Lying to our children

If a child or teen has any reason to dislike thier parents at a given moment, they remember lies and not that you didn't let them have something (as long as the reason for that wasn't a lie).

I will never forget when a 4yrs old at a burgerking (with a play room) said bye bye after her parents said "ok, we're leaving now, bye bye". The kid got to stay a bit longer as her parents waited at the door for her. I would like to see that kid before getting a needle!

It's no use, HombreConUnPollo, many of the posters here aren't listening to us. They seem to think that we're as good as advocating the banning of Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny & fairy tales, & that's not what was said at all.

[edit on 2004-7-4 by Teknik]

I stand corrected on that point, Teknik. I had forgotten the wording of that first post, as later on, he & I seemed to be in complete agreement with my views e.g.

When at the age of 4 they ask if Santa is real because he or she heard Santa's a fake we should sit them down and explain it to them.

And that's the point I was trying to make.

Edit - I omitted to say that the text quoted was from HombreConUnPollo

[edit on 26/6/04 by Bastet]

Although we can agree that lies and deceptions emotionally injure children,
What percentage of the population in general believes
children should be deceived and lied to?

...X...

[edit on 2004-7-4 by Teknik]

I think that question has to be qualified a little, & I don't know if I can express what I mean any better than HombreConUnPollo did.

Fairytales, fantasy & imagination are a wonderful part of childhood & I have no problem with that. I loved my fairytale books when I was young, even when I knew fairies weren't real. Santa was cool until I was 6, but I had to pretend he was real to please my mother, who lied to me and got annoyed when I said he wasn't real. Then she totally lost my trust & my trust in doctors with that lie about the injection not hurting. I actually hated her for that! There were other lies too, but you get the picture.

Young children tend to see things in black & white. And my feelings are that when children are old enough to ask a direct question, they should be told the truth. That's the crux of the matter in this thread IMO. It's not about a group of spoilsports who aim to deny fantasy & imagination to kids.

[edit on 2004-7-4 by Teknik]

I've somehow got the feeling that those who agrre with you, Teknik, [and that includes myself] would be in the minority if a poll were taken - no matter how carefully the poll was worded.

The whole Santa bizzo really peed me off as a child. I don't really know why this was so unless it was the sight of all those "Santas" around everywhere, & it did not compute in my young mind.

I'd like to think that today's parents are less likely to lie to their children and that they were also able to differentiate between stimulating a child's imagination, and blind acceptance of commercialied fantasy-for-the-coming-season. Sadly, I doubt that to be the case.

[edit on 2004-7-4 by Teknik]

Do you tell your children that there is a god or do you tell them the truth and tell them you have no idea if he's real or not?

Oh why did you have to post that Parenthood.com link - it took The Black Crowes & a nip of scotch to recover!

And when the oldest finally comes to me with the big question? I plan on quietly sitting her down, hugging her, and letting her in on the grown-up secrets and the magic we try to create for our little ones. I will entrust her with being a keeper of her younger sisters' illusions and dreams as I bestow upon her the titles of Santa's Helper, Easter Bunniette, and Tooth Fairy-in-Training.

Stuff like that's bad for my blood pressure, & no doubt I'll be flamed for saying that.

The real issue is lies, particularly the lies told when children ask direct questions. And I haven't even touched on the subject of the sins of omission, the put-offs that are still lies.

pineappleupsidedown on the previous page is one example of this. How many young folk have had their lives turned upside-down [no pun intended] when they found out they'd been adopted instead of being told at the start? This is the sort of thing I mean.

Originally posted by I See You
Do you tell your children that there is a god or do you tell them the truth and tell them you have no idea if he's real or not?

Since I'm 17 years old and don't have any children, No I don't lie to them. I also don't tell them about God. Since I don't have any.

But if I ever have kids. I may tell them about Santa and the Easter Bunny and all that but if at any point they come to me and say, "Daddy, I don't think Santa's real". I will straight up tell them, "You're right." and then explain it to them. I think you should be honest with your children.

If they ask about something you should explain it to the best of your ability. Don't lie or make up some BS answer. If you can answer correctly do it.

Have to disagree Bastet. Sometimes you have to put something off because your kids won't be able to understand. I have done this when my kids were younger, and they were happy with it because I hadn't lied to them in the past, they trust that I will explain it to them when they have the abillity to comprehend what it was they asked about.

On the topic of telling things to children, I find one thing pretty ironic:

"Don't talk to strangers."
"Come here and say hello, don't be shy."

Doesn't that seem a bit confusing to you?

Originally posted by Lyriox
On the topic of telling things to children, I find one thing pretty ironic:

"Don't talk to strangers."
"Come here and say hello, don't be shy."

Doesn't that seem a bit confusing to you?

That's a bit of a stretch. If you are encouraging them to meet someone, obviously they're not a stranger.

Originally posted by intrepid
That's a bit of a stretch. If you are encouraging them to meet someone, obviously they're not a stranger.

That's a fair enough point, but I think that when you meet someone new you think they're a stranger, but you're told to come and meet them; if that means then they aren't a stranger, a child could think that strangers are no longer "off limits", so to speak.

No, I don't think there's any real disagreement between us, intrepid. HombreConUnPollo said we should explain things to children to the best of our ability. Now if I also add to that - within the child's ability to understand - then isn't that what you're saying too, intrepid?

The same precept applies to the direct questions asked by children. These should be answered truthfully, and in a manner appropriate to the child's level of understanding. That's my considered opinion.

Originally posted by Bastet
No, I don't think there's any real disagreement between us, intrepid. HombreConUnPollo said we should explain things to children to the best of our ability. Now if I also add to that - within the child's ability to understand - then isn't that what you're saying too, intrepid?

The same precept applies to the direct questions asked by children. These should be answered truthfully, and in a manner appropriate to the child's level of understanding. That's my considered opinion.

Fair enough but there are some things that children ask at an age that you cannot answer, so you have to have an atmosphere of trust in place that they will believe that you will tell them when they can understand.

Hell, I thought I'd worded my post so that we were in complete agreement, but now you're slipping away, intrepid!

There's no window of opportunity for me to debate what you've just said unless I fully understand exactly what you mean. So would you give me an example or two of questions a child might ask when at an age that doesn't allow him or her to comprehend the answer.

Sorry, water pump went on the car, had to take care of that. I'm not talking about everyday things. I mean things like physics, homophobia, abstract things. I haven't had to answer a question in this manner for a couple of years, so I would have to say I'm talking about kids 6 and under.