The MALE soapbox

...and ladies...
I don't want to talk about the day when this going on...
This is a guys version of a soap.
....and the garbage has to wait til after the third period.



[edit on 13-10-2009 by The Utopian Penguin]

Quite enlightening there gentlemen..keep it coming please.
Most educational.
Makes me realize how different from other women I apparently am.
Hmmm.

reply to post by The Utopian Penguin


Agreed TUP,

Sorry ladies, when there is hockey on, I am not ignoring you, you just don't exist at that moment. Don't take it personally. Just go burrow under those 50 pillows on the bed or whatever the heck they are for. Unless of course you enjoy hockey then by all means come and sit with me. (no that is not an invitation to start talking, and if you are to talk, please, keep it to stats about players, rankings, and what is happening on the screen at the moment.)

BTW, I will be passing gas, and more than likely burping. (it's all part of the game watching experience)

Me thinks this thread requires this...
www.youtube.com...
NEED A GOOD INTERPRETER!
:shk:

Now we all know why women don't fart...



But if men do this? It's not a pleasant thing. I tried it once, not farting all day, When I went to bed that night and fell asleep I literally farted continuously for over a minute. My (now ex) wife had to leave the room.

She didn't talk to me for over a day after that, I think that's the point when our marriage started going downhill.

reply to post by whatukno


OMG! LOL...
sheesh, you guys should invest in one of them there contraptions....
WOMEN DO FART..yes I said it, but my gosh we don't feel the need to pat each other on the back, give kudos to the offender and inquire what they ingested to make such an explosively offensive interruption.

reply to post by AccessDenied

inquire what they ingested to make such an explosively offensive interruption

We do that because we want the recipe.

Men for eons have been searching for the perfect recipe for the terminal fart. Our fathers, and our fathers fathers searched for this. It is now this generation and the next's turn to search for this elusive deadly formula.

legend told of a man with gas so pungent, the mere smell of it could lay waste to entire armies. But alas, the formula for the perfect fart was lost to history, and men everywhere are in an eternal search to regain this once treasured knowledge.


[edit on 10/13/2009 by whatukno]

Originally posted by whatukno
reply to post by AccessDenied

 

inquire what they ingested to make such an explosively offensive interruption

We do that because we want the recipe.

Men for eons have been searching for the perfect recipe for the terminal fart. Our fathers, and our fathers fathers searched for this. It is now this generation and the next's turn to search for this elusive deadly formula.

legend told of a man with gas so pungent, the mere smell of it could lay waste to entire armies. But alas, the formula for the perfect fart was lost to history, and men everywhere are in an eternal search to regain this once treasured knowledge.

[edit on 10/13/2009 by whatukno]

*and the screen gets sprayed by coffee...

reply to post by KSPigpen


LMAO!!! Soapy Steak?!! That is great!! I cant stop laughing


You only like 7 things? Would you like to say what those are?

reply to post by tribewilder


Tribe *hugs* for you! I know what you mean!! I have had a sort of revelation about my own relationship lately and well he just DOESNT appreciate anything I do. Its all about him and money and what he is able to get. Wow that felt good to say. I do little things like you mentioned, the notes, the surprises, everything!!! and well he doesnt get it. When I am gone he will. Also his friends have told him he doesnt deserve me even to this day one of them still says it, (hes the only one I see on a daily basis) When I visit him people tell him not to let me go that I am great for him and all that and well he still poops on me and I am done!

Tribe you have always been very sweet to me on here and even defended me a few times You will find someone who loves all the things you do for them and most importantly they will love you for YOU. Good luck and dont close your heart off, you might miss out on the one for you

I told my bf once I didnt care what we had, as long as we had each other I was happy and he said nothing! Just looked at me like I was nuts....ok sorry for the rant


*hugs* to you Tribe

1. There should be a statute of limitations for bringing up old injustices (as you see them).

If you're angry at me, you can't suddenly bring up something I did back in '98. I don't mention the ridiculous hair you had back then, you can't mention my ogling some woman's legs. Storing your anger over an incident, until it serves you to pull it out like some wild card hidden in the sleeve of your jacket is dirty play and, by storing it for later use, you let it fester and grow and the anger over some pointless incident becomes something far worse. If I do something today, yell at me today. Call me names, throw stuff at me, hit me but, when the sun goes down, it's removed from the playbook.

2. Don't ask for my opinion if you don't want it. I'm not talking about the "do these jeans make my arse look fat?" questions. No, we all know the answer to that is "no, dear, it's the cake and ice cream that make your arse fat." I'm talking about things like which shoes look best with which skirt or which shirt looks best with which pants etc. When your response to my answer is "yeah but what do you know" or "you don't know these things" or "you have no sense of fashion," one question comes to mind.

If I don't know these things and my sense of fashion is lacking, WHY THE HELL ARE YOU BOTHERING ME WITH THESE THINGS??

I don't ask you which bait will work best when I go fishing, do I? No. Know why? Because you don't have a friggin clue about it. Like me, and your shoes.

Men have one pair of black shoes. Sometimes they have one pair of brown too. That's it. We wear them with jeans and suits. That's it. Hold it. That doesn't mean you can put your 29 pairs of shoes in my closet. It means I have room in my closet because I don't own 4,000 pairs of shoes making it near impossible for me to get dressed each day.

3. If you want us to go shopping with you and not appear bored, shop next door to a sports bar or shop at a lingerie shop. If we can watch the game, any game, while you shop, you'll be afforded all the time you need and, odds are, we won't notice the charged until it's too late. If you're shopping for lingerie, you'll have our undivided attention. Unless some strippers come in, stocking up on uniforms. Then, you need to watch us. If you see us staring, let us. If we're looking away, hiding out face, it means we don't want them to recognize us.

Whil I'm at it, how about you tell your friends who run the store that they should install couches and tvs so we can watch the game while you shop and they should hire a couple of scantily clad women to serve us beer and cocktails while we get lapdances, I mean watch the game.

Originally posted by Crakeur
1. There should be a statute of limitations for bringing up old injustices (as you see them).

If you're angry at me, you can't suddenly bring up something I did back in '98. I don't mention the ridiculous hair you had back then, you can't mention my ogling some woman's legs. Storing your anger over an incident, until it serves you to pull it out like some wild card hidden in the sleeve of your jacket is dirty play and, by storing it for later use, you let it fester and grow and the anger over some pointless incident becomes something far worse. If I do something today, yell at me today. Call me names, throw stuff at me, hit me but, when the sun goes down, it's removed from the playbook.

Ckrakeur,

This is the beat piece of advice that is on this thread. For both sexes. If I could, I would make it mandatory to have this attached to every new marriage license out there

Been there, done that, and bringing up old arguments or angers does nothing but backfire, and get both off track as to what the argument was in the first place.

And I'm pissed that I didn't remember this one.


You do have a very valid point with number 2, as I remember being asked my advice on outfits many times, and couldn't figure out why, if asked, was I never right? Seems like a waste of time.

Number 3 I do agree with, but I would rather an electronics, or outdoors store to a sports bar. To each his own.

But for remembering number one, Well Done

Originally posted by mblahnikluver


I told my bf once I didnt care what we had, as long as we had each other

And you my dear have almost brought me to tears. When I tell a woman that I could be happy living in a cardboard box, if they were with me, I don't mean I want to live in a cardboard box.

What I mean is that no matter how rough life gets, As long as you are by my side, we shall get by, and still be able to smile.

It threw me for a loop reading this line, and from a woman at that.

Thanks for letting me know that some of the opposite sex feel the same way.
And thanks for getting me all choked up too.

Hugs for you dear
[atsimg]http://files.abovetopsecret.com/images/member/927ce0dffa6f.gif[/atsimg]

Originally posted by tribewilder

Originally posted by mblahnikluver


I told my bf once I didnt care what we had, as long as we had each other

And you my dear have almost brought me to tears. When I tell a woman that I could be happy living in a cardboard box, if they were with me, I don't mean I want to live in a cardboard box.

What I mean is that no matter how rough life gets, As long as you are by my side, we shall get by, and still be able to smile.

It threw me for a loop reading this line, and from a woman at that.

Thanks for letting me know that some of the opposite sex feel the same way.
And thanks for getting me all choked up too.

Hugs for you dear
[atsimg]http://files.abovetopsecret.com/images/member/927ce0dffa6f.gif[/atsimg]

I tried telling someone I loved that was all I cared about.....it got me a cardboard box.
nuff said.

reply to post by Crakeur

While I'm at it, how about you tell your friends who run the store that they should install couches and tvs so we can watch the game while you shop and they should hire a couple of scantily clad women to serve us beer and cocktails while we get lapdances, I mean watch the game.

A gap in the market, sir...care to invest?

reply to post by AccessDenied


Fart ?
nah ...
I'm just going to exploded when I turn 50
There I said it.

Originally posted by The Utopian Penguin
reply to post by AccessDenied

 

Fart ?
nah ...
I'm just going to exploded when I turn 50
There I said it.

Originally posted by AccessDenied

I tried telling someone I loved that was all I cared about.....it got me a cardboard box.
nuff said.

I am truly sorry that this happened to you....

[atsimg]http://files.abovetopsecret.com/images/member/cea6a63672e8.gif[/atsimg]

Ok, that certain time of the month...dirty lady days, visit from Aunt Flow, whatever you want to call it...

You know, consciously, that you go through it, yet resent any comment from us that the unexplained depression, wild mood swings, etc. is due to it, even when you know, that we both know, it's that time....(Guys, there is no "right" thing we can do or say during this time, you just have to bear it, like watching a slide show of someone's vacation)...

if theres no right thing to say, DONT SAY ANYHTING! Yes we both know its that time and yes any comment about it will piss us off. You think you'd have learned not to say anything but ya'll just can't help it can you? You think we like having no control of our emotions or feeling like a truck hit our abdomen? You think we like bleeding like a slaughter house for a week? Sometimes the best thing to do is back off shut up and give us space.

reply to post by concerned190


Backing off and shutting up right about...

NOW...RUN GUYS..meet up at the hideout...

[atsimg]http://files.abovetopsecret.com/images/member/81409dd8c266.gif[/atsimg]