Sorry babe, but you do have a penis....... [WTB]

I would have just said to the other guy or the life guard, "Oh my god its a whale! Wait that's your sister?!"

# those ignorant bitches. This story is ridiculous, i don't think i could have kept my cool. Then again i don't have kids so... Besides that i don't really know what to say, except i thought this thread was going to be about a transvestite or something.

There are many good replies here and I wish i could respond to them all, however Ithis one and a few others which share a similar vein have stood out to me......

Originally posted by MaMaa
Honestly I wouldn't have given two thoughts about some dad on the beach with his kids. Some people just go looking for trouble or assume that people are bad and just waiting to do something. This lady and I use that term loosely, obviously had some pretty deep dysfunctional beliefs if that was her first thought.

However, I'd like to offer up a different perspective on why women inherently do not trust men. From a very young age we are taught to watch our surroundings because some man might kidnap you and or rape you. You are taught to travel in groups to avoid such things. "You and we" meaning young girls in general. We see other girls/women abused by men, you live with knowing there are things like abused women's shelters and the like because men abuse women. Even in the bible that we grow up being taught, you read about men who treat women badly, abuse them, sell them, ect.. These are not even always a spoken thing, although often it is, but it is this background knowledge that all girls grow up with. Even the more innocent things like making a joke about dad and the reactions to the first boyfriends. Why? Because boys want sex, boys could hurt your little girl, ect.. You don't think that young girls hear and understand these things even when they are not spoken directly to her? We do and it forms an underlying opinion of males in general. It isn't just news, it is people, it is parents, it is other kids, it is society as a whole that create these notions. And lets face it, it isn't all untrue either.

I am 36 and generally speaking do not trust most men. Ironically,me of all people had four boys and am married. I live with 5 males! LOL I am learning much along the way and hopefully raising my own boys to not be the idea that a lot of girls have in their heads of what boys/men are. This is not something that women are just being intentionally awful and sexist towards men and their intentions. These are deep rooted ideas taught to girls from a very young age.

I myself have been on 2 occasions the victim of abuse, both back in the early 90's when the world was more innocent, as was I, being only a kid back then. For some reason it doesn't seem to have affected me as much as it does seems to affect many others , although I have no doubt the taint of those encounters does colour both my worldview to some extent, as well as many of my earlier sexual experiences. I am philosophical about them as they have created the man I am today. And i like that man. Don't get me wrong however, if I ever ran into either of them today I would beat them so hard their brains would run down the walls like bloody Jackson Pollock paintings. As it is though I don't even know their names, for both encounters were completely random.

Now both of these encounters were with (dirty old) men, and as rightly pointed out by a few posters it is men who probably commit 99% of all sex crimes, and by far a large percentage of other crimes. This is due to testosterone, physical strength and basic anatomy. But it is also a reflection of what society expects men to be like. Men were not always so vilified, nor these crimes always so prominent.

One of my points in telling this story, as has been my exerience with all things in life, is you tend to get what you expect, that which you fear so you will receive. Like attracts like basically. Now I'm not advocating that we should be complacent about such things, but to focus on it in such a way cannot be a healthy thing. To get a little 'new age' here, by sending out fear vibes I have no doubt we are in fact increasing the incidences of these occurences. Not only that, as I stated in the OP, we are also sending out an unconscious message to all males, especially the younger ones that because you are a male, you cannot be trusted to control your own sexual instincts. Those that are already close the the brink will take in this message and possibly even use it as an excuse for errant behaviour. Many women will also use this as an excuse for 'conduct unbecoming'. "Oh he's just a guy....".

You may say the media is to blame, and it is to a certain degree. But the media is only a reflecion of it's viewers. Good news doesn't rate basically. The nastier the story, the more people will stop and watch, and then talk about in the office the next day. "Oh my God, did you hear about that man that did 'such and such' to those poor little kids. That was only 5 miles from my house, and it used to be such a pleasant neighbourhood".

Chances are it still is. But that doesn't get the ratings. What gets the ratings is all the people tuning in in the first place. And so it all becomes a very sad Catch 22 situation, with negativity fuelling more negativity.

LOL, now you know how it feels to be black, especially when growing up in a predominately white town. Boy the accusations, stares and so forth was extremely disconcerting especially when I was younger. Then on the other side of the sword, since i talked "white", I was thought to be to good for some black people that I encountered. So in a way our encounters parallel themselves. Except that to immediately assume that you're a pedophile is absolutely insane and my more consistent encounters are the main differences. However, fear and ignorance are the reason's why we both encountered this BS!!

reply to post by angeldoll


i dont want this to turn sexist, but you must not be a male. Imagine haing your sex frowned uponn for spending time with your kids like a good father. Compare your comment to racism. Well blacks can commit crimes for decades! We need to put more attentio on them and criticize them more. That would be ridiculous. Women ar equally able to be sex offenders and such as men are. I think he should have said thanks for the concern, but these are my kids. After that i would have started to be offended.

Originally posted by ollncasino

On the contrary, men's egos are based on positive behaviour such as creating/fixing things, providing for his family and protecting his wife, children and friends. You on the other hand appear to feed your ego with aggressive feminist rants against men.

It isn't healthy to project your internal psychological issues as an external hatred for men. Have you considered talking through your issues with a mental health professional?

I hope your not referring to me? That was a reply to one of my posts, not me. I absolutely agree that a lot of men's ego is based in a positive behavior and have basically said as much in a few of my posts. We all have egos however, but I promise you I am far from aggressive or a feminist. I have no hate towards men, I'm rather partial to them actually. I have four boys and am happily married.

Anywho, I'm just hoping your post is not directed at me because I am none of those things you speak of.

Originally posted by celticdog
Most women who have weight problems have some sort of issue.

Umm, excuse you?
I suppose you know all women with weight issues. No, the ONLY issue most women with weight problems have is society shoving it down our throats (haha, pun) that because we're over weight, we're worth less than underweight, scrawny starlets that look half boy.
When a normal sized woman of say 5'5 and 115- 120 lbs is told she's too fat.. THAT is an issue.
The woman in question probably THOUGHT she saw a guy perving on some kids, she did what you would HOPE a good citizen would do.. Not like the people that listened to a woman be beaten to death over the course of a couple hours and did nothing, or the people that WATCHED a girl get raped and did nothing. Her size has NOTHING to do with it and that you should think that because she was fat, she obviously has some problems is completely wrong.

I do not think that people should be judged on their looks. Especially, as has been pointed out, the most horrifying people have looked like the clean cut guy next door. And tats shouldn't even be a factor in an open minded society, as many people are getting tattoos as a means of self expression and have NO affiliation with violence or crime.

It is true, we women are CONDITIONED to be wary of men, to not trust them. We are taught that even the men in our lives that we should be able to trust, our fathers, our uncles, we have to watch them in case they're too free with their hands. When we were taught about safety and stranger danger in school, it's always a MALE. Though I have to say, anyone that gets afraid and crosses a street to scurry away from people they see threatening, has just made themselves a target IF that person IS a predator of some kind. You carry yourself with self confidence, like you can handle yourself, you have nothing to worry about, they want weak and easy prey. You scuttle away, they think gotcha.

But at the same time, it's sad that we have men afraid to hug their own children in public. That can't take pictures of their own children in public. There has to be a line drawn somewhere between wanting to keep children safe, and NOT driving their fathers away from giving the children the affection they need. Too few fathers are involved in their childrens' lives, making it harder for the REAL MEN that are there for their children and are being good fathers to their children isn't conducive to the idea that men are an intrinsic part of the raising of children. Yes single mothers do a good job of raising children, but I don't think anyone feels that is ideal. Children need their fathers and we need to allow the real men that step up to the plate to actually BE real fathers to their children, rather than branding them criminals for innocent activities.

Even though I am a woman, I can relate to what the OP went through. I am multiracial and clearly not white. The father is my children IS white, and they have inherited his complexion, and so to most peoples eyes, they are white. Few people see me as the mother of my own children when I travel with them, even when the children call me "Mom". It is always assumed I am the foster mother, stepmother, babysitter or nanny. I know that shocked and ashamed look on the lifeguards face, because I have seen it many times when I state, no I am their biological mother, would you like to do a DNA test?

reply to post by 1littlewolf


Good post.

Problem is, men aren't sexual predators ... women are, for the most part.

You read stories in the papers, "a man sleeps with 100 women". Does that say something about the man, or does it say something about the women?

The problem is, that many young girls are turning "gay" because of women "predators". They don't have a dick, and a "dick" in this case is a signal of violence. Whereas the womans "vagina" is a signal of "sensuality". This is the anecdote that causes the view.

Everyone here is basically saying that women are conditioned to be wary of men...

Am I the only woman here that wasn't conditioned that way? I really hope not, for the sake of our society.

In my life and personal experience, I feel that men are more trustworthy than women.
It could be because I was basically raised by my father because my mother was a nut job.
Or because growing up, I often had male teachers. And in college I had ALL male professors (many of whom are such genius' that they've changed my life)
Or maybe it's because all of my role models are male.
Or maybe it's because all of my close friends are male.
Or maybe it's because I have a rather masculine personality.

Either way, I've found, in my short time on this earth that a lot of women lie - they are very good at talking behind each others backs (and I'm referring to some of the women that I know of, I'm sure there are other women out there, like me, who are trustworthy... it's just they are a dime a dozen (in my experience)).
Of course, I'm sure many men do the same thing... I just haven't witnessed it. If men have an issue with someone, they usually take it to the person's face - and it's honesty like that which I appreciate. I don't often see women doing that. But maybe my observations are just isolated to my little corner of the world (at least, I hope so).


Of course, I'm not saying that I dislike women. I've just found that, most of the time, I'm more comfortable around men.

And I know that I can't be the only woman who feels this way.

I was moved by your story yesterday. I hope you don't mind I shared your story with some friends and family and we had a really good discussion out of it talking about the issues which men are faced with in today's society. Thanks for the share and may you have many awesome beach days ahead. If anything this negative event has catalyzed discussion on an important subject. A fathers rights which are far to often trampled in todays society.

reply to post by 1littlewolf


You relay an important point, and a yardstick of [some] of our societal "norms"; we are quick to attach our own suspicions to people, aren't we? We are quick to judge, and to think that we have the right to do so. That's something I guard myself against -- judgement. I just don't have the right.

Someone with a little intellect would've had the stones to walk up to you and inquire, rather than accuse. I have to confess that I fell into this same pattern once. I was meeting friends of mine at the local school..... they were picking up their kids and we were all going to pile into my van and meet my darlin' at a local beach for a picnic. There was a man I didn't recognize, standing at the chain-link, watching the kids. I live in a small place, and it's somewhat unusual to not at least have visual recognition of people.

I walked up to him and asked him if there was something I could help him with. He looked at me, shook his head. I stood there. He looked at me again and said, "You don't have to worry. I'm not a perv. I'm from ________, and I'll be teaching here next week." I introduced myself, and we talked for a bit. he'd walked from his house to the school and was getting a feel for the property. I felt like a turd. He's an excellent teacher, so I hear.

reply to post by 1littlewolf


Thats funny that is the case in Perth, i think in Sydney the Dads do alot know days and it has become the norm to help your little ones. If the Mums are going to work these days why cant the dads change the nappies. Man at the hospitals in Sydney we push the dads to be the first nappy changer. Hopefully they will start to change.

Seems to me, like the agenda of 'destroying the family'...is going according to plan. To kill the snake, you must chop off it's head. The strategy is to kill the snake, by eliminating the 'father figure', in the household. Sorry ladies, but this began in the late 60's with the ERA movement. Now-a-days...a woman doesn't NEED a man. Pfft. I think the ladies forget.......MEN were on this planet FIRST! God didn't NEED to create you....but HE did so, because HE knew....we would be lonely, and need help...on this garden. Thanks ladies, for 'helping' us!

I'm a stay-at-home dad...and have raised 5 GIRLS...with VERY LITTLE help from their mom. I built my family a house, and a business, while taking care of the chores like: cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc.. I did EVERYTHING a woman does, and EVERYTHING a man can do. And still, she leaves me and takes the kids with her.....AFTER i decided to let her go back to work. Pfft. That woman didn't have to work a day in her life. I took care of EVERYTHING. And, as soon as she started becoming financially independant....i was left, in the cold! Now, she's got her J.O.B. (just over broke) and don't NEED a man!

Really well written story, you have a gift with words.

In the 70's, it wasn't like that, not from any accounts I recall.
My family had taken in a Czech dissident who loved to swim.
Every day, with our safety pin passes hooked onto our swimsuits, a pack of at least five kids of mixed genders would go with Jerry to the pool. There was never an incident or question.
He was a camera nut, too. So pictures were taken. There was never a problem.
I don't know when it got so bad for men to take their own kids to the beach, but I'm sure it's more of an issue with ugly fat women than anything else. She seemed to be the match that started the fire.

Your rant is about fear in modern society. You got stereotyped, and without knowing anything of your character, they had issues with you.

Fear controls. Anger is the reaction.

Sad, sad world we live in.

Originally posted by TheCounselor
Really well written story, you have a gift with words.

In the 70's, it wasn't like that, not from any accounts I recall.
My family had taken in a Czech dissident who loved to swim.
Every day, with our safety pin passes hooked onto our swimsuits, a pack of at least five kids of mixed genders would go with Jerry to the pool. There was never an incident or question.
He was a camera nut, too. So pictures were taken. There was never a problem.
I don't know when it got so bad for men to take their own kids to the beach, but I'm sure it's more of an issue with ugly fat women than anything else. She seemed to be the match that started the fire.

I have a friend from the Czech too.. his name is Jiri! LOL I'd say just coincidence, but I met a guy on here (gasp.. male and I'm not.. btw I wasn't scared! LOL) Who is from my town.. turns out not only is he from the same town, but he lives.. get this.. FOUR HOUSES DOWN FROM ME! Talk about a small world! My friend Jiri (pronounced Jerry) lives down the street too! LOL

I don't think it is this way everywhere though. I have seen so many more men, stay at home dad's out of work presumably, taking their kids to parks, the lake, ect.. and I never think twice of it! I think it is wonderful to have dads being such a big part of their kids lives!! Just because the rest of the world has been programmed to have issue with the bad apples of the bunch, shouldn't mean that the good ones should live with the bad labels!

We live in a society that makes sure the pedophiles do not stay imprisoned forever as they should. They go out and repeat it again and again. It should be a life sentence for any pedophile scum.

reply to post by MaMaa


I believed that's how Jerry spelled his name also. Real sweetheart of a guy, taught me useful things I've kept with me.
It's a shame that the Tutu Woman didn't look into the distance to see the kid's that were getting their picture taken, though I don't blame the OP for leaving early.
Tutu seemed like she was out to make trouble any way she could.

Originally posted by argentus
reply to post by 1littlewolf

 

You relay an important point, and a yardstick of [some] of our societal "norms"; we are quick to attach our own suspicions to people, aren't we? We are quick to judge, and to think that we have the right to do so. That's something I guard myself against -- judgement. I just don't have the right.

Someone with a little intellect would've had the stones to walk up to you and inquire, rather than accuse. I have to confess that I fell into this same pattern once. I was meeting friends of mine at the local school..... they were picking up their kids and we were all going to pile into my van and meet my darlin' at a local beach for a picnic. There was a man I didn't recognize, standing at the chain-link, watching the kids. I live in a small place, and it's somewhat unusual to not at least have visual recognition of people.

I walked up to him and asked him if there was something I could help him with. He looked at me, shook his head. I stood there. He looked at me again and said, "You don't have to worry. I'm not a perv. I'm from ________, and I'll be teaching here next week." I introduced myself, and we talked for a bit. he'd walked from his house to the school and was getting a feel for the property. I felt like a turd. He's an excellent teacher, so I hear.

Thankyou for your honesty. And look I don't want to encourage complacency There are perverts out there, and the large majority of them are men. Also men on the whole are less likely to have jobs that involve children. To a certain point you should and do have to be suspicious. If my kids were playing and some strange man (or even women) were staring at them I would want to know why as well.

But there is a balance to all things, and occasionly it swings to far over to the paranoia side of things which in turn feeds more paranoia and i do not think this is doing anyone any good. When I was a kid we learnt all about 'stranger danger', but I still walked to school from age 5 on by myself (it was only 1/2 a mile away though. My mom is the most paranoid person there is but as soon as she saw us safetly across the main road she was fine. This was also back in the days when playground equipment wasn't made entirely of soft plastic, and kids could run around the streets as long as they were home by dark. These days you never see any kid under the age of 13 on the street by themselves.

I think however the manner in which you approached him - politely (I assume) - was entirely appropriate. You may have had some suspicions, but you did not react negatively until you had enough facts to make a judgment call.

I work with children and i am 100% sure i am a threat to all women working there..well i AM not but they do see me as a threat. Only thing is if i ever heard something i would punch the persons face...i think i would loose it.
They have no right to treat men like this! Many here sound so mature but let me tell you, they have no f..ing right! And it is important to let them know were the line is drawn.
Me in that beach..i would be in prison right now. At the very least i would take their id and demand they come official on what they are acusing me of. If not, i would kick their asses till police comes for me.

This is comparable to rasism, it is as legit to deffend oneself as in any other disgusting situation, it is a criminal act! I dont give a # if its because of media or what not...dont make this so hard to solve..just dont take any #!
Like a fu..ing pedo was going to the beach with his victims?! These people need to hear; its not me you bastard, its your lawyer, your doctor your neighbor..the man at the bank, your own fu..ing husband...its ANYONE BUT me on a beach!
Maaaaaad

reply to post by 1littlewolf


This is a totally different thing. You have a man in a school area, an unfamiliar face..that is enough to at least wonder and pay attention. A man with two kids on the beach is normal...its normal...NORMAL. and nobody should question your intentions without a proper punch in the face..at least some sort of consequence for their actions.