What happened to the sanctity of marriage?

Originally posted by DuneKnight
reply to post by Lucid Lunacy

 

so how does that work? one day you are attracted to guys the next you are into girls, depending on your mood or are you non-gender specific and like the whole human species in general.

Thanks for approaching this with an open mind and heart.

Look. It works exactly the same as it works for you, and any heterosexual person. So how would you answer if someone asked you "so how does your sexual orientation work"? Would you reply "well it depends on my mood" or would you reply "It's who I am sexually attracted to"?

reply to post by rubyeyes


How old am I?

Age has nothing to do with the age of ones wisdom.

And I understand you were not talking specifically to me. I understand you were speaking 'generally'. I also understand that your were very much judging and then telling me not to.

And I truly hope my heart doesn't make such a compromise that I would share your viewpoints when I "get older"

Some have made an effort to dispel myths attached to a free-love lifestyle. If there is intent to communicate to others the benefits of a more free and open life-style then it must be done honestly and responsibly.

Simply focusing on the downfalls and obsolescence of monogamy/marriage might make some consider it’s not worth the time, investment or effort, too high of a cost to ones freedoms. I suggest nothing is truly free; most things in this life come at a cost. The cost of choosing monogamous marriage is time, investment and effort, but can’t the same be said about a free-love lifestyle? While one in such a lifestyle may not commit solely to one person they have instead chosen to commit to a lifestyle they must live within the parameters that lifestyle does in fact impose. It has been said one must adhere to safe practices. To responsibly follow such a recommendation requires, time, investment and effort.

One should seek out and be given as much information as possible when choosing an alternate style of living. Pointing out the downfalls of monogamous marriage, imo, is not enough information or a valid reason for choosing an alternate lifestyle.

I feel this way not so much because I live a monogamous married life, it’s because due to my work I have met many, too many, living with HIV. These people come from all walks of life some were promiscuous some not. The one thing all had in common was that most of their partners had abandoned them. While some of these people were not directly involved in a free-love life style, unfortunately their partners were or had been. Where was the organization of free love protection services when these individuals needed life saving treatment miles away? That’s where I came in I provided non-emergency medical transportation. These people had to turn to strangers in their time of need, alone, frighten, sick and hurting I drove them the 200 miles to Denver to receive treatment. I got to know them well.

Someone stated the actions of others affect them in no direct way, so do whatever. I beg to differ it was at a great cost to society to care for these people not to mention the volunteers required.

I picked up a couple clients from a shelter/food pantry set up for people with HIV. This organization was run by volunteers alone, these caring people went that extra mile obtaining our service for their clients, much paper work was involved, they had to make and coordinate Dr. appointments, work out travel times not to mention run the shelter/food pantry. These were kind genuine people doing this volunteer work. Now don’t jump to conclusions here I myself am unaffiliated as far as religion goes. The fact is that most of these volunteers were from the Christian community. While I don’t always agree with Christian’s I admired these people their efforts in extending some hope, love and caring to these lonely abandoned people made me do more in my capacity to help. I saw many hugs, concern, worry the overextending of staff to fill the needs of those so in need.

Be careful about making generalizations about people, institutions or lifestyles while none are perfect there are good people involved in all. While one might make this same argument in defense of promiscuity/free love, it seems we all foot the financial and societal bill. When you as a community take complete and full responsibility for your actions and members then maybe others will stop trying to point out the hard realities of such a life-style choice. Only then could one expect the rest of society to keep their comments and mythologies to themselves. I just think we should all try to shine and take responsibility regardless of our attachments or affiliations.

reply to post by Morningglory


Morninglory,

Hypothetically, I am curious, what would your thoughts be on the matter of 'alternative lifestyle' and 'free-loving', if HIV/AIDs was cured?

Originally posted by Lucid Lunacy
Homosexuality (including Bisexuality), is almost always genetic. Which means natural.

I don't think that is actually correct. I KNOW you can't assert it is true -- there just isn't any proof of this whatsoever although many people have been looking for a genetic component for many years.

#

I think the best theory I've heard is that homosexuality may have the same genetic component as alchoholism and other addictive behaviors, that is -- homosexuals are addicted to having sex with people of their same gender. Some people are addicted to having sex with people of the opposite gender, or are addicted to porn or cigarettes or narcotics, etc.

The root cause of homosexuality? My guess is that it all goes back to your first pleasurable sexual experience -- you want to repeat that experience again and again. That is the essense of any addiction. If that is the case, you could reduce homosexuality in society by enforcing strict laws against it -- just like drug laws. (I'm just saying you could reduce it -- not eliminate it -- if that seems worthwhile -- which I'm not arguing for.)

#

To get back on topic: It goes back to whether addiction is good or bad. Who does the addict hurt, really?

I would say that sexual addictions hurt those who don't share that addiction. Period. The sanctity of marriage is being crushed by rampant sexual addiction, which hurts innocent people.

Great topic!

reply to post by Lucid Lunacy

Good hypothetical, you are making me think here. I will try to be as objective as possible. My main beef I guess would be the possible attraction of such a life style by the young who may not be fully aware of the responsibilities that comes with that life style choice. My true concern is damage control to both the individuals and society.

The spread of STD’s does not come from non-promiscuous society, if HIV/AIDs/STDs were cured then the repercussions of promiscuity vs. non-promiscuity on individuals and society would be similar, if in fact birth control is used, that being said I would have no valid complaint, only my opinion that a commitment or bond with another human being is what keeps us human. No one is going to have our best interests at heart like those you have bonded with.

I cannot say with certainty that promiscuity, HIV/AIDs/STDs aside, will eventually have a negative impact on society or the individual. Imo our society has been fairly promiscuous for some time now if you are implying a more free promiscuous life style can only improve or enhance our society shouldn’t we be seeing some change for the better by now?

I know outside the US people have a more liberal view on sex which is a far more realistic one, imo, it seems to work for them as their society as a whole accepts this as the norm. Are we as a people ready to follow their lead responsibly?

Imo, both the numbers of failing marriages and promiscuity will impact our society whether HIV/AIDs/STDs is cured or not. Whether this impact will be a positive or negative one is yet to be seen as both seem to be on the rise.


[edit on 15-5-2008 by Morningglory]

reply to post by Lucid Lunacy


LL I get what you're saying but I'm curious. Don't most relationships start out monogomous? Uless of course you both meet at a sex party, at some point in the relationship a third and or fourth individual gets introduced.

In other words, somewhere between hi my name is Bob and you are? and today the dynamic of the relationship changed, I'll refer to it as the turning point. I guess for a better understanding, I'd like to know how far into a typical (if there is such a thing) "open relationship" was the turning point, and how was it mutually agreed upon?

[edit on 5/15/2008 by TheRooster]

reply to post by Buck Division


I agree so much with you! Some people aren´t thinking of the bigger picture...the long range, and society as a whole. Its like my mom said when I was little, 'don´t pick the neighbors flowers without asking or all your friends might start to and then there won´t be any flowers left' or maybe that is not the perfect example but, like when it comes to being a good example by not littering outside, because if everyone did it, we would be walking in a dump. I´m sure alot of people with these lifestyles are basically or even very good people, but we all make mistakes and I think free-love and all that stuff, is ultimatly a mistake for society at large..in that sense its selfish, whether people realize it or not. I don't want to fight with anyone here, but since I beleive in freedom of speech and I am not afraid to be politically incorrect, and I think someone needs to speak up, because so many are afraid to be politically incorrect, I feel I should voice my opinion, so people might see this other side which often gets ignored. Sorry that was a long sentence..hehe I am not in the mood to check my writing skills now.

reply to post by Karlhungis


Maybe we are seeing the true nature of mankind, maybe we were not made to be monogamic.

I had two failed marriages due to unfaithful husbands, who didn't take the sanctity of marriage seriously.

I am married to my third and present husband. We have been married 9 years this August, and together 12 years, and friends 2 years before we got together as a couple. We were never intimate when we were friends, and I thought of him more like a brother. I was never unfaithful to either one of my husbands. My second husband was never at home, and even when my suspicions about him having an affair was proven correct by a neighbour, I didn't even start another relationship until I was separated from him.

My present husband and I have been together longer than I was with the other two. We have never been unfaithful to one another, even when the opportunity was thrusted upon us. We value each other too much; we built our relationship from friendship and support for one another, which found it's way to love. Now neither one of us could bear to be apart for any length of time.

He is 55 this July and is still the most handsome man ever, and I find I keep falling in love with him all over again, and he feels the same towards me.

Our marriage isn't perfect by no stretch of the imagination, but the fact remains, that we have stayed together through troubled waters, and have had words (you do when you are with each other 24/7) He is my registered carer, as I am disabled. We have time apart to appreciate each other more.

When we have the odd bob here, or there, then we head down to our favourite local (pub) where we have made some new friends, and have a drink together. We dress up for those special moments.

I think the secret to our marriage is that we give and take in equal measure even when we don't always agree. We forgive the other when any hurtful remarks have been made, and rather than dwell on the past, we look for the future.

We shower each other with little tokens of love now and again. I love Valentine's Day,(day he proposed to me), he makes it really special as it's the anniversary of our engagement. He showers me with gifts, and he is the most kindest of men, although he has times when it seems he is going through his second childhood. Nevertheless, I am looking forward to the future with him, and I don't mind growing old with him by my side.

So yes, the sanctity of marriage is still going strong in some houses. It took two bad marriages with adultery and abuse (I won't go into that here) to have a loving husband. He has never hit me, nor has he been unfaithful.

We are different people, but are very supportive of the others interest. My family loves him, and like the fact that he doesn't put on heirs just for them.

I am blessed with a loving husband that could have been with any other woman, but chose me. I fell in love with his smile and twinkling eyes.

reply to post by derfred33

"Maybe we are seeing the true nature of mankind, maybe we were not made to be monogamic."


Bingo! yer a genius. lol
Its all phases of evolution. Theres something beautiful about the illusion of dedication to one person forever and ever (for a time being). But in the future when we live hundreds of years...do u think many are going to stick to one mate.

Basically we have to become aware that we are not our bodies and do exist beyond the flesh death. So whats there to be jelous of....theres no hurry can reunite with whoever at another time.

Unity gets into more interesting ideas at the top..but thats a bit difficult to explain in a few words.

so our grandparents are wrong....our marraige lies, i mean vows, are not the way. We are supposed to fall apart so we can re-organize. Future here we come...its gonna be far out..lol

Its called freedom! (love), not ownership and fear.

oh one more thing.
The lying and cheating has to stop cuz its damaging. The catch is, at this point, we can only enjoy these freedoms with those ready and willing. Theres quite a few out there already.

Omg now I have seen it all, Fox is now being blamed for failed marriages, next it will be what, child pornography, animal abuse because peopel watch the O'reilly show.. Get a grip and start taking responsibility for your own actions. Hate fox all you want but to blame them from everything that is wrong with our society is foolish like yourself. The sanctity of marriage has been a naive falshood for the past 20 years, it just doesnt exsist but lots of people like to pull it out and taunt it when it doesn them good, christians, dems and repbulicans, the fact is marriage is a sham, one more aspect in our lives that is controlled by so many laws that individual needs are ignored. As for the creator of this thread, I think he needs to take a step back and figure out why his wife left him and not blame it on Fox.

reply to post by rubyeyes

ya i agree with whatever you say, free-love is selfish one way or another. its all driven by bad nihilism, hedonistic and individualism. and whats up with the sex-driven society anyway? its like brave new world, the government likes to see people distracted in such trivial matters that never end till the day they die. Ah...i can think of a few more things more important than sex. but pple who want that life style are people who will never find true love, they altered themselves and disconnected themselves from feeling that way, sex becomes top priority and you start thinking in terms of sexual pleasure. everyone becomes short-sighted.



[edit on 17-5-2008 by DuneKnight]

I'm happy to see that a few people agree with me. Because I really do feel passionate about this cause. I think good solid relationships are so important for society at large. Its like building a house with a good foundation. So, its scary to see morals decay and crumble. Thanks for your input.

reply to post by jalien



I read your response and I honestly was at a loss for words. Not only do you clearly not understand what I was saying, you also made some fairly big assumptions. I never said my wife left me. I am happily married. I am making a statement about society.

Perhaps you are correct though, perhaps infidelity and dishonesty are traits to be admired. If that is so, then Fox should be applauded for their TV line-ups.

I have made many threads and many posts. I never would have thought that this particular thread would have landed me on someones "Foe" list but it looks like I was wrong. Based on your response though, it makes sense. Thank you for putting me as a foe, I would feel far more shame to see my name on your friend list.