you story is quit beatifull, a story like that has a life in it.
Let me make a confession,
honestly, i can't handle to much symbolism of others people (anymore),
i can look into it, if i think its really important and i know thats one of my last lessons
in this life, forgiving people that they dont take time for what i tell them, because i couldnt always take that time for them, because my way is one
of optimality, and i have to give them the same possibility, optimality in their way, sometimes this goes against what i wish for them, i wish them to
know how god is justified, but once i was searching that too, and i was judging god only, and they need the same. You answer me sometimes in
symbolism, and one of the reasons why i am releasing symbolism is because i started to understand the mails i talked, wroted many months ago were pure
symbolism, when truth is difficult enough as it is, and people can not open up to it,
when they are stuck to a way they have to follow because they allready do their best. I wrote it like that because i didnt had space, time in me to
explain it better, and until this day i dont have the time, my choice is between explaining in a peacefull state or measuring an altar, which is
important, because there a way is measured by optimality not to be longer then it is for all. I know, what i just wrote is impossible to understand
full, even for myself, i wonder, and i will until i am not. What i wrote now is the biggest mystery of my life and i can not understand it myself. If
jesus would have fullfilled logic, would life have gone on 2000 years ? so the cross he lived was measured somewhere else, at the end of human time,
the king was before the priest. But the priest is elijah. And logic is fullfilled somewhere and there it measures the altar. The measure of the way is
equal to all, the way is different to all.
the only way to measure the altar is to fullfill it. Fullfilling the altar means fullfilling logic,
because logic is the cause of this life. Together with that other pillar, choice.
Those in choice live for choice, those in destiny live for cause.
The nice thing is because you feel that i need you, and you feel that i do hear you, you make it easier for me and give me that what i need in best
optimality, you just answered the questions i had when i read your story when i was at my work before. While i already used it for good before i
understood it. I only write this to show honesty, not to show my self as in the full of a saint, which i am not, i am the lowest, but still i lov
emyself to be that imperfectness, because i know it makes me perfect. I love myself yes, because i know i did the best in every situation i did. How
do i know this ? because i feel i cant handle more, and i feel this for 30 years.
Still the goal needs to be discovered in human life, not outside it, so yes, truth comes down, and it comes in stairs down, first some heads, then
more heads, then it becomes all heads. the goal is truth as the structure of truth, not the details that are included, so one who knows the all will
die at the moment of knowing almost nothing except by knowing what is not true and receiving the full after he ceased to be a brain. God knows by
being, that state is the goal of all, even when we all are not ready to admit it. Hypocrisy will protect us from seeing that we wish to be free as
God.
That teacher of your story actually changes all the time, which is in its spirit a good thing, the question is, did he suffer under his changes ?
that's the difference between one who sees everything he can see and one who sees only a path without responsibility. suffering has a reason, even
when all will tell you that is has not.
Ofcourse by their care people will say to release it, but still it is our way, and trying to remove pain from others, will give it to us, not to be
released until we Know.
Nobody is only teacher, everyone is also student, just as every student is also teacher.
If people with choice leave choice behind they will see more. Doing your best erases choice.
Another thing in duality sometimes ignored, we all want to be seen, every saint ever lived was thinking about himself, one of the goals is to be seen
actually, seen by yourself as all. It means you release the all and give it time to come to you. Buddhism learns us to dettach, it does not mean
Buddha quit wearing clothes, it means he was not stuck in the same situation, not to be attached to a same situation, let it change into new.
Releasing your responsibility over others is only possible by force, not by choice. IF a teachers stopts talking it is not to ignore the others, but
to give to the others, i can honestly say, in absolute terms, there is not the possibility to quit talking until the end, there is no elease of fight
until the end, what jesus and budha teached us is how the spirit is when in salvation, not before...the qualities of the spirit is what you will live
in salvation, the goal, not the in between, not before the goal. One of the large misconceptions of religion and one of the biggest sources of
hypocrisie in them is trying to look as a peacefull saint, when the peace they show when it is a reale peace is pure ignorance, a saint does not have
rest until his last human day. "The Way" means warrior, one against the self.
It means a teachers can not stop talking until he ceases to be a student, in the strict sense, and can not give up his care until he is forced to shut
up because of that care. Even what becomes one in this world still has so much function that just staying as the shining of the sun will give people
so much more force to grow then just talking words they can not grap yet. It means becoming free of giving, and because of that ONLY giving, even when
it looks the other way around.
I hope some things i explain now are clear, because again it explain how what is real will be looked upon as false.
I tell you this, in my life i did not have people following me, and i never was my wish that people follows me, i just want truth to rule, and in that
way yes i wan them to follow me, but truth is one and equal, so what would be my gain if blindness is what follows ? If he who cries into the
wilderness apears he will wish people to doubth him, because he knows thats their salvation, in their doubts.
If i ever would have had somebody who would really have listened to me, i would probably have given up, because i needed rest so much, luckily never a
person fully listened to me, so i cant give up, although it is my pain. I dont have lies in my expectations, i know nobody will really hear me in my
explaining in my human lifetime. There is no hope for me, my hope is set on god. god is you, yes you, so ill win you, before you win yourself. I write
this because i have to, i am not free, never was.
It helps me to forgive God.
Hope for me that i can release you of my writings. Maybe i will have done something of sense then, something that was not only for me. Maybe my sense
is not in my life as me. Only when i die to myself, i can be of value for something else then myself, in the view i live. I wish to give to others
what i never received for myself. Why ? because i always believed in absolute love, when others left when it became tested, and even me left god, so
how can i make it right, how can i show myself that i dont live for me, but for all.
So what does my writing say about the stormgod ? that he will storm again. Divide again. The wrong interpretations about Yahweh will return for
some.
take care.
would you have developed different if you didnt had the mistakes of your previous teachers to reflect on ? In every mistake there is God.
[edit on 18-2-2010 by pasttheclouds]