Late 30s, recently divorced...all I can think about is women in early 20s. Creepy or natural?

reply to post by FailedProphet
As long as your interest is in females over 18, I see no problem. The question is, are they interested in you? I am in ,my 40s now. After my divorce, I started dating college girls exclusively. Once they get out of college, they are generally too interested in some sort of "permanent" relationship. No thanks.

Life is short. Think about that while you are contemplating what you want out of life. You've already invested close to half your life so far, and finding yourself single again has to have a bit of influence on the way you are thinking. It's perfectly natural to lust after younger girls, and it's true that they have fewer "issues" than women your own age, and they are easier to manipulate.

The downside to younger women is that haven't found themselves yet. I see a future where you'll have invested a few more years of your life, and the young thing without a range of experience wants to learn more, and moves on.

You have not stated you are looking for a LTR. I think you are still licking your wounds from your marriage, trying to balance out some inner conflict, and associating the pain you've gone through with the mentality that women your own age will hurt you again. Nothing wrong with that. You need to heal first.

Personally, I'll pick intelligence over looks any day of the week, and there are a lot of intelligent woman out there at many different stages in their life. If you are infatuated with "appearance", by all means go for it. Best of luck.

You need a "rebound" relationship, and badly. Something trivial and light, with no strings attached, and after you find a friend with benefits I think you'll start to see clearly again.

Finally, one more sagely bit of wisdom: Only YOU know what you want out of life. When you figure that out, go for it, and never look back. Don't let anyone tell you anything otherwise.

reply to post by FailedProphet


I thought this was funny... It's probably more to do with how old you were when you met & married your wife. When something ends, we find ourselves back at the beginning, at the mental age when we were last free & single, but the young has passed us by. After marriage,you were husband, so didn't need to evolve as a single man any more, eying up the girls of your own age (think 20's), so your mind doesn't age you like the 'old ladies' you now see as your age. You had someone your own age, but they got older with you. Now you have to have some fun while your mind plays 'catch up, I'm 40-ish'... There is nothing wrong with thinking like that. Your pecker is probably doing the thinking if the ego has been hurt, but it will pass. It doesn't make you a perv.. Some young girls like older men because they have substance.. Young girls often don't, so you will be looking for that while you are get this out of your system. Keep your wallet & bank details safe, dress pecker for rain, & enjoy your new life.

hmmm.. I think if you are only interested in young twenty something.. you may get disappointed later on.. when they realize you are too old..and they are 35.. looking great... and at their prime sexually..

You may not be able to keep up with them, and you get thrown to the curb, at a much older age.. making it tough to find another mate.

Not saying this would happen.. but I have seen it happen..with men in your age bracket hooking up with young ladies.

If you're just after young booty call.. go ahead.. but let them know thats what you're all about.. because playing with someone feelings because you want sex, is really not fair , and shows a character of selfish motives, without care or concern how the other person will feel.

I wish you the best in what you are looking for.. but like another member posted.. just be honest about your intentions..

reply to post by FailedProphet


I'm 35 and ... dude, don't waste your time seeking out the consensus of others to affirm or deny the course with which you feel most drawn toward. Hell man, we're supposed to be men. We can be that with a good degree of class and ethic to what is nominally good, but your question implies taboo for some who, like it or not, can go pound sand and pout moral platitudes until they're blue in the face. So grab your junk and & be a man.

FailedProphet..I don't see being attracted to younger women to be creepy as long as there of legal age but i think you will find the immaturity level at times hard to deal with my husband went through that with me but it all worked out..I'm 39 and my husband is 63 and we have been married 8 years ..I say go ahead and date have a good time this life is to short but make it a no strings attached relationship till your done healing your own heart rember you just got out of a tumultuous marriage..Good luck Peace,sugarcookie1

reply to post by AllUrChips


I am single, What does that have to do with anything?

And yeah I joined ATS when I was 14. You can go look at my thread/post history if you would like. I made a thread about school IDs, curfew laws, etc.

Me in the 9th grade in 2005.

www.abovetopsecret.com...

Me stating I am 17 in 2009

www.abovetopsecret.com...

Please tell me what is not adding up or is inconsistent?

reply to post by AQuestion


Young girls that seek out old men usually have some sort of lack of fathering issues and are mentally unstable. And a 29 year old girl is much different than a 20 year old.

A girl that is seeking out to be in a relationship with someone as old as their father.... it's just not normal. Think about it. Would you want to have sex with a 65 year old women? It just isn't very desirable.

I'm a 20 year old girl in college. Right now I know of NO one that would even want to get with a older dude. There are plenty of "creepy old guys hitting on me" stories though. I couldn't even imagine the backlash I'd get from my girl friends if I started to date a 40 year old.

I'm not trying to hate on anyone, it just REALLY is the truth. Of course there is always the exception..

reply to post by mnmcandiez


Dear mnmcandiez,

I agree, I find it creepy; but, that doesn't mean it doesn't happen or that it is just men. Look at all the women who called themselves "cougers" over the last decade. They even had cruises dedicated to putting older women together with younger men. By the way, my wife of over two decades left me for at 48 (her age at the time) for a man 72. He later dumped her; but, I have seen people marry with great age differences and it works out sometimes, just not that often. Personally I think the issue is less about age and more about why would you seek someone younger and it is usually a control issue.

The funny thing about older guys who debate on whether they should or shouldn't go for younger women is that they seem to think they'll have no problem landing that hot young babe--if they want to. A 40-something man who wants a 20-something woman better have mighty fine good looks, the confidence of a salesman, the education of a professor, drool-worthy possessions, and a sizeable penis. Otherwise, pray you find someone with zero self-esteem who is just desperate.

Early 20s is certainly possible for late 30s.

But very, very exhausting. I don't mean physically, I mean mentally. Get used to long, complex arguments at 3:00 AM about "why you really looked at me that way over dinner, what were you reeeeealy thinking," stuff like that. Emotional mountains over molehills. Oh the drama! Older women are less insecure and have gotten beyond that sort of thing. For the most part.

All the (significantly) younger women I have dated have been completely insane and damaged. Which is probably why they dated me in the first place.

I can't say I have too many regrets ... (well, maybe one or two). But at the end of the day it's not all its cracked up to be.

I think you are limiting yourself if that is all you go for. I tend to think men who only go after younger women have self esteem issues. Like they need to prove to themselves they are still a great catch. Note that I said ONLY. I can think of a few guys who only went after younger women and it WAS creepy, bu then I know of other guys who dated younger women and it wasn't creepy at all. I guess it just depends on the guy, their reasoning and how they go about it. . I think anyone who limits themselves to any age group (with in reason) is missing out. You never know what age group "the one" will fall into.

Originally posted by sweetstuff
This thread made me think of this song and I just had to share it.

Enjoy boys!

www.youtube.com...


Any normal 20 year old is not going to be interested in a man twice her age and even if she is, for long term she won't be because she's gonna want someone around to help father her children, share a life, not change his depends when's in HER 30's or 40's...so to all you guys saying hey it's worked out for me with my younger love...remember that comment when you are in your 50's and she's still young and viable and dumps you for a man closer to her age because that's what's gonna happen in 99% of these situations, to delude yourself otherwise is your choice.

My daughter is very pretty and only 13, will be 14 in the spring and I see grown men checking her out when I'm not inside their line of view and I got to think (if she was 20 it would still be creepy as hell as they could be her father).......how does one consider that normal? It's not like she dresses provocatively at all and society tells men this is "normal" to notice young girls, funny, I don't find myself ever checking out young boys. It's actually a repellent idea to me to be with someone who cannot even comprehend the same jokes, same music, same social references because they were NOT alive when I was a kid.

Sorry it is creepy and a sign of a low self esteem to want someone that could be your own daughter. IMHO

edit on 20-11-2011 by sweetstuff because: more to add

With all due respect that is rubbish total rubbish! I and many people I know have partners that are 20 or 30 years younger, have long standing happy loving families!!

And do you know their wife's say they prefer a older man for so many reasons!!!!

Maybe you never tried one!!

Originally posted by mnmcandiez
reply to post by AQuestion

 

Young girls that seek out old men usually have some sort of lack of fathering issues and are mentally unstable. And a 29 year old girl is much different than a 20 year old.

A girl that is seeking out to be in a relationship with someone as old as their father.... it's just not normal. Think about it. Would you want to have sex with a 65 year old women? It just isn't very desirable.

I'm a 20 year old girl in college. Right now I know of NO one that would even want to get with a older dude. There are plenty of "creepy old guys hitting on me" stories though. I couldn't even imagine the backlash I'd get from my girl friends if I started to date a 40 year old.

I'm not trying to hate on anyone, it just REALLY is the truth. Of course there is always the exception..

Niave Clap trap!! What planet do you live on!

You were eating the same meat for a long time so it wouldnt be unusual to want a younger fresher cut.

reply to post by RP2SticksOfDynamite


RP, I for one am curious in hearing your personal story about the age difference between you and your spouse, how long you've been married and how many children you have.

I mostly dated men that were 12 - 20 years older than me from the time I was 18 - 30 years old. My reasoning was that men my age hadn't grown up yet and were refusing to. Once I got closer to 40, it was a whole different story. Eventually, most men grow up and women prefer to be around men their own age when they do.

What I would be worried about in today's world is how lightly people think about divorce. There are plenty of women out there who think that if it gets to a point where they don't like it any more, there's an easy way out. Knowing a person's past relationship history is something you're going to want to know early on, depending on what you're expecting out of it.

The young college girl here is not naive. She's just honest. Being a woman myself in my mid 40's, I knew more girls like her than I did like myself and I still do.

And yes, watching my mother outlive two husbands was an influence.

reply to post by FailedProphet


Totally natural, but to attract those ages of women, you'll likely need at least a bit of easy disposable income, and a flashy car helps... A lot of 20 somethings have that whole daddy issue too, so there's that. Have fun enjoying the single life, is what I say....

reply to post by RP2SticksOfDynamite


Someone seems upset when hit with the cold water of reality in the face

reply to post by mnmcandiez


You'd be surprised... For one thing, a guy in his 30's or 40's will be a lot more about pleasing his woman vs, a guy in his 20's... Think about it.

reply to post by FailedProphet


Fortunately you came to the right place op for relationship advice.

Really this age gap is natural by all my observations, in fact it seems to be pretty norm... ....Most younger female types do go for older dudes for all of the obvious reasons, no matter what other reasons they tell you....And usually when there older they go for the younger dudes again, for all the obvious reasons again, no matter what they tell you.

And in both cases everybody knows what those reasons are even thought the names they use for those reasons change. In fact I could probably put down what all the codes such as "mature" actually mean, but I do not think it's necessary since it's all obvious.

My advice! you don't seem to be having any actual problems, nor have had any actual problems me thinks...So get a dog, or maybe a turtle as a pet, chicks dig dudes with turtles. Either way, carry on as I am sure you will find another soon.

But real speak has it true, and I would say try to have it closer in age because of the life, age, and death issue. But however I know what you, and they will do either way....And so..

There you go problem solved, once again ATS comes to the rescue of all you love lost nutters.