Why are Some Men so....Just come in and read this :=(

Why are some men so evasive about sex?

OMG, of course i love you, i just am so tired!! I worked all day and Joe said bla bla bla and then this guy pissed me off and what's for supper?

You get the idea. Admit it guys, some of you are not very sexual at all.

Should i rape him? I have done everything but stand on myhead.

It all started with the great "flu" of 1996. That's right. He was just too weak to perform.
Then his nephew died, although very traumatic, that one cost me 6 months without any sex at all. About 7 months later, his best friend died. He just couldnt perform, the trauma was too great!!!
Awhile after that his brother, only 42, died of heartfailure!!!! That one has cost me a year without any love or touch that i need so badly.

For the record, other men find me atractive. I am too tired and not the type to go out looking for a one night stand.

I've suggested him getting Viagra or something and he says he wouldnt take that.

So, my once a week romps have turned into nothing.

I'm thinking maybe Craigslist under "Platonic" (sp)

So dgtempe doesnt get any. Now you know. i dont know what to do, really, any suggestions?

reply to post by dgtempe


It sounds like there is a lack of communication to me. He is coming up with excuses, but not giving you a real reason.

Tell him you want to talk about it, and if he isn't willing to, suggest counseling.

If he doesn't want to go to counseling with you, it couldn't hurt for you to go by yourself.

If this situation doesn't sort it's self out soon, then you need to get yourself one of those battery operated boyfriends

Just call him BOB

[edit on 5/14/2008 by jensouth31]

Bob!!!

I dont think anything takes the place of a real man.

I know he's impotent or is it important? but still, i'm willing to play if he's willing, you know?

Jen if yours is named Bob i'll have to call mine "Harry"

I always keep myself pretty and nice for him too

He doesnt cheat either and is always home- with his BUD.

Originally posted by dgtempe
Admit it guys, some of you are not very sexual at all.

We're sorry, but Admit it girls, some of you are not very sexy at all.



No offence meant to anybody...but why do you think men sometimes have so many excuses. At least we're a little more creative than a "headache"....


Works both ways

[edit on 15/5/2008 by nerbot]

You need to find out his hidden fantasy, ask him and if you are willing (which it sounds you will be 'up' for anything, even if he isn't ).

Everyone has to have some fantasy which will ignite a sexual desire within them.

Your husband has every reason to be depressed.

That much loss over a relatively short period takes a toll on anyone.

A loss of interest in sex is a good sign of depression, as is a loss of interest in other formerly enjoyable activities.

The fact that he's always home with his beer is a good sign that he's lost interest in doing much else than drinking and of course drinking really exacerbates the problem, rather than "dulling the pain," which I'm sure would be his rationalization for his drinking, if you were to catch him in candid moment.

What you do about this situation depends on how you feel about your husband. Often getting a man seek treatment is difficult, but we are living in a more enlightened age, so if you approach him about his change in behavior when he's sober and otherwise rational, he just might admit that he has a problem.

Men are also somewhat resistive to the idea that marriage counseling, especially when their judgement is impaired by depression, drugs, alcohol and the like.

Usually, the best way to seek help is to accompany your husband to his primary care physician where you can both discuss his history of emotional trauma, loss, lack of interest in formerly enjoyable activities, alcohol dependence, etc.

A good physician should quickly recognize this syndrome and either prescribe an anti-depressant or give your husband a referral to a specialist.

I doubt that Viagra would work, based on the information you've provided. Viagra requires an interest in sex and stimulation to work properly. Viagra does not affect the desire for sex. It works for the guy who's interested, but just can't perform because of physical problems.

Admittedly, that's a lot of work with no guarantee of success, so some your initial alternative plans of action might be better for you. However, those options are likely compound your husbands grief and could destroy him completely.

The choice is yours insofar as offering to lend a helping hand, but he'll be the one who has to the the real work.

Coming from the boy's side, I've gone through times of low libido, although in your case it does sound something a little more problematic than the cycles of intimacy just aren't lining up.

Some observations from a Mars/Venus perspective:

Guys usually don't want to do anything after work. We don't want to talk, especially about work, have sex, do anything except have some time to ourselves.

Sometimes guys go into a cave. The cave is how we recharge our batteries, process our day, and sort out our problems. Women, for the most part, like to talk things over to sort all that out. Men like to be by themselves. Most of the time, cave time only lasts a day or two at most. If a woman tries to follow a man into the cave, however, it will make him stay there longer.

Guys tend to be hornier in the morning than in the evening, when the new day's supply of testosterone is flush in our bodies. Morning "wood" is the indication of this.

And finally, as guys get older our libido's due tend to decline. It's just the way it is. One comedian in his late 30'/early 40's, relating his wife's desire to get pregnant, told her that the only way he's going to have sex every day of the week is if it's with a different woman every day. (It's just a joke! Fidelity is very important.)

Good luck.

Maybe I've got the stories mixed up, but isn't this the guy who won't take a shower?

So, now he won't do this?

Why are you still there?

Edit: OK, my apologies. That was some one else.

[edit on 15-5-2008 by Badge01]

dg I feel your pain girlfriend!
And I am still what I consider a newlywed ... just 2 years of marriage and my sex life is already an endangered species!

I did marry the military though so I guess it's all my own doing ... I just really had no idea I'd be on my own so much ... even when my husband is at home *sigh*

Talking, being patient and even counseling hasn't helped one iota, if anything I think it has harmed my efforts in getting my husband "interested" again ... and I am still a young and quite attractive thing (if I believe what others tell me that is - I have never felt so un-sexy in my life ).

I love my husband and am very supportive of him and all he does ... but how long does a wife have to be understanding and supportive for while our own needs and wants suffer ?
I'd just love to know the answer to that. Maybe then I will know if I am wasting my time and energy or if the hope I have for my marriage is justified.


I don't know what to tell ya ... I don't know what to tell myself anymore.
Perhaps just knowing you aren't alone will bring you some comfort *hugs*



[edit on 15-5-2008 by ImJaded]

awww, my soul mate is BOB, he never talks back, and always listens...hehehe!

Here, kitty, kitty, kitty...

This sort of thing cost me a marriage. So lemme try and help save one. Ok heres the problem. After a while sex gets boring. It really does. It becomes more of an obligation than an act of love.

I went through this exact same thing with my now ex wife. It wasnt romantinc or exciting anymore, and to be honest I felt no desire for her anymore. I didnt cheat on her I just didn't care.

She would make no attempt NONE and so I felt that she felt the same way about it.

to make this short heres a hint. wake him up with felatio. Many men like sex in the morning. (while women don't seem to) Perhaps if you try and arouse him in the morning you would get the desired passionate effect your looking for.

If that doesnt work talk to him. Men hate this. talk to him he might want to get buisy just to end the subject.

Hmmmmmmmmm............... How do I respond to this without sounding like a jerk? Oh well - as usual I will just speak my mind.
I'm on the exact opposite side of the fence. (Yep, I'm a guy.)
I am a VERY sensual man. I enjoy pleasing more than being pleased. As many know my marriage is over. I'm home for the sole reason that I can't bear the thought of not being able to see my son. I would like it every day - in fact several times a day. However I haven't had it in many many months. Well I have, stares at hand...........
Stay strong DG. It sounds like he might have some issues. It's not you, so don't think it is.

Badge,

No, my husband is very clean. THAT wasnt my story.

This is something else. Thanks

WoW....

what kind of men are you girls involved with... no sex

They must be nuts.

I'd go absolutely crazy without. My wife understands this and is accomodating as much as possible, but sometimes, it's still not enough.
I think about her all the time, yes sexually.

I agree that communication is a key factor in this problem. Try to talk to him about it, make him understand that this is very important to you. Talk about other "things" that maybe you guys could try, maybe there's something that hasn't been talked about that could peak his interest?

Try visiting a "toy" store together, ya know.. movies, etc. They do help.

I also just want to say that I'm very thankful that I have an understanding wife when it comes to this subject and over the years, I've learned to back of when "its" just not a good time, ie: she's tried, rough day at work etc. I also must say that after being together for over 10 years, "it" it still great, each and every time and I think part of this is because we're not afraid to communicate and express things to each other.

Good Luck.

Grady,

Thank you very much for your thoughts on this. I really appreciate it.
I think i will make him an appointment with a regular doctor and go with him and tell the doctor- I dont care if there's hell to pay later. I would be embarassing him, but i dont want to feel like i live with my brother or a room mate anymore.
I have never made him feel "inadequate" and i always enjoy whatever it is we do- there's more than one way to skin a cat. I just need the closeness- I find myself hugging everyone just because i need a touch.

Even when we first got married he loved me and wanted to show me off all the time but the bedroom was maybe once a week if i was lucky.

I have stopped initiating anything with him, but i play with his (head) and tell him i had a GREAT dream last night!!
That used to turn him on, but not anymore.

As far as me starting anything, i am afraid to wake him up because he still suffers from flashbacks about VietNam and i dont want to get hurt.

I know this is the most personal thing i have written here, but i feel so unwanted, just me and BOB.:shk:

Thank you Grady.

reply to post by ImJaded

Sorry girl, i know the lifestyle. I wish you well. I guess the problem does exist for some women and i really dont think its us. you're a young girl, i'm older but i sincerely have always had lots of men paying a lot of attention to me, i'm not trying to brag, i;m just saying the truth.
Everyone tells him he has a pretty wife. I am getting older, but
:bnghd: arent we all? including them???

Anyway, good luck and thanks for sharing cause i feel all alone in this.

reply to post by whatukno
Good advice. Last time i tried he wasnt too happy. He said "____, I'm very tired, you KNOW i love you, now let me sleep!

What do you do with something like that?

what hes got to understand, and this is something from what you wrote he has forgotten is that you still love him and find him atractive sexually. Talking with some men is like pulling nails but it might get the job done.

Men don't like to talk about their feelings in general. But if you aproach him like he is hurting you by denying you love and affection he might understand what he is doing and realise that he needs to be more intimate with you.

reply to post by lombozo
Dear Lombozo,
Thanks for the reassurement it isnt me, i needed that.



My grandmother used to say "God gives a beard to those without a chin"
(translated from Spanish)
I'm glad you're a man with normal desires...maybe your people can call his people and work something out. Oh, i dont know.
You go, and dont waste a minute of precious time, even if its by yourself.
You lucky guy.

Thanks for making me laugh.

You hottie.