fine Mary Magdalene in here"
"Yeah, here."
"Thank's man...wait, 'extra small'? This won't fit me! Well, whatever then, let's just hope she doesn't have any diseases."

Jesus goes into his room to have freaky sex with Mary Magdalene all night. He wakes up the next morning to find her gone and his wallet empty.

"#"

He walks out and finds Buddy Buddha sitting at the table drinking coffee and eating a donut.

"That bitch is psycho!" Screams Buddy Buddha
"Why? What happened?"
"When she ran out this morning she put her foot through the TV, and push me onto my back so I couldn't get up. I was on my back for 2 hours!"
"Hahaha"
"Screw you Jesus!"
"Well, the sex was good, that's all I know."
"Yeah, I heard you all night...." says Buddy Buddha
"Hehe, yeah. But the whore stole my money this morning when she left."
*below breath* "Sucker"
"What was that Buddha?"
"Nothing, Jesus"

*ring**ring*
*ring**ring*

"It's the Batphone! Wait..wrong show! It's the Jesus Tap Dancing Christ Ultra Deluxe Slimmer Than A RAZR Cell Phone!!!"
"Answer it, geez" moans Buddy Buddah
"Alrighty!"

Jesus picks up the phone. It's the President of the United States!

"Ahem, hello Jesus Tap Dancing Christ, Buddy Buddha. I wish I could have called you on better terms, but theres been a dire disaster. Somebody has stolen...wait for it...wait for it...WAIT FOR IT...somebody has stolen New York!"

*gasp*

"Yes, yes. It surprised us too, who would want that hell hole. But we need it back! We don't know why though! So we need you to help us find out who stole it, and why. Can you help us?!"

"Yes, sir!" Jesus and Buddha reply in Unison

"Good. We have but 1 clue. A lock of beard hair was left behind. We tried to have it analyzed, but, well, we're to lazy. So we're sending everything we have over to you guys. Good luck, sons. Your country believes in you!"

*click*

"Hmmm, i wonder if he knows that we aren't American citizens and that we were smuggled over from Mexico? Meh, whatever." Says Buddy Buddha

At that moment a package flies through the mail slot in the door and nails Buddy Buddha in the forehead.

"#! Ow, that hurt!"
"Haha"

Jesus opens it to find the lock of hair.

"Hmm..we should try and have this analyzed." Says Jesus
"Good start, you do that and I'll go take a nap."

He feeds the lock of hair into the DNA Analyzing Machine, and let's it do it's thing. Jesus soon nods off himself. He's sleeping for a few hours when he's awaken by a beep.

*beep**beep*

"What the hell is that? Oh! The results are done. The hair belongs too...hmm...no match. All it says is that it belongs to another deity! Why would a deity do something like this, and who could it be?!"

Tune in (Whenever the Hell I Feel like it) for the continuation, to see who stole New York, and how Jesus Tap Dancing Christ and Buddy Buddha will get it back!

Episode 8: Jesus Tap Dancing Christ and the Place That's Missing Part 2!

[edit on 4-12-2006 by dreamlandmafia]

One year, 6 months, and 2 days later.

The crappily (yes, that's a word now) written TV show returns with Episode 9.

What happened to Episode 8? I don't quite remember where I was going with that story, so it's gone. Gone for good.

So. Enjoy. My writing sucks as always, but I like the story.
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Episode 9: Jesus Tap Dancing Christ and the Retirement Home

"I want to play Bingo!"
"I want to play Shuffleboard!"
"I want my teeth!"
"I want food!"

"Shut up, all of you!", yells Jesus Tap Dancing Christ.

He settles back into his armchair by the fireplace and picks up his book to continue reading.

"Hmm, I could America too, apparently"

He was totally relaxed. Nothing's better than lounging around in front of a fireplace with the faint sound of the rattling chains and the brisk, cool breeze as it whistles through the cages.

Suddenly, Jesus doesn't feel right. There's a feeling in his nails telling him that something's about to go down. He doesn't know what, but he has to be alert.

"Buddha, come here. I have a bad feeling. Bring the speed."
"God damnit, get your own speed.", replied Buddy Buddha from across the room, Jesus' trusty sidekick.
"*sigh* FINE! But stay alert, we've got danger afoot"

At that very moment Crotchety Grandpa, Jesus' 6th Order Arch Nemesis, bursts through the door, hurdling mashed potatos and applesauce at everything in sight. The residents crawl for safety, ditching their walkers and using puzzle boxes as protection.

"I've got you now, Jesus!"
"But, but. You're dead!", stammered Jesus.
"Not yet I'm not!"
"I was at your funeral. I'm fairly certain you're dead. You lost all your blood in that freak vacuum cleaner accident..."
"Ah-hah! That was my Twin, Grumppy Grandpa! He stood in for me the last time we met. His dead was untimely, but acceptable"
"Fine fine fine. Well, what do you want?"
"Your soul."

Jesus then rips open his toga to reveal his brand new "Soul Protector 420".

"Blast! Who would have thought you got the newest version!", exclaimed Crotchety Grandpa.
"Whatcha gonna do now, biattcch?"
"Well...uhh, how bout some Bingo?"
"Okay, let's play some Bingo. Bitch Bingo!"

The grenade was almost unnoticeable as it flew through the air and landed at Crotchety Grandpa's feet.

"Ahhhh shiiii.."

His vaporized false teeth are now spread throughout the country.

With the world saved, Jesus can now return to his book.