Are manners a thing of the past?

Hello everyone. Yesterday I just faced the cold harsh reality of what I have become due to what I have been exposed to from my former job and maybe even further. Last night my younger brother was replacing the hard drive to my first gen PS3 that I haven't used in years due to corrupted files. When he finished fixing it he told me about it and I just said "good". The reply I got afterwards was what made me realize just how insensitive I was. "what thats it, just good!? How about a thank you" then it dawned on me why this was the case. In my former job in the army, thanks and appreciation were rarely shown except in award ceremonies but those were always mandatory. very rarely did any of us receive a thanks or thank you after completing a task or finishing details.

Even in here or on Skype do I hardy show my manners at all and sometimes end up hurting those that I care about and now I know the truth more then ever before. I'm sure most on here depending where were from or what we dealt with in life show little to no manners at all. Some are use to facing the harsh realities of life and could care less while others are more considerate towards their loved ones well being.

I wonder though if I am the only one like this. Surely society has also lost respect towards each other and could care less what other individuals think about them but still where is the please and your welcome lines when they do you a favor? Is it in our nature to be mean like this or has the worlds struggles finally caught up to us where we are ungrateful for the little things that we have in life? I know what your thinking. "Stop-loss! you have always been there for us" but have I really? Can any of you honestly say you treat others with respect as they show you or do you completely ignore them and continue to troll away as if nothing happened?

I plan to change that now as best I can. You can make a difference on how you treat people here and outside the internet. It's not too late to say your sorry for what you have done and why you did it in the first place. Just because the world can be cruel and unforgiving doesn't mean that you always have to be as well. We all have a nasty side to what we say but at least treat people the way you would like to be treated. You never know if the person you make fun of can flip out and kill multiple people in a furious frenzy when it could of been avoided with several kind words. In the end you have no one to blame but yourself if and when your loved ones leave due to your terrible behavior. Sometimes lessons learned the hard way are the ones that stick to us the most. So if I have offended any of you in the past then please forgive me and thank you for listening.

I dont know if they are a thing of the past, but they are not as common as they once were. I just finished a training course this week and was really annoyed when a number of the people taking part didn't say thanks to the trainers or goodbye to the other people on the course. I always make a point to shake peoples hands and say thank you. It's not only polite but it makes people remember you. To be honest it was the students on the course who seemed to lack the manners, us older ones seemed to make much more of an effort both with manners and on the course.

People will remember good manners and saying thank you is such a simple thing to do and costs nothing.

So true....

One thing I've really noticed too is, the way women are generally treated by men.

I was raised to be a gentleman and to respect, if not revere, women. Nowadays, they seem to be treated with much disrespect and exploitation and, from what I can tell, they've come to expect it and beg for it.

If manners equal social graces then I hope they die.

If treating people right is dying then we need to fix that.

One thing I loathe is people's need to hear a conditioned response versus the truth. Corporate (and this means civilized cultures) manners are the worst. Everyone sucks up instead of fixing the systemic issues.

If I drop the F Bomb while articulating a real problem, can we just for a moment focus on the issue versus the manners angle.

Good post.

Yes, we could all 'love our neighbors' a little better. Easter weekend is a good reminder of that irregardless of theological standing .

reply to post by Stop-loss!


Well i watch a show with my younger siblings called "the future is wild" and the one girl from the future semes to have less emotions than the people of our time, I would say if they do become a thing of the past; it will ether end up that way *emotionless* or we will become more like dogs staying in packs of smaller groups than we do now and trusting no one.

So tired of people thinking we all used to be so great to one another and lived in some kind of polite paradise a few decades ago...

I work the front desk of a hotel and deal with dozens, if not hundreds, of people each day and I'd say about 95% are VERY friendly and very nice people, complete with all the pleases, thank yous and smiles...I am in west Texas right now but moved from Cincinnati, OH where it was about the same. People are people and for the most part, they are friendly

Now when is it that everyone thinks we were all so great toward each other? The 70's? The 50's?

My grandfather who grew up in the 50's (a great guy who is very friendly and is a teacher) mentioned once in conversation about how he used to drive through the Hill District in Pittsburgh and "harass the blacks." You can imagine the look on my face

I think its all environmental
Such as, here in the south (I am a internationalist, not a "southerner"..but spent a considerable amount of time in the south comparatively) united states, such manners are programmed and pretty much reactionary.

Hell, long enough time here and you say thanks for things you don't even need to thank..such as a cop pulling you over and giving you a ticket, you reaction end it with "thanks" (and not even in sarcasm..you know...he is doing his job, he didn't beat you...heh)

It would be nice if programming for such things came only when approprate, but people are reactionary creatures and like saying "goodbye" on a telephone call, it is more ceremonial than anything to do with manners.

thanks..goodbye...many other standard inputs both at the front and rear of interactions are almost like lines of code in a packet.

Human coding 101:

Begin = (hello, hi, etc)
Meat of code = (subject matter)
End command = (goodbye, thanks, love you, etc)

You simply put in the word "good" in replace of standard ending sequence codes...

next time, attempt an experiment...try to leave off the end command, watch how confused everyone gets...don't say thanks, don't say good, say nothing...when the subject matter is complete, leave it open

you will notice all sort of awkward standings, maybe the person you are engaging will do a double end command simply to compensate for your lack of code to end your program..

we are a program.

reply to post by SaturnFX


i would say a Complex more than a program, Because me and a friend did this Experiment with eachother and it didnt seem that aquward im guessing due to us understanding what eachother meant and that it was simply in the background rather than having to say it. not saying it wasnt different, but it wasnt aquward.

On Penn and Teller's Bull#

Originally posted by Solsthime331
reply to post by SaturnFX

 

i would say a Complex more than a program, Because me and a friend did this Experiment with eachother and it didnt seem that aquward im guessing due to us understanding what eachother meant and that it was simply in the background rather than having to say it. not saying it wasnt different, but it wasnt aquward.

Yes, the agreement allows for an "extra line of code" so to speak allowing for the ending of the packet without the end command.
simple programming...event driven. but even then, I would be interested to see if you two had some subtle body gesture once done if not vocal..a slight tip of the head to acknowledge the end that you don't even realize you did.

complex programs, but programs nonetheless. (incidently, overcoding or looping creates OCD)

reply to post by SaturnFX


well i have generated an OCD to say "Alrighty" when im going to walk away from someone so im going to say thats my version of Goodbye.

Originally posted by 3dman7
So true....

One thing I've really noticed too is, the way women are generally treated by men.

I was raised to be a gentleman and to respect, if not revere, women. Nowadays, they seem to be treated with much disrespect and exploitation and, from what I can tell, they've come to expect it and beg for it.

Very true. It seems like women get a raw deal when we talk to them most of the time. Sometimes we don't catch on to it until it is too late and then they start to distance themselves from you. On the other hand you may be right about them begging for it as well, not all but some.

Manners are an artificial construct, meant to convey genuine compassion.

They are not the same thing as real compassion.

I hope manners are lost back to the original compassion. Since then, less compassionate people have only derived rules of behavior just to be able to get along with each other, and missing the full impact of not needing these rules in the first place.

18

When the great Tao is forgotten,
goodness and piety appear.
When the body's intelligence declines,
cleverness and knowledge step forth.
When there is no peace in the family,
filial piety begins.
When the country falls into chaos,
patriotism is born.

19

Throw away holiness and wisdom,
and people will be a hundred times happier.
Throw away morality and justice,
and people will do the right thing.
Throw away industry and profit,
and there won't be any thieves.

If these three aren't enough,
just stay at the center of the circle
and let all things take their course.

academic.brooklyn.cuny.edu...


One person cannot stress how much wisdom is contained in the 81 short chapters of the ancient Tao te Ching.

I was raised with manners and civility..... and prefer it. I also prefer people around me having some decorum. Those who complain about it being programmed and etc... aka a bad thing, I can only imagine what they would say if their wife or GF had absolutely no social graces, burped and farted in public, and generally behaved without any of this horrible "social programming". I tend to think they'd then be here whining about it Im also shocked that people think having manners simply means saying "thank you" and "being fake". Manners are at the heart respect for another person and taking the other person into consideration with your behavior. If one wishes to be a selfish animal and behave with no regard for the feelings of those around them, I have to wonder about that person.

OP, yes, manners and civility are lacking. We are in the ME generation of those who feel individuality and freedom is having no regard for anyone around them. Special snowflakes demand to behave in any manner they wish and be treated with respect in return. Pretty absurd if you think about it.

reply to post by bsbray11


You do realize that Lao-tzu was raised in and participated in a culture of protocol and manners, right? He promoted protocol and civility.. and that has no conflict with compassion and spirituality.

Manners and Decorum will only go the way of the Dinosaurs if we allow them to.

If you remain vigilant on your thinking patterns, and learn from yourself, then you will maintain manners and decorum in every situation. But, most people are raised to be less self-aware and less self-vigilant than in the past. Hence what we see all around us in the world.

All it takes is for people to maintain their self vigilance, always choosing to use manners they were raised with.. and in turn Display to the World what they Require in return. To not do so is to be a part of the problem and not the cure.

Originally posted by Advantage
You do realize that Lao-tzu was raised in and participated in a culture of protocol and manners, right?

And he renounced them in favor of going straight to the point as you see above. You realize that, right?

He promoted protocol and civility.. and that has no conflict with compassion and spirituality.

It's a conflict in the sense that it's a replacement. When people are not always compassionate, then you have to make up "manners" so that people can remind themselves how to behave to one another. Lao Tzu is pointing out a means by which you don't have to remember to be polite to people, and by which it comes naturally, and is more genuine.

I'm not surprised that Lao Tzu's philosophy is totally lost on ATS'ers. I see it all the time unfortunately. It just doesn't fit with a "read and immediately respond" mentality I suppose.

What can anyone expect now days with the crap they show on t.v. T.V. is nothing these days but a demoralizing agent and Adultery paradise...A week without it, (T.V.), and your manner can only improve...

reply to post by Stop-loss!



Sounds like you have had a life changing epiphany...at first glance it seems small "manners" and the like. But this quote sums it up best..you have turned a page in your own personal growth, I salute you sir! Cheers coco

"Manners are a sensitive awareness of the feelings of others. If you have that awareness, you have good manners, no matter what fork you use." Emily Post

reply to post by Stop-loss!


Stop-loss!, starting with the man in the mirror is a real fine thing to do. Reads like you have done a little self examining and didn't like what you saw. You're right, there is no time like the present to turn over a new leaf.
Good for you. A little sensitivity for others can be a good thing. Going through life your actions speak for themselves, they reflect upon you, and sometimes upon your mother and father. I applaud anyone who chooses to walk humbly with manners and grace, caring not to hurt those around them.

These days many people are under great stress. I see it when I go food shopping. Some people are like zombies, so tired and full of worry. And we never do know when someone might be right on the edge. Your holding open the door, shooting them a smile or having a nice word to say might make all the difference. It might change their day. It might change their life. Stop-loss!, I don't know you, but I'm very proud of you.