You're alone because you don't love yourself!

Originally posted by Herman
Well, Bachelor, does it make more sense to you now?

Well, honestly, no.

No disrespect intended to anyone, but all responses have been at best - predictable.

I guess I'm still seeking that supreme "gotcha" moment of clarity, when it dawns on me with crushing force just wtf is wrong in the heads of all these infinite amounts of people who keep repeating that obnoxious phrase over and over.

reply to post by Bachelor


Well, people probably keep repeating these annoying phrases to you, because you're complaining to people about being alone.

The moral of the story: never complain to people about being alone. Because they'll only respond with useless, annoying advice.

The ONLY thing that helps is to start putting yourself out there and talking to a lot of new women.

Originally posted by MrdDstrbr
Well, people probably keep repeating these annoying phrases to you, because you're complaining to people about being alone.

He who doesn't want to be thought a fool, shouldn't make blind assumptions... ancient Chinese proverb =.=

I never said in the OP that all the times I've heard the ridiculous phrase, that it was spoken towards me personally. I'm only referring generically to all the times I've heard it, read it... *observed* it being said.

reply to post by Bachelor


Well, then the question arises, why do you find it so aggravating, aggravating enough to create a thread about it - if it doesn't apply to you personally?

reply to post by MrdDstrbr


Because I'm allowed to be aggravated by whatever the hell I choose to be aggravated by, and I'm allowed to make a thread about it.

Got a problem with that?

Now you're aggravating me, I'm making a thread about you next.

reply to post by Bachelor


GRR!!!

Oh it's on, it's SO on!

Just what ATS needs, another Disturber thread!!

Originally posted by Bachelor

Originally posted by Herman
Well, Bachelor, does it make more sense to you now?

Well, honestly, no.

No disrespect intended to anyone, but all responses have been at best - predictable.

I guess I'm still seeking that supreme "gotcha" moment of clarity, when it dawns on me with crushing force just wtf is wrong in the heads of all these infinite amounts of people who keep repeating that obnoxious phrase over and over.

I have to admit, I do find it a little strange that you don't at least understand the concept. I mean sure, you can disagree with it, but most people who really get it don't.

Perhaps you're giving people too much credit, and thinking that they're deeper than they really are, or expecting them to actually care about your feelings right off the bat. Maybe I'm just bitter because of my own present circumstances, but the way I see it, people are selfish. Yeah, there are good and bad people, mean people, kind people, but when you really boil it all down, people get into relationships for themselves. They get into relationships to make themself happier, not to help out someone whose down. Then, after a while, feelings build and they might actually care for that person's feelings like they care for their own. But in the beginning stages, it's all about them. I mean, would you want to start a relationship with a girl (assuming you just met her) whose miserable all the time? Would you want someone whose own life is sad and depressing to become a part of yours? Yeah, maybe you'll want to help her out because you're a kind person, but I bet you wouldn't want to be in a relationship with her.

Plus, if you build your own life up to the point where you're happy just to be living it, then a girl breaking up with you isn't going to cause your world to come crumbling down. People are unstable...if you use them as a foundation for your own happiness, most of the time they're gonna pull themselves right out from under your feet and let you fall to the floor.

I like to believe, that I am alone because I choose to be...

"You have to love yourself first, before anyone else can love you."

If your not satisfied with who you are as a person, how can you expect to love someone else? It is my opinion, that people need to be alright with themselves first. They need to be okay with the fact that they aren't perfect and they need to accept themselves; afterall we're stuck with ourselves for life, might as well make it a good ride.

"When you stop looking for it, it'll happen."

I'm a believer in this...a watchful pot never boils. If your out their LOOKING for the perfect person, or looking for someone to spend the rest of your lfie with, you're out in the battlefield with a Goal. A goal to find the perfect person, or someone to spend your life with. Every person you talk to, you'll be looking for those specific qualities.. You may find what you THINK you're looking for...but you could end up disappointed, which is why I believe, that if you just let life happen - love will follow also.

- Carrot

I suppose that really, the thoughts behind creating this thread goes something like this...

I have often overheard it said in some form or fashion, that you have to love yourself before anyone else can love you. It's been said in my direction a time or two sure, mostly it's something I've just observed being said in general to others... MANY times.

The concept is one that typically is shoved down the throat of people who are lonely and looking for love. In many cases it's more or less a knee-jerk reaction in people to spew out some form of that phrase in the direction of anyone whom they feel isn't perfectly happy and content being on their own.

It's profoundly absurd. Why? Because in my own case, if I didn't love myself then I wouldn't BE alone. If I didn't value myself, I wouldn't BE alone. If I didn't place a very great worth on who and what I am, despite whatever faults and shortcomings I may have... then I wouldn't BE alone. I'd instead, content myself to remain forever in some relationship that I'm not happy with. But I'm not... because I'm not putting up with anybody's CRAP. I know am worth MORE than that. Because I do LOVE myself and I won't settle for just ANY ol' run-of-the-mill bull# relationship, just for the sake of not having to be alone.

So whenever that lovely logic comes out from someone that you have to love yourself before anyone else can love you, it just doesn't do very much to help me admire that person's intellect. Because it's just a very stupid thing for anyone to say. No one has the right to judge me or anyone else in sofar as whether or not they "love themself" enough that someone else could love them. No one has the right to judge another person and imply that they must not love themself very much since they aren't attracting true love into their life. It's just ridiculous.

It's a very dead horse that's been beat to death for many years, yet people just keep right on beating it.

I think it may be your logic that's a bit faulty. No offense meant.

"You have to love yourself before you can be in a healthy relationship" is not the same as saying "If you love yourself, then you'll be in a relationship," or "If you're not in a relationship, then you don't love yourself." I think it's thrown around a lot because of the staggering number of people who seek for happiness in others before finding it in themselves. It's a very common mistake; therefore, there's constantly someone there to say "Be happy with yourself first."

Originally posted by Herman
I think it may be your logic that's a bit faulty. No offense meant.

Of course it is, Herman... Wow, why didn't it occur to me that I'm completely illogical? The moment of clarity is overwhelming... Now if only I could go back ten or twenty years and realize then what an illogical idiot I am instead of just now having it dawn upon me. I understand perfectly now though, and better late than never. Indeed, thank you for enlightening me my friend; You have my sincere gratitude.



I think it may be your perception of my logic that's a bit faulty. No offense meant.

Originally posted by Bachelor

Originally posted by Herman
I think it may be your logic that's a bit faulty. No offense meant.

Of course it is, Herman... Wow, why didn't it occur to me that I'm completely illogical? The moment of clarity is overwhelming... Now if only I could go back ten or twenty years and realize then what an illogical idiot I am instead of just now having it dawn upon me. I understand perfectly now though, and better late than never. Indeed, thank you for enlightening me my friend; You have my sincere gratitude.



I think it may be your perception of my logic that's a bit faulty. No offense meant.

Judging by your responses towards the people who have tried to help you understand this, I think this thread would have been better suited for the "Rant." section. You clearly don't want to discuss this or have your opinion changed in any way.

ive got the opposite problem. love myself too much, not much left for others.

reply to post by scientist


Awww... lol.

Well it's nothing wrong with loving yourself. Too many kittens and puppies in the world anyway.

poor kitties =(

Originally posted by Herman
Judging by your responses towards the people who have tried to help you understand this, I think this thread would have been better suited for the "Rant." section. You clearly don't want to discuss this or have your opinion changed in any way.

I don't disagree with you, you're right.

I should have just put it in the rant thread because I knew exactly what kind of responses I'd get when I made the thread. The feedback I've gotten has really all been very predictable and I knew it would be. So I shouldn't have made it appear that I wanted to have a serious discussion about this, I should have just made it as a rant thread.

My apologies.

Originally posted by Bachelor

Originally posted by Herman
Judging by your responses towards the people who have tried to help you understand this, I think this thread would have been better suited for the "Rant." section. You clearly don't want to discuss this or have your opinion changed in any way.

I don't disagree with you, you're right.

I should have just put it in the rant thread because I knew exactly what kind of responses I'd get when I made the thread. The feedback I've gotten has really all been very predictable and I knew it would be. So I shouldn't have made it appear that I wanted to have a serious discussion about this, I should have just made it as a rant thread.

My apologies.

Apology accepted.

reply to post by miriam0566


This comment is an absolute shambles. Yelling/belittling can be a scream for help. Some people like myself, Weren't taught the proper ways to deal with emotions when they were growing up. I wasn't taught to deal with my anger and hurt properly. I blow up. Sometimes, I cant control that. Myself and my girlfriend recently broke up due to my inability to control my anger. I've never been cut so deeply due to that fact that I LOVE HER TO DEATH, but my personal demons are getting in the way and ruining the realtionsip. I've began to see a trend in my past couple of relationships all ending the same way. I do suffer spikes of clinical depression (which i've only found out very recently but makes a hell of a lot of sense). The last 3 months have been really rough for me and due to my inability to deal with some emotions, i blow up and do my stack because i feel trapped by these emotions that i cant express. Does this mean that i wouldn't take a bullet for her or go to the end of the world for her? No. I'd do anything for that girl. She is my life. I Love her. I do yell and scream and RARELY insultive/belitting, but i love her. I'd never ever physically harm her. I'm not physically violent. I can be verbally "turbulant" though.

People like you are what make people like me affraid to comit. I loved my girlfriend for a good few months before i even mentioned the word love. I was scared because people like you jump STRAIGHT to that conclusion and throw it straight back in our faces when it's simply not how it is. I really hope i've opened someones eyes to this because it really really really kills me that people think i'm unable to love because i get angry uncontrollably.

both statements make perfect sense to me: someone who does not love him/herself, does not believe another person who does. thus, he/she may fall out of love as soon as the other person starts to be in love (happened to me, ouch).

it will happen when you stop looking: also perfectly true for me. i fell in love three times so far, each time I wasn't looking for anyone. thus, I did not have a picture in my head of what I was looking for, and was open for someone new, who suddenly for me turned into the most amazing person on the planet.

Originally posted by MrdDstrbr

Originally posted by MrMysticism
I love myself all the time.. Ummmm errr, I mean... You know what I'm saying.

It's OK, MrMysticism; everyone does it, and the ones who say they don't are liars!

Yup! It's mine and I'll wash it as fast as I like..


Seriously....I'm single, celibate and happy....by choice.

And I'm alone (by choice) because I DO love myself.

Loving one's self is good for you.....full stop! (period).

Unfortunately, some people are attracted to the needy because they are naturally sympathetic and some because they want attention and easy pickings. A person who loves themself (the un-deluded type) doesn't need the energy of others so much and is therefore harder to interest or maybe attract. In this respect, from my point of view anyway, it eliminates the selfish, shallow and the greedy.

It's difficult to offer advice because everyone is different but how could I expect something from another that I cannot do myself?

I also feel that the word "love" could be exchanged for "respect" in this matter. And there's nothing wrong with being alone as long as you're happy.

Good luck.

Well I know I am alone because I don't love myself, but I only don't love myself because I am alone. It's her fault. :bnghd: