Why do women break up with nice guys?

reply to post by orangetom1999


Crumbs - I never meant to rattle anyone’s cage this much.

Since the thread was about ‘nice guys‘, I wrote what I thought of them. If it wasn’t too late I’d happily edit my post to read ‘nice people’ if it would help to get the bug out your butt.

What’s all this about Cosmopolitan? I don’t read it. And I never do quizzes in magazines because none of the answers are ever right for me. Do you think I’m some sort of feminist? Not so - I believe in equal blame for everyone.

Umm, primary ‘social expectations and beliefs’ - I’ve found it best not to have too many. I certainly don’t like it when people try to make me fit into a box so I try to be open-minded. That’s for any sort of relationship, not just a romantic one. I can still observe human nature though, and comment on it.

I can’t say what a person’s ‘real’ problems are but I think it is difficult for people to express their true emotions when they are intent on being nice.

I’ve had to look up ‘provincialness’- I think you mean ‘provincialism’. Let me tell you I’ve spent my entire adult life in the city and only moved to the country eight months ago. I don’t think I’ve had the chance to become provincial just yet……….

I am perfectly aware that there is a whole ‘genre’ of people who need to keep their emotions in check, particularly in their field of work. I’d hazard a guess that those same people could very well express themselves in their private lives. And I believe it can be done without being a drama queen. I’ve certainly never been one but I am currently sharing a house with one - it’s not pretty.

As far as entitlement in a relationship goes, I think the only thing I feel ‘entitled’ to is consideration. If a person can manage that I can enjoy all the little quirks to their personality and delight in their warmth, humour, kindness, honesty. And make allowances for their faults. I’m not perfect, why should they be? Without basic consideration though, I don’t see how a relationship stands a chance. And I expect high standards from myself when I am dealing with other people.

I don’t think I elaborated enough on my idea of bxstxrds - what I forgot to say was that you are sort of forewarned if you see the bad side of a person before you get involved with them and you can be pleasantly surprised by their behaviour if they care about you. It’s just tough sometimes to come up against a really awful side of someone who you thought was ‘nice’.

You’re right that men would do better to focus away from sports, tv and the oil shortage. And women could think more deeply about relationships too. I sincerely believe in equality in relationships. If both partners play to their strengths and always, always bear in mind that their partner is the person they sink or swim with, they should be in with a chance.

Relationships are difficult and need to be worked at, but if you’ve got one person whining that because they are nice they should be appreciated just for that it makes things more difficult.

Oh, and I like real people. Not have a use for, just like to be around.

reply to post by berenike


berenike,

No you did not rattle my cage and there is no reason to edit your previous post.

I am glad to hear that you don't read Cosmopolitan magazine.

When you posted these lines....

The impression given is that being nice should be enough and if it isn't, then the woman must be at fault for not appreciating the niceness. Or even for daring to want more.

If you find yourself with an out-and-out bxs txrd, there is always hope that he will see the error of his ways - after all his faults are so obvious.

It is the pattern often used in those genre of magazines. By the number of posts and strategies I have seen this is not always obvious...either to men or women both.

I do on occasion purchase those genre of magazines and take the quizzes to see what some of the latest drivel is that is spoon fed to many women in consumption rates and entitlements. Not much seems to change in the basic formats.

However to be fair about it..I have found this genre of Maxim magazine and others to be precisely the same ...format for males. It is a male Cosmo.
One of the other males brought one to work and I asked if I could read it. I quickly deduced it as a male entitlement magazine out of the same stable as Cosmo. Buy this or that or be no one...do this or that, think this or that or be no one. I found the appeal awful. Same as Cosmo.

I do have certain expectations and beliefs and I am not open minded about it.

The most difficult commodity I find to get or acquire from a woman is Peace. Piece is very easy to acquire from most women. Peace requires much more commitment...children or not. Piece does not require that much commitment from most women. I am not open minded about this.

The sad truth about many of the men I know is that they will settle for Piece and the "appearance of commitment " and never get Peace in their lives...much less will they know the difference. Not a good trade off as a career.

So many of the men I know ..think they have really done something if they get Piece...I don't think so.

At work..I watch these guys in the crew to which I am temporarily assigned. They raise the big shop roll up doors at quitting time on day shift so that they can watch the women leave work. Many more women have been hired in the last five to seven years than previously. It is like a "pass and review." But the interesting thing is the looks on the faces of these guys. I don't believe they even think about it....just react to a stimulus. It is obvious to me...all other brainwave activity flatlines. It is the same when they read the sports page..or someone brings in the swimsuit edition of Sports Illustrated...no other brainwave activity going on.

Primary Social expectations...I have found that most women have these at some level or another and the assumption is made that I have a responsibility and obligation to cede many of mine to hers.
I don't care for it when I am expected or taken for granted by social roles that I fit into such a box without certain considerations..like..Peace and the commitments needed to bring it about.

No ..drama queens are not pretty. I've been around more than enough of them..even before I fully understood the concept. Ironically I find many more male drama queens now days than I recall in times past. I don't like them around me at work. To high maintenance. Same thing with such women in my private life. I prefer women who are secure in themselves.

I am not into "Nice people" I happen to think the concept is very overrated.
People are people and come in all types and varieties. It is up to us to develop the tools to weed them out. To weed out the wildlife so to speak.

I never watch sports...with the exception of the occasional fishing program. Television...the occasional movie..Discovery or History channel...but most of it is dreck...especially the news formats. I am just as well off to get my news and info from this computer.

Ahh...your living with a drama queen.....wow!!

As to having a use for people..I refer to that in a social context. The social belief/expectations. By this I mean ..not a high maintenance drama queen. But something useful ..having value in the social context of a relationship.
Outside of that I am pretty much a private individual..not that social.
That is why I like the back shifts..particularly graveyard shift....Not much of a daywalker here.

Thanks,
Orangetom