Women Abuse... Would You?

Would you try and stop a guy abusing a woman?

This is an interesting video where actors are staging a violent abuse scenario in a restaurant as a social conformity experiment.
What is interesting is the majority of people would not get involved, preferring to look the other way, some even confronted the man by saying that there is a time and a place for this while others were upset that it encroached on their dinner time.

Having been on the receiving end of violent abuse, i was shocked at this video and the general publics disregard for the welfare of these women portraying abuse victims.

I wonder if this is linked to Solomon Asch's conformity experiments, where people are less likely to act if everyone else is not doing anything about it.

Would appreciate your thoughts on this and hope that there are true gentlemen out there who would stand up for a lady in trouble.

Absolutely.

Now, I'm not saying I'd put my hands on the guy or fight him, but I'd try to get between the two and hopefully keep him from putting his hands on her, or her putting her hands on him for that matter.

If I saw that it was going to get physical betweem the people and myself, I'd step back and at least call the police and then try to talk to the couple until the police arrived.

The last time I saw a guy beating a girl I got involved and the cops helped me get away with it.
They aren't all bad for all you keyboard cop haters out there.
However,they did tell me not to get involved with this crap which I found a tad disturbing seeing as he was being investigated on spousal abuse.
I think my way solved it quicker then any cop could ever do.
If nobody is there to help then why not get involved??

A good crap kicking made him think I am hoping.

Male or female, some people just dont get involved. Of course I don't stand for violence against women, but I was jumped outside of a theater around 7pm during busy time of night. No one did a damn thing. Some people just don't wanna get involved.

For the record I have gotten in between a man and his gf fighting. She ended up leaving with us, and her abusive boyfriend couldn't fight off the two of us that were there, watching the whole thing.

reply to post by Sianara

let me expline why never get involved whith this nonsence in my experience 8outa10 time it has happend before and for some odd resonance she always stays with and even defends bully wifebeater. maybe next time if he beats her enough she will aculy leave the abuser.
if she yells "help me!"

then God help the man picking on her becuas i would knock his teeth down his throat and slit his head open
lol
-peace

To say that video was disturbing is a bit of a understatement.

When I was working one night I heard a woman start screaming for help as she was being robbed. This women had to be in her mid 60s, the punk robbing her early 20's. As he dragged her out into traffic, cars just went around them. There were a whole group of guys across the street at the 711 and none of them tried to help either. I had all ready called in for help on my radio and thought to myself gezzz I am a 50 year old woman and its going to have to be me that helps? Just as I started to go help some guy stopped his car in the middle of traffic and got the guy off her and chased him down.

The amazing thing was after he chased the guy off, he just got back in his car and left. Didnt hang around or anything. I real hero I thought. Unlike the little punks across the street. I wonder if it had been their momma, would they have stayed so idle.

I was even training a guy that night and he did nothing as well except stand like a dear in headlights. He did get back and car and say well if it was 20 years I ago I would have done something... hmmm I wonder about that.

Now I know mine was a robbery but he was still beating the old lady up and dragging her across the street, so still abuse on a different level.

I was happy to see some folks try in the end of the video at least.

Sometimes I think all it takes is for one person to make the first move then the rest of the cattle will follow. Still, so very sad to see we haven't even gotten above this level as humans. tsk tsk. How are we ever going to reach anywhere else? Not feeling the love here at all....

S&F btw OP this does need to be seen

[edit on 20-7-2010 by yigsstarhouse]

What can you do? Can't touch anyone because you'll get sued. God forbid it's a small town and your little act makes yourself your home and your family the object of white trash retaliation and harassment for the rest of your time in that town. Maybe shout "stop that" to see if you can get him to attack you instead then defend yourself?

Regardless the stupid woman will likely just end up right back with the abusive guy saying something moronic like "but he love's me" making the entire situation not worth intervening in. Like helping some idiot driving down a road full of glass and nails to change a tire. Why bother? He's still headed down that road of glass and nails.

People often have a strong sense of right or wrong, but no conviction when it comes to standing up for right or wrong.

It requires a risk, and while assumptions abound regarding personalities being an imagined byproduct of observed behavior there is no telling how people are going to react, when you do too.

Step up to the plate, and you might find yourself knifed, shot or in jail, and in some extreme cases, the original victim themselves defending and aiding the original perpetrator against you.

Others know that the possibility exists that they might actually make the situation worse for the victim. They imagine the victim is not willing, but in many cases they are. Sure you rescue the victim for 15 drama and tense filled minutes and buy her a little reprieve at the expense of her perpetrators ego and deflect that attention away from the victim and on to you, but are you going to follow up?

Are you going to say, hey come stay with me until you get this all worked out, or let me put you up in a hotel at my expense until you get safely on your feet. In other words will you make a commitment that is going to really make a positive difference in the victims life, or are you for the sake of your own ego “I showed him”, “I did the right thing” then simply rattle his cage even worse, walk of the hero in your own mind, just to have the predator punish the victim for it later?

These are all things a wise person has to consider, and the truth is, extraditing someone from the frying pan, only to leave them later in the fire itself is not in fact helping them. That’s just helping you, figure out a way to make you feel like you helped, while in reality providing no real help at all.

If you want to be a rescuer, you better know what it really takes to rescue a person, and have the means and ability and discipline to see it all the way through, and that includes a victim that really desires being really rescued.

It’s probably a good thing most people don’t attempt to help for those very reasons.

Though I don’t believe in God, the universe does help those that help themselves, and generally there is a compelling reason to the victim your good intentions can’t overcome that causes them to choose a victim scenario.

If they aren’t interested in helping themselves out of it, even if you are really capable of helping them, which most of us really in fact aren’t, you aren’t going to end up being any help at all.

Now please just enjoy your dinner!


[edit on 20/7/10 by ProtoplasmicTraveler]

Originally posted by yigsstarhouse

I was happy to see some folks try in the end of the video at least.

Sometimes I think all it takes is for one person to make the first move then the rest of the cattle will follow. Still, so very sad to see we haven't even gotten above this level as humans. tsk tsk. How are we ever going to reach anywhere else? Not feeling the love here at all....

S&F btw OP this does need to be seen

[edit on 20-7-2010 by yigsstarhouse]

thank you for that.

and yes i agree, it takes someone to make the first move, which is where i was leading my question towards Solomon Ash and it showed in his conformity test that people were less likely to bend to peer pressure when someone else joined them.

Big hug and lots of love to you for taking a stand

Originally posted by DrumsRfun


A good crap kicking made him think I am hoping.

naah, he just went home and gave her an even bigger kicking cos "it was her fault" Seen it before, men who hit women are scum. We "interviened" this guy, all over the shop, shelves scattered everywhere. He just went home and gave his missus a bigger slap. Bit of a vicious circle, but I'm gald I stepped in and did what I thought was right. And I'd definatly do it again. I may only be little, but I hate to see people being picked on and abused.

Social conformity my ass! All three of those guys were large dudes, in good good shape, and were physically intimidating. If they would have tried that experiment with with someone who looked like Pee-Wee Herman doing the abuse, there would have been way more intervention on behalf of the patrons in that restaurant.

Originally posted by thisguyrighthere
Like helping some idiot driving down a road full of glass and nails to change a tire. Why bother? He's still headed down that road of glass and nails.

sometimes all it takes is for someone to show them the road that has no glass and nails on it.

reply to post by The Cusp


About 6 years ago me and my mate ended up threatening a bloke, who was battering his girl, with our knives because he was much bigger than us. He left in the end and she scarpered away.

As was previously said she probably got more of a hiding later on because of that....

Abuse like that is a cycle that is hard to break.

Btw Im not condoning knives. It is a big problem in the UK and we all realise how stupid we were when we were younger and carried them.

My mother was with an abusive guy and there is something I learned about him, he is a coward, and so are every guy verbally and physically abusive to a woman! After my brother and I saw a large bruise on her thigh, we knew exactly what was happening and confronted him with force. It may not be the right way to do it, but my mother did not deserve his abuse. If anyone sees this happenig stand up for a woman no matter what. Most of the time the guys are only willing to use their power on physically weaker people and are scared when confronted by someone they cannot control.

I can only speak for myself....

Not only would i step in but i have stepped in on severval ocasions..

I have no problem to stop someone from hurting someone else whether it be man or woman.

last time i did it was a nigerian man hitting his wife on the street in Crumpsall Manchester.
i had just got out of my Taekwondo class and was still in my dobok ...(uniform)

stupid me glad he didn't realize i was only a blue belt at the time

but anyhow he was saying that she was no good and that she had to go back to nigeria..

i stepped in between them and he said "she is my wife and she is not a good woaman".

I said "i dont care who she is ...you cant hit some here"

HE said "i am from nigeria and she is my wife and it is ok"

I said " i dont care This is England and you can't do that here"

The lady was very scared and her english was not very good so i asked if there was someone she could phone...as the feela was deciding whether if he should take me on...i was so glad he did not know what a blue belt was.

to me it meant i know just enough marshall arts to get my head severly kicked in and he was huge.

well to make it short she phoned her pastor and he came and took them away .

well two weeks later i got a call for her friend saying that they thought i was an angel and had saved her life.

well i could see that as i was dressed all in white afterall...lol

but like i say i would always step in...it is in my nature.

Thought provoking experiment to be sure. It was heartening to see how many men and women intervened. Bravo for them!!
Abuse of women is despicable but don't think it doesn;t work both ways. Men are abused too, usually in a non-physical way but not always. My brother-in-law was hit by his wife and threatened with a knife. She called the cops and they asked him if he wanted to file charges against her!
Abuse of men takes the form of mental or emotional abuse and they can be pretty mean about it. I could tell you some horror stories about my ex but I have resolved to forgive and move on. Were I to hang on to the anger I would surely choke on it.
Any person, regardless of gender, race or age has the right to NOT be abused.

reply to post by plube


bravo to you
star for being a true human being

thankyou

I saw something like this on 20/20 or
some other show not too long ago. There
was one scenario where no one would
help, but then two ladies in their mid-late
thirties stood up to the guy. One of the
women was so scared of him she was
shaking and crying, but she did not back
down.

There was one guy that tried once to calm
the abuser down. The first time it worked
for a few seconds then the customer invited
the abuser outside. Another customer had
enough at the end and went to knock the
hell out of the actor before the camera crew
got to him.

The show took it a step further and broke
it down by race. When the person playing
the abuser was black, no one stood up to
help.

The main reason I wouldn't get involved in a violent situation is because my involvement would only serve to anger the man farther, which would turn his violence on me. If he attacks me, I defend myself and hurt the guy, chances are his loving wife/girlfriend will side with him and want to press charges against me. Failing that, he beats the living crap out of me and I end up in a hospital for trying to be a white knight to a woman who should leave the guy in the first place.

In such a simplified aspect it's easy to say that we should all intervene but reality is far more complicated than that and there are many levels to the relationship between these people, levels you could probably never understand. Often times people like this are in a toxic and codependent relationship and this is but one episode of an on going series of abuse which could last for years, with or without your intervention and subsequent jail/hospital time.

I have intervened a time or two, and I have been beat on by the woman for hurting her boyfriend, and I have been handcuffed, sat in a patrol car and very nearly arrested for it!

Would I still intervene? Probably not. Maybe, if it was severe enough that I was in fear for her life, but if it was just a good whooping, then I would let it go.

The woman that almost got me arrested was screaming for help in a parking lot and the guy was pushing and slapping and yelling. I pulled him away and asked him to calm down. At first he kind of did. Then she went after him! She started screaming and hitting both of us and getting the fight going again. When I grabbed him with my back to her and stayed between them, the guy started to fight me, and she called the police! On ME!!

I carry a gun most of the time. These days, I would probably calmly call 911, and then let both of them know that the police were on the way and they need to cool off, and if either party approached me, I would keep my distance and tell them the police could sort it out. If someone's life were in danger, I would pull my weapon and demand them both to lie face down until the police arrived!