The MALE soapbox

Originally posted by tribewilder
reply to post by mblahnikluver

 

Yes I cook and I bake. I was a baker at one time

And if I ever think your getting too thin, I will start baking, and you will start gaining..


MMUUUAAAAAAHHHHHH

Wow Tribe!! I have never met a guy who bakes too! I personally dont like baking unless its bread... As for sweets I buy them....Oh but iw ill take peanut butter cookies!!
mmmmmmm

Originally posted by whatukno


Ok what's with the 50 pillows on the bed? Do we need this many freaking pillows? What do you do with all those pillows? Are you planning to make a little fort? Shesh oh Pete!

I have the perfect rant about pillows/cushions:

STOP CRYING!!!!

Get a grip and toughen up. Look, I like that you women can be all emotional and stuff...it comes in handy when I want a new puppy, or need someone to agree about how screwed up the world is...but there's a limit.

When I'm pissed off at your mother (yeah, also a woman) about being the control freak she is, the only fault you have in that is that she squirted you out. It's not MY fault, or YOURS that your dad should have eased her into some manners a long time ago.

You're not going to run my show. You knew that when you volunteered to be exposed to my crap every day. Warts and all, baby. I'm not going to run around with my head constantly up your rump.

Ok, smelly, dangly, floofy stuff....what the HELL is up with all that? How many different smells does a woman need? Why do we need to have a whole wall in the bathroom devoted to different smelly concoctions? You know what smell I like? SOAP. Right after soap comes STEAK. If you can smell like soapy steak, you would never need to change a thing.

Stop pretending like your not upset when you are. Just because I'm not a woman, that doesn't mean I don't have intuition, or perception.

Yes, I think your girlfriend is HOT. Yup, I think she's got a nice butt. So what?! I married YOU and we will both be snoring together tonite, just the way it's supposed to be. If I didn't check out your girlfriend, using discretion and subtlety, on occasion, I would be dead and try 'getting some' with a corpse. The law frowns on that, I know.

There are exactly SEVEN things I like to eat for dinner. This gives you one for each day of the week. I'm not going to lie and say that crap we had that one time was anything more than abysmally disgusting. You can take horse poo and put it on the finest pumpernickel and it's still horse poo.....just on good bread. (insert chauvinism) I know, I can COOK dinner myself, but that's YOUR job. I kill the wild beasts, protect the family from charging bears and patch out thatched roof, and YOU cook. (and clean, and look pretty, and smell like soapy steak, and dress nice and help the kids with homework and rub my feet and bring my slippers and make my oatmeal at night (I noticed there was none last night))

Now, don't you have something to be cooking?

reply to post by KSPigpen


omg!!!

soapy steak..
can't...breathe..

He's being serious, AD..

I wonder where they sell that steak soap? Walmart?... LOL!

Originally posted by notsosweet
He's being serious, AD..

I wonder where they sell that steak soap? Walmart?...

LOL!

I'll give him soapy steak if I'm doin' the cookin'..
MMMMM some fresh Irish Spring T-bone ..comin' right up!

Originally posted by AccessDenied

Originally posted by notsosweet
He's being serious, AD..

I wonder where they sell that steak soap? Walmart?...

LOL!

I'll give him soapy steak if I'm doin' the cookin'..
MMMMM some fresh Irish Spring T-bone ..comin' right up!

Now now ladies...this was supposed to be a free place to rant...I'm feeling like this was a setup.

(Irish Spring is DUDE soap....that would just be gross)

reply to post by KSPigpen


by all means..freedom of speech and all that jazz..

Oh....and just for the record, as there has apparently been some confusion. The SMELL of soap is certainly not the same as the TASTE. If the steak SMELLS like soap, that is great, too much of the taste, and it brings back memories of oppressive childhoods. (no free speech back then)

This is a different sort of rant, but as I find this quite therapeutic I am just going to go with it.

To my ex...

We had many years of bliss, and we were known as the perfect couple. While other men were told that they were lucky to have their wives, I was told they were jealous of me. With good reason.

We seldom argued, and always knew what the other was thinking. A party never went by that we weren't invited to as we were the life of the party. We were well off and had no complaints in our life, and had a beautiful son that made us complete. My family loved you, and I was well liked by yours. Life was like a dream with you in it.

Then I lost my job and things started to change. You had to pick the day my unemployment ran out to tell my you wanted a divorce. Strange that your 2 closest friends were doing the same thing.

I suggested counseling which you agreed to and I shall never forget that day.You, me and the counselor sitting in that quite room with you sitting across from me. When the counselor asked you "would the marriage be better if Wayne was bringing in the money he was before", and you just sat there thinking. I don't think you know you were thinking for at least 20 seconds, and the quiet was just screaming at me. I also don't think that you know the counselor looked at me with pity, and just shook her head from side to side.

It was at that moment that you grabbed my heart, ripped it into shreds, and threw it out into the gutter. That is why I got up and left you sitting there. I had to go pick up the pieces of what was left of my heart. And when it came time for the divorce, I just gave you everything, as I knew you would raise my son right. And you have, for that I give you credit.

I also swore on that day that I would never speak a bad word about you, and I have kept my promise to myself. I also made a vow that this was the end of you and me, and the times you invited me over, I refused. This wasn't easy by any stretch as each time you called, my heart just got shredded more and more.

You have never held on to any relationship since. Is is because of all the little things I did for you that you took for granted? Not a day went by that you didn't find a note from me in the strangest places to brighten up your day. The silly little presents that caused you to smile and giggle are gone now, and I hope you miss them. You didn't know what you had, and I hope the money was worth it, I really do. I want you to be happy, just not on my account. Not anymore..

Since then, I have built a wall around my heart, that has grown stronger over time, and the women I have seen have been unable to break it down, try as they might.

I had decided to get to know myself again, get to love myself again, and not have any relationships of any kind for a while.

Now, however, I have found someone that has somehow broken through a little chink in my armor. A wonderful thing has happened as a tiny beam of sunshine has shone on my dark heart, and I have feelings that are somewhat familiar, and yet foreign at the same time. It's a wonderful feeling but at the same time scary.

Do I dare trust again? Do I break down the wall?

Do I dare put myself and my heart in harms way again?

I think I shall, as who is more deserving than the one who could find a way past my wall. It will just take a little time......

And that's all I have to say about that.

Originally posted by tribewilder
This is a different sort of rant, but as I find this quite therapeutic I am just going to go with it.

To my ex...

We had many years of bliss, and we were known as the perfect couple. While other men were told that they were lucky to have their wives, I was told they were jealous of me. With good reason.

We seldom argued, and always knew what the other was thinking. A party never went by that we weren't invited to as we were the life of the party. We were well off and had no complaints in our life, and had a beautiful son that made us complete. My family loved you, and I was well liked by yours. Life was like a dream with you in it.

Then I lost my job and things started to change. You had to pick the day my unemployment ran out to tell my you wanted a divorce. Strange that your 2 closest friends were doing the same thing.

I suggested counseling which you agreed to and I shall never forget that day.You, me and the counselor sitting in that quite room with you sitting across from me. When the counselor asked you "would the marriage be better if Wayne was bringing in the money he was before", and you just sat there thinking. I don't think you know you were thinking for at least 20 seconds, and the quiet was just screaming at me. I also don't think that you know the counselor looked at me with pity, and just shook her head from side to side.

It was at that moment that you grabbed my heart, ripped it into shreds, and threw it out into the gutter. That is why I got up and left you sitting there. I had to go pick up the pieces of what was left of my heart. And when it came time for the divorce, I just gave you everything, as I knew you would raise my son right. And you have, for that I give you credit.

I also swore on that day that I would never speak a bad word about you, and I have kept my promise to myself. I also made a vow that this was the end of you and me, and the times you invited me over, I refused. This wasn't easy by any stretch as each time you called, my heart just got shredded more and more.

You have never held on to any relationship since. Is is because of all the little things I did for you that you took for granted? Not a day went by that you didn't find a note from me in the strangest places to brighten up your day. The silly little presents that caused you to smile and giggle are gone now, and I hope you miss them. You didn't know what you had, and I hope the money was worth it, I really do. I want you to be happy, just not on my account. Not anymore..

Since then, I have built a wall around my heart, that has grown stronger over time, and the women I have seen have been unable to break it down, try as they might.

I had decided to get to know myself again, get to love myself again, and not have any relationships of any kind for a while.

Now, however, I have found someone that has somehow broken through a little chink in my armor. A wonderful thing has happened as a tiny beam of sunshine has shone on my dark heart, and I have feelings that are somewhat familiar, and yet foreign at the same time. It's a wonderful feeling but at the same time scary.

Do I dare trust again? Do I break down the wall?

Do I dare put myself and my heart in harms way again?

I think I shall, as who is more deserving than the one who could find a way past my wall. It will just take a little time......

And that's all I have to say about that.

Tribe- a million flags, stars, and applauses for that. Most of all
*HUGS.
I know how you feel.

Ok, that certain time of the month...dirty lady days, visit from Aunt Flow, whatever you want to call it...

You know, consciously, that you go through it, yet resent any comment from us that the unexplained depression, wild mood swings, etc. is due to it, even when you know, that we both know, it's that time....(Guys, there is no "right" thing we can do or say during this time, you just have to bear it, like watching a slide show of someone's vacation)...

A lesson for all gals...don't tell a man your problems, unless you want him to attempt to "fix" them. That's what we do... (seriously though, we'll listen, but we can't help but still keep thinking about what will "fix" it...)

When you are trying on clothes, take your purse with you, we aren't going to hold it, and will most likely just put it down somewhere where we'll both forget it....

If there's no chair by the dressing room...we WILL wander...it's just too bad. We aren't standing there...(if there is any other distraction, we're pretty much gone also...)

Often, you think we don't hear you. Here's the thing...over thousands of years of hunting, we focus on the prey. In modern times, that prey could be a TV show, the computer, etc. Until you do something to get our attention, we're focused, and out of tune with what else is going on...we're not ignoring you...we simply don't know...

Men look at other women just like you check out other guys...you are simply better at hiding it than we are. Doesn't mean anything.

Guys are direct. If you actually TELL us what you want, then all is well, we don't like to GUESS, and are not supposed to KNOW regardless of what you might think (we call it COMMUNICATION)....

What's with the cattiness? If you gals would just give each other a good punch in the arm, have a drink, and put it behind you, you would avoid a whole lot of grief....instead, you gals carry a grudge while smiling at the offender. If a guy ticks us off, we let him know. (and then we can move on from there)...

Some movies are just so good they are worth watching again. Yes, we know we've seen it a hundred times, but so be it. I've got Empire Strikes Back on in the background, so HAH!!!

There's a lot more, but suffice to say that I do love women, and I love my wife dearly, but we've both got aspects that annoy the hell out of the other sex....

Do I dare trust again? Do I break down the wall?

Do I dare put myself and my heart in harms way again?

You'll never get the benefits of it if you don't. Besides, even if it does happen again, it won't kill you...and what doesn't kill you...well you know the rest... Time heals all wounds. Do you still lay awake at night pining for some lost love when you were a teenager? There you go....

[edit on 12-10-2009 by Gazrok]

reply to post by Gazrok

Do you still lay awake at night pining for some lost love when you were a teenager?

Actually, yes..and I wish he'd stop calling. Darn, facebook.
Guilty of PMS.
Guilty of admiring other men.
Not guilty of letting my guy hold my purse..never trust em with my cash.
20 years of marriage-separate bank accounts.

Originally posted by Gazrok


When you are trying on clothes, take your purse with you, we aren't going to hold it, and will most likely just put it down somewhere where we'll both forget it....

Do I dare trust again? Do I break down the wall?

Do I dare put myself and my heart in harms way again?

You'll never get the benefits of it if you don't. Besides, even if it does happen again, it won't kill you...and what doesn't kill you...well you know the rest... Time heals all wounds. Do you still lay awake at night pining for some lost love when you were a teenager? There you go....

[edit on 12-10-2009 by Gazrok]

First off, I have not only held my wife's purse, but when I working and invited out with the girls for girls night out (yes and I enjoyed it every time), I was glad to hold their purses as well. The only time I was embarrassed holding a purse was when I was out and a friend of mine gave me her's, with her longtime boyfriend sitting there.

Second, I am not talking about a relationship. What I am talking about goes much deeper than that. I have had relationships, but only one that was like a fantastic dream that wouldn't end.

There is a big difference in the amount of hurt between the two.

As far as clothes shopping:

If my woman want's my advice on what she look's like in certain outfits, I am honored to stand around and wait. I feel appreciated.

If you don't want my opinion, I'll be at one of the electronics stores in the mall. It will be easy to find me, I'll be the in the one store that sounds like someone is putting their speakers through a torture test, and the staff will be glad to see you come in and drag me out.

As far as what I wear, I don't really care. You want to pick out my clothes for me, I'm fine with that. You are the one that has to look at me, and be seen with me.

I know you don't understand, but I really, really don't care what I'm wearing. As long as I don't have to wear puffy sleeves. I do have some pride.

reply to post by tribewilder


Tribe, I predict you'll have at least a dozen ATS woman asking for your phone number by the end of the day.

Originally posted by tribewilder
As far as clothes shopping:

If my woman want's my advice on what she look's like in certain outfits, I am honored to stand around and wait. I feel appreciated.

If you don't want my opinion, I'll be at one of the electronics stores in the mall. It will be easy to find me, I'll be the in the one store that sounds like someone is putting their speakers through a torture test, and the staff will be glad to see you come in and drag me out.

As far as what I wear, I don't really care. You want to pick out my clothes for me, I'm fine with that. You are the one that has to look at me, and be seen with me.

I know you don't understand, but I really, really don't care what I'm wearing. As long as I don't have to wear puffy sleeves. I do have some pride.

Woman don't...
dress guys to look good
get them great hair cuts
Allow you to have spending money
want you to speak to other woman unless your praising "them"
want you to have any guy related events
want you to talk unless they ask a question or it concerns them.
and what ever you do don't have a nicer butt then they do.

reply to post by whatukno

Also you do know that the toilet seat does have a hinge on it right? Look before you leap and put the seat down yourself, what are your arms broken?

The toilet seat thing is that they don't want to touch the toilet seat. My solution, you ask? Put BOTH seat and cover down. Throws a monkey wrench in the whole scheme when ya do that. *evil laugh*

That aside, I agree with most of what the other guys are saying.



[edit on 12-10-2009 by TheAssociate]

reply to post by The Utopian Penguin


My women do....


[atsimg]http://files.abovetopsecret.com/images/member/669116626928.gif[/atsimg]

Originally posted by tribewilder
reply to post by The Utopian Penguin

 

My women do....
[atsimg]http://files.abovetopsecret.com/images/member/669116626928.gif[/atsimg]

lol
you don't want me to go there dude

[edit on 12-10-2009 by The Utopian Penguin]