How can you being gay affect me being straight?

Originally posted by Sherlock Holmes
Whatever answer he would had given would surely also suffice for the same question about two men holding hands.

No it probably wouldn't suffice, he is used to seeing Men and Women holding hands, grown-ups and kids... he might have never seen two grown men holding hands etc. etc. The question is essentially, "since when do grown men hold hands, they don't do that, why are those two doing it, what's different here?"

Originally posted by SevenBeans
No it probably wouldn't suffice, he is used to seeing Men and Women holding hands, grown-ups and kids... he might have never seen two grown men holding hands etc. etc.

He would be used to seeing a man and woman holding hands because that is more prevalent in society.

If he asked why a man and a woman were holding hands, then what would the answer be ?

I'm not a parent, but if I was, I would probably say something along the lines of: ''because they like each other a lot''.

That answer would be equally applicable to a man and a woman holding hands, or to two men or two women holding hands.

Originally posted by SevenBeans
The question is essentially, "since when do grown men hold hands, they don't do that, why are those two doing it, what's different here?"

That is due to the society that he is brought up in.

Encouraging your child to be open-minded is probably the best thing that a parent can do, and this is a perfect example of how a parent can intervene to give a non-biased explanation of a situation, before the child's attitudes get warped by needless social conformity and closed-mindedness.

Originally posted by Sherlock Holmes
He would be used to seeing a man and woman holding hands because that is more prevalent in society.

If he asked why a man and a woman were holding hands, then what would the answer be ?

I'm not a parent, but if I was, I would probably say something along the lines of: ''because they like each other a lot''.

That answer would be equally applicable to a man and a woman holding hands, or to two men or two women holding hands.

I guess I'm not being clear... it isn't "equally applicable" because kids aren't dumb... they know that grown Men (even when they like each other a lot) don't generally hold hands etc. etc. They want to know why these two Men are acting differently than almost all other Men, that is the gist of their question.

"Because they like each other a lot" doesn't answer that question.

It sounds like the root cause of your problem is you and self-admitted ignorance of gay people. You see it's not difficult to understand: They are people who like/love each other.

It's not any more complicated than why you want to hold someone's hand who you care about.

And you need not worry about it any more than when 2 straight people hold hands.

Great answers so far.

I would have said, "because they like each other, just like daddy and I do." If he asked further questions, I'd answer them simply and straightforwardly. Kids are amazingly accepting and smart, too!

Now... I would imagine my 5-year-old to be knowledgeable about gay people, because in explaining romantic love and stuff like that, I wouldn't have limited it to 'a man and a woman', because we all know that it isn't always that way... Sometimes men love men and women love women. And my kid would know that and know that it's perfectly OK.

How do I answer my 5-year-old when he asks, "Mommy, why do some people dislike gay people"?

Originally posted by SevenBeans
I guess I'm not being clear... it isn't "equally applicable" because kids aren't dumb... they know that grown Men (even when they like each other a lot) don't generally hold hands etc. etc.

Which then provides a perfect opportunity to explain to your child that people who hold hands in public do so because they share affection towards each other.

There doesn't need to be a different ''boy-girl'' or ''boy-boy'' scenario in the question that the child asked. That is surely irrelevant.

You appear to be encouraging an attitude of needless social conformity, by thinking that a prevailing attitude of society should interfere with what a parent teaches his child.

Do you really want young children to accept society around them without question ?

Originally posted by SevenBeans
They want to know why these two Men are acting differently than almost all other Men, that is the gist of their question.

"Because they like each other a lot" doesn't answer that question.

It's only ''different' because of societal norms.

The child grew up viewing men and women holding hands in public, so may well be confused by seeing two men holding each other's hands. Considering that both scenarios are ostensibly the same, then a question about the former should receive exactly the same answer as a question about the latter.

The comment: ''because they like each other'' explains both situations adequately.




Also, I'd like to point out that I'm not criticising the fact that the OP was at a loss for an answer when he was suddenly asked a question by his child like this, out of the blue.

As I say, I'm not a parent, and I'm sure the OP did an excellent job in raising his boy.

Originally posted by Benevolent Heretic
How do I answer my 5-year-old when he asks, "Mommy, why do some people dislike gay people"?

You make a good point.

Your child asking you why ''some people don't like gay people'' is exactly the same as the OP's child asking ''why do two boys hold hands ?''.

Both questions are asked innocently by curious children, and ultimately, it's down to the parents to provide the best answer that they can to their child on the question that they raise.


I believe that children should be encouraged to have free-thought and think for themselves, and parents should try not to influence their child in one way or another on issues such as these, that, if we're honest about it, are really stupid to argue over.

Boy likes girl.
Girl likes boy.
Boy likes boy.
Girl likes girl.

There's no logical way that one can differentiate between those four combinations.

If consenting adults choose to have a sexual relationship with each other, then why should anyone else care about the configuration of these sexual relationships ?

why do these threads keep coming up?
if you are gay you are gay .
But i will tell you one thing from experience i HAVE seen male female couples that stayed toghter there whole life as a matter of fact i know quite a few .
and wile i have met many many gay men I have NEVER even once seen a true couple in which they stay toghter for life and dont cheat on each other farther more EVERY gay male i have met is attracted to ONLY younger males.
now im not gay and yes i see younger woman and think shes good looking but I dont try to bed her at my age thats just wrong.
you show me EVEN ONE gay male couple that is in the same age range (but over 40) and has been a couple for even 10 years. heck even 7 years. with out cheating.
personally all i see is gay men are even MORE premiskus then straight men.
how does this effect me you ask well I need grandchildren so plz stay away from my sons thank you.
ps con and conive I hiched when i was young 1 out of 3 that stoped were gay and not EVEN one didnt try and hit on me.
Gays I DONT hit on every young female that comes along .and taht is the difference between US .
ps i was marred for 15 years how long were u with any one?
PSS i dont care if your gay but come off your high horse and quite acting like your so special because your gay.
your not heck you cant even keep a relationship .
Ps I only know ONE female gay couple and they have accutly been toughter for years but thats the only female gay people i ever ever known.

I havent read all the thread yet... but just to have a little insight. If you go to the middle east, say Dubai or wherever, you will see lost of men holding hands with eachother. Its just what they do, doesnt mean they are gay. infact most I would say are not gay, but they hold hands in public places.

reply to post by xxcalbier


Ummm that is ridiculous! So ridiculous I can't take it seriously. I have family friends who are gay and have been with each other for 20 years now both in their 40s early 50s? My professor is gay and he's seeing another man who is his age. Neither has cheated and are the two nicest men ever.I think if you really look hard, you'll see promiscuity is nearly the same, prostetots ( young promiscuous tweens) . I'd also like to point out a flaw in your argument " Gay men date only younger men" That is a fallacy. unless its one sided. Explain to me how two consenting adult males can only date younger males? there is always one person who is older and one who is younger.

Just because you haven't met them doesn't mean they don't exist. I've never seen a polar bear therefore they don't exist. I've never been to Africa therefore its not real either. I think that's called ignorance. People like you make me sick. I believe you can love multiple people does that make me promiscuous, especially since I'm a woman. You may say yes but I say no. To say straight people are less likely to cheat is lying to yourself wake up and get a clue.


BTW I'm straight, but you know what it doesn't matter homosexual or heterosexual love is all the same. Love is love as long as both parties consent.


As a personal note, I would rather see two gay men make out than a heterosexual couple. Gay men are yummy.

reply to post by misuneko


I once saw a program, where they were showing this and it is open for interpretation. The only reason I started this thread because I frankly got tired of all the gay folks claiming it doesnt effect anybody in a negative or adverse way,, and wanted to make them realize it does in fact effect other people while out in public like smoking cigarettes or drinking booze...theres just some things that are, omho, inappropriate behavior, especially in the presence of children, and thats it.

reply to post by G.A.G.


Then I think all sexually suggestive actions homosexual and heterosexual should be banned its only fair what if little timmy asks why that woman and man are holding hands.

Originally posted by G.A.G.
reply to post by misuneko

 

I once saw a program, where they were showing this and it is open for interpretation. The only reason I started this thread because I frankly got tired of all the gay folks claiming it doesnt effect anybody in a negative or adverse way,, and wanted to make them realize it does in fact effect other people while out in public like smoking cigarettes or drinking booze...theres just some things that are, omho, inappropriate behavior, especially in the presence of children, and thats it.

It is funny, earlier you said it does not bother you if they are in the privacy of their own, but it does bother you as the above statement says. So did you "make-up" the situation with the child in tow? Did this really take place? Now you do not seem honest to me, and frankly, you have issues and you wear them outwardly.

Seriously, tell the child the men are gay! Say it loudly too! The guys holding hands won't mind in the least and they might even turn to address you in a very civil manner, like personally compliment you for your ability to be so "Straight-forward". LOL

Come on, please don't make up stories to appease your senses, open to your own feelings and be honest that you are uncomfortable over Gay Folk. Then you can find a way to release that part that you cannot get out of your head. You see most people that are uncomfortable about such things often have a very visual component going on in their heads; they see the act. You might be surprised to learn that most people do not visualize what other people do in private, as a general rule anyways, so if you do it might be good to address this with a professional.

Just tell the child they are gay! Simple, if they ask what is gay then you can speak in terms of Love, Loving, and Loved. Just be Honest!

I have to ask (believe me there's point here somewhere). Are you equally offended by a gay male couple as a gay female couple?

reply to post by G.A.G.



I really do not believe holding hands is inappropriate behaviour.

I can understand your comments about smoking, because that can do a damaging effect with passive smoking,
Alcohol well depends on if the person who is drinking it acts. If they are being loud and aggressive and confrontational to a passer by then yes that’s inappropriate behaviour.

So you presuming that if someone see’s two same sex people holding hands that this will effect the passer by, it might make them want to hold hands with someone of the same sex, it might be addictive and it might spread, it might cause them to want to be gay, it could turn them gay? . Like smoking cigarettes, passive smoking can kill others, they might look and be influenced to smoke too, lol…

It worries me about the psychological implementations of the children that are being brought up by parents who have issues with two people of the same sex holding hands. I think more needs to be done in educating people who finds this kind of behaviour inappropriate!

Like I said earlier, in the middle east two men holding hands is completely normal (I have seen it many, many times when I have been out there, so I know this is fact.) Also being openly gay in the middle east is a big no no, so I can also say that the men who hold each others hands are most likely straight, maybe some gay, doesnt really matter.


This is a moot thread!

At about that age my son and I were out and about and saw fairly obviously gay couple. My son looked at me and said "Mom,. are they gay?"

I answered by telling him I honestly didn't know, but asked him to tell me what gay meant. His answer was so sweet and honest and age appropriate it melted my heart.
"Gay is when two men get married and one wears a dress"
I then explained that probably they didn't wear a dress, but yes gay was when a man and a man or a woman and a woman love each other.

We have since had talks about how everyone deserves equal rights, and how sad it is that some people can't marry the person they love because of other peoples rules.

I think the problem so many people have, is the inability to separate the sex acts from the emotions.

When a 5 year old asks where babies come from, we answer by telling them that when two people love each other very much and hopefully get married, a baby grows in her tummy.

The conversation with my 8 year old involved conversations of eggs and sperm, and gestation etc, but still didn't go into details of the actual act. We have fish that routinely lay eggs on the glass, then the male swims by and shoots sperm onto it. I can only wonder how he must think that translates to humans LOL

Now at almost 10 it is probably time to sit down and talk more in depth about sex, and love, and commitment, and babies, and birth control etc.

As he ages these talks will get more in depth and cover even more mature subjects.

reply to post by G.A.G.


I do not understand this thread ...
I do not understand why there is a debate ...
I 'm sick and tired...and I no longer want to fight against the ignorant...
let me tell you something while you hold hands to your wife and tell here how much you love here some people around you and around the world are beaten, imprisoned, maim, abuse, and when they do not commited a suicide they are kicked out From There house ...Some lose their jobs on the other live in fear to be discover or to be treaten like abnormal people...why because they just want to do as you do... love ... this is life?
but in your twisted brain you think only about sex, two man can only think about sex, lust and depravity...
so listen, I'm gay I'm 36 years old and I fought so hard for my right, the right to love as you can love your wife with respect and honesty, to hold the hand of the one i love because it make me feel good as it make you feel good to hold the hand of your wife,then say whatever you want to your son but think about it twice...your action have an impact... this is love between two humans, it's not about men and men it's just about love and humanity...it's so simple...and I would not make any concession

Don't beat yourself up for being ignorant, OP. If you had known hand-holding was a prevalent custom abroad that is less popular where you live, you would have explained that to your boy.

Friends, relatives, confidantes and more often walk closely and/or hold hands. It is a healthy intimate bond. Assuming a persons sexuality from a social more is both boorish and tacky. These traits one would not wish to exhibit in front of an impressionable youth like your son.

reply to post by G.A.G.


or you could of said 'because there a couple'. he dosen't know what sex is yet, so he's not going to ask about that. simple.

why should this affect you? god some people worry WAY to much about the genetic make up of other people. it's obvious you have a problem with homosexuality. it is natural, and part of life(all life). get over it. g e t o v e r i t !