Why do women break up with nice guys?

Because nice guys are desperate, and girls don't want a guy who is going to act like a girl in front of them, a girl wants a man.

I was asking the same question as you only a short while ago, I was also the nice guy. By that I mean I was shy and confused and not sure how to act on a date.

After one girl dumped me and a few others rejected me I realized that I was just trying too hard to please girls when it should be the other way around. I thought, "maybe girls just want me to be myself so they can have the pleasure of pleasing me."

The problem was I didn't really know how to be myself. I had been so caught up with pleasing others that my individuality was lacking. I re-focused my life and spent a lot of time alone to basically find myself. A big thing I knew I was lacking was self-confidence... I had self-confidence when it came to things like tennis or baseball but when it came to girls I didn't have enough self-confidence because I wasn't at one with myself.

So as I said, I spent a lot of time alone, I listened to a lot of music, did a lot of thinking and a lot of writing in that time, and in that time I found ATS and got into conspiracy theories and philosophy and metaphysics and a bunch of crazy stuff.

And while spending a lot of time alone I developed my own unique personality and way of thinking that is deemed both crazy and wildly unique according to my peers, in that I am so philosophical and paranoid about everything... while I'm different, people accept that... girls accept that.

Now I get calls from girls asking me to hang out almost every weekend, when I don't get a call I'll just hang out with some friends... On top of that I've been dating a girl that I used to be "just friends" with.

Here's the thing, I still don't "know" how to act when I'm on a date, I just be myself, and if it doesn't work out, no regrets, no hurt feelings, it just doesn't work out. And guess what, I'm still a nice guy.

So you can be nice and get girls, you just have to be confident in yourself. A girl wants to see you are nice not because you are afraid to be mean, but because you choose to be.

I had this one girl try and manipulate me to like her. She had put up a facade that in the end would've ended up with to try to get me into a fight with her man (I was being pursued as a side piece (I play second fiddle to no one! LOL!)). I had discovered early on that we were too toxic to pursue anything further. It would've ended bad, very bad. My hindsight told me to stay away. Thank God I did. I nipped that one in the bud before it had a chance to propel itself into a situation I would've had zero control over as well as being inept to handle it.

Why aren't women straight up and always beat around the bush for? Why must it be a game? Enough games. If I wanted to play games I'd buy a PS3 or a PSP. Why must it be a battle of supremacy and dominance?

A girl will keep a guy who treats her like yap and beats her but the second a nice guy shows any compassion or shows genuine care for her, he gets kicked to the curb.

I can converse with a female and know their entire sexual history without asking them one thing about it as I'm a psychic. When I know pretty well everything about her entire sexual case history by doing nothing more then conversing with her how can I not be judgmental? A red flag will go up telling me to keep away, this has happened with at least 3 possibles. It is because of which I have alot of trouble letting someone in. My friends don't even get in, if I won't let my friends in that close what makes her think that she's gonna be able to?

In reality, genuine, honest, down to Earth guys will never get a girl. You've gotta be the most vile, arrogant, manipulative azzhat you can be in order to be successful in that department as no one wants a kind heart.

Why also do girls think that they can change a guy for? Do us guys try to change y'all females? Nope. Why do it to us?

Confidence in a case like that is akin to kindness and being nice and never works out positively. Don't tell me that.

I have a collection of diecast model cars and would never want some girl to tell me it's either her or the cars as the cars were there long before her and be there long after her.

[edit on 30-3-2010 by TheImmaculateD1]

[edit on 30-3-2010 by TheImmaculateD1]

i can tell you this much my man i have been through my fair share of wemon and they are all looking for mostly one thing one badboy with a large well u know the rest. i have been married and divorced and have found the love of my life and i can tell you this much you will know when the right one comes along but drop the nice guy act cuz every women says they want a good guy but behind closed doors they want the bad boy the guy tha aint afraid to show her off and punch someone in the face for looking at her the wrong way i used to be like you then i joined the army and that whole good boy thing left and has never came back and i stilll got the ladies callin

what if you do have a large you know what but she wouldn't know it because she has no interest in you because you're not interested in being a 'bad boy'?

Originally posted by The Quiet Storm
what if you do have a large you know what but she wouldn't know it because she has no interest in you because you're not interested in being a 'bad boy'?

Quiet Storm,

Think this through for a minute..think..dont emote.

She wants you to be a bad boy for her??? She wants you to change your thinknig and value system for her..to her idea/ideal of what she wants in a man??

This doesnt make good nonsense.

It doesn't matter how big your you know what is, What is she offering you that is useful and beneficial to you.

Lots of women out here can take off their clothes and get on their back or knees..that is not doing much. It takes no special skills to do this. Same thing for a man...so why would that even be important??

What is important is knowing that she wants a "bad boy." She wants you to fit an image for her. To fit what she wants or "thinks" she wants.
In otherwords...you are like a new handbag...you are supposed to try out "bad boy" style to fit her values and thinking.

She is leading you here...Quiet Storm..not you leading her. Women and females like this are a dime a dozen. Mostly short attention spans. They mostly like the image...not the real thing.

A bad boy is not much of a man as well...the jails are full of them. The streets are full of females like this..going from one "bad boy" to another without enough smarts to ask themselves what is wrong with this game.

Dont waste your time with women or females like this. They are good for only one thing...and there are lots of them out here like that. They are not a rare or valuable breed.

A real valuable female/woman can look down deep into your soul and see what is missing from your life and work to fill it. This takes commitment and an attention span. Not rabid consumption rates and boredom...because they have a short attention span.

And short attention span women ....they dont usually stick with a guy long. They are to busy living an image to be counted on.

A short attention span woman can never bring you Peace...she can only bring you Piece and often at great expense to you. This is why it doesnt make good nonsense once you know how to think it through.

Dont waste your time and monies trying to fit some womans image...like a matching handbag. If you do ..she will be leading you ..not you leading her.

Thanks,
Hope this helps,
Orangetom

Anyone else notice that these self proclaimed "nice guys" always sound anything but?



[edit on 21-4-2010 by riley]

reply to post by riley


Yes! was thinking the same earlier, so glad you said that!

women are always saying that. i'm just bitter but when it comes down to it i am nice, its just nobody sees it and i am really careful when it comes to girls, perhaps too much though.

I'm not excessively flattering though, if that's what you think nice means. I know it's all sexual. Even when guys dress it all up with pretty and flattery words, in the end that's all it's about.

orangetom - She wants me to be all sexually explicit with her I think. I'm unable to be this way because I grew up knowing that I have to respect women and wait "for the right time". Even making sexual jokes is a no no. Even flattery is a no no, because it implies lust.

So, I mean, maybe if we could be friends I'd be more open, but it's never gotten that far. I've NEVER had a female friend in my entire life, and I'm 24 yrs old. I guess girls expect you to be all provocative or make dirty, vulgar or sexually explicit jokes, and to be kind of brash, or blunt, etc.

I'm not that way..I want to be respectful, and careful, perhaps too much? It may also be that I take sexuality seriously.. to me it's not something to just hand out and be promiscuous.

So when it comes to like, me turning on a woman, I "chemically mask" myself.

Besides it's very hard in public. I've never been to a club or party... and maybe that's where things can get a little less serious than let's say when you're in some professional setting where showing interest and perversion costs your career and life.. or respect.

sex is personal...

maybe I'm just kind of like a christian, or a really chaste one when it comes to sex.

not that I don't want a girl or to have sex but i'm just afraid of expressing sexuality.

[edit on 21-4-2010 by The Quiet Storm]

man forget it. i just feel like dying.

Originally posted by The Quiet Storm
man forget it. i just feel like dying.

LOL LOL LOL Quiet Storm. Sorry to be so humorous at your expense. I say this because I was very much like you at one time.

I too am even today not much of a socialite. I don't care who knows it or what they think of it. I don't like the bar scene or running around in alot of public places with alot of "Wildlife." Especially two legged wildlife.

I know of what you speak in a professional arena...the work place is not a good place to be hunting for companionship. To many complications if it goes bad. Dont bother doing this.

One very important dictum for your thinking template here.


YOU ARE NOT HERE IN THIS WORLD TO BE A "NICE GUY."

Get that drivel out of your head right now.

YOU ARE HERE TO BE A "MAN"...NOT A NICE GUY.

And you are not here to fit some woman's idea of a man ..at the expense of your idea of a man..understand now???

You are not here to try out for approval. You are here to meet and reach your goals ...with or without a woman.

Nice guys try out for a woman's approval ..often at great expense to themselves..with no useful expense in return. You are not here to lay your head on the railroad track to put on a show for someone or prove your worth..got it now. Throw that drivel out the window right now.

Being Civil is ok..nothing wrong with that. Just don't be a self imposed doormat. Women are not mostly interested in a man who is a doormat for them. They may use them for their purposes..but this is not usually a man they choose to take up with or keep.

Let me tell you another secret...Quiet Storm..you are not here to be a woman's friend. You are here to be a man.

With most of the women I ever met..being their friend means you are convenient for them. To fill in the gaps they don't want to fill in themselves. You are a convenience. Drop women like this like a rock...they are high maintenance. And don't you be high maintenance either Quiet Storm..otherwise you are just like alot of these women. Most women are not looking of a man who is higher maintenance than themselves or their children. In other words ..they are not looking for competition from a man.

This nonsense about being a friend for a woman...what rubbish.
Get this out of your head right away...being a friend for most women just means that they control you...and lead you at their leisure and pleasure. Women do not respect a man they can control in this manner. They will use these men for their purposes..but not respect them ..understand now?? I hear guys say this all the time..and I don't think they even realize what they are saying about themselves. I have this guy in my work crew..who walks the dog for the woman next door....constantly. What a dumb ass. Whats wrong with her walking her own dog.
You don't need to try out for approval from a woman by being this dumb..understand.
Then he tell about fixing all kinds of stuff for her. She works...call a plumber lady..call a mechanic and pay for it.

Got it now Quiet Storm..you are not here to be a friend and spend alot of time rescuing and listening to these peoples problems or baggage....ie...drama.

You sound like you have alot of drama yourself..Quiet Storm. Women are not interested in drama queen ism from a man either. Just watch what happens in the replies to your posts.

Grow up Quiet Storm...grow a pair.

Nothing wrong with being a Gentleman..but don't mistake this with being a pushover...or a "nice guy."

You are not here to be a nice guy. You are here to be a man.
You lead a woman..just like on the dance floor...you don't wait for her.
If you spend alot of time waiting for her...your going to be waiting a long time.

I am not telling you to be promiscuous here..but don't also put up with nonsense..to the point where she is leading you.

I take sexuality seriously as well..but sexuality is not who and what I am. Get that idea out of your head right now. Same for a woman..sexuality is not who she is as well. If that is all a woman has...sexuality..you are dealing with a high maintenance air head. And if that is all you have ..you are the same thing as an airhead. Women do not respect an airhead...and I don't blame them.

Women have a hundred strategies to filter out the airheads and communicate this to each other very much.

I don't know how olde you are ..but I make a suggestion here. Start dating some older women. They will teach you alot about women ...without directly meaning to do so. But remember something here...something very important. Even older women are not here to teach you about women only to lose you to the next woman. They are not that noble...but they can be very territorial.
Older women often are ....have their tubes tied or such..and also they are not as game playing per se as the younger ones because they know the clock is striking midnight Cinderella and they will soon turn into pumpkins.
Most of them can also do something more than fast food and microwave. Hell ..a man can do that.

A fine meal prepared by a woman who knows and cares..is a wonderful experience now days. Getting rarer and rarer as time goes by. Don't sell yourself short here for the fast food lane value system. If you do you are cheating yourself of a valuable experience.

But remember..Quiet Storm...you are not here to be a nice guy..you are here to be a man. Grow up dude!!

Hope this helps,
Orangetom

Originally posted by orangetom1999

Originally posted by The Quiet Storm
man forget it. i just feel like dying.

LOL LOL LOL Quiet Storm. Sorry to be so humorous at your expense. I say this because I was very much like you at one time.

I too am even today not much of a socialite. I don't care who knows it or what they think of it. I don't like the bar scene or running around in alot of public places with alot of "Wildlife." Especially two legged wildlife.

I know of what you speak in a professional arena...the work place is not a good place to be hunting for companionship. To many complications if it goes bad. Dont bother doing this.

One very important dictum for your thinking template here.


YOU ARE NOT HERE IN THIS WORLD TO BE A "NICE GUY."

Get that drivel out of your head right now.

YOU ARE HERE TO BE A "MAN"...NOT A NICE GUY.

And you are not here to fit some woman's idea of a man ..at the expense of your idea of a man..understand now???

You are not here to try out for approval. You are here to meet and reach your goals ...with or without a woman.

Nice guys try out for a woman's approval ..often at great expense to themselves..with no useful expense in return. You are not here to lay your head on the railroad track to put on a show for someone or prove your worth..got it now. Throw that drivel out the window right now.

Being Civil is ok..nothing wrong with that. Just don't be a self imposed doormat. Women are not mostly interested in a man who is a doormat for them. They may use them for their purposes..but this is not usually a man they choose to take up with or keep.

Let me tell you another secret...Quiet Storm..you are not here to be a woman's friend. You are here to be a man.

With most of the women I ever met..being their friend means you are convenient for them. To fill in the gaps they don't want to fill in themselves. You are a convenience. Drop women like this like a rock...they are high maintenance. And don't you be high maintenance either Quiet Storm..otherwise you are just like alot of these women. Most women are not looking of a man who is higher maintenance than themselves or their children. In other words ..they are not looking for competition from a man.

This nonsense about being a friend for a woman...what rubbish.
Get this out of your head right away...being a friend for most women just means that they control you...and lead you at their leisure and pleasure. Women do not respect a man they can control in this manner. They will use these men for their purposes..but not respect them ..understand now?? I hear guys say this all the time..and I don't think they even realize what they are saying about themselves. I have this guy in my work crew..who walks the dog for the woman next door....constantly. What a dumb ass. Whats wrong with her walking her own dog.
You don't need to try out for approval from a woman by being this dumb..understand.
Then he tell about fixing all kinds of stuff for her. She works...call a plumber lady..call a mechanic and pay for it.

Got it now Quiet Storm..you are not here to be a friend and spend alot of time rescuing and listening to these peoples problems or baggage....ie...drama.

You sound like you have alot of drama yourself..Quiet Storm. Women are not interested in drama queen ism from a man either. Just watch what happens in the replies to your posts.

Grow up Quiet Storm...grow a pair.

Nothing wrong with being a Gentleman..but don't mistake this with being a pushover...or a "nice guy."

You are not here to be a nice guy. You are here to be a man.
You lead a woman..just like on the dance floor...you don't wait for her.
If you spend alot of time waiting for her...your going to be waiting a long time.

I am not telling you to be promiscuous here..but don't also put up with nonsense..to the point where she is leading you.

I take sexuality seriously as well..but sexuality is not who and what I am. Get that idea out of your head right now. Same for a woman..sexuality is not who she is as well. If that is all a woman has...sexuality..you are dealing with a high maintenance air head. And if that is all you have ..you are the same thing as an airhead. Women do not respect an airhead...and I don't blame them.

Women have a hundred strategies to filter out the airheads and communicate this to each other very much.

I don't know how olde you are ..but I make a suggestion here. Start dating some older women. They will teach you alot about women ...without directly meaning to do so. But remember something here...something very important. Even older women are not here to teach you about women only to lose you to the next woman. They are not that noble...but they can be very territorial.
Older women often are ....have their tubes tied or such..and also they are not as game playing per se as the younger ones because they know the clock is striking midnight Cinderella and they will soon turn into pumpkins.
Most of them can also do something more than fast food and microwave. Hell ..a man can do that.

A fine meal prepared by a woman who knows and cares..is a wonderful experience now days. Getting rarer and rarer as time goes by. Don't sell yourself short here for the fast food lane value system. If you do you are cheating yourself of a valuable experience.

But remember..Quiet Storm...you are not here to be a nice guy..you are here to be a man. Grow up dude!!

Hope this helps,
Orangetom

your post just makes me even more sad and furious.

you're saying to not be a good guy. notice I usually say Good guy, and not just 'nice guy'. Because I good is different than nice. Nice guy can be a pushover. but by definition nice doesn't even mean pushover, it's just some conditioned belief because people use "nice" as slang for a pushover.

[edit on 21-4-2010 by The Quiet Storm]

Quiet Storm,

your post just makes me even more sad and furious.

you're saying to not be a good guy. notice I usually say Good guy, and not just 'nice guy'. Because I good is different than nice. Nice guy can be a pushover. but by definition nice doesn't even mean pushover, it's just some conditioned belief because people use "nice" as slang for a pushover.

Don't BS me Quiet Storm. No matter how you try to put words out here or describe your problems...your numbers are not turning out right or with satisfaction.

Your descriptions are ones of powerlessness in your life. Lack of control or direction in which you desire to go. You are not getting the results you think you deserve or want.

First off..what would make you think you deserve this??
You are obviouisly working with tools which are insufficient for the task at hand.
Think it through..only use a deck of cards which have all the cards in them.
You are obviously working with a deficit on your end because your results are unsatisfactory with the reality you face.

Either your knowledge or understanding of women is insufficient ..or you are hugely unconfident..in which once again..your knowledge and understanding of women is insufficient ..hence your results fall short of your goals and needs.

I detected the confidence angle from the beginning when reading your posts. You think the women out here...even on a blog like this one will not detect it ...quickly. These women will know even faster in person..live.
I'm here to tell you Quiet Storm...women can spot confidence in a man...or unconfidence..from miles and miles away..like radar searching in the dark. They know faster than most men.

How do I know you are unconfident and unknowledgable....this..right here...

what if you do have a large you know what but she wouldn't know it because she has no interest in you because you're not interested in being a 'bad boy'?

You are clearly telling on yourself here as having a huge confidence problem. I don't even think you know it.

A knowledgeable woman may appreciate a male with a large you know what ..but she also knows it takes more than a large you know what to make a man. Thus you tell on yourself by what you obviously don't know.
And a knowledgeable woman knows this. Like radar searching in the dark.

Hence..grow up Quiet Storm. You don't become a man by outward appearances..or buying this or that product from Maxim or GQ magazine.
A man may be stupid enough to settle for outward appearance from a woman...and many are indeed. But women as a whole can ferret out the real men very fast. You are obviously working with a deficit until you learn to think outside the box of what passes for manhood today.

Don't worry about being good or nice ..be a man.
Women want men in their lives...first and foremost. No matter what they try to tell you. They don't want pushovers or nice guys or good guys. They want men.

Oh..and in case you don't get it ..what I am trying to tell you..
You are coming across as more feminine than many of the women on here. Get it now?? The women on here have more balls than do you.

Orangetom