I Reported a Child Molester

Originally posted by Darkblade71
reply to post by gabby2011

 

Personally I don't think subjecting a child to religion is even CLOSE to an answer to their trauma.

The last thing a child needs is religion pushed down their throat as they are hurting and confused.
To me that is a greedy thing to do on the part of a Christian.

ALTHOUGH......


Most Christians mean well, and care a lot. You can never give a child to much love.

I'm not saying to push religion at a child in this situation.. just to approach it with love and concern and a wish for all to members of the family to acknowledge the problems and work at having it stopped.

I'm not sure how much of that you accomplish by brandishing a 16 year old a sex offender ..and making him feel like he can't be forgiven...and that he will be a child abuser his whole life..and nothing can change that. Its simply not true.

Families need to learn to care about each other..and to communicate what is hurting them...and to help each other stop abusive behavior..sexual and otherwise.

You may not believe in religion..and that is fine.. but I believe the power of pray and believing in Gods love and mercy is a very powerful force in stopping many things which wreak havoc to humanity.

Originally posted by OneEleven

Originally posted by _Phoenix_

It's funny how these days life on this planet has made adults scared to talk to children.

seriously?....afraid to talk to children?....a bit of a stretch...

First off, i HAVE children...i talk to them...I talk to their friends...I wave to the kids around the neighborhood, and i even smile at babies in the grocery store....

Its a completely different situation when you approach an 8 year old that is practically a stranger to you and you to her about what goes on underneath her panties....wouldn't you agree?

No....I don't think you have to be 'scared' to ask an 8 year old about her virginity, you just have to know what's appropriate......

The 'direct approach' dosn't really sit well with me on this one for multiple reasons....

I think you are very wise to not go talk to the child personally...about such a topic..that should be for a woman to do..and hopefully a Councillor who is very well trained in how to make children feel safe about telling the truth.. but also one who will not lie to her.

reply to post by gabby2011

I'm not saying to push religion at a child in this situation.. just to approach it with love and concern and a wish for all to members of the family to acknowledge the problems and work at having it stopped.

I'm not sure how much of that you accomplish by brandishing a 16 year old a sex offender ..and making him feel like he can't be forgiven...and that he will be a child abuser his whole life..and nothing can change that. Its simply not true.

If the family is Christian, then their faith could very well help them. Any faith in a higher being in times of trouble brings a lot of comfort and support in many ways. Especially is there is a large community of like minded people.
I was worried that I might of sounded harsher than I was meaning.

Families need to learn to care about each other..and to communicate what is hurting them...and to help each other stop abusive behavior..sexual and otherwise.

Very true. Family support is vital in these situations unless the family is to far gone.
It happens. It is one thing to be functionally dysfunctional, but another to be totally dysfunctional.
It seems to me that much actually depends on the mother in this situation.
Does she care?

You may not believe in religion..and that is fine.. but I believe the power of pray and believing in Gods love and mercy is a very powerful force in stopping many things which wreak havoc to humanity.

Actually, I am very spiritual, but not religious. I was raised Christian though
I hear what you are saying.

OneEleven, for starters bless you for caring. So many times especially when it comes to sex and self defense people just don't want to get involved. In this past weeks ATS Survival show (Thurs 8 est), it was just discussed, women don't yell rape if you are being attacked, but fire or help. Because folks are less likely help or get involved when its a sexual connotation involved. Your situation is hard. Beyond belief of what the universe is asking you to act on. But the responsibility you are taking on is important, because there is no one else in this world available to defend this poor child. So you must stay calm and befriend those who can and will help you. Granted you have already invested lots of mental anguish over this situation. So think through a plan.
In many states its a criminal offense for teachers to fail to report to their superiors and authorities. You know the child's name and age. Think about finding out who her teachers are. You have kids, same age group or schools? Have you considered talking to the teacher or principal, can they bring her in for a consultation? Plant that seed in their minds. Yes your right, an adult male approaching her could frighten her from being able to tell her truths. Have you visited the offices of CPS and asked to speak to a representative in person? I know it means loosing an afternoon at work, and probably more before its over, but it could save her.
I have an acquaintance who lived this child's life, her mother defended the boyfriend and blamed her. It wasn't until she was encouraged by someone else to report it herself. It took a lot of bravery for her to get the nerve up, and she had to keep asking before someone was finally able to get justice. And though the molester is still in prison, her mother still discredits her to this day. But she was able to build trusting relationships that provided her a support system to find real healing.
Is there a way to arrange a social occasion with the folks across the street? If she was able to tell the 22 yr old girl in just the casual environment of trick or treating, she would likely open up again. Would taking her to a local ballgame with your kids and conveniently have your social worker relative there, or even make friends with a cop. Go to the local precinct and ask to talk to a detective about how to get this ball rolling in the right direction. Just reporting it, even repeatedly isn't working fast enough for your satisfaction, but certainly not for her safety as well.
Would the girls mother let you take her to a ballgame with your kids? She might be glad to have a break for an evening, and let you. Might want to have your wife or adult female like the 22 yr old do this. So the mother doesn't think you have the same intentions as the 16 yr old.
I have read all the posts so far. I have my own past to remind me its not a fair and pretty world. We learn coping skills to get through, some more self destructive than others. But I can sense you are worried. As being an adult concerned male would or could implicate you. The troubled family will project onto you a defense mechanism of blaming, making you out to be the culprit instead. So as I stated before get calm. Get a stable emotional handle on this first. Making a plan of how to draw the girl into a safe situation to where she tells as many responsible people as possible. Encourage the 22yr old to talk to her again, casually, letting her give the advice to the child to keep telling anyone who will listen. Now that means talking to granny and 22 yr old across the street again. But this is important!
Here's my plan, talk to a cop, ask one out to coffee and some legal heart to heart. Talk to a social worker again. Then with that information, go talk to granny and 22 yr old to encourage her to tell her teachers again. Invite the child to a church potluck, school sports function, anything, a movie, have the 22 yr old with your family so she feels a familiar safe person with her as she opens up to the cop, CPS worker or someone who can get this child to safety. Heck even McD's has a safeplace sign and protocols they are trained to follow. Talk to a cop in your town. Maybe they will do a good touch bad touch seminar at the school and teach other kids there what to do in this situation. As I think about it, maybe you taking the child to a social event isn't a good idea after all. Cause if they take the child while in your custody, the family next door will blame you and make the situation worse on the home front. But do you see what I am getting at? You have been asked to be a facilitator for getting resolution started. Get information and make it happen.
prayers love and light for you dear. Hope this helps.

Sorry so long on the post, but was compelled to get it all out there.

again, prayers light and love to you and to the little girl next door,

Originally posted by OneEleven

Originally posted by _Phoenix_

It's funny how these days life on this planet has made adults scared to talk to children.

seriously?....afraid to talk to children?....a bit of a stretch...

First off, i HAVE children...i talk to them...I talk to their friends...I wave to the kids around the neighborhood, and i even smile at babies in the grocery store....

Its a completely different situation when you approach an 8 year old that is practically a stranger to you and you to her about what goes on underneath her panties....wouldn't you agree?

No....I don't think you have to be 'scared' to ask an 8 year old about her virginity, you just have to know what's appropriate......

Sorry I guess what I said didn't come out right. I didn't mean you specifically.

I meant it's sad that we live in a world where we have to be in "situations" where we fear talking to a child even if it's to help. When the actual child molesters are getting away with it without fear. I was not judging you in any way.

And because of these molesters, society has made some men find themselves in situations where they feel they cannot naturally "smile" or "wave" at children because they fear that they will get suspicious looks. Even decent parents get suspicious reactions these days. Take this thread for example.
www.abovetopsecret.com...

And yeah...I never mentioned anything about panties or virginity......all you have to do is carefully ask her about the brother in a casual way, what she says is up to her. Nothing else to it really.

Seems like you ignored the part where I said I agree that you should be careful what you do.

I think talking to her is definitely an option as a "last resort" if nothing else can be done, because you obviously can't simply let it go.
All I was trying to say is, if nobody else wants to help, then it's up to you to get the job done.

Peace.

Reading some of these comments is disgusting. That family is obviously disturbed, and that 16 year old obviously had some serious issues or learned bad behaviors from a very unhealthy environment. This isn't a 40 year old man with someone 30 years younger than them. It's still a teen/kid. He needs treatment, therapy, juvie. Not "hillbilly justice".

I have only read the first two pages and part of page five, so I don't know if this has been brought up yet....Document Everything! Everything you see, hear and conversations, dates, times. If a pattern of neglect or negligence can at least be shown, that is something.

A few posters mentioned that the boy doing the abuse was probably/may be currently being sexually abused, I don't know where I'm going with this, really an expert needs to check things out. I'm very disturbed by this, but the fact that you have taken action helps my mind. Be prepared for the worst on your end, people who get involved often have wrath directed at them from the scum. But I believe you have the strength and tenacity to stay the course and you have mine and the support of this community. Hopefully someone will have some fabulous insight or idea that will speed this process up.

Peace be with you

What I would do is offer every chance you get for the little girl (victim) to come over and hang out at your house and watch movies or do whatever. As the Grandmother if that would be allowed.

I would think that eventually if you got the victim to come forward and tell someone of importance, it would get the ball rolling again.

But just get her out of harms way every chance you get. Let her hang out at your house or whatever you need to do.

Pull her aside whenever you get a chance and tell her, if anything like that happens again scream, run to my house, call the police, etc.

You could even buy her a cheap prepaid cell phone, tell her to hide it and keep it somewhere safe, dial 911 if she ever needs.

Hi,
sad story OP, but bless you for caring enough to get involved.
I'm not sure if this has been suggested (Didn't read all posts as I'm not well atm!) but can you approach her school/teacher & tell them all you know?
At least once aware, they can be on the look-out for her (& possibly her brother if still at school).
They also may be able to offer you some support & advice on how to proceed.
As they say, evil succeeds when good men stand by & do nothing.
Thank you for your caring & efforts.

I agree with the above poster about getting in touch with the girl's school. I'm a teacher and can assure you that from time to time we get such reports...and something is always done about it. A call to the school's counselor, nurse, or teacher with a brief explanation of what you've heard will set mandatory reporting in motion -- which would also ensure the "multiple" reports needed to open an investigation.

By telling a neighbor about what was happening, this little girl already has demonstrated that she will speak to a trusted adult. Professionals at her school will ask her about it before making a call, and she can finally get the help she needs.

PLEASE contact her school. She needs a hero and it can be you.

I know you've said you've talked to the school through DFACS, but the school is a good option because of mandatory reporting and the fact that the child could be given the option of speaking to a counsellor who could then provide first hand information.

Standard to call DFACS first but it could be a shortcut.

Speak to your relative who's a social worker, generally they will have some sort of police contacts, either personally or as an organisation, ask to speak with them about ways in which you could speed up or cheat the process.

Good luck, you're really trying to do the right thing.

Go to the school and explain what the situation is. Get the school to arrange for some sort of expert on child abuse to talk to the class as a whole about the importance of reporting abuse if it is happening to them. She may not be the only one to be helped by this. She may be more likely to tell someone this way.

I had a nice long reply typed out. It was a story of a situation I found myself in that was similar. I choose to delete and leave this reply instead..

If it was me, I would get him alone and put the fear of God into him and make sure he never set foot near that little girl again. It's funny how people react when they believe they only have two choices. Live or die.

The individual involved in my situation made the right choice and within hours had packed up everything he owned and left the State. I never heard or saw anything from him again. I feel very confident that if he even thought about repeating his mistake, he would remember me and the moments we shared. I know I never forgot him, it was the only time in my life I was ever willing to take a life, and I would do it again without a second thought.

Originally posted by gabby2011
reply to post by Darkblade71

 

THE MOST IMPORTANT THING is this little girl Never give up! NEVER!

and remember to pray for her.. so that when she gets put into foster care.. she isn't abused by her foster siblings as well.

Thank you for bringing that up. People pretend that they are so outraged and they actually care, but all they really want to do is pawn the problem off on the courts to clear their conscience. Killing her brother will not the solve the problem, for those that made the suggestion.

If her brother was molested and abused too, what makes him any different than her? In five years time, she might be her brother or worse. Should she be killed too then?

Unless the OP is willing to step up to the plate and adopt this child or be her foster parent, then he could be signing her up for a hell worse than what she already knows.

I'm not saying don't do anything, but ask yourself how much you are really willing to help.

reply to post by MrWendal


that's what I'm talking about......commit to your brand of truth....and stay committed.....you didn't kill him.....nice
but you didn't leave it to some flowery idea of "let it be...let it be.....peace man....lalalallalalala" sometimes you need to take it there....that's all I´m saying


love is nice not saying it isnt...but.....order and peace are better.....

you guys are awesome......

I really wish you were in the neighborhood with me....we could just march over there in full force.....

But in the real world, its alot harder than that....And this being my first time dealing with such a situation, i'm finding out just how much of a slippery slope it really is....

Thanks to you all....And a BIG thank you for the PMs or U2Us....These have been chock full of great advice that either can't or won't be shared in the thread...

Thanks alot guys......I've been alone on this until now..

You must understand that what you reported to the Authorities is third hand gossip.

Yes, you did the right thing, you should, and in many states are required to pass a long information on possible molestation.

This you did.

You have no way of knowing if the information that you provide was acted upon or not.

You have no first hand information if the allegations were true or not.

You fell into the trap most people do, you declared the 16 year old guilty in your heart and mind without any more to go on than a third hand yard gossip.

Allow the authorities to do their job.

You don’t know if the little girl was interviewed by child services or not, you don’t know if the 16 year boy was interviewed or not. You don’t know if an investigation was begun or not.

It is admirable that you take to heart the well being of this child, as well you should.

However just because you don’t witness any change does not mean nothing is happening.

The little girl could have been interviewed by child services and refused to confirm the charge, you have no way of knowing what took place.

You fulfilled your obligation to the child and society.

I know you lack closer, but sometimes we must just accept that we are not in control of everything.

Wow, I feel for you.

Admirable though it is to race to the aid of a young child, this strikes alarm bells with me.

Somewhere in the discussion, just making small talk, the topic of her older brother comes up, and the little girl confesses that her older brother has been touching her privates, and showing her his own. She even describes to the older girl how 'big it is'. The grand daughter (22 years old) comes home after the haunted house walk and tells the older woman across the street from me (her grandmother in-law) what the younger girl had told her.

How in the world, during idle chit chat does a 22 year old reach such a shattering revelation without actively fishing?
While it may be true that the girls family are highly dysfunctional, who is to say that having a problem with drugs automatically makes you candidates for turning a blind eye to sexual abuse on your own children or grand children.

Begging your pardon being devils advocate for a second here, have any of you actually considered that as the 16 year old and 9 year old are siblings, he has quite likely touched the girls genitals in a non sexual way whilst assisting his mom or grand mom changing nappies in the past? Or has it not occurred to you that some families whilst in the comfort of their own homes, have no problem with nudity..So yes, it is likely the girls brother has both touched her genitals and at some point has seen her brothers todger, he's only still a child himself after all.

My heart goes out for anyone who is or has been affected by serious abuse, but going in for the kill immediately on hear say makes me cringe quite a bit. If anything though, if the ball has begun rolling on an investigation then maybe this family will get some help to make them functional again, but to throw yourself full scale into a witch hunt on the strength of a casual comment from a 9 year old seems odd.

But by all means, do what you feel you have to.