How "the law of attraction" works

"perhaps just place your attention on the fact that he needs that love and acceptance from you or he wouldnt be acting that way. See what just being aware of that little bit of information does. "


Part of me wants to help him that way, but the other part of me wants to teach him a lesson. Withhold praise so he has to find it in himself. Deny the spiral. Turn the water the other way. Part of me doesn't understand why I should have to do anything. I have grown a lot more confident though in dealing with him. I have learned what I think about certain things. He has been a mirror that's for sure.

reply to post by seagrass


Then dont give him words. Just be there with him. Really be present with yourself and with him.

He really does need it, and it IS sad enough to make someone cry. You need it to, but that is the magic of recognizing it in yourself as well as him when you are totally in the moment. You both get it.

Consider this, when you are talking to someone, can you feel, instinctively, whether or not that person cares when they are listening or when they are just "waiting their turn?" Even if they dont say anything after you have spoken, cant you just feel when they have listened to you and heard you? When we give praise or "loving actions" to someone to appease them, grudgingly, hoping that in return they will give it back, it carries a different energy.

It isnt specific words that heal or hurt. It is the energy of your presence, your awareness and your acceptance that heals wounds of that kind. Your first focus has to be on YOUR need for acceptance and love, and YOUR feelings of not being enough. You apply the "medicine" of your awareness there first and most importantly. When you process that feeling of your own, you then can recognize it in others. You can see that need in them when you first see it in yourself. You dont need to feed it, you are right, throwing words at it only makes it worse, because it doesnt satisfy. You just maintain an awareness that he needs that, just like you do.

Not reacting to him, either by getting upset or by placating him. Just being there and asking yourself if you can accept in yourself, and in him, that deep seated feeling of not being good enough. Not giving him your presence as a bribe, hoping to get some specific response, but just because your presence is what is needed in those moments by the whole situation. You need it. He needs it. No matter how he responds you still have given yourself what is needed. You arent waiting for him or someone else to give it to you.

Originally posted by seagrass

Part of me wants to help him that way, but the other part of me wants to teach him a lesson. Withhold praise so he has to find it in himself. Deny the spiral. Turn the water the other way. Part of me doesn't understand why I should have to do anything. I have grown a lot more confident though in dealing with him. I have learned what I think about certain things. He has been a mirror that's for sure.

Dont think of it as helping "him." All the great traditions have some concept of Oneness, of the interconnection of all things. Dont think of that as just some abstract idea, but as a fact. How the people around us feel impacts us, their wounds cause them to lash out and wound others. Our hurts cause us to lash out and hurt others. Thats the part of you that doesnt understand why you should have to do anything. That feels HE should grow up. Its a never ending spiral until someone in the game realizes that there is no "other." What affects one of us affects ALL of us. You dont give like a charity, it doesnt cost you. You give like you breathe, because it is the natural and necessary thing to do, and because you need the oxygen too.

The way to FEEL love is to give it. Think about someone in your life who has loved you or had a crush on you that you did not return. Did you feel love FROM that person? Or was it just there, and slightly unnerving? Now think about someone or something YOU love. Thats when you feel the feeling of "love," when it comes from you, through you, onto the object of love. To receive the feeling of acceptance and love, you pour it out into the world. You dont sit in a room and wait for someone to give you some. Like your brother, no matter how many people praise him, he will never feel it til it flows out of him.

People learn how to do that by watching. By being in the presence of someone who is doing that. Thats why your awareness, acceptance and love has the power to transform not only you but potentially him as well.

Originally posted by Illusionsaregrander
reply to post by seagrass

 

Then dont give him words. Just be there with him. Really be present with yourself and with him.

It made me cry what you said. It is so damn true. No words are ever going to tell him he is valuable. I should just tell him with my self. my eyes, my presense. Because I have tried all the words I know.


He really does need it, and it IS sad enough to make someone cry.



You need it to, but that is the magic of recognizing it in yourself as well as him when you are totally in the moment. You both get it.

Consider this, when you are talking to someone, can you feel, instinctively, whether or not that person cares when they are listening or when they are just "waiting their turn?" Even if they dont say anything after you have spoken, cant you just feel when they have listened to you and heard you? When we give praise or "loving actions" to someone to appease them, grudgingly, hoping that in return they will give it back, it carries a different energy.

Our family has a bad habit of interupting people. I know this energy well. I can sense it with my back turned.

It isnt specific words that heal or hurt. It is the energy of your presence, your awareness and your acceptance that heals wounds of that kind. Your first focus has to be on YOUR need for acceptance and love, and YOUR feelings of not being enough. You apply the "medicine" of your awareness there first and most importantly. When you process that feeling of your own, you then can recognize it in others. You can see that need in them when you first see it in yourself. You dont need to feed it, you are right, throwing words at it only makes it worse, because it doesnt satisfy. You just maintain an awareness that he needs that, just like you do.

Not reacting to him, either by getting upset or by placating him. Just being there and asking yourself if you can accept in yourself, and in him, that deep seated feeling of not being good enough.



Not giving him your presence as a bribe, hoping to get some specific response, but just because your presence is what is needed in those moments by the whole situation. You need it. He needs it. No matter how he responds you still have given yourself what is needed. You arent waiting for him or someone else to give it to you.

words, that is it!! It's all the endless words that never really get to the point of it all... that the words are only symbols for "me me me please"
(I don't know how to do the little quote boxes others use yet) I interior quoted
It made me cry what you said. It is so damn true. No words are ever going to tell him he is valuable. I should just tell him with my self. my eyes, my presense. Because I have tried all the words I know.
Our family has a bad habit of interupting people. I know this energy well. I can sense it with my back turned.



Not giving my presence as a bribe...

but because it is needed like I would need it.

I will try to genuinely listen this next time. I will try not to begrudge it, I will try to just be present.


you have a gift IAG!!!

[edit on 7-6-2008 by seagrass]

[edit on 7-6-2008 by seagrass]

[edit on 7-6-2008 by seagrass]

reply to post by seagrass


Just dont forget to give yourself the awareness and presence and acceptance first and through the whole process as well. Or you will feel cheated at the end. His well being cannot come at your expense. You have to first and foremost make yourself secure, and then the rest will come naturally just by maintaining your presence.

"His well being cannot come at your expense."


The crux, paradox, and my bane. I will. I have to. (going on four decades here)

They should put that on my tombstone.

I return to this thread only after 2 days break and its brim full with expertise.

Nice going Illusionsaregrander! Especially the hints on "being present".

To add two points in terms of relationhips:

More important than whats coming from him is whats coming from you.

A tree grows by itself, naturally grows into (becomes) what the universe has ordained. Trying to make it grow only destroys it. Being your most natural/resistanceless self allows everything that is naturally ordained come to pass effortlessly.

reply to post by seagrass




Dear Seagrass, I empathise with you, and I am also happy for you that you got to get such thoughtful and articulate advice on this board.

I would only like to add this.
Are you good at writing letters?
Write one. Write down everything you wanted to tell your brother, everything you have said here, and give it or send it to him.

But – and this is important, I think – tell your brother beforehand that you are going to write him a letter. And tell him so while looking into his eyes: honestly, with no hostility. As simply as you can.

This may sound as too specific a »scenario« to be recommended to someone I don't now personally – but the truth is, people really do have more or less the same reaction to certain things. Honesty and lack of hostility really are disarming, regardless of who you are and where you live.

And the written word has a very powerful and lasting impact because the one who is reading it stands alone before it, intimately confronted to it - there is no way of escaping a letter.
Even if a person does not want to read it, the impact of that intimate address – the mere ACT of such an intimate address (even more intimate in these "txting" days) - WILL dent, if it is sincere, their prefabricated image of the one who wrote it.
And it will touch the core of that person, whether s/he wants it or not.
Nobody is immune to sincerity and immediacy.

And don't be afraid that it's your »last chance«. There is no such thing, not really.
But the sooner you act, the better for all, of course.

Good luck.












[edit on 7-6-2008 by Vanitas]

Originally posted by Illusionsaregrander
reply to post by seagrass

 

Just dont forget to give yourself the awareness and presence and acceptance first and through the whole process as well. Or you will feel cheated at the end. His well being cannot come at your expense. You have to first and foremost make yourself secure, and then the rest will come naturally just by maintaining your presence.

Number one duty is to self and soul. nothing else should come to the expense of your existence. nothing.

Wise words there Illusions. Star from me.

reply to post by Vanitas



Good thoughts as well. You always get waht you give so be aware that an equal criticism can come the other direction and it must be accepted and amends made as well.

In practice and it has been done several times before a group a particular speaker would show up with a poor attitude and treat his helpers poorly in front of the crowd. I suggested to one of those poorly treated persons to do the following after excusing themselves from the room:

Turn off their anger since they choose to feel one way or the other every second of every day, and focus on love and building love inside them to the point they were completely full and perceived it a swirling white storm of love and good feelings within them that had grown too large to be contained in one human. Then imagine a release to that person and softly speak the words: here is the love you need so badly. I give it freely from myself to you. Be well and love. Then release half of the misty storm and feel the winds die down as it went out to them and gained residence leaving both equally filled with love.

This has worked on three known sessions once witnessed by another worker.
The angry speaker seemed to be confused for a moment and did a 180 change in every aspect of themselves. They took time to recognize the helpers and praise them openly among other good works.

I use it all the time to keeps things running smoothly and like clockwork in day to day life.

Caveat emptor.
1. This must be done in a manner of brotherly love with only feeling for the persons good will.
2. We are back to the point where we need to recognize the person needs to be instructed and become fully self supporting, or you have created a dependent that it is not your responsibility to take care of.
Beware both points.

If you get what you give it should never be less than love.

Thank you again for all the attention I am trying to absorb it, as well as many other ideas on this website.

I found this on another site. It is describing the LOA and The Secret Movie (which I have not seen) but it talks about a second movie called The Moses Code. I had wondered if you had seen this article

reply to post by Vanitas
I am good at letters. Much better at writing than verbalizing. In fact, I have learned a great deal about my self through my D-ego on some of my private forums. I have made great friendships by opening up with them in ways that feel completely safe due to being able to take my time with my thoughts. (and there is the handy edit button)
I am not a talkative person generally.
That would be a good idea for me. A good avenue.
Thank you

Originally posted by seagrass

I found this on another site. It is describing the LOA and The Secret Movie (which I have not seen) but it talks about a second movie called The Moses Code. I had wondered if you had seen this article

That is why I say after the gold rush we can discuss things from the correct direction.

Only a practitioner knows or remembers what this means.

reply to post by seagrass


I hadnt seen that Seagrass, but thank you for posting the link to the article.

So many are getting the same message, it is truly amazing. I dont know what I believe about the whole 2012 issue, but I am absolutely convinced that something unprecedented is happening in the world right now. It may not be as dramatic as Armageddon, at least not in physical, material terms, but something really wonderful is happening to the collective soul, or consciousness. To all of us.

Edit to add;

Skyfloating and Illahee are correct to point you inward. I went to sleep last night thinking I could have made that point more clearly. I kept seeing something, a picture in my mind, and I am just going to give it to you too. I dont know how to say it is words better than the picture illustrates it.

Have you ever seen one of those big tall displays of champagne glasses? Where all the glasses are stacked like a pyramid, all touching, all connected, with one single glass at the very top? Then someone opens some champagne, and begins pouring, but only into the one single glass at the top. All the other glasses in the whole connected pyramid are filled from the overflow of that one glass. You are that one glass. That is how you use your awareness to change things. Except there is no "bottle" the champagne is flowing from the Source itself, which your Awareness is connected to, a conduit for. You never move the "flow" from your own cup. It just overflows, it is endless and inexhaustible, and in overflowing it begins to fill the cups around you. Not because you will it to, but because of the inherent connection of all of us, and because the Source itself is limitless. It never runs dry.

Another thought that would not leave me alone last night and today was just that you remember that your brother isnt the only one with the wound. He is reflecting to you your own. He is a reflection in your mirror, the wound you need to tend is inside you, he is transformed when YOU are. It could easily work the other way round, he isnt "less" a person that you, it is just the way connection appears to us. Any one of us willing to be a vehicle for awareness has that ability to transform what is "out there" by transforming what is in us. You are just the most likely vehicle in this situation. You are here. Exploring these ideas at the proper time. The signs point to you being the one most ready and willing to be present in that situation.

A final thing that occurred to me is that EVERYTHING (or everyone) that appears in your mirror has some corollary inside you. It isnt all wounds. Some of it can be pretty amazing. Every one you see that you admire or think highly of would not be in your mirror if you did not also possess that quality, it is perhaps some aspect of yourself that you are also unconscious of, but it is there. No one can "teach" you things, they only remind you of truths that you already know on some level. There is no hierarchy. When you look in the mirror, dont focus only on the "bad," the things that trouble you, remember to acknowledge the "good." (best not to label of course, which is why the scare quotes are around the terms. What is there is just there, it is beyond judgment) The hidden gifts and talents you have that are also in your mirror for you to become aware of. We tend to talk about and focus on the negative reflections, but every thing you admire, find beautiful, that is you too.

Anyway, I dont want to beat a dead horse, I just tend to say the things or explore the ideas that nag me. Those points stayed with me all day, maybe now they will leave me alone. I hope so, I have a busy week ahead. If I dont make it back to the boards until your visit, I wish you good luck.






[edit on 8-6-2008 by Illusionsaregrander]

You stayed up so late helping me. I love the image. I have always loved water images. Water is healing in so many ways for me personally. I see what you are saying. Focus on the head of the water, the source. From focusing on me as that source.
I do care for my brother, and I don't want to hurt him. I don't want to judge him. Just like I don't like to be judged. I think deep down I would like for someone to be interested in what I might have to say. I would like for him to look from himself at me, just once. And possibly think that I am worth something instead of "making" me focus on him. So I think I need to focus on that I need to "listen" to my own "nagging, constant stream of endless chatter" going on in my own self. The part of me that begs to be heard. I must be on to something because the tears flowed when I wrote it.
I will keep looking and searching. ( you have my gratitude, all of you who have given me insight )

The 2012 movement ( for lack of a better word ) is scary, but I think that people need to see an end and possible new beginning because we know we can't go on this way. That is is not healthy for us to continue this way, that it would take some kind of drastic change to make us let go of what we do and how we are as a group. I don't know why that can't happen slowly, one person at a time, but it does "feel" like something is happening. Part of me wants to go on business as normal, and part of me knows change is coming. I avoid all the doom and gloom though, and resent having it in media so much. It isn't really helping anything by scaring everyone, unless it pushes people to take a good look at their lives. Makes you ask that question "what would I do if I knew I only had a few more years to live". It's not a bad question. It stirs up gratitude for what you do have.

Originally posted by seagrass

The 2012 movement ( for lack of a better word ) is scary, but I think that people need to see an end and possible new beginning because we know we can't go on this way. That is is not healthy for us to continue this way, that it would take some kind of drastic change to make us let go of what we do and how we are as a group. I don't know why that can't happen slowly, one person at a time, but it does "feel" like something is happening.

Be aware nothing is written in stone and nothing has to be.

Also be aware that everyone feels something is going to happen. It is universal but it means nothing. This is part of humans adapting to a new world full of technology they are not ready for. All will be fine if you create it that way. In our way of explaining our detachment from our creator we say we feel like bad is coming when what we mean is we have come further from peace than we want to be. Than we know we should be. Separate yourself from the news and the media, the world goes on every day just fine without them.

I can't say anymore here but know that this is truth spoken from spirit and be well with it.

Be at peace. It is your birthright. Reach out and take it.

Hi, I am checking in. It's Tuesday, and my brother arrived early in the morning. I gave him a hug first thing, and said "Welcome home".

I just kept telling myself "be present" whenever I felt uneasy. It worked! He was very calm, albeit tired from his hurried travels and much to do about moving. I kept looking in his eyes, asking questions about Egypt and his many pictures and videos. He brought back trinkets and interesting items to share. The one problem I noticed, was that I hadn't expected my mom to be there, and it threw another energy into the mix. I tried the same thing on my mom, and eventually she became calmer too. Although she was harder for me to "be present" with. I kept checking my breathing, trying to be "like that tree" of yours Sky. I think it turned out pretty good, and am happy with it. My mom attempted once to do the old odd man out with me, and what felt like trying to do the old behaviors of pitting us against each other, but I tried to 'react' honestly and without too much emotion, and then she stopped. At one point she said she felt very nervous. I wonder what that was?
There was one moment when my brother started to "puff up" about something he was going to say. I don't know how to explain it exactly, but in mid sentence, he stopped with that display and began talking normal again. Almost like something told him he didn't need to do that.

He just left, and I did the best I could. I think he felt pretty good when he left. I know I feel good. Thank you guys sooo much.

Illusions, I don't know if I sent out that energy flow you were talking about, but I did try to express love and caring through offering food, and comforts for him while he was here. I made him lunch, and gave him the things he needed to freshen up, and things to take with him. I don't know if that was the same thing, but it was how I express love. Nurturing.

reply to post by seagrass


Nice account of what happened when you were present.

It is possible and a matter of some practice to shift moods in rooms through your presence alone.

As you´ve discovered this is not done by directly influencing others, but influencing your own radiation-toward-others. Foul moods magically disappear, seriousness is turned into laughter.

Some powerful radiations that will shift moods even if you dont talk or act are humor, appreciation, awe and interest-in-the-other.

Mix those 4 into one flow of energy (you´ll feel it in your chest) and you can shift the mood of entire crowds.