Late 30s, recently divorced...all I can think about is women in early 20s. Creepy or natural?

If the OP is looking for a long term relationship, then a much younger chick is going to be hard to find on the same level. I'm 41 years old, been divorced and basically celibate for the past 6 years. I get a fair bit of attention from young women because I don't look anywhere near my age and I do rigorous weight training / bodybuilding. Unfortunately I also seem to get a lot of attention from middle-age fatties (since living in Canberra anyway) and that creeps me the heck out. Mate nothing wrong with young women but if you're looking for something long term, don't dismiss older women as well, but if your the type who works hard to look after yourself, don't settle for someone who has spent the last 20 years accumulating adipose and other undesirable physical and not-so-physical traits. There's some attractive older women out there too, it's just the vast majority of them are bloody married or in a relationship!

reply to post by FailedProphet


Its healthy mate. Im a lot older and I do the same. Infact I have often!

Go for it! They like experience and a mature chap who can hack it good!

Honestly, as long as you don't look like some creepy old dude and have that skeezy old pervert vibe about you, then it's cool.

The most important thing is that you don't have that skeezy vibe that kind of makes me think of the vibes that a pedophile must give off. As long as you think of them as women, or even just a set of boobs that talk, you should be okay, especially since you're still fairly young and you sound like you look even younger.

Just don't think of it as "fresh meat" or "young vixens to be conquered" or something creepy like that, and you should be good to go.

Originally posted by FailedProphet
Well, after an unpleasant ending to a long but tummultous marriage to a women my own age, I find myself cast alone out to sea (where there are plenty of fish) for the first time in many a year. And I discovered something interesting...I'm just not attracted to women my own age. It seems I have eyes only for dewy young things that I technically could have fathered.

I understand this is natural. I also understand its a little creepy.

It ain't creepy at all my friend. I've been divorced for over 3 years now and I just turned 40. All I do is dating girls mid to late 20. And it works perfectly fine. I'm having a great time, I'm enjoying my self and is reviving me. What do you care what others think. Is all about what you think, what you feel and what makes you happy.

Originally posted by SumerianSoldier
Dude, ignore the haters! I went through the same thing several years ago. When I was 39 I was dating this adorable 23 year old. It was fun in every facet of the relatioship for both of us. Later on though, she was getting really serious, talking babies, dreams and aspirations. They weren't the same as mine and I realized that I had to cut her loose because I was holding her back from experiencing life in her way. (If that makes sense.) I set her down and explained it to her just like that and to this day she still respects me because, as she says, "I let her down the right way, to her face, like a gentleman without the BS cliches" I say enjoy, but be open and honest about what you want out of the relationship. Long term, we all know that very few age discrepancied relationships work out. Good luck!

I just have to ask! Does dating young 20 somethings these days encourage middle aged men to get multiple body piercings and tattoos or is this something you carried over from your own youth?

Originally posted by AQuestion
reply to post by mnmcandiez

 

Dear mnmcandiez,

Actually I have to disagree with you. It does happen. There are many young women who seek out older men. I know this because I have been approached by them and I am not that handsome. I am actually quite average looking and balding (and no I am not rich). I wondered why I was approached by younger women. I have three daughters ranging in age from 22 to 29 and each had a different explanation. I would also like to say that it creeped my daughters and me out when I was approached by young women; but, it did happen more than once. I have come to the conclusion that for some of them want stability that many older men offer, others seek money and others have whatever reason they have. Don't fool yourself, there are plenty of men who are married to women 20 years younger than themselves and as I implied in my original post to this thread, I won't date anyone roughly ten years older or younger than myself, so I am not promoting such things or fooling myself. Be well.

Sorry, I have to add something. One of the women that approached me was a breathtaking beautiful 29 year old model. At the time I just assumed she thought I was in the entertainment industry because of where I was living.

edit on 19-11-2011 by AQuestion because: Irony

In today's dysfunctional world and broken families you will always find a few young girls who are looking for a daddy. Once they grow up, they will move on, just like all little children.

One thing you need to think about is if you fall in love and marry someone in their 20's, you most likely will be looking at having and raising children. Do you really want to start a new family in your 40's? I wouldn't. You'll still be raising kids in your 60's when you should be retiring and enjoying yourself.

reply to post by Deetermined


Nope, something I carried over from my bassist in a metal band youth. Lol

reply to post by FailedProphet


To answer your question......natural. To me, it's not the age but the maturity level of both people involved. I won't go too deep in it because I get the feeling that's not the kind of answer you're looking for. You may be technically old enough to be her father, 18 years her senior, but if there's a mutual attraction......who cares?

quit porn, it's messing with your head

This thread made me think of this song and I just had to share it.

Enjoy boys!

www.youtube.com...


Any normal 20 year old is not going to be interested in a man twice her age and even if she is, for long term she won't be because she's gonna want someone around to help father her children, share a life, not change his depends when's in HER 30's or 40's...so to all you guys saying hey it's worked out for me with my younger love...remember that comment when you are in your 50's and she's still young and viable and dumps you for a man closer to her age because that's what's gonna happen in 99% of these situations, to delude yourself otherwise is your choice.

My daughter is very pretty and only 13, will be 14 in the spring and I see grown men checking her out when I'm not inside their line of view and I got to think (if she was 20 it would still be creepy as hell as they could be her father).......how does one consider that normal? It's not like she dresses provocatively at all and society tells men this is "normal" to notice young girls, funny, I don't find myself ever checking out young boys. It's actually a repellent idea to me to be with someone who cannot even comprehend the same jokes, same music, same social references because they were NOT alive when I was a kid.

Sorry it is creepy and a sign of a low self esteem to want someone that could be your own daughter. IMHO

reply to post by RP2SticksOfDynamite


As Sir William Wallace said, FREEDOM!

reply to post by FailedProphet


I find women my age or maybe 7 years younger are fine, any younger then that and they are children to me. At least their mind is like children, sure their bodies are hot. If all you want is a nice young women to bed with go for it, don't expect to be mentally compatible. Most young women don't know what they want these days from my perspective.

I find women with experience more interesting, their bodies seem much hotter after you get to know the person. Age should not matter, your mind is just used to seeing young women everywhere and therefore you have been brainwashed into thinking their the kind you need. It couldn't be farther from the truth.

reply to post by FailedProphet


I think it's natural I turned 33 a few days ago and my girlfriend is 22 and picked up on me, she came out of nowhere. I have a neighbor who is turning 40 this month and is very popular with guys in their 20's-30's.

As one that came out of a 20+ year marriage last year I've got to ask, what are you looking for? Fun times or a relationship? Fun times cool BUT let the ladies know that. They are young and are probably looking for something long term. If it's a relationship I've got to say, "Are you out of your mind?" You just did that. I haven't even started dating again. I'm enjoying my singleness. Or "singularity" if you're a sci-fi guy.

reply to post by FailedProphet


You would do better to find a woman who matches your state of maturity. But maybe you are immature?

Sorry, I mean no insult. If you are looking for a girl that could mean you are still a boy. When I got divorced and ready to find another I found I was only attracted to mature women. It's still that way for me to this day. I find the ones around my own age the hottest.

Blessed be all,
I just have to say that as a 27 year old woman, I am married to a 39 year old man. And I have to say, I was never interested in boys my age as I found them to be way too immature for me. Older men have learned to be themselves and what you see is what you get.
Gimme an oldie over a newbie any time!

Namasté

reply to post by FailedProphet


Going after the younger woman.....and not interested in ones that are in your decade....is typical...perhaps.you want to relive the time when you were younger...and being with a younger woman is what many, many men do.

You say the women you are interested in are in their (20's).....so they are younger women...but still legally women. I say....you are normal....go ahead and date!

the only on topic comment i can muster is : make sure you are both looking for the same thing

You're in you 30's mate, not your 70's. With all due respect, get a grip. I'm the wrong side of 35 and single but I have in my social circle, females who range from 23 to about 45, In my opinion, all are fair game for me. I also look younger, people reckon I look about 32/33 and unlike you, I don't have all my hair - not that I see that is anything to write home about though, if a woman wanted you just for your hair, I'd be a little bit concerned personally. I'd be more concerned with how you carry yourself and how presentable and thoughtful you are as oppose to what does or doesn't reside on the top of your bonce.

I think you might be reading more into this than necessary. A mate of mine is 54 and his wife is 40, they run a pub together ( my local ) and have been happily married for around 15 yrs. That's like me going out with a 22 yr old. I also had a mate who was seeing a 49 yr old woman, he was ( If I remember correctly ) 24 at the time - and they were together for around 7/8 yrs.

Apples and oranges mate, if you're on the same wavelength as someone and understand each other, it would be a shame to deny that attraction and potential love because of age difference.

If you're on about purely physical attraction/lust, then it's only human nature. Women and men are obviously at their physical best in and around the 20's mark but we all age at some point, that's a very short span of existence to be excited about, 10 years gone by and ( according to society - not ME ) it's downhill in the looks dept. . I personally can find women attractive right up to a fine ripe age, in fact when I was a teenager, I used to fancy quite a few of my moms mates. Women who were well into their 40's. I never ever mentioned it but I fancied the a$s£ off some of me moms mates. lol

For me though, it's not even that much about first appearances, there has to be some attraction there obviously but I can find someone who I may not have drooled over to be the most beautiful woman ever after getting to know her. If the chemistry is there, she can have me thinking about her 24/7, age/looks may be immaterial, if everything about me is totally into her, that's enough for me. I'm sold.

Logic says this is something you might be experiencing due to the breakup you have had and the fact that you are getting older and still want to feel attractive. By the way mate, you are FAR from old, you are still young and have a life ahead of you.