I Reported a Child Molester

reply to post by OneEleven


i sent you a message!

and I'm happy you are angry about this (not like that but you know what I mean) like you are emotionally upset at this act.. That shows character!

Just be strategic.. Try to stay a step a head of him... and thats where keeping your cool comes in play... Always try to think before you act.. one bad step and you could lose a hot trail!

I hope you make the difference that can save this little girls life in more ways than one, again I applaud you.
I actually have tears in my eyes just thinking about this.
It is a mix of joy in someone caring, and sadness/frustration that you seem to have hit a roadblock.

I feel what you are feeling,
I hope in the end that something good happens and the little girl is ok.

I have a 7 year old daughter who is very wise for her age,
I can't imagine someone ever hurting her like that.
If she were to tell me someone did, I'd be going to jail for life.

reply to post by Darkblade71


thanks Darkblade.....

Your use of the term 'road block' really describes the situation perfectly....

It's sad but you have to be persistent. Don't stop making noise about it. It is a shame that our system has fallen so far and despite the efforts of a few good people it only seems to get worse for the innocent and better for the criminals.

Depending on how involved you wish to get I would suggest trying one or more of the following yourself or get someone else to help.

Find out what school she goes to. Then contact the teacher and or principal. Now the school will/should have feelers out to see if this child shows any signs of abuse. Be sure to reiterate that this is only what you have heard and make sure you don't outright profess his guilt. You are concerned and only ask that they keep their eyes open and be made aware of the possible situation. You don't want to get hit with spreading lies and false rumors when all you are trying to do is make sure the kid is ok. From what you tell of the mother I'd wager she would side with the boy and go for your wallet. Even if the school is aware an outside report may be all they need to move forward or it may draw the wanted attention to it.

Is there any way you or the woman whom she told could get the girl alone for a few minutes? I don't know her cooperation level but you can try a round about way of getting her to confess his guilt. If she has Facebook that would be ideal, email can work as well. Express concern and tell her to write a coded message that means he did it again. Make sure she posts it once that shows he already did it. Also if you could get her to write the message initially in her handwriting and perhaps have a witness to the conversation all the better. She may be unwilling to get her brother in trouble so you have to be a little creative. Once you see the message posted alert the authorities again. Sadly you will probably draw unwanted attention to yourself because you have no "direct" connection with her.

Try to get the woman who was first told to call as well even if you have to approach her yourself if she has not already. See if she can speak with the girl briefly again and she can ask if he did it again. Now you have two accounts. Invite to be there with the woman when she calls if she is hesitant.

Talk to town officials and local police. Seriously. I don't know why people avoid this but being on at least pleasant terms with someone in a position of authority comes in handy. You don't even have to name names and ask for advice and tell them of the road block you hit.

Search online for any free advice or legal advice on the matter. Find a forum where you may make the connections to get the ball rolling.

Please do be aware of the possibility that the little girl was lying. There is no reason to believe she would and it shouldn't stop the matter from being pursued. Best of luck to you and the little one.

I would try to talk to the girl, do you have a daughter? You can use your daughter to get the girl to hang out near your house. Then when the girl is comfortable you could try to talk to her about her brother, start off simple with questions like, "Do you like your brother?" "is he mean?" "What does he do?" "I can help you..."etc

The main part of this plan is to use a voice recorder to get that much needed evidence, you need to do some real detective work here it seems.

That's what I think I would do anyway. Good luck.

call news outlets, if you cant get the authorities to do it on there own try to give the hierarchy of your local department a nudge with a little media coverage, i in no way know exactly what you should do but i would say an outward effort on your part to get people to see whats going on, your neighorhood sounds tight knit, go door to door and get support man, times like this call for a backbone and you might even have a movie made about you, just kidding but seriously, if i went n told everybody in my neighorhood some stuff like THAT was going on right next door the $hit-storm would be huge!

Originally posted by pasiphae
this story is heartbreaking. i have had similar experience and child services screwed up the whole thing then dropped the case! i think about it every single day. i have told so many people. there's a lot to my story which i won't get into here but i hope you find someone who will listen. keep calling and make sure the case is being looked into. they get so many calls and get over loaded. don't let it go and i think they will listen. as long as the girl is willing to come forward they have a case!

Even if the little girl does not come forward,
once it is out in the open,
hopefully there will be changes in the family.

You have to remember the girl is the number one priority and the attention to it secondary. If it comes out too soon that she told someone she could face lash back from the brother in some form. That's why getting her to talk is really the best bet. Calling news agencies and such could backfire. If they leaked her name having the whole world know what happened could be humiliating and only add to her psychological trouble. Now as I think about it one of your first next steps should be to see if you can get her alone somehow and gauge her cooperation level. It may be as simple as having her tell a teacher or policeman directly. Of course don't push...then the whole under duress garbage will come into play.

First of all, don't listen to the kill the molester crowd. We don't know if this is actually legit. My neighbors kid kept saying that my dog would break out of the fence and bite her. The fence was padlocked and that dog LOVED kids. My dogs never once escaped. Kids say stupid stuff sometimes though this would strike me as real given the level of detail.

This is what I would do, and am not suggesting you do the same (legal reasons etc.). I would anonymously contact the school. I believe they would have to take that seriously and that something would happen as a result perhaps a meeting with a social worker. I would go down to the police station and be very straight forward about the problem. You my find that the local PD has a 'work around' solution. I would be bugging the family that told you DAILY to report the problem, reminding them they will stay anonymous and that if anything happens to that little girl it's on them. If they seem religious go that route too. Perhaps start reporting when someone is living in the shed out back. Give the cops a reason to go snooping. I would also highly consider having a trusted friend or relative of the opposite gender than yourself contact anonymously. Not someone that lives in the house and remember to CYA. Of course that is illegal, but I personally would probably do it. Again, not saying I would advocate you or others doing it, this is just what I might do.

Finally document everything. That's just always good advice.

reply to post by Darkblade71

THE MOST IMPORTANT THING is this little girl Never give up! NEVER!

and remember to pray for her.. so that when she gets put into foster care.. she isn't abused by her foster siblings as well.

The problem is you're working off hearsay evidence. The girl told the granddaughter who told the grandmother who told you and you reported it. That's four steps removed. In a court of law that evidence would not be allowed so I see why the Dept is reluctant to move foreward. In my state school authorities are required to report it, but I don't think your average citizen is required. I think your best bet is to work on the grandmother/granddaughter duo. You might also use the school district angle. You might be able to put them in a position where they are "required" to report it.

reply to post by OneEleven


In a situation like this things have gone so far wrong there is no right thing to do. You only have a selection of wrong choices, doing nothing being one of those wrongs. Any action will cause a spinoff effect as people react strongly to their own denial or hidden memories. For some the pain of acknowledgement is so great they will choose to believe anything that seems less uncomfortable, including deciding that anyone wanting to take action is causing problems themselves. Others will experience rage, often stemming from their own childhood experiences remembered or not, and take hasty action that may result in assault charges etc. The gossip will fly.

Perpetrators will immediately want to silence the child, most likely with threats which will cause added stress for the one you want to help. The ineffectiveness of speaking out will be reinforced by the abuser. The child will be encouraged by the abuser to blame themselves for the abuse. The abuser will tell the child that the trouble is caused by those who speak out.

This is a matter of shame. The abuser places their shame on the child. The shame must be manoeuvred back onto the abuser.

One thing you can be certain of is that many years later the child will be grateful for any action taken that improved their safety.

An experienced investigator said to me, "I have been quoted in the press as having said, 'The reason it's so difficult to get anything done is because the system is run by pedophiles." She wasn't going to risk saying it again after the furore it caused last time, she would only say she had been quoted as having said that.

A psychologist told me, "The job of social worker attracts people who make things worse rather than better."

Children in care are statistically at greater risk of abuse.

At some point in later life the child will say, "If you knew it was happening why didn't you just take me away from there?" We all know the legal system will not allow such an immediate solution. See the words of the experienced investigator for a clue why effective, immediate solutions are discouraged.

I wish I could say ask a fairy to wave a magic wand and it will all be alright. It's more realistic to say expect tears, lost sleep and a steep learning curve.

Above all think through all the effects on the child of any action you take. Be imaginative, keep smiling and remember, pressure put on the abuser will be passed on to the child at the first opportunity. Only put serious pressure on the abuser if you can guarantee he will never be alone with the child afterwards. Ideally find clever ways to put barriers between the abuser and the child while slowly and gently shifting the shame back onto the abuser. The traditional method of giving the abuser a good kicking could backfire if there was any contact between them later. He would try to make her feel responsible for that as well.

Lastly it's those who do nothing who are most difficult to forgive. Typically even the abuser is forgiven before those who stood back with glassy eyes and a slightly manic smile saying, "Well couldn't it just be this or couldn't it just be that? Are you sure you're not overreacting?"

I'm sure you're not overreacting. You have a difficult task ahead of you. Many, perhaps most would avoid the task, preferring to ignore or deny the problem or simply report to someone else and then back out. You don't have to give reasons for anything. Be firm.

Hi honey....it is IMPERATIVE that you help this child. If you don't no one will. DO NOT confront her brother or discuss with her family members anymore. You do not want to put yourself personally in the middle of this. Just report it to any of the following places I'll refer you to. I'm giving you some links to pages and agencies to call and just for general advice. The child herself has to talk. Second hand info won't count. She needs to be removed from the home until it can be proven or disproven. But every second she is there puts her in danger. Check out these links, and if you really feel she's in danger call NOW. Thankyou for caring for a child who needs your help.

www.yesican.org...

www.healthyplace.com...

www.state.il.us...

Originally posted by StealthyKat
Hi honey....it is IMPERATIVE that you help this child. If you don't no one will. DO NOT confront her brother or discuss with her family members anymore. You do not want to put yourself personally in the middle of this. Just report it to any of the following places I'll refer you to. I'm giving you some links to pages and agencies to call and just for general advise. The child herself has to talk. Second hand info won't count. She needs to be removed from the home until it can be proven or disproven. But every second she is there puts her in danger. Check out these links, and if you really feel she's in danger call NOW. Thankyou for caring for a child who needs your help.

www.yesican.org...

www.healthyplace.com...

www.state.il.us...

Its wonderful advice and great to care for a child.. but as another member mentioned.. can we be so sure they are not abused when they are removed from the home?

How sad for a little girl who is being abused by a brother to be taken away..all in the name of protecting her.. only to be violated by strangers...and it happens.

Originally posted by StealthyKat
Hi honey....it is IMPERATIVE that you help this child. If you don't no one will. DO NOT confront her brother or discuss with her family members anymore. You do not want to put yourself personally in the middle of this. Just report it to any of the following places I'll refer you to. I'm giving you some links to pages and agencies to call and just for general advise. The child herself has to talk. Second hand info won't count. She needs to be removed from the home until it can be proven or disproven. But every second she is there puts her in danger. Check out these links, and if you really feel she's in danger call NOW. Thankyou for caring for a child who needs your help.

www.yesican.org...

www.healthyplace.com...

www.state.il.us...

God, I could just give you the biggest hug EVER!!

But a star will have to do!

reply to post by Darkblade71


C'mere you... **big cyber hug** I'll take the star too Those sites have some good advice! Unfortunately, I deal with things like this in my job almost every day, so that's why I know it can get way worse, you know?

reply to post by gabby2011


No....if SHE said these things, there is probably something going on. Of course, sometimes it may not be true....but most of the time it is. ESPECIALLY if there are people in the home using drugs. I would much rather see her spend a few days away from home while it's being investigated, then to have her molested for a few more days while no one does anything. I deal with this in my job, and I have seen these type of situations turn out very bad.....if a child is in danger, to hell with the accused....if they are innocent, that will be determined. It's the defenseless child who is the priority. If she is taken from the home, she will be seen by a child psychologist who will talk to her and explain things to her to alleviate her fears. This is a time to think only of the child in question. Most children don't say things like this unless something is going on. You can't say, "I won't help her because someone else might hurt her".....the chances of that are less than the chances that she already IS being abused.

Go to the local police precinct and speak to a higher ranking officer on duty. Explain the situation to them and they should investigate.

That is the problem with ACS / CPS / whatever accronym they go by -- they either fail to do their job properly or they lie about what they find or cover up their own mistakes. They are not police, they are not trained to do what police do and this is a criminal matter plan and simple.

reply to post by PhoenixDown


Good advice....but I would report to both. Actually, I would have called just about the fact that the child is living with an unfit Mother who is using drugs and bringing many "shady" (by the OP's description) men around this little girl..... the number one abusers to little girls are the mother's "boyfriends"....especially when they are using drugs.

reply to post by Domo1


Hi Domo.....I know what you are saying....but actually, that would get her involved on a personal level...and sometimes that can be dangerous. It is best for her safety to do it anonymously.