Having an Open/Swinging Marriage

Originally posted by pez1975
Why even get married if u want to sleep with other people thats what I think. I been married 12 years with my wife 15 years. I knew I wanted to be with her the rest of my life and have a family with her. I sowed my wild oats before I got married. I think thats where alot of people make their mistake they get married young and then after a while they wonder if the grass is greener on the other side of the fence. when divorce is at 50% rate I dont think this would help in beating the odds. So in conclusion no I dont think this is a smart idea but thats just me to each his own it doesnt affect me one way or another

Why get married ? hahaha..tax purposes... Just kidding.

I disagree that getting married young is bad. Its a good thing considering today's economy and the healthcare. You will be done with your kids by the time you're 40 if you get married at 18 and have kids at 20 that is.

Originally posted by MagesticEsoteric
I am interested in knowing what other members think about having open marriages or swinging with other couples.

My best friend's significant other arranged for a "date" with another couple last weekend. Apparently, it was an "amazing experience" that helped them understand eachother and each other's needs on a much deeper level.

What do other's think about this?

I think when the sex life is boring between a couple thats when they look else where for the excitement. Is your wife boring in bed? or are you boring in bed according to your wife? If yes to both then you should basically take a break from each other by going on a vacation individually and see where it leads. Sex is an art and not a job. Sex is also a science which you might need to study the KAMASUTRA for. It has some very important aspects of maintaining a healthy sexual life, excitement and marriage. You might want to give it a try before you decide to swing and possibly both getting hurt. On the other hand, if you and your wife care about each other regardless of how bad the sex life might be then you can both swing once and see how it feels.

Personally I do not believe in sharing my wife nor would I want to ruin my marriage and lose my wife by sleeping with another woman. I think monogomy exists even in certain animals and birds. Polygamy and wife swapping is definitely i'm not into.

Originally posted by Klassified
I've known a few couples who live this "lifestyle". But one couple in particular have been married almost 30 years, and are still like a couple of teens together. You would think they were newlyweds at times. So I guess it depends on the couple. It's not for me though. But I don't judge or begrudge anyone else if it works for them.

I think they're more like friends then a married couple if they are behaving as such. Realistically this is going backwards. We are humans although still mammals, but we're definitely not animals in our instincts and thought process. However swinging to me is basically nothing more than hunger for sex that a couple has and they decide to break this barrier to satisfy their hunger. It is against the laws and rules of marriage established and derived by most societies.

Originally posted by MagesticEsoteric
reply to post by Kargun

 

This whole concept is messing with me a bit.

I can't imagine seeing my spouse with another person but there seems to be an entire community of couples that live this lifestyle very naturally.

Am I missing something

Do you fantasize about other women besides your wife? If YES then you're selfish.

reply to post by hp1229

Do you fantasize about other women besides your wife? If YES then you're selfish.

I'd have to disagree there. Who doesn't fantasize about others at some point? And not just us guys, I'm sure the gals do too, and there's nothing wrong with that in my book. I also have always prided myself on being very giving in the bedroom department, and just the opposite of selfish.

reply to post by MagesticEsoteric


I have heard of a guy who wanted his wife to be with another woman and he watch. It took him several years to convince her to do it. Once she did, she decided that she loved the woman more than her husband and left him for her. It was told as more of an urban legend than a fact, but it could happen. Love is easiest when not tested. Why make things difficult.

Originally posted by Gazrok
reply to post by hp1229

 

Do you fantasize about other women besides your wife? If YES then you're selfish.

I'd have to disagree there. Who doesn't fantasize about others at some point? And not just us guys, I'm sure the gals do too, and there's nothing wrong with that in my book. I also have always prided myself on being very giving in the bedroom department, and just the opposite of selfish.

I do not deny. However I was trying to make a point that if you fantasize but feel bad about your wife being with another man than that is hypocricy and being selfish. But i think i read the statement incorrectly.

Originally posted by MagesticEsoteric
I am interested in knowing what other members think about having open marriages or swinging with other couples.

My best friend's significant other arranged for a "date" with another couple last weekend. Apparently, it was an "amazing experience" that helped them understand eachother and each other's needs on a much deeper level.

What do other's think about this?

The way I think about this.. is that, I do not see the rationale between people being 100% monogamous - ie. not having an interest to make love, (and therefor -in a natural statel- also offspring) with more than just one partner.

But I also see it not rational, that we would be making love without any interest to bond with the people we are making love with somehow, because at a deeper level when for example male gives his sperm to some woman, the males body is starting to expect some sort of outcome of that - it might not be conscious, but this happens at a bodily level, because that is what making love is supposed to (from my understanding) lead into.. A formation of some sort of outcome from having made that love, and that lovemaking is just a (small) part of that relationship which the making love is part of.

What I do not yet understand, is the Gay form of making love - how it fits into this, but I kind of feel that lovemaking, (or if you would like to use the word having sex, or having intercourse), is something, that is supposed to be in its natural state a part of something that is building up between the people making love, as in being partly a manifestation of their relationship - fellowship, intention (and the willingness) to spend time together in future - be it in a monogamous, or in a multigamous relationship.

A magnetic bond, between the people making love - is established at that moment..

..and if it is broken afterwards ( or one of those taking part in this action, did not have the intention to have any further communication ) - the electromagnetic fields of the beings taking part in such activity, gets unstabilized..

For a woman I would see this more difficult, bodily wise (meaning a woman might deny this from herself, but her biomagnetic body will react) - but it might be just as deseaseful for the male, to let go of ones bodily fluids, sperm and all the little "me's" in that cocktail - and just move on to another location where there is no connection with ones possible offspring - or knowledge of what happened to them afterwards. Mostly in todays society, the knowledge is apparent right after having made love, or having had intercourse, due to the fact that many of us have to use some sort of protection, from this event that would naturally take place, that is the fruitation of the whole thing.. (..which is the generation of an offspring and a relationship or just one of them..)

..in todays society, people having any kind of physical contact with the opposite sex, are left physically un-fulfilled due to our need to protect ourselves from having offspring (..or relations with multiple partners..), due to the constrains that it would supposedly render upon us, (..for example both the physical and mental constraings in such a case..) if we as males happened to impregnate someone, or a woman happened to get pregnant.. (..which should be only natural..)

Also due to the christianic monogamousness, that is nearly a law, we always need to (mentally) prepare for an ending of a relationship, if we choose to make love with someone else..

This is how I see it, psychologically it can be quite a strain to have intercourse with even one person - without the man or woman acknowledging the fact that their bodies are naturally waiting for an outcome, or a bigger picture to emerge, within which, and as a part of it "the lovemaking should have been taking place".

Which is also the reason for many irrational fightings between couples, that are from my point of view totally un-needed.. There is always that fear of loosing ones love, if one of the people in a relationship would happen to spend some sexual encountering with another being - that is something both parties, the man, and the woman, in the relationship will psychologically prepare for..

..which is always a precursor for war..

I do not see that these quarrels are peoples fault by default, but that our societal structure actually forces us to fight eachother, because of the Christianic norms, that have been opressing our sexuality to such a degree, that many outbursts of supressed sexuality can be seen these days, such as (..extreme..) pornography, prostitution, the thing that catholic priests do due to suppressing their own sexuality and the sexuality of others and spreading such ideology, silicone implants, and actually even having to put makeup (..24/7..) on, is an outcome of supressed sexuality in our society.

These outbursts (..of supressed sexuality - and the need to be a sexually self expressinhg being, as humans in their natural state are..) then attract other peoples minds, who themselves live in a suppressed state of sexuality..

..which is why I see it the way, that we need to heal the whole point of perspective towards sexuality ( the whole society - what is considered as good etc. ), before we can have fulfilling relationships, with multiple partners..

I personally believe that making love, where all people involved in it enjoy what is happening, can only be right... But it would be cool if peoples ego's could see and appreaciate this too.. to accept such a thing as a normal natural part of living, if someone feels like that is ok.

I personally do not know what I see as being the best form of relationship for me, but this I do know: I do not want multiple women, with their fears (and their families, with their expectations), around me, speculating about who of them I love the most..

reply to post by hp1229


I'm cool with her fantasizing about other guys, but not being with them.

On the girl end of it though, she's into them as much as I am (if it's her type), so it really wouldn't be "selfish" if we had a gal join the party. Know what I mean?

I have heard of a guy who wanted his wife to be with another woman and he watch. It took him several years to convince her to do it. Once she did, she decided that she loved the woman more than her husband and left him for her. It was told as more of an urban legend than a fact, but it could happen. Love is easiest when not tested. Why make things difficult.

I'd be cool watching. There are many women who can go both ways for fun, but still prefer a solid relationship with a man...so no worries here.

I have a feeling Charlie Sheen's latest wife is like that, and that's why she was cool with his porn star sex toys joining them on vacations, etc. I think she played with the toys too. It's the only thing that makes sense, unless she was just THAT under his thumb...

I don't think swinging is a good idea. I wouldn't do it. But I don't care what other people do.

However - I was reminded of something - which made me NAUSEATED so I thought I'd lay it on you. Share the lurve and all that

I used to work with this guy who was a swinger. I was told he hosted sex parties with lots of people and everything.

Well this guy was a big fat gross old man. Beer belly like as if 9 months pregnant. Ugly face. REALLY PATHETIC and greasy looking "comb over" on his balding head.

So one time - I think it was right after New Years - this guy comes up to me in the office, yells HAPPY NEW YEAR! And then flings his arms around me!

VOMIT!

It happened too fast too see it coming. Guy was looking for a free grope.

Ewwwwww this guy was SO GROSS I could not imagine even ONE person wanting to have sex with him let alone a whole crowd.

So I was reminded of this - abomination - and his surprise hug - and now my skin is *crawling*.

BARFTACULAR!!!

Just wanted to share

reply to post by hp1229


I understand where you are coming from. I do want to just say one thing though.

I didn't start this thread because I was interested in having an open marriage or because my spouse and I wanted to become swingers. A friend of mine brought it up in regards to their own relationship and it fascinated me. For several reasons I suppose.

I honestly would never have thought this couple to be into alternative lifestyles but, to each their own right? Who am I to judge.

I also find the entire concept fascinating because it goes against so many ingrained ideals regarding marriage and the foundations a marriage is based on.

It's also a lot more common apparently than I could ever have imagined.

So, I started this thread to get a read on what others thought about it.

Dear Lord, I cannot even imagine what my spouse would say if I brought this up as something I would be interested in.

reply to post by hp1229


You know what I find really funny about this thread is that most everyone has assumed that I am a guy????

I wonder why that is? I haven't said anything that would even remotely disclose my gender yet, people assume that I have a wife.

For the record...I never said that I wanted to have an open marriage or become a swinger. I was blown away by the fact that a very good friend of mine is in "negotiations" with their spouse in regards to this lifestyle.

I'm very much satisfied with my spouse and my sex life so, I don't feel the need to fix something that isn't broken to begin with. The whole idea is just completely interesting to me because it goes soooooo much against the grain of society's moral compass.

Also, I disagree with your statement that fantasizing about others aside from a spouse makes one selfish...I think if I attempted to, and then actually fulfilled my fantasy...that would make me selfish. A fantasy is a thought. It's sort of like saying that if I think about robbing a bank then I'm automatically a criminal for merely having the thought. Just my cents though

reply to post by MagesticEsoteric


I get where you are coming from.

There are degrees of everything. I couldn't handle a completely open relationship, or even full-on swinging. I'd be way too jealous, as would she.

But, the occasional spice of adding another gal now and then (to where she's also having fun with her)...well, hard to argue with that...

To be honest, I'm surprised I know even a few people that do go for the all-out swing lifestyle though. Maybe it's just the crowd I'm with, or maybe it's far more common than people think, but they just don't talk about it...I don't know. The vast majority though, of my friends, are more of the traditional family setting sort. Guess I just know some from the fringe element.

I'm very much satisfied with my spouse and my sex life so, I don't feel the need to fix something that isn't broken to begin with. The whole idea is just completely interesting to me because it goes soooooo much against the grain of society's moral compass.

Don't go too far down that road. Thing is, and most will never admit it...but the weirder and more taboo something is, for some folks, the bigger the turn on. Just don't go too far to where the more mainstream stuff no longer is enough to do it for you....

reply to post by MagesticEsoteric

what other members think about having open
marriages or swinging with other couples.

Choice that is acted upon frequently has consequence. Sometimes the consequence that is acheived is not what is intended, and sometimes that may be because the motivations people have for making the choices they do are not what they think they are. Acting upon a desire to do something, when the underlying reason for that desire is not well understood is more likely to have unintended consequences than desire acted upon when the reason for the desire is well understood.

This particular act is one that has great potential for suffering. I would advise those considering such an act to closely examine why they desire it.

reply to post by LordBucket


very valid point...

reply to post by Gazrok


I guess I know some of the fringe element myself now huh?

I love the avatar by the way.."WINNING!"

sorry I just couldn't frickin' help myself...

As others have said, to each their own.

I used to know some who chose a polyamourous relationship. In one relationship, all 3 lived together (two guys, one girl)This was a 3-some where she had a husband and a significant other and it also included children. The family unit was strong it it seemed to work well, for them.

The other "arrangement" also was (two guys, one girl) where all 3 lived apart, but all 3 were committed. Again, it seemed to work for them and everyone involved was happy and satisfied.

I think that is key. All involved have their needs/wants satisfied and all are open and honest about that. Otherwise, this will never work.

*Personally, I'm not interested. I am not willing to share my man, nor would I choose to be involved with anyone willing to share me...

reply to post by Whiffer Nippets

guy was a big fat gross old man
he hosted sex parties

this guy was SO GROSS I could not imagine even ONE person wanting
to have sex with him let alone a whole crowd.

Speaking generally, when a woman has sex, she is more receptive to sex. In the case of a "sex party" the act of sex with other men may act as "foreplay" on behalf of men who otherwise would be rejected.

reply to post by LordBucket


I've had a lot of good input from members about this issue. A whole lot more than I honestly expected.

You make a very good point in that all actions result in consequences so, it's vital to make sure all things are understood and accepted before any action is taken.

Someone else did post certain scenarios that could result from living this lifestyle such as pregnancy, disease, etc. Obvious dangers involved that could have lasting consequences to all participants if things are not thought through and discussed in great detail.

reply to post by LordBucket


I think I understand what you are trying to say in regards to foreplay but, I was hoping you could clarify.